ten years of loving you

The mother walked straight out of the box.

He just wants to go home now.

-10

Xia Zhi has never been so unwilling to receive a call from her mother, but she has to answer it when she sees the caller ID.

"Hey, Mom."

"I went to find Shen Han." Sure enough, this is his mother's style of doing things, "Do you want to meet?"

"See you." Xia Zhi squeezed the phone tightly and squeezed out a word between his teeth.

No wonder Shen Han was particularly prone to distraction these two days, absent-minded about everything.

This time Mother Xia ordered a high-end meal, and when she entered the box, she immediately saw a tall woman sitting next to Mother Xia, talking to Mother Xia with a smile, quite flattering.

When Xia's mother saw him, she beckoned him over, "Come here, sit down."

Xia Zhi clenched his fists to act more natural, and he walked to Xia Mu's side to sit down, but Xia Zhi pushed him and gave him a look to make him sit next to Qin Lu.

Xia Zhi had no choice but to sit next to this strange woman.

"This is Qin Lu, your Aunt Qin's daughter."

"Hi, I'm Qin Lu, we played together when we were kids!" Qin Lu said happily.

"Oh." Xia Zhi was not good at dealing with women, but there was nothing he could do, so he had to force a smile.

After a difficult meal, Qin Lu left, Xia Zhi poked the bowl with chopsticks and looked at the leftovers on the table, and said, "So as long as I end up with her, you won't bother Shen Han, will you?"

Mother Xia nodded and said, "As long as you get married."

"Okay." Xia Zhi said, "I'm getting married."

Mother Xia looked at him with a smile, and was about to leave, she turned to Xia Zhi and said, "When will you go home?"

"There must always be a beginning and an end. Don't you know me well? Wouldn't it be good to leave it to you to plan the wedding?" Xia Zhi got up, took her things, walked past Mother Xia, and walked out of the box.

He just wants to go home now.

In the following days, it was still the same as usual, the two went to work, got off work, cooked together, and slept next to each other.

On this day, Xia Zhi drank too much and made a noise like a child.

"To take a bath."

"No."

"Put on your pajamas."

"you help me."

Shen Han really had nothing to do with him, so he helped him bathe and dress, threw him on the bed, and went to take a bath by himself.

After coming out of the shower, Xia Zhi was motionless and thought she was asleep. Shen Han was sitting on the edge of the bed. Suddenly Xia Zhi came over and sat up and hugged Shen Han from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. He said slowly: "You like cats." Or a dog?"

Shen Han smiled and said, "I like you."

Xia Zhi tightened her arms around Shen Han's waist, and rubbed against Shen Han's neck coquettishly with him: "No, you choose one!"

"cat."

"Meow~" Xia Zhi called out softly.

When Shen Han heard this sound, he felt the pain in his bones, turned back and threw him on the bed, and saw Xia Zhi smiling with a harmless face.

Shen Han caressed Xia Zhi's face, Xia Zhi smiled and his eyes blurred, and tears slowly rolled down.

Shen Han bent down and kissed away his tears, from the corners of his eyes to his cheeks to his lips, the kiss was very light and gentle.

Shen Han licked Xia Zhi's lips, pried open his teeth and pushed his tongue straight in, kissing him gently and aggressively.

Xia Zhi put his arms around Shen Han's neck and responded eagerly to him.

Even so, Xia Zhi couldn't stop crying.

Shen Han let go of his lips, gasped and looked at Xia Zhi with red eyes and said, "Don't cry, my heart hurts."

The voice was hoarse, with a trace of passion.

Xia Zhi cried even more when he heard these words, and raised his body to kiss Shen Han.

Xia Zhi turned over and pressed Shen Han under him, and kissed Shen Han eagerly, gradually both of them tasted a trace of blood.

On the bed, the clothes were reduced little by little, the temperature in the room was rising, the two bodies on the bed were intertwined, and the whole room was filled with the breath of sex and broken sex.

They both knew in their hearts that every day they were together was less, and each kiss was less.

-11

Winter is coming, and the cold wind blows on the face like a knife, which hurts.

Xia Zhi sat at the gate of the community, her ears were red from the cold, and there was a suitcase beside her.He took out his cell phone and dialed a number he was very familiar with.

"Hey."

"What's wrong?" Shen Han's voice was still so gentle, like a little paw scratching his heart.

"Let's break up." Xia Zhi felt that it took all his strength to say these words, and he waited for the answer on the other end of the phone.

After a long silence, it felt like a century had passed, Shen Han said: "Okay."

Suddenly Xia Zhi felt that his eyes were wet, he tried hard not to let the tears fall, "Shen Han, you must not come to my wedding, you must not come."

After saying this, Xia Zhi immediately hung up the phone.

Xia Zhi remembers that she has never been a person who loves to cry. She always said that men do not shed tears lightly, but it seems that letting Shen Han disappear from her life is like cutting flesh.

Xia Zhi wiped away her tears, dragged her luggage, stopped the taxi, and left.

Don't appear in front of me that day, I don't need your blessing, and I don't want it either.

Shen Han returned home in a daze, he looked around and found that nothing had changed, he went into the bedroom, opened the closet, Xia Zhi's clothes were gone.

What do you expect?Shen Han thought.

Xia Zhi only took away her own clothes, not the couple outfits they bought together.

So is he left alone to face this home full of sweet memories of two people?

Shen Han looked at the house where he was alone and covered his chest.

what to do?It hurts.

Memories are like a knife, they will always stab into the softest place in people's hearts bit by bit.

A few days later, Shen Han received a call from Xia's mother.

"I hope you can come to be the master of ceremonies at the wedding."

"You watch Xia Zhi grow up and you definitely don't want to miss the most important moment in his life."

"You will agree."

Shen Han didn't want to miss any important moment in Xia Zhi's life, even if he wasn't the one who accompanied him to the end, he didn't want to miss it either.

Because he loves Xia Zhi too much.

-12

The day before the Great Cold is the summer solstice wedding.

Xia Zhi was very surprised when he saw Shen Han in the background, he didn't care about the wedding at all, he didn't care that even the rehearsal was only for the bride to go by herself, so he didn't even know that Shen Han was the master of ceremonies.

Shen Han looked very handsome in a suit, although he looked a little haggard.

When walking past him, Xia Zhi grabbed his arm and said softly, "Didn't I tell you not to come?"

Shen Han subconsciously wanted to raise his hand to touch Xia Zhi's head, but he put it down halfway, and said with a polite smile: "I'm your brother, how can I miss such an important occasion like you?"

Xia Zhi tilted his head to look at Shen Han, and the two looked at each other. Although Shen Han was smiling, there was endless sadness in his eyes.

Why do you torture yourself like this?Why do you want to be so opposite?

The wedding started with a happy smile on everyone's face, or so it seemed.

Qin Lu walked towards the stage holding Xia Zhi's hand.

The two seem to be a good match, they are talented and beautiful, and they are well matched.

"Miss Qin Lu, are you willing to marry Mr. Xia Zhi?"

"I am willing."

"Mr. Xia Zhi, are you willing to marry Miss Qin Lu?"

Xia Zhi clenched his fists and looked at Qin Lu, then slowly loosened his jaw and said, "I am willing."

Xia Zhi's eye sockets were a little red.

Shen Han stared straight at Xia Zhi, the curvature of the corner of his mouth only increased, "The bride and groom exchange rings."

Xia Zhi let go of his hand, leaving a few months of tooth-shaped pits in his palm. He slowly reached out and took out the ring in the box, and slowly put it on for Qin Lu.

He still deeply remembered that Shen Han handed him the real estate certificate with his name on it and said: "You take this house and you are mine, and this will be your home from now on."

However, the home is gone.

When Qin Lu was wearing the ring for himself, he just watched the ring put on his ring finger and put it on. Since then, he has never had any contact with the past again. Is this what you mean?

"Now the groom can kiss the bride." Shen Han clenched the microphone tightly, he didn't know how he said these words.

The lights were dimmed, and only a beam of light was shining on Xia Zhi and Qin Lu. Shen Han hid in the darkness and watched Xia Zhi kiss Qin Lu, his ears were filled with applause, cheers, eyes were sore, a tear fell across his face, Shen Han He wiped his cheek with his hand and applauded with the guests.

From now on, there will be no contact with the past.

But Xia Zhi, how can I forget you?

-13

It is said that if you survive the severe cold, you will be able to welcome the warm winter, but Shen Han feels that he cannot survive it.

The sky was a little bright, Shen Han sat by the river in a daze, watching the river rippled by the wind.

He got up, as if he had made up his mind, closed his eyes and plunged into the icy river.

The body was instantly surrounded by the cold river water, that cold and hopeless feeling gradually penetrated from the skin to the bone marrow, swallowing Shen Han bit by bit.

It is said that the great cold is the coldest day of the year, and it is true.

Some people say that before death, people will replay their life or the most important fragments in their minds like a movie.

As the body sank slowly, countless paintings flashed in Shen Han's mind about the summer solstice.

When he was young, Shen Han felt that Xia Zhi was like a life-saving straw, so he would not fall into the abyss. As he grew up, Shen Han felt that Xia Zhi was an indispensable part of his life. He never thought that Xia Zhi would leave him what will happen.

If Xia Zhi hadn't taken him in back then, he might have died long ago.

He loved the summer solstice for ten years.

Ten years, it seems that nothing has changed, and it seems that everything has changed.

The picture flashed faster and faster and finally stopped at Xia Zhi's wedding. In the dark, he looked at Xia Zhi who was leaning over and kissing the beautiful bride under the light.

The limbs were numb, the mouth and nose were filled with river water, and the last breath was exhaled. The bubbles rose slowly and burst close to the water surface.

-14

When Xia Zhi received the call, he was sitting in the study in a daze. He didn't know why he felt restless, as if a big stone was blocked in his heart and he couldn't breathe.

But when the person on the phone said "Shen Han committed suicide and is being rescued", his first reaction was that he made a wrong call.

joke!How could Shen Han commit suicide!

But he still rushed out of the room without thinking about Qin Lu who was calling behind him.

When rushing to the hospital, what Xia Zhi saw was Shen Han's body.

"It was possible to survive, but the patient's consciousness of survival is too weak..."

Xia Zhi's ears were buzzing, and she couldn't quite hear what the doctor said.

The consciousness of survival is too weak... too weak... is it determined to die?

He walked towards Shen Han's body tremblingly, and reached out to hold his hand, which was icy cold.

Xia Zhi stared at Shen Han's bloodless face, he couldn't believe that he was dead, and he still had a heartbeat a few hours ago.

Tears fell down uncontrollably, clutching Shen Han's hand tightly and refusing to let go, muttering in his mouth: "Brother...you wake up...you wake up..."

So is it really over?

Xia Zhi squatted in the corner of the hospital, staring blankly at the ground with red eye sockets.

He suddenly remembered that when Shen Han's parents died, he was squatting in the corner like this, and he told him, "You still have me."

And Shen Han said to himself when he was broken in love, "You still have me."

But now, he can no longer wait for Shen Han to say this to himself.

"I don't have you anymore." Xia Zhi closed her eyes and buried her head in her arms.

-15

Xia Zhi didn't know how he spent the past few days, he felt like he was in a daze all day, and locked himself in the room.

What does it feel like?It feels like the sky is falling.

"Knock knock knock", knock on the door again.

"Xia Zhi, don't be like this, it's been several days." Qin Lu's tone was very anxious.

Xia Zhi was sitting on the ground leaning against the wall, and a sketch was playing on the TV, making the audience laugh out loud.

Suddenly Xia Zhi got up, stuffed his clothes into the suitcase, dragged the suitcase and broke through the door, no matter what Qin Lu behind him called him.

The end of the year is approaching, and the shops on the street are hung with red lanterns, and people's faces are full of smiles and beaming.

Even the door of the apartment is pasted with the word "Fu" by the caring property.

The summer solstice opens the door, and the house has not changed at all.

He was a little dazed, and even felt that Shen Han was still there, waiting for him to come home, and would smile and say to himself: "Are you back? What do you want for dinner?"

Xia Zhi walked in the apartment, and there were traces of them being together in every corner.

The group photo in the living room, the tooth cups, toothbrushes and towels of the couple in the bathroom, the sheets and quilts he picked out in the bedroom, the desk lamp he gave to Shen Han on the bedside table, and a few toffees he likes to eat. Wearing couple shirts.

Looking at these, Xia Zhi felt her heart bursting with pain, and her mind was full of all kinds of past being with Shen Han.

Shen Han's work notes were spread out on the table, Xia Zhi sat down and flipped through the notes randomly, for some reason, he just wanted to flip through them.

After turning to the next few pages, Xia Zhi stopped.

Look carefully at the words written on it.

"The first day of breaking up with Xia Zhi

I knew that this day would always come, but I didn't expect that he would still be so sad when he left, just like someone else snatched my treasure, and he is indeed my treasure.

The next day

The whole person seems to have lost his soul.

On the third day

Insomnia, why didn't you feel that the night was so difficult before?

…………

The seventh day

His mother asked me to be the master of ceremonies at his wedding, and he told me not to go to his wedding, but how could I be absent on such an important occasion.

…………

Day ××

If the only person in the world who loves you leaves, how should you deal with it?

Day ××

Not reconciled but what can I do.

So we end up losing to reality.

Day ××

Know the taste of despair?

Maybe it wasn't for him and I would have died long ago.

But I haven't attended his wedding yet.

Day ××

We are all cowards.

…………

Day ××

Tomorrow is his wedding, um...

He shouldn't know how much I love him.

Day ××

so tired.

Xia Zhi, I dare not face the fact that I lost you, let alone face the days without you in the future.

You are gone. "

The diary written by Shen Han is not long, and there are only a few sentences, but every sentence can penetrate the softest part of Xia Zhi's heart.

The desk lamp on the desk emitted a dim yellow light, Xia Zhi pursed her lips and tried hard not to cry, but finally couldn't help crying on the desk.

The grown-ups say that "you gain more than you lose", but the reality is quite different.

Having cried enough, Xia Zhi raised her head and looked at the group photo of the two of them on the table.The background of the photo is a middle school campus. Two handsome teenagers put their arms around their shoulders and smiled brightly. The sun was shining and the years were quiet.

"Maybe I will never meet someone who loves me like you again." Xia Zhi sobbed.

coward.

Xia Zhi said it over and over again in his heart.

No.11 years

Another year of severe cold.

In the cemetery, a man squatted in front of the tombstone, gently touching the photo on the tombstone, his eyes full of sadness.

"Shen Han, Qin Lu is getting married, she asked me to attend her wedding, but I don't have a companion, it's really sad."

After Shen Han passed away a year ago, Xia Zhi ruined the marriage and explained the reason to Qin Lu.Qin Lu is a good girl. Although she is wronged and unwilling, she still understands.

There is a red rose in front of the tombstone, which looks a bit abrupt in the cemetery.

"I don't want to buy white flowers. Roses are so nice. I haven't given them to you before."

"Brother, I miss you."

After Xia Zhi said this sentence, he didn't recover for a long time, and he stopped looking at Shen Han's photo on the tombstone. He lowered his head and looked at the ground, and murmured: "Really, really, I miss you so much."

Xia Zhi sighed deeply, wiped his face, got up and smiled at the tombstone, and left.

Your ten years will be continued by me.

-16

It's autumn now, Shen Han said it's a romantic season.

Xia Zhi still guards this apartment, and also guards this imperfect love.

Maybe it's because when people reach middle age, Xia Zhi will always think about the past, happy and unhappy, and they will always flood into his mind.

He hasn't dreamed of Shen Han for a long time, and he doesn't even remember the last time he dreamed of him.

But in the past two days, he found that he was all in his dreams, and he really didn't know whether to be happy or sad.

At night, Xia Zhi carefully wiped and stroked the photo frame on the desk.

That day he dreamed of Shen Han again, the two were sitting on the bench, Shen Han held his hand, and asked him with a gentle smile in his eyes: "Will you go with me?"

Xia Zhi nodded without hesitation.

This can be considered a lifetime of love.

one night, a dream

You are gray-haired and said to take me home

I still go with you to heaven without hesitation

——END

The author has something to say: Readers, please do not send blade 23333 to Seventeen

☆, extra

Extra

Xia Zhi wrote a book about his youth, about Shen Han.

Sales are not bad.

A fragment in the book goes like this——

"I hated him for a while when he left.

There is such a saying in an anime, "The death of those who are determined to die is the end, ashes return to ashes, and only those who remain are tortured".

He left all these memories to me alone. Didn't he know that memories can kill?

I even thought about dragging him out of the grave and questioning him.

In the past few days, I told myself desperately to forget him and forget him, but later I found that no matter how hard I tried, I would always fall into his memories again and again. I couldn’t forget him at all, he was the cinnabar in my heart mole.

Later I saw his diary, the diary he wrote after the breakup, from the first day of the breakup to the day he left.

There are not many words, but every sentence is heart-warming.

In the diary, he wrote that I would never know how much he loves me.

But I know, I know that even if I don't love him anymore, he will always love me.

After reading the diary, I cried like an idiot, and suddenly understood his despair.

When we broke up, I just took the suitcase and left everything to him, because I was afraid to see everything about him.

I left the memory to him that time, so this time he left the memory to me.

We are cowardly and timid, neither he nor I have the courage to confront reality.

He and I are cowards.

If the two of us had been a little more daring, maybe the ending would have been completely different.

But how can we deny the beauty of the process because of the imperfect ending.

If life starts all over again, I will still be with him.

Someone asked me, "Do you regret it?"

I replied, "How do you write the word regret?"

But we still missed it after all, and the love between the two cowards is over.

If you miss it, you are wrong, so you should pass it.

Although I shouldn't be able to make it through.

He loved me for ten years, so I will continue to love him for the next ten years.

............"

He titled the book "Cowards".

——END