Bandit Shi Xianyu

After that, Baishi often wondered whether his life would never escape that "tsk". Even after a long time, he took out his mother's womb and destroyed his hometown in the world, he still often recalled the voice of that day.

It's strange to say that his memory point should be in a deeper and painful place, but it's not the case.

It was when Baishi was in the second year of junior high school. He secretly went to Bai Yinhua's private school, took a test paper, mixed it with other people and handed it in, and got full marks. He was a little happy that day, and rushed to the back garden to show it to his mother.Mother was drinking tea on the wicker chair, she was frowning—she always frowns—picking rose slices in the cup, the cuts were too thick, she hated it, and the maid who accompanied her since she was a child gave her fanning.

Baishi remembered very clearly that the weather was fine that afternoon, the sunlight penetrated through the lush trees in the courtyard, sprinkled on the ground, and reflected in mottled patterns on people, and there was a warm smell in the air.The mother is a beautiful woman, she is lazily leaning on the back chair, the blue open skirt with lace is folded at her feet, and she is stepping on the ground with her bare feet, her wavy curly hair is plated wine red in the sun, curled up on her shoulders Bounce, different angles seem to reflect bright or dark red.

Bai Shi approached her, raised his voice, and handed over the paper.

Mother turned her eyes away, looked at the scores on the test paper, expressionless.

There was a "tsk".

It's not dislike or dissatisfaction, but a troublesome attitude. For a well-educated person like her, even if it is very annoying, she seldom expresses it in this way. In peacetime, she can always greet her with a smile regardless of her family's face. Whether it's an ambitious man or a female companion with complicated thoughts, she doesn't like anyone, but she can't offend anyone.But this time she really found it troublesome. When I installed a western spray paint faucet at home, after three months of picking it, she was like this, lightly, full of irritability, and "tsk".

This implies, do not want to control.

Sure enough, after the sound, she turned her head, Baishi still held up his paper, staring blankly at her, at the standing maid.Being ignored, as he had always been most familiar with.

Baishi stood by himself for a while, put away the paper and went back to the room.He has a headache.

He walked back to his room from the yard, and every servant he passed didn't even look at him, as if he didn't exist.

Such ignorance was all too accustomed to him.

But this time it was different.

If you have to say it, maybe the weather is so good today, Baishi suddenly thought, if the sun rises and illuminates the earth, then there is no reason to go around him.

He has a sense of injustice.He has a headache.

It was at this time that he reflected on it and thought that his grievances should have started early.

Bai Shi's father is Bai Yilong and his mother is Yan Baihua. He has three older brothers, Bai Jiang, Bai Hai and Bai Yinhua.

This is a big family.

Ever since Bai Shi could remember, he felt that the relationship between his family members was not very good. Bai Jiang and Bai Hai were closer to their father, and Bai Yinhua was closer to their mother.He doesn't seem close to anyone.

He had a nanny when he was a child, and she left with him when he was ten years old.In this Nuoda family, sometimes Baishi could not speak a word with his family members for a week.This is also normal, very occasionally, they will entertain guests at home, and his parents said that Baishi was not in good health and could not come down, so Baishi watched them have a lively banquet on the stairs, watching his parents pretend Pretending to be affectionate, watching his three brothers being asked to learn how to drink and make friends early on.

Falsehood.

At the end of the night after the banquet, in a dark home, Baishi heard a quarrel. He ran out and saw his father beating his mother downstairs on the stairs, grabbing her head and bumping it against the foot of the table. Mother laughed sharply and said it was useless, the woman was dead anyway.

It was also at this time that Baishi realized that he was not normal, because watching this scene, he felt nothing.But he has a headache.

Parents are still willing to pretend in front of the three older brothers, although the effect of pretending is not good, children's intuition is sometimes really sharp and frightening.

Bai Yinhua is one year older than him, and Baijiang Baihai is seven and five years older than him.When everyone was very young, several children could still play together, but gradually they separated. Although the parents never deliberately emphasized anything, the cold parental relationship quickly alienated the children.

At the earliest time, Bai Yinhua was only five years old. At that time, Bai Jiang hugged him, Bai Hai hugged Bai Shi, and fed them like his elder brother. He also held the heads of the two children and gently touched their heads, as if I have seen a lot of adults toasting.

When they were doing this, the mother came back, she snatched Bai Yinhua, and gave Bai Jiang a fierce look, Bai Jiang was so frightened that the toy in his hand dropped, Bai Hai also put down Bai Shi when he saw it, but his mother didn't even look at it. , and left with Bai Yinhua.

When Bai Yinhua was older, he asked to ride a horse with his father, wanting to be like his elder brothers, but his father straddled the horse, made Bai Yinhua stand on the stairs, stepped on Bai Yinhua's shoulder, and said contemptuously: "You are also worthy .” For Baishi, who also wanted to follow, his father, like his mother, didn’t even look at him.

White stones hurt.

As time goes by, Bai Jiang and Bai Hai look more and more like Bai Yilong, and they are very similar in some subtle places, but they are not at all similar to their mother; Bai Yinhua's eyes are like his mother, but his outline is not like anyone in the family; and Shiraishi is a complete mixture of mother and father, and everyone who has met him says so.

Once they ate at the same table, that was when Ding Chuan came to visit, they ate at the table without making a sound.

His mother knocked on the table, and Bai Yinhua quickly brought the sauce to his mother. She poured a little, and Bai Yilong coughed, and Bai Jiang stood up to pick up the used sauce from his mother, but his mother snorted. He threw the sauce dish on the ground and smashed it to pieces.

Bai Yilong put down the knife and fork, squinted at her across the table, and said flatly, "Bitch, pick it up for me."

Mother smiled: "Trash, pick it up yourself."

Ding Chuan was stunned, he didn't know how to put his hands, but the four children on the table just lowered their heads and didn't make a sound, eating on their own.

Bai Yilong stood up, took the whip from under the table, stepped on his heavy boots, every sound made the children on the table tremble, his mother looked at him calmly, with a mocking smile on his face, Ding Chuan Watching Bai Yilong walk over, he straightened up nervously, not knowing what to do.

When the first whip hit his mother, Ding Chuan finally stood up, stretched out his hand to stop Bai Yilong, and said that the child was still there, no good, no good.

But none of the children at the table looked up.

Because of this experience, Baishi felt that Baijiang Baihai and Bai Yinhua were his allies for a long time, until he was in the second year of junior high school - this year he understood a lot.

When he came back from the outside, Bai Jiang Baihai, who was brought by Bai Yilong to contact various businesses, and Bai Yinhua, who was playing in the entertainment industry, were having a rare conversation. It was not a close brother communication. It's the people who live under the same roof, and they just chatted casually when they met each other.

Bai Jiang asked Bai Yinhua if those stars were fun.

Bai Yinhua was eating a waffle, put it down and thought about it: "I feel that those people are very stupid, they don't know anything, and they are useless."

Bai Hai smiled, and said that there would be no better place to find good-looking trash than this kind of place, and the good-looking trash is inexhaustible.

Bai Yinhua curled his lips, saying that he didn't plan to film anymore, and doing the same thing as those people made him feel very cheap.

When they were talking here, Baishi happened to walk in. They glanced at Baishi, stopped talking, dispersed, and went about their own business again.

Shiraishi stopped where he was, and suddenly realized that he was not an ally with them.

Although Baishi calculated his age according to the school system, in fact, he never went to school for a day.A well-known person asked Baishi at a family banquet whether he was in poor health and whether he needed a private tutor. He had a good recommendation, and then he said a series of glittering names, and Bai Yilong and his wife appeared in front of everyone. agree to come down.

So Baishi started to have a few teachers, who taught everything, men and women, but those over 30 years old, regardless of gender, fell into Baijiang's bed.

One day, Shiraishi was studying calculus, and he washed his hands halfway, only to find himself locked in the bathroom. That bookish and old-fashioned male teacher.

After Baijiang finished, he left. The teacher released Baishi after packing up. His face was still flushed, there was mist on his glasses, the corners of his mouth were bleeding, and his eyes were red and swollen. He sat down with difficulty and continued to flip through the book. Glancing at him, he shuddered.

Baishi looked at him: "Are you happy to do this?"

He began to cry, pressing his pale fingers to his face, saying sorry, his legs shaking and the stool wet.

Baishi said, "Go wash it, don't dirty my room."

The male teacher hid in shame, Bai Shi stood up and went to find Bai Jiang.

If you rate anger on a scale from one to ten, Baishi is now three points angry, not because of what the teacher suffered, but more because Bai Jiang swaggered into his room, which made him feel that he was being abused. Step on your feet.

Bai Jiang was taking a bath, soaking in the bathtub, raised his eyelids to look at him, and after hearing Bai Shi's complaint, he grinned: "You are here, I didn't even know."

Shiraishi didn't speak, but his head hurt.

He has had headaches since he was a child. He told his mother that she was in a trance at the time. She turned her head and looked at him, and said, "Can you stop talking to me?" My head always hurts, my father laughed and said, "What's the difference with your useless mother".

In fact, he also told one person, Ding Chuan's daughter.

At that time, every time Ding Chuan came to visit, he brought a luxurious gift bag. He was different from the solemn family. He was only allowed to come at night. He always wore Hawaiian-style floral shirts, which were painted with coconut trees and A woman with upturned buttocks, he is tall and casual, always wearing slippers, even in winter, he seems to use endless heat, his bronze skin has been passed on to his daughter, she is a beautiful and arrogant girl, her hair is braided into two thick Thick twist, big eyes, different from her enthusiastic father who loves to laugh, she often rolls her eyes when he is overly enthusiastic about her.

With Ding Chuan, there was also a man with a bad temper, surnamed Tu, who would scold him for 10 minutes for kicking a stone while walking, and another man named Zuo, who always had a straight face and stood up straight, He doesn't talk much and doesn't get close to anyone.

At that time, Ding Chuan probably had an understanding of the strange family relationship of the Bai family. He knew that this family was not as enviable as the outside world thought. Naturally, he would not ask more details, but when he came to visit, if he brought his daughter, he would Tell that girl to play with Baishi.

The girl was not happy, and rolled her eyes: "I don't know him."

Her insignificant father begged him, and whispered to her side: "Look how pitiful that little brother is that no one plays with him, you go and talk to him, father is begging you."

The girl walked over with arms folded, but Baishi was always squatting in the corner by himself, so it was hard to find.

He was drawing on the ground with a branch, and when he saw a girl walking over with a ball in her arms, she insisted on giving it to him without saying a word, and said stiffly, "Come and shoot the ball with me."

As he spoke, he set up a demonstration by himself, clapping patter, Baishi looked at her boredly.The girl patted for a long time but Baishi didn't respond, she threw the ball and sat down: "Kids nowadays are really precocious."

Baishi wanted to say that she wasn't much older, but he didn't like talking very much, so he didn't say anything.

Even so, every time Ding Chuan came, the little girl would run over to play with Baishi, even if they were just sitting together, she would stay by Baishi's side until Ding Chuan never came again.Shiraishi didn't know the girl's name from beginning to end.

But once she watched him dig earthworms on the ground, split them with his nails after digging them out, and frowned in disgust: "It's disgusting."

Baishi kept his hands: "Really."

The girl snatched it away and threw it aside: "Don't do it."

Looking at her bloody hands, Baishi started to have a headache, he leaned against the wall with his head covered, and the girl followed, "What's wrong with you?"

Bai Shi said in a muffled voice, "I have a headache."

"Have a cold?"

Shiraishi shook his head.

The girl pulled Baishi up: "Go see a doctor, I'll call Dad."

Baishi broke away from her hand, squatted on the ground, and went to dig the earthworms again: "It will be better this way."

The girl hugged her legs, looked at him with her chin tilted, and looked at him for a long time, then suddenly asked, "Why did you just touch it with your hands? Do you want to get a shovel?"

Baishi didn't raise his head, and continued to turn over the soil. He touched the cold earthworm with his hand, stroked it, and then opened his mouth, so that the struggling creature was drawn into his hand, and it was held in his hand smoothly: "I want to touch it, touch it. Only then can I feel it.”

The girl stared at him: "Have you always been like this? Not happy or sad, with no expression?"

Baishi held the earthworm in a ball and felt it flapping in his hand, hummed: "I don't feel it."

After hesitating for a while—the first Shiraishi had ever heard someone tell him—the girl said, "You should see a doctor."

This was the first person Shiraishi had talked to in his life. I heard that the girl died later.

Most of the time, Shiraishi lived like an invisible man.

One night when he was sleeping, he heard someone making noise in his room. He opened his eyes, and by the moonlight, he saw his mother leaning on his father, biting his face like crazy, almost tearing off a piece of flesh. His father didn't say a word, panting heavily, and then took her to hit the wall, and his mother lost her strength like a puppet and fell to the ground. She lay on the ground and cursed angrily, swearing It was hardly human-like words, and the father kicked her on top of her, avoiding her face.

Then, in the stillness of the night, the mother fired a shot that penetrated the sole of the father's foot.

The night was full of screaming, laughing, quarreling, hoarse noises, the unexplained brothers trembling in the bedroom, Shiraishi, who had seen everything, was silent, when his parents noticed him, they turned away indifferently as if they hadn’t seen him .

Then there was news of a fall on vacation, and the Bai family held a press conference.

Baishi's memories about his family are so messy, because he doesn't remember where the roots are. Since he was conscious, he has been a silent person. He feels that his world is very quiet, and no one has expectations of him. Not responsible for anyone or anything, he lives in the shadows and is forgotten from time to time.

These are what he realized from that "tsk", and he felt that he had finally enlightened.

In the eyes of outsiders, he "does not exist". He is the youngest son of the Bai family who is in poor health. It is normal for him to die due to illness one day. Unlike Bai Yinhua, who was raised as the successor on the other side, because his parents understood that most of the people like them who were caught in the deep net of entanglements proved to be alive by living outside.Shiraishi lived quietly, almost as if he didn't exist.

Bai Yilong once truly forgot his existence. He also mentioned three children in front of outsiders, and only added Baishi's name at the end of the count.

After that "tsk", Baishi connected all the previous things together, and finally understood the truth, his parents didn't love him at all.

Bai Yilong may love Baijiang and Baihai because he loves their mother, and Yan Baihua may love Bai Yinhua because of Bai Yinhua's father.Baishi, as their biological son, was said by both parties on different occasions, "You really look like him/her".Baishi spent a day thinking about why he was born. He started to think about it in the morning and got the answer in the evening, that is, he had no choice.

In this house full of secrets, if there is one thing Shiraishi regrets, it is that he tried to integrate into the family. He wants to understand that adults are not moved by children. If they are moved, they are also moved by themselves. .Adults are terrible. They pass on their diseases to the next generation without recovering. Their resentment and dissatisfaction, their struggles and sorrows, their bad emotions and life, are all handed over to the next generation. They are so fragile that nothing I can't afford it, and my poor mental strength is all pitifully satisfied with the four words "parental responsibility". Either I don't evaluate how well I am a parent, or I am intoxicated with myself, saying that I did my best, so many grievances And unwilling, it seems that the suffering of "reproduction" is persecuted by God, so human beings have to pass it on from generation to generation.In the intertwined secrets and hatred, Baishi always wondered why his brothers still had a place to hide, so he could only bear the disgust from both sides. He thought, it was because his parents were demons.

But if he really needs to choose a more hateful one, he chooses his mother.

The reason is that he once tried harder to get closer to her.

After his mother lost the bird, he braved the rain to look for it. When he came back, he was drenched. His mother glanced at him and said, "It's raining," and went to fetch Bai Yinhua herself with an umbrella.Shiraishi caught a cold and recovered quickly.Bai Yinhua smiled at his mother, and her mother kissed his face. Baishi smiled like him. In front of the guests, his mother clasped the table with both hands, dug a few slits, controlled her voice, and told him not to Dangling in front of her all the time.Baishi started to have a headache, so he went around to the back garden and strangled the bird he had managed to find.

The harder he tried to get close to her, the more he understood how futile the effort was, and finally decided to realize it after that "tsk".

The news of being injured on vacation set off a butterfly effect. Some people brought up the relationship between the Bai family and the dark fire team a few years ago and asked if it was the revenge of the underworld. Bai Yilong took the trouble to explain, and Yan Baihua gracefully rejected it. In the end, they made it clear that the point was not here. Their youngest son recovered, and they decided to send Baishi to an ordinary high school.

It caused a turmoil in the circle, after all, this is the youngest son of the Bai family that has never been brought out.Regarding the choice of the Bai family couple, there are various interpretations. Most of them think it is to hone their will. Only Bai Shi knows that he is far from able to afford such high expectations.

Shiraishi was sent to middle school, the driver left him at the school gate, Baishi looked at the gate and realized that he had left home, this was the first time he left home, the first time with someone other than his family touch.

He took a step and saw a few people standing at the school gate, the one in front had a leaf on his head, staring straight at him.

In his eyes, he can clearly see his complete reflection, without any impurities, without others, only Shiraishi.

Is it true that people outside are so attentive?

Shiraishi glanced at him and turned his head.