Cinderella's Gypsophila

Cheng Sheng had a very long dream.

The dream was the day when he saw Qi Yan for the first time, a little child with deep black eyes, and a little fleshy hand grabbing him, innocent and curious.

They slept together in a small dark room.Qi Yan was still willing to warm him up in the cold night.During the summer camp, green apples and cicadas singing, he followed the boy's back.Schools, cafeterias, snack streets at night...

The boy grew bigger and bigger, lost his youthfulness and became more handsome and brilliant.

Smiles, tenderness, kisses, companionship, the occasional mischief.

The lifeless look lying in a hospital bed after a car accident, and the empty house and broken pudding after disappearing.

Cheng Sheng woke up in the private ward of the hospital.

The room was quiet and the incandescent lights were a bit harsh.He was a little dazed, and before he could recover, his heart began beating in disorder and disorderly again, and his blood vessels throbbed agitatedly.

The strong heartbeat undoubtedly proves that he is still alive, but——

He smiled bitterly in despair, but you see, he just woke up, and the palpitations and cold sweat that drove people crazy followed him like a shadow and started again.

The nurse came in: "Are you okay?"

Cheng Cheng propped himself up and sat up, nodding his head.

Nurse: "If you feel uncomfortable again in the future, you must respond to your family in time."

"The boy who sent you here is your younger brother, right? Well, your younger brother is going crazy because of your affairs, so don't let your family worry anymore?"

A few seconds after the nurse left, Qi Yan came in.

The heart was still throbbing uncontrollably, causing a dull pain in the temples.He tried to stay calm, his back completely sweaty.

... It would be great if the little sea otter could be here, so that he could be hugged and relieved.

"Xiao Yan, I'm really sorry, I... have caused you trouble again? Is yours okay?"

"……meeting?"

"Well. Aren't you, are you having an important meeting. Work isn't affected, is it?"

"........."

"Will it cause you to be scolded by the boss? It's all me, I..."

"The doctor said that you need to see a psychiatrist." Qi Yan interrupted him with complicated emotions in his black pupils.

Cheng Cheng was stunned for a moment.

Nodding: "Okay, okay, I'll go and see."

"There is a high probability that psychotherapy is needed, and some related drugs may also be taken."

"Okay. Eat, I will eat."

"..."

"..."

"Xiao Yan, don't be angry, I really don't mind, I..."

His back was pressed against the cold wall at the head of the bed.

Cheng Cheng was stunned, and when he lowered his head, he saw in a daze that Qi Yan's hand was pressing on his left chest, tightly pressing his chaotic and violently beating heart.

He was stunned and suffocated for a moment.

After the heart was suppressed, he became even more crazy on the spot, like a little rabbit eager to get out of the cage or a living thing about to explode, struggling desperately in Qi Yan's palm completely uncontrollably.

But no, it won't work like this.

Stop, stop now.

It is obviously my own organ, but why is it so disobedient?Cheng Cheng is in a hurry, slow down, get back to normal quickly!Don't let Xiaoyan continue to worry, slow down quickly!

Useless.

"..."

"Why didn't you tell me." Qi Yan's voice suppressed a lot of emotions.

"You are uncomfortable, you are uncomfortable, you are almost dead, why don't you tell me a word?!"

His chest hurt a little from being pressed, Cheng Cheng didn't know what to say, his throat was dry.

"Tell me, why didn't you tell me?"

"..."

"How long are you going to pretend to be fine? Cheng Cheng, how long are you going to be alone? Why can't you tell me what you think? Why can't you tell me the truth—?!"

"Speak, Cheng Cheng, huh? Speak! Speak—!"

Cheng Cheng was frightened, and his eye sockets turned blood red.It looked pathetic as hell.

Qi Yan could hardly suppress his voice.At this moment, under his palm, the heart is still contracting desperately through the thin clothes and skin.

The person in front of him is tortured like this every day.But almost died at home and still didn't say a word!

"...Speak up, you."

"Don't cry, talk to me! Tell me what you've been thinking all day, Cheng Cheng! Is it so difficult for you to answer me, just to ask you to speak a word? You are deaf and not dumb, talk to me!"

Cheng Cheng trembled.

He didn't actually cry, but just looked at him with red eyes in disbelief.

Qi Yan smiled wryly, did he think that he was cruel, to say that he was deaf.

But who is cruel?

If he didn't buy a ticket to go home in advance that day, what would he have to face when he got home?A cold corpse?

What the hell were all his youth, all his efforts and beliefs so far, all his sweet plans for the future? !

... If possible, he didn't want his brother to argue with him even when he was sick.

My brother's heart is not good enough to be stimulated.He also wanted to hold him in his arms to comfort him, not want to scare him or yell at him.As gentle and patient as ever.

But does that work?

He almost had nothing at once.

……

half an hour.Miraculously, the deaf man spoke.

Cheng Cheng asked him to let him go.

Qi Yan laughed angrily again, of course he wouldn't let go.In the stalemate, Cheng Cheng's blood-red eyes finally showed a trace of emotion that a human being should have.

He gritted his teeth and asked him, "Then what did you tell me?"

"What did you tell me again? Those medicines I... found at home, those in the third shelf of the medicine cabinet... What are they?"

medicine?Qi Yan thought for a while before realizing that he was talking about the antidepressants he had taken before.He opened it for three months, but he has a strong mentality. After eating for more than a month, he will be fine, and the rest will be left there!

so what? !

"It's just a few bottles of medicine. It's only natural to take medicine when you're sick? You have the same medicine jar every day, so I'm not allowed to take some medicine when I'm sick? Who made the rules?"

Cheng Cheng: "But you... you don't need to eat it!"

"If, if you didn't meet me, you would have been fine, if you didn't have me..."

"'If I didn't have you', come again?" Qi Yan interrupted him angrily, "'If I hadn't met you, if your mother had never given birth to you', it's all your fault anyway, as long as the world If everyone is happy without you, the world will be peaceful, right?"

"Since you are so good at inductive logic, why don't you continue to inductively, 'If' your mother could be firmer at the beginning, marry my father directly, have a little burden and bring disaster to the world together, without you and without me, that would be It's a perfect world, isn't it!"

"Oh no, it's not perfect."

"'If' your grandma and my grandma have the foresight to not give birth to them, maybe my mother can escape the fire pit and live a happy life!"

"Continue, you can still go up the blame."

"The ancestors of the two families should have been buried alive together when they burned books and buried scholars. Nuwa shouldn't have created humans, Pangu shouldn't have created the world, and the universe shouldn't have life. Everyone is very clean!"

"How is it? Does it sound fun? Interesting?!"

"Fuck 'if'! If if if all day long, then I don't want to exist, the window is open for you, you go to dance, go now-!"

He was so angry that he couldn't choose what to say, Cheng Cheng really planned to go!

He really intends to go!Qi Yan gritted his teeth and hugged him.That's right, how could my brother bear these words now, he must be very sad.

But who can stand it?Who the hell can stand it again!

People who want to take care of them don't take their own lives seriously. They are as impersonal as a pool of stagnant water. No matter how hard they try, they won't be able to cover their lives!

Qi Yan really didn't know what to do, he really didn't understand why they had to do this?

Isn't everything obviously getting better?

He knew it was difficult, he knew that his brother was wronged and he knew it was not easy.But everything is getting better little by little.

He wanted to be nice and gentle to him, to take care of him.I want to work together and live a good life.

He also has a lot planned for the future.

They are still young and still have a lot of opportunities, so why not?What is he going to do?

The windows were open, letting in the sun.Qi Yan's black eyes glanced at Mingliang, he was so sad, if he could, he wished he could jump down first.

……

Qi Yan hugged Cheng Cheng tightly.

I hugged her tightly for a long time, until the heartbeat of the person in my arms finally eased little by little.

The light shone on Cheng Cheng's pale face.

His still downcast gray eyes and the scarlet corners of his eyes did not respond.

Qi Yan smiled wryly, he really never seemed to be able to understand what Cheng Cheng was thinking.

No matter how much you say and how much effort you make, it will be in vain.

Maybe it's really impossible to go back.

he does not know.

The little storm bottle was real, and the feelings he had had were also real, but perhaps too much pain and suffering eventually killed the person who used to always look at him tenderly.

Cheng Cheng didn't want to be with him anymore.

What is in front of him now is a walking dead with only past memories.

……

Take the medicine and leave the hospital.go home.

Such a nice home, a warmly decorated home.

He came back early from get off work every day to accompany him, stayed in bed together during the holidays, and taught him to exercise. During this seemingly peaceful and sweet time, he thought everything was getting better little by little.

It looks like a joke now.

He opened the safe and took out all Cheng Cheng's documents.

"It's all here, return it to you." He said.

The balcony behind Cheng Sheng continued to be sunny, with all kinds of fresh green plants.

Against the light, Qi Yan couldn't see his expression at this moment.

He only heard him humming slightly, and the file bag was picked up.

He actually took it and was about to leave.

At that moment the world was silent.Ten steps, five steps, two steps, one step.

The heart was torn and ravaged every second.

Looking at Cheng Cheng's thin back, he thought to himself - some people are really amazing.

When he loves you, you are the whole world, let you see the sweetest and best, but when he no longer loves you, he throws you back into the darkness...

……

Ten steps, five steps, two steps, one step.

Grip the cool handle with your fingertips.

Cheng Cheng closed his eyes, he walked out now, and Qi Yan would be free.

Just completely, free...

But at that moment, a powerful force wrapped around him fiercely from behind, and while he was reeling, he was thrown against the wall, and Qi Yan's handsome face was distorted terribly.

"Don't go."

"What are you thinking? Cheng Cheng, please tell me what are you thinking—?"

"We have been together for such a long time! So many years! It is not easy to pay so much to finally be together again! If there is anything difficult, you must leave? What the hell are you going to do? How the hell are you willing to just leave?"

no……

Me too, reluctant.

As if Cheng Cheng's chest was about to be torn apart, he lowered his eyes: "Xiao Yan, you...you let me go, and you also let yourself go. Okay?"

Qi Yanru was struck by lightning.At that moment, his black pupils were stained with blood, his expression was extremely frightening, and one hand suddenly touched Cheng Cheng's carotid artery.

"Who do you let go?"

"Say it again? Who will let who go?"

Cheng Cheng looked away, he thought Qi Yan was going to strangle him to death in a second.

But no, with a muffled sound, Qi Yan's hand slammed hard on the wall beside his ear.Suddenly, a bloodstain was left on the wall.

Cheng Cheng's gray pupils tightened.

He froze, only scarlet in his eyes.

"hand……"

he murmured.The file bag was dropped, and the documents inside were scattered all over the place.

Qi Yan slammed down again with a muffled sound, and the bloodstain instantly expanded.Cheng Cheng became anxious, and with an incoherent voice in his throat, he hugged Qi Yan's wrist.

But it didn't work.

Again and again.He couldn't make a sound, he was so anxious that he hugged Qi Yan's waist with all his strength, suddenly Qi Yan's body shook, as if he couldn't hold on suddenly.

He let go of Cheng Cheng, wobbled and slid down the wall.

"It's up to you, just go if you want."

Cheng Cheng didn't leave, he knelt down, his voice trembling: "Xiao Yan, show me your hand..."

"You're bleeding, take it out and show me, okay...Xiao Yan, you are obedient!"

Qi Yan ignored him, what else was he looking at?He thought, don't want me anymore, and it doesn't hurt that much.

Already numb, no pain.

It's not as stinging as he asked him to "let go" of him.

After waiting for so many years, he just waited for these two words.Let go.

……

Cheng Cheng had no choice but to grit his teeth and get up, first went to fetch the medicine box.

He was in a hurry all the way, his black-rimmed glasses had slipped to the bridge of his nose, and they were hanging on ridiculously. He opened the box at a loss in front of Qi Yan, and took gauze and alcohol.

There was clearly panic, distress and bewilderment in the gray eyes.

Look at this person... Qi Yan thought weakly.While saying that you don't want me anymore, it's like this again.

The gauze was cut and the swab soaked in alcohol.

Cheng Cheng: "Hand!"

He was also in a hurry: "Take it out, hurry up!"

Qi Yan would not take it.

Feeling anxious, he also yelled at him: "Didn't you want to leave just now? You go!"

"You can't die if you hit the wall twice! Don't delay your trip! Go, don't you want to go?"

Cheng Cheng's face was pale.

He endured it, and lowered his voice: "Xiao Yan, don't do this, don't say such things. Hands, hands first..."

"..."

"Please, I've lost a lot of blood, can you give me your hand first? Xiao Yan, don't be angry with me. Let's have a good talk, shall we?"

Qi Yan: "Who didn't talk well first?"

Cheng Cheng was really in a hurry, he simply dropped the gauze, gritted his teeth with red eyes, and grabbed his arm.

When I was robbing, I also felt the absurdity - Qi Yan said before that he was duplicity.Said that he looked serious and could do anything in a hurry.

Yes, indeed.

Between them, it has always been him who stands out.So he really didn't understand, how Qi Yan could endure him until now.

Finally, he caught Qi Yan's hand.

But that hand was bloody.Not only was the skin broken, but the flesh was also cracked, and white bones were exposed at the knuckles of the middle finger.

"what……"

He held that hand helplessly, as if his heart was going to explode.

Alcohol is useless, what to do, it must be treated with stitches.But stop the bleeding first...

Xiaoyan was injured again, and again because of him.

All those years he could only bring him hurt and pain forever.

He really had to go, had to go.

If he doesn't leave for a day, Qi Yan will never really have a chance to be happy.

"Xiao Yan, listen to me..."

"Now you are worthy of anyone, you can find the best people in the world."

"Don't be angry, listen to me, please...listen to me."

"At that time, when you try to be with someone who is really worthy, you will understand what I mean."

"Living with someone who has never hurt you, the memories you have together...will be all joy and happiness."

"There will be no old wounds, no thorns hidden in my heart forever, no need to pretend to be strong in front of him, and no need to hold back all the sadness and grievances until I want to take medicine and die."

"Can you... understand what I mean?"

"..."

The two of them had been in the shadow of the wall as the sun moved westward, but now the bright sunlight shone through, stinging like hell.

He lifted his disfigured face and his voice was hoarse.

"Xiao Yan, I know, I know you treat me well, and I know you don't want to part with me."

"I also... can't bear you."

"You don't even know how much I want to be reincarnated, change my life, and give you a flawless relationship."

"But, it's impossible, you are right, there is no 'if' in this world."

"No matter how much the two of us maintain our superficial happiness, we will only remember those old grievances and tormenting each other in the end, but Xiao Yan, you are still young... There are still many opportunities and a long and good life."

"So really let's separate, and you let yourself go."

"I sincerely hope you find a good man and live happily ever after."

He's done.

Qi Yan also quietly finished listening.

So, he listened, didn't he?

While Cheng Cheng was happy for Qi Yan in his heart, at the same time, he secretly felt so much pain that life would be worse than death.He tried his best to ignore the feeling of being crushed, Xiao Yan's happiness was the most important thing.

He's made up his mind and he'll be fine.After they separated, he would not die, nor would Qi Yan worry about guilt.

He'll look like he's doing well, going to school, going to work.

Maybe in the future, we can occasionally eat together and look at him from a distance.

It's a good life to live like this...

Qi Yan stretched out his hand.

"I see, then, give me a hug at the end?"

Cheng Cheng went over obediently, hugged Qi Yan's waist like a gray cat, he actually liked this warm embrace very much, and didn't want to let go at all.

Qi Yan's uninjured hand hugged him tightly.

"Brother, let me ask you, do you hate me?"

Cheng Cheng didn't understand, he shook his head.

"Really? During the three years I left, you really didn't blame me at all?"

Keep shaking your head.

"What about when it's particularly difficult? Not wronged?"

Cheng Cheng: "No grievances, nothing at all, I didn't lie to you, really nothing."

"Well. Then think about it, feelings are mutual. If you are not wronged, I will not be wronged."

"..."

"Take a ten thousand step back, even if I really feel wronged, I'm so wronged that I need to take medicine. You still don't take good care of me, you still treat me badly. Do you think you are fair?"

"..."

Cheng Cheng was a little dazed.

He took a deep breath and suddenly sobbed uncontrollably.

There is a strange feeling.It seems that there is something that has never been thought of before, and there is a glimmer of enlightenment.

But it was just a little bit, just a little bit, and I couldn't catch it.

Humans are truly hopeless creatures.Once a glimmer of hope is ignited, it is full of strange delusions.

"Then why..."

"Xiao Yan, at that time, why..."

The sun was hot on the back.

At that moment, he finally didn't know where the courage came from, and asked a question that he had never dared to ask.

……

Qi Yan almost forgot that he and Qi Shengbin "died together" back then.

The momentary top of the youth.In the end, he didn't succeed in cheating his father to death, and he almost got on his own, that's a fact that doesn't matter.

Qi Yan never thought that the whole story would be a completely different plot in Cheng Cheng's eyes.

Cheng Cheng thought he wanted to die.

I've always thought so, all these years.

He thought they were obviously together and had a lot of sweetness, but those were just appearances.In fact, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't really comfort his heart.

He couldn't make Qi Yan really happy.There is no way to fill the resentment, the hurt, the holes in him that he has suffered all these years.

Not only that, but every time Qi Yan looks at him, he will be reminded of those pains and those people he lost.

The more gentle you are, the more tired you will be on such days.So in the end he...

Qi Yan: "It's not like that!"

"You can call me stupid and impulsive! But I really don't want to kill myself!"

Cheng Sheng didn't believe it.

Qi Yan is also going crazy: "Fuck, you ask me! Why didn't you ask me then?"

Cheng Cheng's voice was intermittent: "I'm asking? What are you asking? Anyway...you...wouldn't admit it."

"You, now, don't admit it..."

Qi Yan: "It's not that I don't admit it, it's true! I'm such a positive person, can I lie to you that I'm a puppy?"

He is also very angry and funny, desolate and distressed, and his mother's heart is blocked, and finally suddenly enlightened.

When Cheng Sheng suddenly let go of his hand mercilessly and returned to Meng Xinlan's side, he never understood why.

Just like Cheng Cheng is unwilling to stay by his side now, and he is also unwilling to say a word from his heart, so he is also angry and anxious, unable to understand.

...It seems that there is always a link that cannot be fastened.

The missing link, he finally found.

……

Cheng Cheng said he didn't believe it, but it should just be wronged.

Qi Yan hugged him tightly and coaxed him distressedly for a long time.

Although it was a misunderstanding, my brother was truly aggrieved, helpless, and hopeless because of all the years of being in a dead end and the pain he had suffered.

I never expected that kindness will not be rewarded.

Cheng Cheng remembered his hands halfway through crying, wiped away his tears and hurriedly dragged him to the clinic downstairs for stitches.

But unfortunately, I met an old doctor who talked a lot, and kept talking about young people not to be impulsive and to take care of their bodies while sewing, and so on, slow sewing and huge pain!

And Cheng Cheng wore a black frame to cover his red eyes and stood beside him, looking like a red-eyed rabbit, he almost couldn't see it, so he agreed!

"The doctor is right, you have to listen carefully."

Qi Yan: "..."

OK!Blame himself!He should be more determined and confident - obviously he has seen Storm Bottle, and he also knows that Cheng Cheng has always been a logical fool.How did his emotions get biased at that time?

If I really want my brother to be distressed, just hit it once or twice to make a show, there is really no need to explode with genuine emotion.

This is all right, one hand is wrapped into a rice dumpling.

He is now a cto in name in the company——chiefteology officer, that is, the chief technology officer. He sounds tall, and when people meet him and call him Mr. Qi, he is actually a big part-time programmer.Fix bugs in the whole company every day.

Now the big programmer can't type the keyboard with his right hand for at least two weeks, what should we do?

Qi Yan thinks about it seriously, in fact, he really rarely sees a few impulses in his life.It seems that the first impulse to throw his father up with a shovel, the second impulse to overturn the car and lie on the bottom of the ditch, and the third impulse to smash his hands into rice dumplings.That's all.

Helpless still left an impulsive stereotype.

When he gets home, he won't be able to cook with his hands.Cheng Cheng cooked him food, and gave him a serious lecture while chopping vegetables.

Well, didactic.

The horned god who was arranged to see a psychiatrist has grown up.

So Qi Yan immediately turned to him and seriously discussed the communication and communication between people-not digging into dead ends, and the importance of saying every sentence clearly.

So we quarreled, hi.