our town

Life is so bloody, many people's youth is chasing stars, basketball...

Some of them are fat and squeezed out by classmates...

And I met dog blood...

After I got home, I was quite happy, thinking that I could finally break up, and I had a good time.

Just one thing is wrong, I can't go to the bar, I don't want to go at all, I start thinking about things when I go, I can't sit still, I don't know what's wrong, it stands to reason that I should play all over the world and celebrate the good life .

However, wine is not wine, dance is not dance, Meng Xian saw my abnormality, and asked me if I still miss that grandson?

I'm lost in thought...

I was worried that Sanbao would not be doing well in the detention center, and that someone would bully him. This worry increased almost every night.I am afraid that my feelings will collapse again, and I am afraid that I will bow to the dark life again.I strongly restrain myself, let busy dilute my deep thinking.

It’s rare for my mother to come back during the Chinese New Year. I went shopping with her, and my mother told me that my father started looking for women outside again. What's the matter, colleague?separated?

My mother didn't say a word. She always smiled and put on a serious look, which made me very sad. After all, it was my mother, and that was my father. I really wanted to pull them over and beat them up. People, the two of them together are almost a hundred years old, how can they be so noisy?

After talking about her problem, my mother talked to me about my problem again. I said we should divide, but my mother said oh, just divide it.

My dad was there for the New Year's Eve dinner, but my mom left and didn't participate.The meal was very lively, and the family chatted happily, teased the children, but never mentioned business.

After the Chinese New Year, Sanbao also came out. After he came out, he called me and said that it was not good and it was very hard. I wanted to cry when I heard that. Until today, Sanbao didn’t know that I let him in Maybe I knew it later, but I didn't say it. After so many years of relationship, he owes me too much, and I can pay off the debt after squatting for more than ten days.

After Sanbao came out, he asked me to borrow money twice, one thousand and five, and one time five hundred.I borrowed them all.

I won’t lend it anymore. My mother knows that I don’t work and have no income now, so she starts to give me living expenses every month. It’s great. When I grow up, I can still rely on my family and hold the money my mother gave me. I’m a little flattered. Thinking of getting old, I can still rely on my family to support me.

After school started, I reported normally, but the failure at the end of the last semester made me feel ashamed.

Everyone started looking for places for internships this semester, but I was the only one who was indifferent.

It seemed that Sambo really broke up with me, and I was in a trance, like a dream.

The contact between Xiao Yan and me was still as smooth as water, and I found out more and more that I actually didn't love him, and only regarded him as a transition, an ancient method of replacing old love with new love.

In March, Xiao Yan accompanied me to celebrate my 23rd birthday, myself and some of his friends and insiders.I performed very well on my birthday, and I was happy when I should be happy.I went to sing after the meal without exception, I don’t remember any of these later, I just remember waking up in the hotel, Xiao Yan asked me what to eat, I said steamed stuffed bun, and soy milk.

Xiao Yan obediently went to buy it. I ate buns and soy milk the morning after my birthday.

I have been with Sanbao for so many years, he did not celebrate my birthday, and I did not celebrate his birthday, so many years, not once, it is very regrettable, now I find that the fortune teller is really accurate, me and He really didn't make it past his 23rd birthday.

It wasn't until now that I realized that Sambo and I really broke up.

I was afraid that I would be sad, so I dragged Wu Le to go shopping, but it was so easy to go shopping, I went shopping with Sanbao in every street, looking for a place to eat, when I looked up, I also came with Sanbao.Everything I see is the shadow of the Three Treasures, and every inch I breathe is the space with him.

Only then did I realize that it was broken, I still think about him, and I still love him.

My heart was empty, and the unreality of the breakup gradually became stronger. I ate normally, slept normally, and behaved like a normal person.

Erhei was arrested. He was arrested while delivering the goods. By the time we knew it, the trial had already begun. Both Wu Le and Lao Wang went there. The lawyer read the legal documents for a long time and began to defend.

It was raining outside, but the inside was sticky and made people sleepy. After defending for two hours, I didn't understand, and finally the court adjourned.We went out for lunch, and Sambo also came. We had a meal together. At the stall at the door, Sambo said he was fine in the afternoon, and we heard the trial together.

After eating, everyone stood at the door to smoke, complaining that Erhei is too bad, a pack of goods is only two grams, and our feelings have been fooled for so long. It was not this time that he was arrested. Everyone thought he was a weight.

After the court session in the afternoon, the lawyer began to read the document again. It was long. The lawyer was very old and read it endlessly. Pharaoh went out halfway, and the sentence was later, two years.

We went out to comfort his father, but his mother didn't come and took care of the child at home.His father is over 50 years old and looks a little old. I don't know if it is caused by the pressure of life or because of worrying about his son. I feel very distressed after seeing it.

The son failed to live up to expectations and suffered from his parents.

Before leaving, Sanbao came to talk to me, greeted me briefly, and then secretly told me: "Do you know why Lao Wang went out halfway?"

I shook my head.

He said: "You are stupid. The lawyer has read several times that Erhei has a friend, Xiao Wang, and he is the one he is talking about. He must not sit still."

I just reacted.

See, Sambo is always so insightful, smarter than ordinary people.

I started to suffer from insomnia, and I could only sleep for a few hours a day, sometimes three hours, sometimes two hours, and sometimes I finally fell asleep, thinking that I must have a good night’s dream today, but I still woke up two hours later.

I started to break down, why can't I sleep?

I started to take medicine, wild hops, jujube seed, oryzanol.From the first one and two to the last five and six, the highest record was seven.

I had a headache, I couldn't sleep well and I was very tired during the day, I refused to see Xiao Yan, Xiao Yan didn't force it, he should have felt it too, I don't particularly like his kind, Xiao Yan also began to try to let go slowly, The pain of insomnia made me unable to control so much, and I began to be depressed.

One night I couldn't sleep and called my mother, and I asked her, "How about I get back together with Sanbao?"

My mother was silent for a while: "Good boy, mom really doesn't want to..." My mother cried...

I thought I would last longer, but on my mother's phone call, I fell apart...

I cried for a long time that night...

I think of Three Treasures, of ice and snow, of cold, of walking through the snow alone.

I really want to go back to the winter snow again, listening to the wind blowing on my cheeks, feeling the dedication of blood

Let go of the timidity of not being able to reach out

Standing in winter, turning into spring breeze, I don't have the determination to hit the south wall, you don't have the courage to hold me

We have nothing but love...

We have everything but no heart...

This heart bears the humiliation of the world

bearing moral decay

Confucius who has carried the millennium

Carrying the thread in the hands of a loving mother, and the clothes on the wanderer's body

burdened with money

carrying the twist of love

carrying the youth

carrying pride

Bearing the most tears and grievances of my 22 years, bearing my weakness

My heart can hold my life, but it cannot hold the cycle of life

My love can be distributed to all the people in the world, but it hurts so much for you alone

I was young, I struggled

I don't have the guts, I let go

I thought persistent love was nothing in front of reality, humble and pitiful,

My self-righteous pain is like countless sunshine rising in the morning, strand by strand,

Ordinary, quiet...

I thought when I turned around, the world would turn around with me

And I turned around, the world didn't move...

The last straw between me and Sanbao is my mother. No matter how sad I am, I will completely separate from Sanbao.

I never thought that family affection would occupy such a large weight in my heart, and I didn't expect that family affection would overwhelm love at critical moments.

I choose mom.

I tried my best to overcome insomnia, and Xiao Pan also disappeared. I called him, and he said that he had returned to F City, his hometown.

Wu Le is still the same, more depressed than before, I choose to leave this chaotic entertainment circle, Wu Le is still going on.

I heard that Muzi is going to get married, and Wu Le is still with Jiu'er. I think Wu Le and Jiu'er will have a good relationship this time.

I can't stay in H City any longer.

I packed a few pieces of luggage and went to find Xiao Pan. I knew he was sad recently, and so was I.Two people together are better than one.

I came to City F a few years ago and took the art exam.Big land, few people, few cars.

Xiao Pan and I rented a house, we didn't live in his house, we stayed with each other, Xiao Pan said he broke up with that brother.

Because he has a child, he decided to return to the family and give the child a home.The man took 20 yuan to open a clothing store for him, and he accepted it, so he is not short of money now, and he is going to open a store after taking a break, but he has insomnia for some reason.

I stayed for a few days because my mother had something to do there. I went to the small town where she worked, a small town with a prosperous economy. I don’t know about my insomnia, but I behave normally, that is, when I eat with my mother, I feel a little scared, terrified, my hands shake, and I don’t dare to pick up food. I don’t feel this way when I’m with my dad. Maybe my dad doesn’t care Don't ask me, no emotion, no fear.

Dad talked to me about the three treasures, and he said that that bastard didn't really treat you at all, a person who sucks d, he treats you as a toy.

I was shocked by the vulgarity of my father's language, and I was also glad that compared to me, I had a boyfriend who sucked D, but sexual orientation is not a big deal. Thinking about falling in love, I actually reaped the benefits of seamless coming out.

I couldn't take it anymore after staying there for two days. My parents didn't look good at each other. If I wasn't there, they would have scolded each other long ago.

I'm leaving and going back to Xiao Pan's place.

In the last semester of our senior year, we didn't go to school, and the teacher didn't ask any questions, and only regarded us as internships.

Xiao Pan is a person with principles and dreams, and he also proposed to break up.

Compared with Xiao Pan's calmness, I am much inferior.

However, no matter whether we are calm or inferior, we are still human beings with body temperature, emotions and desires, and insomnia.

Xiao Pan and I kept eating, sleeping, and living together, insomnia and getting up together.

We went shopping during the day, ate all kinds of snacks, were exhausted from playing, and continued to suffer from insomnia when we came back at night. I didn’t know that feelings could have such a big impact on a person, it was beyond my imagination.

We are all resistant to strangers, and so is Xiao Pan.We are afraid even as friends.

The house is on the third floor. One time, Xiao Pan went downstairs to throw out the garbage. It happened that someone was out on the second floor. He was so frightened that he brought the garbage back. When he came back, he told me that the two of us hugged each other and laughed until tears came out.

Xiao Pan said he misses his brother so much, I said I do too.

I asked Xiao Pan: "If I hadn't met Three Treasures in that room, would there have been any later?"

Xiao Pan said: "Yes, I owe him in my previous life, even if I don't know him this time, I will know him next time."

That night I dreamed of Sambo, the same as before, unrestrained and wanton, smiling at me, we were still together in the dream, nothing changed.People of the older generation say that dreams are reversed. If we are together in the dream, we cannot be together outside the dream.

I woke up wanting to cry and found no tears.

I admired my body, which was well-proportioned and firm, and how much fat it contained, but no amount of fat could save me from collapse.

I used to be very strong and always full of energy, but now I realize that it is because of loving you that I am full of energy.

I thought of the guarantee letter, I was always high above, but I wrote the guarantee letter for you.

I want to go to a place where there is no winter, and the four seasons are like spring, which will drive away the coldness in my heart and make me feel alive like a human being.

……

Time will always dilute everything, no matter how difficult the days are, they will pass slowly, as long as you hold on, time will always give you the answer.

I've gotten better recently, and I can go downstairs to buy things and wait for change.Xiao Pan still can't do it. If he can't get cash when he goes shopping, he will be nervous and afraid while waiting for the change.

We stayed with each other like idiots for several months. Suddenly, one afternoon, one good afternoon, I called my mother. Without saying anything, I started crying. I cried for two hours at a time. When I mentioned Sanbao's name, my mother didn't hang up the phone, she just listened to me crying quietly, I choked up and cried out all the grievances and longings, I knew I was going to get better.

In May, Xiao Pan and I went to City X, visited the local scenic spots and historical sites, and then went to the West Lake. The two of us sat on the edge of the West Lake, made a cup of tea, and sat quietly all afternoon.

I can fall asleep when I get back.

I'm ready.