its life is floating

Everything in the world has its own inevitability and contingency. We live in such a world, accept knowledge, accept the right and wrong they tell us, and become the person they expect bit by bit.But specifically, who 'they' are, no one knows.

Zhou Zitong fell on the bed and covered his eyes, but tears flowed down from between his fingers uncontrollably, slid across his cheeks and onto the bed, everything was formed naturally.Zhou Zitong, there is something he doesn't understand, and he doesn't know why he can't control his heart, he approaches step by step, and then falls into the abyss.

"It's disgusting..." He murmured, his voice hoarse and bitter, as if he hadn't spoken for a long time, "You're disgusting, Zhou Zitong...I'm ashamed of you...You're disgusting, you're disgusting..."

He turned over, curled himself up, lay on his side, and covered his face with his hands, as if it was a way to feel shame, just to comfort himself for it.He whimpered, his body trembling, and slowly turned his thoughts to that night a few years ago.At that time, he was 16 years old, he didn't understand anything, and he understood everything at an age.

If Zhou Zitong had opened his eyes wide when he knew he would be in such a mess, he should have died then.What was that like?The pleasure of crime and the inner rationality contradict each other, gradually invading one's own heart, following the desire of the body straight away, no longer restrained.

"It's disgusting, Zhou Zitong."

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That year, Zhou Zitong was 16 years old and had just entered the second year of high school. He started this busy life and dull days. Occasionally, he would embrace youthful dreams and inner restlessness. He seemed to be doing an ordinary life like a set script. High school students, who study all day without knowing a break, are the first to come to the classroom every day, and the last to lock the door and go home.

Of course, this kind of diligence also made Lao Ban like him very much.

There was a cool breeze blowing outside the window, and it was slightly hot in summer now.Panting, Zhou Zitong sat in his seat with a pen and calculated the mathematical formula in front of him.He didn't have the opportunity to read and study at home. His father was an alcoholic and drank all day. When he was seven years old, he left him and his wife because of gambling debts to avoid debts.His mother was a prostitute. Although the current law does not allow prostitution, his mother resolutely took up this high-risk job in order to support the family. With her current appearance, she still has Many customers often come to patronize.

Zhou Zitong still remembers that when he was about 12 years old, he heard fragmented groans/groans from the bedroom when he came home, and he closed the door on tiptoe, trying not to let his voice disturb the people in the bedroom.When he passed by the door of the bedroom, the light inside came out, his heart was beating violently, and he stood in front of the door and couldn't move anymore. He saw a strange man kissing his mother. The gentle and smiling mother was pressed under her body, rhythmically moving.

The back of the man was facing Zhou Zitong, and the mother who was pressed by him suppressed her expression in panic. She saw her child standing in front of the door like this, looking at herself.What a shame.The woman was about to cry. She begged to look at Zhou Zitong, hoping that her child could leave quickly, but Zhou Zitong just stood there, just watching, without speaking, just watching.

The woman felt a great shame, she bit her lower lip, no longer looking at her child, but kept catering to the man on her body, trying to curry favor.No way, this is her way of survival!Even if her child despises herself, she still has to work hard for this!

Zhou Zitong watched steadily, and it took a long time before he turned around and left.

Feeling the breeze blowing, Zhou Zitong supported his head and looked at the scenery outside the window. It was really beautiful.

I was still the only one in the whole classroom, and after a while the talent came slowly. "Why are you so early every day?" The person sitting at the back table poked Zhou Zitong's back with his pen. Zhou Zitong just tilted his head slightly, and then continued to lower his head to calculate his own problems.

"What a hardworking and good student, Zhou Xueba." Of course Zhou Zitong knew the sarcasm in the words of the person behind him. He obviously worked so hard, but his grades were still hovering around the middle of his age, and there was no upward trend at all.On the contrary, the top student in the grade who has been co-branded for more than a year has always loved to play, and in addition to his good looks, he has become the image of the prince charming in the hearts of many girls.

Seeing that Zhou Zitong didn't respond to his words at all, the person behind him talked to his deskmate out of boredom.

In the whole class, there were only two people who did not sit at the same table, one was Zhou Zitong, and the other was the boy who was number one in the whole grade.The former is too obnoxious because of his personality, and the latter is because he is too popular.Different lives are decided from the very beginning.Zhou Zitong looked at his notebook, pursed his lips and said nothing, but his hand held the pen extremely tightly.

So what about being popular?He thought in his heart, so what if he was popular, it was just an excuse for his loneliness.It's just that what is it to live like this... A supporting role with a well-set script can't shine after all, but just shrinks back and exists in a small way.

So disgusting.

Morning self-study is the subject of the old class. Seeing the old class come into the classroom, the students took out their textbooks and started to read the text.The boss teaches Chinese, so her heart is naturally more delicate than other teachers. As early as the first year of high school, she saw that the hardworking child in her class was not gregarious, and she was even excluded. .In the first year of high school, she wanted to help Zhou Zitong, so she called Zhou Zitong to the office and had a few words.

At that time, it was still winter, and the clothes were thicker. The children in the class were obviously in the first year of high school, but they still took advantage of the break in the snowy weather to go to the playground to knead snowballs and play snowballs. laughter.At that time, she had been teaching for nine years, and this was the fourth class of students she led. She knew that there would be such a happy parting in the future, so let them make a good friendship now.

The old class is called Cheng Ying. She is a gentle woman who feels like Zhou Zitong's own mother, except that her mother is a prostitute.

Listening to the happy laughter outside, Zhou Zitong sat alone in the classroom, rubbing his hands that were red with cold, and continued to pick up the pen, but his frozen hands couldn't hold it.Zhou Zitong's nose was a little sore. Taking advantage of the fact that there was no one in the classroom, he sucked his nose hard, and then rubbed his eyes vigorously with his hands.

"Wipe it." Suddenly a piece of paper was handed in front of him. Zhou Zitong lowered his head and didn't look at the person standing in front of him. He trembled vigorously, picked up his pen vigorously, and said in a hateful voice: " I do not need!"

The author has something to say: debut novel, I hope everyone will like it/(ㄒoㄒ)/~~