Disgusted

Xiaoxue came back on July 24th, I always think about this day, imagining the scene of our meeting thousands of times in my mind, the first sentence I said, the first look in my eyes, the first expression, the first first move, first smile.

I pictured: her out of the gate lugging her oversized suitcase, her hair straight out of her shoulders.Still that pair of jeans, that dark purple T-shirt, just like the first time I saw her sitting on a huge suitcase at the airport, with glasses on her snow-white face, her steps stopped without hesitation because of me, as if she was suddenly caught Something stabbed lightly.She and I were separated by the sparse crowd at the airport, as if separated by the entire bridge of Naihe.

Indifference slowly piled up on her face, faint but quite obvious.The pace became firm again, and he crossed the bridge in a few steps, and said lightly: "Why are you here?"

And me?What will be my first words?okay?Long time no see... What will the strangeness released by the familiar show look like?

I have thought about the scene of that day countless times, starting from six months ago.However, the ending is still very different from what I imagined.

I was late that day, and it was already twelve o'clock when I arrived.I stood in the arrival hall of the airport, my internal organs were emptied, nothing was left behind, my eyes hurt numbly, but there were no tears.It took me more than an hour to get home from the airport. The house was on the seventh floor, and I slowly walked up the stairs.I raised my right hand and slapped the right cheek.It hurt hot there, and the pain made me feel alive, and the surge of regret subsided a little, so I raised my left hand.When I went up to the seventh floor, I touched my cheek, and the right side was swollen, probably due to the strength of my right hand.I was lying on the bed and sleeping, the phone rang suddenly, and her voice came, happily:

"Is there something urgent for me? I saw you called twice."

I also laughed: "It's nothing, I'll pick you up at the airport, I'm late."

"I told you not to pick me up at the airport, I have a friend driving to pick me up."

I laughed even harder, and I grinned and moved my cheeks, crying in pain.Go back to sleep, wake up, suddenly feel much better, probably because of the death of the heart, death will not hurt...

Yarn weaving, yarn weaving.Are you sad seeing this?This is not my original intention, but that relationship to me is similar to the existence of original sin, which changed my original appearance and became what you can see today-this relationship, and a series of subsequent it brought A war-like accident.You once said that you allowed me to have my own "room". Here, I want to take a risk and open the door to be naked in front of you.And I always think that writing is closer to the inner core than speaking.

Because of Xiaoxue’s study abroad, I graduated half a year earlier than her. I worked as a reporter in the current affairs department of the largest local newspaper in Macau. She also quickly found a job in the magazine. the man who had a wife.

I always thought Xiaoxue had her choice, she left me because I wasn't good enough.It's just that there was no such thing as good or bad between us - until she is no longer my her.

And it would be great if we could just be like strangers like this, only occasionally bumping into each other at the press conference and nodding lightly.I thought about it over and over afterwards.

For two years, we were so busy with our own business.Mother seems to be in poor health, which is because we don't see each other often.A long time ago, she met a tall and silent man, he was not good-looking, but he was kind to her.When I went to live in college, she moved to live with him.I am very happy. I have been alone for many years, and it is not easy to meet the right person to accompany me.It's just that every weekend, my mother still went back to our small tenement apartment to cook rice and soup for me.It wasn't until I graduated and worked for more than a year that it gradually became less and less, saying that I should be truly self-reliant, and she also wanted her own world.Later, that apartment was also transferred to my name.At that time, I was so busy, with new rhythms, new challenges, interviews, investigations, writing, and deadlines. A whole new world unfolded in front of me, and a kaleidoscope dazzled me. I didn’t realize that I was gaining something and losing something. Some.

If it weren't for that transfer, the trajectory of life should have been clearly visible without accidents.

After working in the newspaper for two years, I won a small journalism award. Because of this award, I was promoted to a senior reporter. At the same time, because of the offending article, I was transferred from current affairs news to the emergency team.

I am not angry, but I also understand that life is unfair in the face of powerful people.What's more, the editor-in-chief agreed, and let me come back after a year or so when the pressure will be less.So I took shifts with peace of mind, carrying a camera and squatting in the hospital with a group of men, guarding the court, and racing on the road when necessary to rush to the scene of the accident before the police and firefighters. Over the past few months, his grades have been good, and his bonuses are more than others.

I still remember that in the summer of that year, Macau had a lot of rain, but in early August, there were already two typhoons.The wind has just passed, and the rain is still falling, and the sky is full of gloomy and wet gray tones.It wasn't my night shift that weekend, so I took over for my colleague when he was sick.At night, the rain has stopped.When I got off work just after one o'clock in the morning, news came from the hotline group: Someone broke the news that there was a suspected robbery in the Baohua Building on Yameida Street.The location was closest to me, so I rushed there as soon as I heard it.

Baohua Building is an old-style tenement building, well maintained, with a layer of red on the exterior walls, showing a strange color in this old residential area.When I went downstairs, there was no police car, and I didn't see any experts. It seemed that I was the first person to arrive.The gate is an old-fashioned iron gate, and a guest just happened to enter. I let down my long hair, hid the camera in my satchel, and followed inside.

The news said that the incident took place on the third floor, with a series of spiral staircases and a dark corridor stretching towards both ends. 307.I followed the house number and walked to the end. The light on the door frame was not turned on. In the darkness, I could see that the door was half-closed, and there was a faint whimpering sound from inside.

"Is anyone here? Can I come in?" I took out the camera and tensed my nerves.

There was no response from the room, but the whimpering seemed to be louder.I took out the pen I carried with me, and poked open the half-hidden door.

The room was dark, with only a little light from the window.I hesitated for a while, and of course I took first-hand materials when I went in to take pictures, but I might also be labeled as an illegal trespasser.At this time, the whimpering and groaning were intermingled, and it turned into a hoarse murmur. I couldn't make out what was said, but it was indeed a woman's voice.

I gritted my teeth and stepped in. Without a word, I raised my camera to take a picture. The flash was on, and the strong light hit the crowded living room and the figure by the bedroom door.

"Ah Sir." The figure suddenly rushed up, so fast, and hugged my leg as hard as possible. "Sir, Sir, I was raped...I was raped..."

I just felt frozen, unable to move.I tried my best to look down, only to see a pair of empty eyes in the dimness, looking at me through the messy long hair, as if looking at the void, like a person or a ghost, only muttering that sentence over and over in my mouth.As I read it, the tone of my voice gradually became sharper, and finally it turned out to be screaming like a death, and the hands hugging my thighs were strangled tightly.It made me panic and hurt, and the camera in my hand couldn't press the shutter button anyway.

When I came back to my senses, I realized that I hugged her half-naked, I don’t know, or I just hoped to stop her crying anyway, because the sound penetrated into my brain like a steel cone piercing ice. Benevolence.I knelt down and hugged her silently.When I got closer, I saw the purple fingerprints around her neck, and the torn white dress underneath, showing a dilapidated color under the light from the outside. Just like this, the blood stains on the white cloth were still shocking. The door of the room extends straight to the living room, leaving a faint trace.I bit the back of my hand to keep myself from screaming with the girl.Let her hands grab her back.A strange mix of sweat acid, body odor, and rust-like smell wafted through the air.

When the police and medical staff arrived one after another, and when I got home afterwards, I saw rows of bruised nail marks on my back from the bathroom mirror, which could not go away for a whole week, as if part of her pain had been transferred to On me who is also a woman.

How should I put it, Saori.Although the time of entering the burst group was short, it is not that I have not seen blood.After all, I always go to the scene of a car accident, the site of a fire, or the feet of someone who committed suicide by jumping off a building. It's not that I haven't seen bloody stumps and distorted faces, but I don't have any crying and crying with such tragic resentment.This resentment haunts me, and I fall into dreams from time to time.

Because of this incident, I was scolded by the director of the interview—the first person who arrived at the scene only took a few pictures of the scene, and the newspaper company lost the money for breaking the news in vain.After training and training, seeing that I was in a trance, after thinking about it, I was suddenly mercifully let me take a week off.

After returning to work, the case has gradually become clear.The incident couldn't be simpler: the girl went to a party with her friends, met the main person involved in the case, and invited them back to her residence. As a result, not one wolf was brought in, but three wolves.So clear, it can be summed up in only three or five sentences, but when it is involved, it is a mess of blood and flesh.

Since there were obvious traces of violence on the body and the semen of the three people involved were also detected on the body, the case was quickly judged as rape. What is surprising is not only the brutality and vicious nature of the people involved, but also their Identity——The main person involved is the nephew of the Assistant Director of the Finance Bureau. One of the other two is from an ordinary family, and the other is involved in the underworld.Public opinion was in an uproar.The case went to trial soon, and the three suspects were convicted in the first instance, but the three refused to accept the appeal.

On the day the first trial ended, a crowd of journalists gathered in front of the primary court. The soldiers divided into two groups while surrounding the persons involved and their lawyers, while trapping the girl and her friend.I squeezed among the people besieging them, relying on my height to rush to her side.

"How do you feel about winning the lawsuit?" "How sure is the other party's appeal?"I look at the girl.After more than a month, the bruises on her neck faded to only a faint red mark, and her face wearing a cap, sunglasses and mask looked so small and stiff, and her movements were the same, struggling forward in the encirclement, I suddenly seemed to hear that She howled dryly in her ears at night, mistaking me for the police who came to rescue me.

The colleagues couldn't find anything to ask, and the photographers almost took enough photos to hand over their business cards as usual.I hesitated, then handed her over as she pushed past me.The face lowered by the peaked cap lifted slightly, as if to glance at me, and accepted the business card.That hand was soft and weak, it seemed to be different from the one that pinched my back that day.

It was already October when the case was reviewed in court, and the person involved lost the case again, and was released on a high bail pending trial, and appealed to the General Court again, still pleading not guilty.

On the third day after the reexamination results came out, the girl came to me and said that she had nowhere to go.

Originally, I was working alone in Macau, and my friends and company colleagues were harassed by reporters so much that I could no longer return to my original residence, and my savings were all used in the lawsuit.she said on the phone.What's more, she received threatening text messages for three consecutive days. There was only a picture of a bloody broken leg on the text message, and a line of words underneath: You know what to do.

What about the police?Have you called the police?I asked.

I went to the police station and said there was insufficient evidence.There was silence on the other end of the phone, only heavy breathing could be heard, and her voice was nervous and nervous: Then Sir asked me, why did I have such a face when I did such a thing?He asked, asked me if I felt ashamed...

I am silent.Transferred shifts with colleagues and placed her in a short-term rental apartment.

No questions to ask?She looked smaller than I had imagined, and she was also more handsome than I imagined, but her complexion was not good, her eyes were covered with black and blue, and she was very haggard.Do you want to do an interview or something?she asked sarcastically.

I shook my head.

She went straight to the bed and seemed to fall asleep immediately.When I got up to open the door, I woke up again, and asked me anxiously: Can I leave after a while?So I sat back on the stool and waited for her to fall asleep.

I bought the dinner. She ate a lot of two boxes of roast goose rice.I gave her an old phone and a new calling card and told her to turn off the old phone and remove the battery.Let her rest more and go out less.

I will take care of you until the next court appearance.I promise her.