A and M's Daily Season 2

Uncle has a bad habit of always bringing an iPad with him when he is on the tuba.Playing Plants vs Zombies while shitting.Every time I go to the toilet, I will not come out without squatting for more than ten minutes.As a result of squatting like this for a long time, he tragically got hemorrhoids.

Lawyer Mi likes meat the most. Every time he cooks meat, he sneaks into the kitchen and eats most of it before it is served.Especially love braised pork and fatty pork belly, the fatter the better.

My eating habits are not good, but I have to run around all day for work, squat in the toilet and don't play with my mobile phone, so I don't have hemorrhoids.Uncle is different, although he runs in the morning every morning, the profession of lawyer is sitting all day long, ten hours a day, drinking and eating meat with me all day long, and squatting in the toilet with an iPad after eating, so he doesn’t get hemorrhoids Strange.

One day, Lawyer Mi went to squat in the toilet again, and burst into a heart-piercing scream while squatting in the toilet.I thought he had slipped and fell again, so I was so frightened that I ran over to have a look.

I saw him squatting, half leaning against the sink, and the toilet was blood red, which was shocking.

"Uncle, are you here for your aunt? How about I go to the cvs pharmacy and buy you some sanitary napkins?"

He screamed in pain, "You're the only one here! My hemorrhoids are burst! I'm dying of pain!"

I still went to the pharmacy, instead of buying sanitary napkins, I bought a jar of hemorrhoid plaster and a lot of hemorrhoid wipes.

Holding the ointment and tissues, he went into the toilet again, and walked out half an hour later with difficulty.I suppressed a smile and sneaked a glance at the toilet, good guy, a wastebasket full of red-dyed paper.Touching his chest, he was thankful, fortunately, he didn't have hemorrhoids, and it leaked when he looked at it.

That night, Lawyer Mi was lying on the bed stiffly, not daring to move. I poked and poked around.

His eyes widened in horror, and his voice trembled: Asher, Asher, baby, stop poking, stop making trouble!It hurts when I move!Whoops...

I fell on the bed laughing with my stomach in my arms.

I don't sleep honestly at night, and I change my position every half an hour.This was a pain for him, his butt suffered a lot all night, and he almost didn't sleep all night.

The next day, with dark circles under his eyes, he called the office to ask for leave, asked me for an insurance card, and demanded that I not tell anyone, neither D nor the boss.Lawyer Mi, who has never asked for leave for thousands of years, actually took sick leave to go to the hospital to see hemorrhoids.

When I was fishing at work, I googled what to do if a gay got hemorrhoids. The search results were really unexpected. There were all kinds of strange things. There were all kinds of birds in the forest, and hemorrhoids could still rot.

Coming home from get off work at night, Lawyer Mi's dejected dead body pretended to be paralyzed on the sofa, motionless.

"What did the doctor say, did you prescribe medicine?"

He continued to pretend to be dead, without saying a word.

I was anxious, "Hey, what did the doctor say to you? Don't you just have hemorrhoids? Just apply some ointment and it will be fine."

The paralyzed Lawyer Mi said weakly, "It won't help if you apply the ointment. The doctor said that I must have an operation in this situation."

Me: ... so serious?

Lawyer Mi, who was always cocky and upbeat, completely froze, and nodded, "You said how we will continue to have sex after my surgery, the greatest joy in my life will be gone like this, woo woo woo!"

I was speechless, "Uncle, hemorrhoid removal surgery just cuts off the protruding piece of meat behind your buttocks, not the front of you. Do you need to be so pessimistic?"

He still looked hopeless, "What's the point of my life... just die..."

I:……

Dinner was multigrain porridge and stir-fried seasonal vegetables. While eating, my uncle complained that "I can't live without the smell of meat", so I still drank three bowls.I searched for hemorrhoid surgery on the Internet, and found that improper treatment of hemorrhoids may cause rectal cancer. I was in a cold sweat and asked him to make an appointment as soon as possible.He was still lying on the bed with his iPad in his arms, playing Plants vs. Zombies, and he had no intention of moving at all.

I searched for a photo of anal fistula and dragged it in front of him. Uncle was so frightened that he sprang up cleverly, involving the hemorrhoids in his buttocks, and screamed again.

I pointed at the photo to scare him, "If you don't hurry up and get the surgery, sooner or later you will end up like this, with two assholes on your buttocks, and two poops when you go to the toilet."

He was so disgusted that he had to surrender, and the appointed person called to make an appointment for surgery.

On the day of the operation, Attorney Mi asked for leave on the grounds that “others in the family were sick”, and I drove him to the hospital.

Seeing that it was a female doctor who operated on him, my uncle quit immediately, shouting

"I made an appointment with Dr. Qiao, why did I change doctors?"

The female doctor pointed to her nameplate, "I am Dr. Qiao..."

Lawyer Mi: =口=

(The American name Joe can also represent a feminine name.)

Uncle was taken in by the nurse for cleaning. I filled out the form outside and asked the nurse when I had time.

"Is hemorrhoid surgery painful? Is it easy for gay people?"

The little nurse looked at me with a smile and said, "Don't worry, as long as you don't often be the bottom (bottom refers to the number 0, which refers to the receiver, top refers to the number 1, and the attacker), or when you are a bottom, you don't bleed, pay attention to your diet, and defecate." No dryness, no constipation, no mobile phones when going to the toilet, no squatting for too long, no bleeding, basically fine.”

After waiting for three or ten minutes, lawyer Mi was helped out by two nurses with a pale face, his calves were shaking.He was too tall, and the two nurses couldn't support him. One nurse asked me to help him, and she went to push a cart.

I couldn't help laughing and said, "Oh my god, you're shaking like you have a vibrator underneath you"

He didn't have the strength to argue with me, he shrugged and shook his head.

Seeing how pitiful he was, I was embarrassed to laugh again, went to help him, stroked the golden hair a few times, "You are not allowed to play plants vs zombies in the toilet from now on, do you understand?"

He pursed his lips and nodded sadly.

The operation was ready soon, and my uncle was dragged to do skin preparation, pre-operation preparation.I was bored flipping through magazines in the waiting room, grabbed the little nurse and asked: Can I watch as he undergoes surgery?

The little nurse had a "damn mentally retarded" expression on her face, and said resolutely: No, after he finishes, you can look at it any way you want at night.

After the skin preparation was over, he was pushed into another room and waited. With his legs spread wide, he lay on the stage in the delivery position of a pregnant woman, and his lower body was fixed.

I lifted the cloth covering his lower body, and sighed, "Oh my god, this is bloody and bloody, so serious, I didn't notice it before."

After speaking, he touched the bump with his gloved hand.

Uncle capitalized breakdown: Asher, I beg you!you get out!go out!

"No, I have to stay here to give you moral support"

"No, no, get out! Please! Get out!"

"Hey, how can this work, we both have to share joys and sorrows, share weal and woe, how wonderful it is"

"You definitely did it on purpose! On purpose!"

I covered my stomach and laughed, and Dr. Qiao came in for an examination. Seeing him holding my hand with a sad face, he thought it was because he was afraid and nervous, and didn't want me to go. He waved his hand generously, "You can stay here with him. "

uncle:……

I did the cleaning very logically, put on a disinfectant suit, moved a chair and sat by the side to watch.

Uncle Chong said with a smile, "Dear-love-da, don't worry, I'll watch the whole thing, by the way, can you make a video here?"

Uncle Sheng covered his face helplessly, "Asher, I beg you! Get out, get out quickly...Ah!!!!!!!"

Dr. Qiao inserted an injection of anesthetic without warning, and he screamed in pain.

Afterwards, the process was not described in detail, it was too bloody, and people like me who wanted to be a forensic doctor liked it very much.

Dr. Qiao explained to me while cutting, and also taught my uncle that the hemorrhoids on the back of the buttocks were so big that I didn't know to see a doctor earlier.After speaking, a large piece of meat was pulled out.Uncle collapsed on the shelf like a dead body, couldn't bear it anymore, and shouted, "Are you two enough?! Do you have any awareness of family members and doctors?"

The two looked up at him together, lowered their heads and continued chatting,

Dr. Qiao continued to cut: "Generally, people with hemorrhoids are more angry. I think you have a calmer temper, so it is not easy to get this disease."

I nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I'm relatively calm. Are gay men really prone to hemorrhoids?"

"Oh, no, you gay men should pay attention. I had a patient before, and his boyfriend did three hemorrhoid surgeries. Every time, the anal fissure was very serious. You said it was like that I still have to do it, how cool is the XXOO between you guys?"

After cutting a piece of meat, Dr. Qiao turned his head and asked seriously, "Is it really that good?"

Me: cool, very cool.

Uncle couldn't bear it anymore: "Hey, you all know that I'm only numb and my brain is awake, right? Can you stop talking?"

The operation process was very fast, and it was completed in less than 30 minutes. After an hour, the hospital tended to rush people away. Several nurses kept coming over and asking us if there was anything else we needed help. Don't roll" expression.I had no choice but to take Lawyer Mi, who was bleeding from the lower body, and drove home secretly.On the way, I stopped at a pharmacy to pick up medicine, and bought a lot of adult diapers and sanitary napkins.Attorney Mi exploded when he saw the two big bags I was holding onto the car: "What are you buying these for?!"

"You lie down and don't make trouble. The doctor said that you may not be able to defecate normally for a week, or you may become incontinent. Let me prepare in advance. And you need to use a sanitary napkin to apply to the wound to suck blood"

Lawyer Mi continued to blow his hair: "I don't wear it! I won't wear it to death! The devil wears paper diapers! Take it away! Throw it all away"

I ignored him and continued to drive. The patient who had surgery on his buttocks is basically zero threat now, and I am in charge of what to do when I go home.

Lawyer Mi, who has always been good-tempered, rarely lost his temper. He swears all the way, changing from English to French, and finally to English again, without repeating a single sentence.

I don't know where he got such a big temper, isn't he just suffering from hemorrhoids, making it look like the end of the world.

"Uncle, don't you just have hemorrhoid surgery? I checked the information, and seven out of every ten people get hemorrhoids. What's the big deal?"

Lawyer Mi stared at me with wide eyes: "What did you just say? Say it again? It's no big deal? Huh?"

Well, poke the tiger's ass.

Me: "No, Uncle, listen to me, I just think this operation is very common, you don't need to feel shy and embarrassed. Many people will get it"

He took a deep breath and screamed, "Where am I ashamed? Why are you embarrassed, you are embarrassed! What do you know, you don't understand anything, I'm so annoying to you, I can't communicate with you, I don't You spoke!"

After saying that, he turned his face away, and covered it with his clothes, as if ignoring me, he was childish to death.

I know he feels uncomfortable, hemorrhoids are a difficult thing to talk about, but the doctor who performed the operation was still a woman, and the self-esteem of the machismo Attorney Mi suddenly dropped by [-]%. I get angry.

After returning home, I first went to the doorman and asked him to help carry my uncle into the elevator.The doorman saw him limping with his legs crossed, and asked curiously, "What's wrong? Are you injured?"

Before I could open my mouth, Lawyer Mi, who had a strong self-esteem, said nonsense without changing his face, "I accidentally pulled my ligament while playing football, it's just a small injury."

See how long you can pretend.

With difficulty, he dragged the nearly two-meter-long giant golden retriever into the living room, carefully supported him, and let him lie on the sofa by himself.Went downstairs again to pick up the things in the car.

After the operation, I could only eat liquid food. I boiled a big pot of porridge at night without putting anything in it. Lawyer Mi drank rice soup, and I ate the rice in it, not even pickles.The two drank their dinner casually, rarely did they chat, and the room was very quiet.

After drinking the rice soup, Lawyer Mi shivered and supported the wall, then moved back to the sofa and continued to lie down.Fortunately, the sofa I bought before is big and long enough to be used as a bed.Lawyer Mi, who has limited mobility, is bound to sleep here tonight. After washing the dishes, I took the quilt and pillow from upstairs, made a bed for him, and put the pillow behind his head.

"Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you below today?"

Lawyer Mi waved his hand, "No, you can go to sleep upstairs, I can do it by myself"

Seeing him lying on the sofa with his buttocks protruding stubbornly, he couldn't help laughing out loud. Lawyer Mi's sharp eyes immediately swept over and said sharply, "Don't laugh! I think you're still laughing! Don't laugh!" !"

Covering his mouth and trying to hold back, he quibbled, "No, I didn't laugh...really...hahahahahaha...it can't be done"

His face was flushed, and he yelled, "Asher, don't laugh! Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh!! Get the hell out of here! I don't want to see you! Go!"

He walked to a place one meter away from him and sat down, smiling provocatively, "If you tell me to get out, I will get out? You are beautiful, if you have the ability, you can drive me away?"

Lawyer Mi stretched his arm hard enough, but he didn't touch it for a long time. He lowered his face, turned around on the sofa with difficulty, turned his back to me and stopped talking.

It's over, it's overdone.

Stepping forward, he asked in a low voice, "Uncle? Uncle? Are you really angry?"

Lawyer Mi covered his face and cried, "I have ruined QAQ in my life..."

"Uncle, isn't it just a hand with hemorrhoids...well, I won't talk about it. Come on, stop crying. Oh my god, you're dehydrated from crying again"

I still slept on the sofa that night. Lawyer Mi woke up in the middle of the night and went to the toilet, crying again, unable to hold back and dared not go to the bathroom.I squatted on the ground to change the gauze behind his buttocks, dug out a few blood-red cotton slivers, and stuffed a new one in, just in case, and I also tore open the bag of sanitary napkins and put them on the underwear.Several times a night, neither of the two of them slept well.

The next morning, Attorney Mi made a phone call with trembling hands and continued to ask for leave, and continued to make up nonsense, "Asher is sick, I want to stay at home to take care of him"

I rolled my eyes while listening.

During this period, his boss came to visit the house once, and upon seeing me, he asked, "Hey Asher, have you recovered from your hemorrhoids? Michelle took two weeks off because of your hemorrhoids..."

I:……

There is no one who has good self-esteem and good face.

Two weeks after the hemorrhoid operation, Mr. Mi, who drank liquid food for half a month, reached his ideal weight and lost weight successfully. The thin mermaid line is very obvious, sexy and enchanting.A month later, Lawyer Mi fully recovered, revived with full blood, and began to be alive and kicking again, regaining his nature, eating and drinking.Except for one thing, he never went to the bathroom with his iPad.