yellow spring blossoms

I ran all the way in a daze, and didn't settle down until I got back to the dormitory.I sat on the bed in a daze, only to recall what I had just done.I pushed Gu Youning away and refused her kiss.

Why……

Why……

I asked myself this question in my heart, but I still couldn't find the answer.I was so restless that I even had shortness of breath.

"Drink a glass of water." Su Xiaoran poured me a glass of water without knowing when, and handed it to me.

"Thank you." I took the water, but didn't drink it, and fell into deep thought again.

"What's wrong with you?" Su Xiaoran asked me standing beside my bed without walking away.

"Nothing." I replied.

"Fang Ziyan, sometimes I think you are weird." Seeing that I ignored her, Su Xiaoran simply sat down beside my bed.

"It's strange." I turned my face to chat with her, looking at her pleasing eyebrows and eyes.

"You never seem to be angry." Su Xiaoran looked at my face and said curiously: "Although you are always being bullied by others, you don't fight back or explain, just continue living like this. Just like last time... ...I pushed you down the steps...but you still didn't blame me...it actually made me feel a little guilty."

"You don't need to feel guilty." I lowered my eyes, looked at my empty hands and said, "I wanted to catch you on my own, so I fell down. I think... if it happens again, I will still catch you."

Su Xiaoran was stunned after hearing what I said, and then turned her head away: "I see, you are either not angry, or you are stupid."

When I heard her say that, I suddenly smiled and murmured: "Maybe."

"I seem to... understand why Gu Youning likes you." Su Xiaoran said.

"Why?" I asked.Only then did I realize that I had never thought about this question before.The last time I asked Gu Youning about the time before she was with her.She said she would tell me when I was with her, but she never mentioned it again.

"Because I see you doing stupid things all the time, so I care." Su Xiaoran said: "Because I care, so I will take it to heart."

Hearing what Su Xiaoran said, I suddenly smiled.I stared sideways at her face and asked her, "Do you like me because of this?"

"Crazy!" Su Xiaoran picked up the pillow, threw it on my face, and quickly sat down on the opposite bed: "Let me tell you, I'm not gay, I have a boy I like, and he still...!"

"Also?" I blinked, and Su Xiaoran stopped.

"Why should I tell you! Pervert!" Su Xiaoran lay on the bed, covering her face with the quilt.

"Don't be angry... I'm joking." Seeing Su Xiaoran like this, I panicked.Originally, the relationship between me and her finally eased up a bit... If this joke froze again, wouldn't the gain outweigh the loss: "Xiao Ran?"

I thought she wouldn't talk to me anymore, but unexpectedly I heard her say: "Actually... I've been living with you for a while. I haven't seen you go out to fool around. At most, I stay with Gu Youning. I sometimes I was wondering if I..."

"Is it something?" I saw the tips of Su Xiaoran's ears protruding from the quilt were red, and I thought of her flushed cheeks.

"Did I blame you?" Her voice came muffled through the quilt.

"Yeah." I nodded, "You're blaming me."

"Do you want to be so direct?" She took the quilt away and glared at me.

"Xiaoran, I hope that the next time you understand me, it will be through your own feelings, not other people's words." I chatted with Su Xiaoran like this, and felt that the chaotic mood just now seemed to calm down.

"It can't all be blamed on me...just blame my bastard father...she always looks for mistress outside and doesn't come home...always makes my mother cry..." Su Xiaoran frowned: "so when I heard mistress I was very angry, and I didn't want to make her feel better. You were sleeping every day during that time...and everyone said..."

"It's ok."

"Then...why are you so good-tempered?" Su Xiaoran opened her eyes wide and looked at my face.

"Because I haven't touched the point of my anger yet." I thought for a while and replied.

"What are you angry about?"

"Maybe it's... just dying?" I was also lying on the bed, talking nonchalantly: "I'm afraid of indifference. I'm afraid of the feeling of being rejected from thousands of miles away. Although I can't do anything... But it just can’t be left alone.”

"Why do I feel that you want to save all sentient beings?" Su Xiaoran smiled: "Are you the reincarnation of the Tathagata?"

"..." Feeling being teased by Su Xiaoran, I silently closed my mouth and looked at the ceiling and said to her, "Go to sleep."

"I saw it, so I can't be nice to you." Su Xiaoran closed her eyes and said, "Once I give you a good face, you have to push your nose on the face."

"You can continue to treat me badly." I replied.

"You really deserve a beating." Su Xiaoran was annoyed by me again, and stopped talking to me.

Not beaten?

I thought, maybe I really deserve a beating.

A lot of things I do... a lot of things...

Many innocent people were implicated.

As I was thinking about it, I noticed that my phone vibrated.He casually touched it over and took a look, and found that it was a text message from Gu Youning: [Ziyan, are you asleep? 】

[Just lying on the bed, almost fell asleep. ] I turned sideways and texted her back.

【Then go to bed early. ] Gu Youning's message came soon.

【Um. 】I replied:【Have you returned to the dormitory yet? 】

【I'm back. ] Gu Youning replied: [Already lying down. 】

【good.You also go to bed early, you must be very tired after running around with my sister-in-law these days. 】

【it is good. 】

【Good night. ] I held the phone, waiting for Gu Youning to reply to the message.

She didn't keep me waiting long, and immediately sent: [Good night. 】

I put down the phone, picked it up again after a few seconds, and found that Gu Youning's text message came again, and she said: [I love you. 】

My eye sockets were wet, and the tears kept flowing.

My hand stopped on the text message interface, and I finally didn't send the deleted text message.

I lay on the bed with my mobile phone in my hand and fell asleep in a daze, and then I had a dream.In the dream, I was walking on the tree-lined path of the school with Gu Youning and Ziqing. I looked at them talking and laughing, and they also looked at me, with indescribable tenderness and love in their eyes.However, the sky suddenly darkened, as if it was a harbinger of an approaching storm.Gu Youning stretched out his hand to protect me in his arms, leaving Ziqing standing alone in the darkness.

"I'm leaving." Ziqing turned her back to me and said to Gu Youning, "Take care of her."

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"To a far away place." Ziqing walked without looking back, about to merge with the darkness.

"When will you be back!" I yelled at her.

"I won't come back." Ziqing said, "Forever."

"No!! No!!! You come back!!! You come back..." When I heard the word "forever", I suddenly felt like something collapsed in my heart, my soul was torn apart, and I couldn't even breathe in pain .I wanted to chase her, but found that I was hugged tightly by Gu Youning, unable to move even half a step.

Ziqing seemed to hear my cries, stopped and turned to look at me.I saw her gentle eyebrows and eyes, just like her appearance in all the past.Then, she said to me: "Ziyan, after I'm gone, you can't cry anymore. You...forget about me."

"No... no... no!!!" I wailed loudly, tears blurred my vision, and I almost couldn't see Ziqing's appearance.

"Goodbye," she said, and was never seen again.

"No——!!!!!! Don't go, I beg you!!!! I beg you!!!!" I woke up from my dream crying, and found that the moon was hanging high, and there was no storm in the world. It was so quiet.

I touched my cheek, which was already wet and covered with traces of tears.

I lay on the bed in a daze for a while, an originally vague decision was clearly appearing in my mind.I sat up from the bed, checked the time on my phone, it was 02:30 in the morning.I took a deep breath, trying to calm down.God knows how much I want to call Ziqing now to calm my flustered mood, but I hold back.

At this time... Ziqing should have fallen asleep.

Without any sleepiness, I logged into QQ on my mobile phone, habitually wanting to see if Dream Slayer is still online.Unexpectedly, as soon as I logged in, her dialog box popped up.Just like when I first met her.

Dream Slayer: 【Huang Quan, didn't sleep, or are you still awake? 】

Huang Quanhua: 【Wake up. 】

Dream Slayer sent a smiling face: 【Wake up at this point?You won't have another nightmare, will you? 】

My fingers quickly pressed on the phone: [Yeah... I had a nightmare.Fortunately...it was a dream. 】

Dream Slayer: [What dream? 】

Huang Quanhua: [I dreamed that a very important person wanted to leave me.No matter how much I cry, it's useless. 】

Dream Slayer paused for a while, and then sent me a message: [Ning or Qing? 】

My brows stretched out, thinking that Dream Slayer should be the one who understands me best.Youning and Ziqing, I only told her a few times, and she remembered it.But after thinking about it, I also mentioned the Dream Slayer to Gu Youning and Ziqing many times, so it's not surprising that she remembered it.

I thought about it, and then typed on the button: 【Clear. 】

Dream Slayer: 【What mood? 】

I replied: [The mood of the end of the world. 】

Mengzhan stopped for a long time and did not send another message, so I continued to call: [Zhanmeng, I want to break up with Ning. 】

Dream Slayer: [Why. 】

【Because...】 As I typed, my eyes glanced at Su Xiaoran's bed, afraid that my tossing around here would disturb her.It's okay if I don't sweep it, my hairs will stand up if I sweep it.

At this moment, the bed next to me is empty and there is nothing.

Su Xiaoran, whereabouts are unknown.

The author has something to say: It feels like the end is coming... Victory is in sight (I'm thinking a little too much)