inexhaustible

Shang Muxiao didn't wake up until the middle of the night, and at that time my rationality and sensibility were fighting fiercely in my mind.

Rationality said: "Don't take things so seriously. Today is just an accident. There are many accidents in the world every day. If you don't become a racing driver, will you be fine?"

Emotional rebuttal: "There are many accidents in the world, but the probability of encountering accidents in dangerous occupations is always higher than that in ordinary occupations. You cannot deny this."

"That's not necessarily the case. You go to search how many racers have died in the race over the years? That's an extremely small probability, much safer than most professions in the world."

"There are only a few racers in the world? One in a hundred accidents is 1%, isn't that enough?"

"You're giving up food because of choking. Would you never drink water because you choked on water?"

Sensibility let it die.

"What are you thinking?"

I suddenly came back to my senses.

Shang Muxiao woke up at some point, raised his hand with the indwelling needle, and tapped the corner of my lips: "So serious."

I stared at him blankly, carefully held his hand, and asked him if he was thirsty or hungry.

His face was still pale, and he seemed to have no strength to speak: "I'm a little hungry."

The ward has its own pantry with a microwave and refrigerator.I was afraid that he would wake up in the middle of the night and have nothing to eat and be hungry. Earlier, I specially ordered light vegetable porridge and kept it in the refrigerator. Now I just need to take it out and heat it up.

Raise Shang Muxiao's pillow, I let him wait for a while, and I went to make him hot porridge.

When the microwave oven was running, I maintained my composure all night and pretended to be calm all night, and suddenly collapsed without warning.

I slowly leaned over and pressed my forehead against the cold table, tears overflowed from my lacrimal glands one by one uncontrollably, scrambling to slide down the corners of my eyes.

His fingers clenched the marble countertop so hard that his nails ached.I bit my lip, careful not to make any sound until the huge and turbulent emotion was vented.

The porridge in the microwave "ding" was ready, I loosened my teeth, and tasted a faint smell of blood in my mouth.

He washed his face in the sink beside him, and rinsed his mouth by the way.While wiping his face with a tissue, he raised his head to look at himself in the mirror. Except for some redness in his eyes, he shouldn't be able to see anything if he didn't look carefully.

Throwing the paper towel into the trash can, I took out the warm porridge from the microwave and returned to Shang Muxiao's side.Set up the table, put the porridge on it, and let him eat by himself.

He guessed that he was really hungry, so he ate two mouthfuls with a spoon, but he was too slow, so he simply picked up the bowl and gulped it down, and drank the whole bowl of porridge in a short while.

After eating, he rubbed his stomach contentedly, took the hot water I handed him and drank it. After a few sips, he glanced at me, paused suddenly, put down the cup and asked, "Why is your hair wet?" ?”

I touched my wet temples, and lied casually: "I just felt a little sleepy, so I washed my face."

He reached out to caress my face, his fingertips resting on the end of my eyes.

"I woke up in a daze before, and saw you beside my bed. I was very sad to see you." His fingertips were slightly cold, with a slight smell of medicine, "I thought you were crying."

I rubbed his palm and denied, "No, I didn't cry."

Beijiao, why can't you be more selfish?Why can't you tell him out loud, yes, you're just sad and you don't want him to continue racing at all?

When will you be rational?You are obviously so scared.

Shang Muxiao sat down and talked to me for a while after eating and drinking. Knowing that Shang Lu had been here, he still looked at him for a long time, sneered, and refused to comment.

No matter how mild the concussion is, it belongs to the category of brain damage. He turned paler and paler as he spoke, and finally closed his eyes and lay down on the bed, saying that he was dizzy.I was in a hurry to call the nurse, but he refused, patted his own bed, and asked me to go up and lie down with him.

"..."

For a moment, I didn't know whether he was really dizzy or pretending to be dizzy.

I glanced at the door of the ward: "It's not good to be seen by the nurses and doctors..."

He turned sideways to make room for the person next to him, leaning on the pillow, and looked at me with puppy-like eyes.

I sighed in my heart, knowing that I couldn't refuse, so I stretched out my hand to him, asking him to pull me up.

He smiled and hugged me, put his hands under my armpits and dragged me onto the bed.

After taking off my shoes, Shang Muxiao and I squeezed sideways on the small hospital bed.I leaned against the head of the bed and didn't lie down completely, but Shang Muxiao lay down completely, hugged my waist, and buried his face in my abdomen.

I patted his back lightly, coaxing him like a child.

He breathed slowly and didn't make a sound for a long time.I thought he was asleep, and I planned to close my eyes and take a rest.

"Teacher, they all thought it was slippery in the rain. It's not, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of rain..." He said suddenly, his arms hugged me tightly, "I'm afraid of the feeling of raindrops hitting me, and I'm afraid of thinking of being Tossed in the rain, the day my mother died. Teacher, what if I'm scared all my life? What if they know I can't race in the rain?"

I opened my eyes and looked at the bulge of my waist and abdomen like a hill under the quilt.He hugged me so tightly that I could clearly feel the slight trembling of his body.

There was no way I could get him to give up the car, it wasn't a triumph of reason, and it wasn't that I wasn't selfish enough, on the contrary, I couldn't say it, it was something else entirely, the fear of losing him.

I am afraid that one day he will hate me.Hate me for ruining his life.Just like his mother, he lost his dream and the career he loved. No matter how much love he had, he finally went to a dead end.

In this world, love is not the only thing.

At this age, after studying philosophy for more than ten years, I have been able to understand this truth thoroughly.

The death of the body is not the real death, but the annihilation of the soul is the real death.

"No." I reassured him, stroked his head and said, "Let's go see a psychiatrist, go for counseling, and you can also participate in a mutual aid group with me. It will be fine, you will definitely be able to compete... ..."

He didn't speak for a while, just hugged me quietly like this, as if immersed in his own world.

I also stopped talking, just quietly accompanied him.

After a few minutes, he said sullenly, "Beijiao, will you always be by my side?"

I didn't pay much attention to it before, but today I suddenly had an epiphany and figured out the law of his calling me "teacher" and "beijiao".

When he called me teacher, he was about to act like a baby; when he called me Beijiao, he was in need of love.

"Yes, I will."

With my assurance, he gradually let go of his embrace, as if he had finally come out of his emotions.

"I will definitely give you more and more trophies..." His voice was sleepy, and his voice became lighter, "I will make you... be proud of me."

"Okay." I answered him, and he answered everything he said.

I fell asleep without knowing it, but because of the awkward posture, I didn't sleep well, and woke up at about six o'clock.

It's not that I haven't tried to get back in the wheelchair, but Shang Muxiao kept holding me and didn't let go, and I couldn't bear to wake him up, thinking about waiting, waiting... Just like that, Shang Yunrou and Yang Haiyang came.

The two entered the ward one after the other, Shang Yunrou saw me at the first sight, and immediately stood still, staring at the lump under the quilt with an extremely wonderful expression.Yang Haiyang followed her, holding a large bag in his hand, because she stopped suddenly and almost bumped into her, but fortunately stopped in time and took two steps back.

"Why are you standing here? Fortunately, I didn't hit you..." In a blink of an eye, he also saw me, the last word stuck in his throat, and it took him a long time to spit it out, "...you."

The three of them stared at each other, and no one spoke for a long time.

Yang Haiyang still had a little fantasy at the moment, and his expression was very innocent: "Beijiao, why... why are you here? What a coincidence."

I sighed secretly, and lifted the quilt to reveal Shang Muxiao's messy head, telling him to wake up and stop making unnecessary struggles.

Yang Haiyang stared at the man sticking to me, the melon and fruit drink in his hand suddenly fell to the ground, and the corners of his mouth twitched.

"Ah, Shang Muxiao...this guy is here too." It seemed that he had completely forgotten who he was visiting today.