ink dyed reeds

Before the winter vacation, the work progress was not over half, and after the Spring Festival, it was a few weeks of day and night, and the project at hand was finally completed.

Senior Cheng Xuan, who graduated from the same school, served as the person in charge of my group. At the end of the meeting, he stopped me: "It's been hard these days, I think you don't look very good, are you sick?"

I shook my head and said, probably lack of sleep.

He said that he had talked with the boss, and the boss said that the project was completed well and would compensate for a short vacation.

I smiled reluctantly, I really didn't have the strength to speak.

"Ruozhi, your hair has grown longer." When he was about to say goodbye, he offered to drive me home, "It's very beautiful."

I was very uncomfortable with his name, so I refused and said no, I still have something to do later.

The night in early spring was still cool. I sat on a bench in the park in the middle of the lake, looking at the sparkling waves, and felt a little cold.

Two consecutive months of no news, two consecutive months of tossing and turning.

The initial shock and panic caused by being at a loss has dissipated, and even when she couldn't be contacted for a while, I thought powerlessly and desperately, it's better to forget about it.

The time we spent together in the past is vivid in my mind, the more I want to forget it, the deeper the traces are carved in my heart.

In the dead of night, I will think of her words and be full of joy, and then my heart will hurt so much that I can't breathe.

When I suffer from insomnia until dawn, I will miss that embrace that is full of cold air, that embrace that encloses me from behind, that embrace that is soaked in the smell of wine and is so warm that it is desperate.

I understand the tacit understanding of those who look at each other and smile, and I understand the tacit meaning behind the words.

However, when she asked like that, everything was different.

I like you, how could I not like you.

It's just that we can no longer hide our longings and fantasies, deluding ourselves that we can go on like this forever.

You put a beautiful and cruel reality in front of me bloody, like the fragrance released by poppies, if you get close, you will be doomed.

However, he was still not reconciled.

I stood up, and the night breeze slightly lifted my shoulder-length hair, brushing it itchyly on my face.

I am no longer willing to endure this unresolved relationship, regretting the cowardice and shrinking that I can't bear to face.

At this moment, I don't want to think about all kinds of uncertainties in the future, and I don't want to hate myself for being powerless because I can't catch the trace of this person.

I watched Lu Mo stepping on leather boots and walking towards me step by step under the dim light of the street lamps. Between her deep eyebrows was her unique look of indifference and carelessness.

I looked up at her vigorously and told her that I like her.

I asked her if she could be with me.

This simply exhausted my courage, I lowered my head and held my fingers, not daring to look at her expression.

It wasn't until the moment she wrapped her arms around me that a heart that had been searching and finding no place to rest was finally let go.

At that moment, I had an illusion that the person holding me was trying to squeeze me into her flesh and blood with all his strength.

A few days later, Lu Mo and I arrived in Chengdu by plane, and she said she would take me to meet two people.

As soon as I arrived at the terminal, I saw two young foreign men rushing towards me. The tall blond one whistled at me and said, "Oh, you are soadorable!" Lu Mo gave him an elbow in a calm manner , introduced to me: "This is Eric, he is very good at drumming."

I was about to say hello to Eric, but another man with auburn hair spoke first, with a pair of grey-blue eyes smiling: "Your eyes are so charming."

"Brian, the bass player. And Chris and Karl are in California, not here."

Shortly afterwards came Shao Zhe, out of breath, wearing a Ralph Lauren sea blue polo shirt and a black MLB baseball cap, like a college student who has not yet graduated.

After greeting for a while, I found that these people were local tyrants and academic masters, and they were very friendly. Everyone happily discussed going to Dandong Township.

Two days later we set off from Dandong and hiked to Mosca.

There are many rugged mountain roads and steep rock walls on the way, and the potholed sandstone landform has a different kind of hard, cold and barren beauty.

We walked for about 10 hours and it was already dark when we arrived in Mosca. Eric and the others said that I was so weak and did not expect such good physical strength. Lu Mo took a photo of the light and shadow of the cooking smoke in the distance with his camera, and said, "Of course."

In the evening, they set up musical instruments they had obtained somewhere in a square in the town of Mosca, and the crowd rushed to tell that there were foreigners singing there.

I still remember the dazzling stars in the night sky, the excitement and joy on the faces of the singing and dancing people.

Looking at Lu Mo, who was holding the electric guitar and Brian tacitly matching the rhythm, I suddenly understood why she made such a choice.

Live freely and freely.

Mosca is located on a grassy slope of a hill, and when you go for a walk during the day, you can actually see groundhogs popping up out of nowhere.I fed them the alfalfa with great interest, and the groundhog's small, round nose rubbed against the palm of my hand, making it numb.I laughed, felt a burst of focused gaze, and looked up to find that Lu Mo was walking towards me, with the snow-capped mountains stretching far away behind me.

In the next few days, we walked through the paradise-like Jiaju Tibetan Village in Danba, and experienced Jinchuan, where the pear blossoms are like a dream and a painting.The clear sky, snow-capped mountains, Dadu River, and the faint mountain mist make you feel like you are in a fairyland.

At night when staying at the B&B, Lu Mo would sit in the yard and play an acoustic guitar.She likes to sing those beautiful English poems out of tune, she often sings Ezra Pound's poems, and sings the song "Inside the Subway Station":

"Ina Station of the Metro

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;

Petalsonawet, blackbough."

If the voice can be compared to some kind of dessert, Lu Mo's voice is like Americano coffee, after one sip, you can turn it back and forth.

How I wish days like this could last forever.

If there is no call from Zhou Yuchen that day.

If it wasn't for Lu Mo's belated answer that day.

The reality is that when we were preparing to travel from Chongqing to Xinduqiao, I received a call from Zhou Yuchen.

He told me that my mother was hospitalized.

He had a sudden heart attack, and he was rescued in time, but he was still in a coma.

After Lu Mo knew the situation, he comforted me who was crying, and booked the ticket.Our group returned to Beijing together.

More than half a month later, my mother was discharged from the hospital.

That is, the night my mother was discharged from the hospital, Lu Mo found me.

We are still in the lake park, there is an open-air cafe by the road.

I arrived a little earlier because I was in a good mood, and watched her walk step by step under the dim yellow light, just like her who came back from abroad that day, with a deep outline like a Western goddess.

"53 days ago, you asked me a question," she said.

In the night, Lu Mo's long curly hair looks like a black cloud, and the shape of the waves reminds people of the dense black algae in the deep sea.

"Now I can tell you the answer." She pursed her lips, her voice was as quiet and deep as a viola, colder than this lake.

"I can't be with you," she said.