like light

up, facing outward.

Hearing footsteps, she turned her head.

"As expected, you are here." There was no emotion in the voice, and the expression was hidden in the darkness.

"Can you come down?" Song Mingxuan panicked and continued to walk forward.

"Don't come here!" Ye Xiaoying was a little excited.

Song Mingxuan stopped immediately, "Okay, I won't move. Can you come down?"

Ye Xiaoying didn't speak, she turned her head and turned her back to Song Mingxuan.

The two stood still.

Song Mingxuan wanted to approach slowly and drag her down, but he was afraid that it would be counterproductive if he disturbed her, so he could only stop where he was.

After a long time, Ye Xiaoying spoke.

"I'm pregnant." In a calm tone.

"Whose...child?" Song Mingxuan stared blankly at her.

Ye Xiaoying said emotionlessly to herself, "21 years old, junior, unmarried, pregnant with a child, but a bastard who doesn't even know who his father is. Song Mingxuan, you know what this means to me ?"

Suddenly, she turned her head and stared at Song Mingxuan, angry and desperate, "If you weren't so heartless that day, there was no room for relaxation, I wouldn't go to the bar to get drunk, and I wouldn't meet that bastard! Song Mingxuan, I hate you You! I want you to live forever in my shadow, the shadow of death!"

Song Mingxuan was shocked, not because of Ye Xiaoying's curse, but because of what happened to her.All of a sudden, various emotions stirred in his heart.Pity, regret, guilt, and disgust and disgust for the filth that this society will never clean up.

Ye Xiaoying slowly stood up from the window sill. "Song Mingxuan, you must always remember the scene where I disappeared."

"The child is mine. I'll help you." Song Mingxuan said as calmly as possible, fearing that it would cause her any emotional shocks and cause her to stumble and fall.Her current position is too dangerous.

Ye Xiaoying looked at him in disbelief. "Why are you?"

"Because of kindness, do you believe it?" At this moment, Song Mingxuan calmed down. "Xiaoying, I know this incident hit you hard. But you didn't do anything wrong. You hurt yourself because of other people's meanness and filth. Do you really think it's worth it? Think about your parents, your Relatives, your friends, all the good things you have had, are you really willing to let go? You are so young, you are about to leave the campus, don't you want to go to the world of flowers and flowers?"

Ye Xiaoying compromised, from the moment Song Mingxuan said "the child is mine", she compromised.

"Okay. You remember what you said today."

……

Two days later, Ye Xiaoying asked Qiao Yuwei to meet at the Mushroom House.

"Yuwei, I'm going to have an operation tomorrow, can you accompany me?" Ye Xiaoying's tone was sincere, and the smile on her face was like a budding lotus.

Qiao Yuwei's first reaction was, "Do I know you that well? What does your surgery have to do with me, why did you let me accompany you?" But she couldn't be so indifferent.When a person tells you that she is sick, you should first express your concern. This is the most basic etiquette.

She looked at her lightly, "What operation?"

Ye Xiaoying's hand naturally landed on her lower abdomen, stroked it twice, and smiled lightly, "There's something here."

Qiao Yu stared fixedly at Ye Xiaoying with her eyes wide open, as if trying to discern the authenticity of these words. After a long while, she lowered her head and made the last struggle, "You...have a child?"

"Yes." Ye Xiaoying was very calm.

Qiao Yuwei really wanted to ask "Whose is it?" After thinking about it, it was too impolite to ask like this, who else could it be besides him?But they broke up for a while, could it be someone else?

"It's Song Mingxuan's child." Ye Xiaoying said calmly after taking a sip of lemonade.

Qiao Yuwei's final fantasy was shattered, and she calmed down instantly, "I have something to do tomorrow, so let your classmates accompany you."

Ye Xiaoying didn't speak, and looked at Qiao Yuwei quietly, which made her upset, and added maliciously, "Our relationship is not that good, is it? I have no obligation to take care of you."

Ye Xiaoying pondered for a few seconds, her tone was soft and sincere, "I don't have any friends in this city, classmates, roommates, just acquaintances. I don't want to mention it to them, after all, it's not decent. Although you and I don't know each other very well, , but you certainly don’t want too many people to know, don’t you? Only you can help me and keep the secret for me.”

Qiao Yuwei understood what she meant, Song Mingxuan, for Song Mingxuan, she would go all out and keep her mouth shut.

On the day of the operation, Song Mingxuan was also there.From the beginning to the end, Qiao Yuwei avoided his gaze and refused to meet his gaze.

Song Mingxuan pretended to be calm and stood leaning against the wall.Suddenly, Ye Xiaoying walked up to him, looked straight at him, smiled brightly, and said in a gentle voice, "Xuan, why don't we give birth to this child, and I can drop out of school for you."

Song Mingxuan's body trembled violently, his pupils dilated instantly, and he stared at the woman in front of him in horror. It was such a pure, clear, and harmless face, but there seemed to be thousands of dark gu poison in this face. Flicking under the skin, flirtatious and evil, it makes one's hair stand on end.

Song Mingxuan turned his head to look at Qiao Yuwei, just in time to meet Qiao Yuwei's complicated eyes, which were full of thousands of emotions, which were extremely chaotic.

Song Mingxuan lowered his head, took a deep breath, and after a few seconds, stared into Ye Xiaoying's eyes again, his expression was as indifferent as ice, and his voice had no warmth, "If you want, I won't stop you. It's just that I will never be responsible to you."

Qiao Yu stared at him in a daze, unable to believe what she heard.All the complexities in the eyes instantly left only one emotion - astonishment. After a long time, it gradually disappeared and turned into disappointment and strangeness...

And Song Mingxuan never glanced at Qiao Yu again.

Ye Xiaoying smiled in satisfaction, that smile flashed past, and then changed into a face full of grievances, "Well, since you don't like it, I have no choice but to send it back."

……

The scene of Ye Xiaoying coming out of the operating room was deeply etched into Qiao Yuwei's memory - her complexion was pale and crumbling, as if a single feather falling at this moment could crush her heavily to the ground.As long as she thinks that this woman's misery is all caused by the boy she was deeply attached to, she feels like thousands of ants are gnawing at her heart.

"I will never be responsible to you", these words are like a mantra, haunting Qiao Yuwei, haunting Qiao Yuwei like a mantra, making her sleepless and restless.She couldn't accept Song Mingxuan like this.For a long time, he has always been a belief-like existence in her heart, and he has gathered all the advantages of boys in him, such as kindness, justice, and sense of responsibility...

However, she could hear clearly that Song Mingxuan was right in saying this.

Out of instinctive pity and even pity for Ye Xiaoying, who is also a woman, she can no longer worship Song Mingxuan, and she can't even face him with a normal, calm, and honest mood.

If she didn't go with her that day, she could pretend that Ye Xiaoying had never appeared and that nothing had happened.But now, it's too late.

The end of the semester is approaching, and the class hours are almost over, so Ye Xiaoying can "recover from illness" with peace of mind.Qiao Yuwei delivered her meals to the dormitory on time three times a day, and took away her changed clothes.Ye Xiaoying thanked her tearfully every time.The information obtained by outsiders was that Ye Xiaoying had just undergone appendix surgery, and Qiao Yuwei was her hair girl and Tieci.And Qiao Yuwei had only one thought: to make everything calm.

☆, farewell

The coming of summer brings all the chaos to an end.However, back in Qingcheng, Qiao Yuwei and Song Mingxuan, who used to eat, read, go to Internet cafes and wish they could sleep together, had no contact during the entire vacation, nearly two months.

Half a month after the start of school, Qiao Yuwei finally couldn't hold back, and dialed the number in the favorites, but it was shut down.She immediately recharged the three-digit phone bill, and called again, but the phone was turned off.

After that, she redialed every half hour, but the phone was still turned off.She became more and more anxious. This scene reminded her of Sister Tang. She had a faint feeling that Song Mingxuan had disappeared, just like Sister Tang.

There is no fixed classroom in the university, she doesn't know where to find Song Mingxuan, or his roommate or his classmates.Suddenly, she remembered something and rushed to the student office of the Environmental Engineering Institute...

Octopus Ball was leaning on the swivel chair, chatting and joking with classmates, when someone broke into the door and attacked him like a whirlwind, he couldn't help standing up.

"Where's Song Mingxuan?" Without any opening remarks, Qiao Yuwei went straight to the point.

Facing the sudden question and the delirious Qiao Yuwei, Octopus was stunned for three seconds. "Oh, that, Brother Xuan signed up to join the army at the end of last semester, and was approved, so he should have enlisted now..."

After that, she couldn't hear what Zhang Yuwan said anymore, only the word "enlisted in the army" kept playing back like a repeater.

"I must be a useful person in the future."A few minutes later, these words echoed in Qiao Yuwei's ears and lingered for a long time.

"By the way, he has something for you. You wait here, and I'll get it for you when I go back to the dormitory." Octopus suddenly remembered.

There is a long distance between the teaching building and his dormitory building. Originally, he could give it to her at his convenience, but looking at Qiao Yuwei who was almost frozen at this time, he was a little at a loss. Maybe Song Mingxuan's "relic" could give her some comfort.

"Take care of my friend." Octopus Ball explained to the surroundings, then looked back at Qiao Yuwei, turned and walked out the door.

He suddenly understood why Song Mingxuan refused to help him chase Qiao Yuwei, and also suddenly understood why Song Mingxuan insisted on leaving University A. The only thing he didn't understand was why the two people who were clearly walking toward each other and kept approaching on the same track turned around before meeting each other went in the opposite direction.

What Song Mingxuan left her was a letterhead.The cover is a sandy field, a beam of sunlight, a green plant, and the shadow cast by the green plant.

On the first page, he wrote a paragraph, flat script official script.

"Yuwei, when you read this letter, I have already left. I don't know how to say goodbye, so I left without saying goodbye. I can't use my mobile phone where I go, and I can't contact you in the future. I'm so powerful, I won't suffer anywhere Yes, don’t read it. By the way, you can’t lose weight anymore, and you will be in danger when you encounter strong winds. Finally, I wish you all the best, health and happiness. See you later.”

Qiao Yuwei read the passage over and over again, and finally her eyes stopped on the word "see you later".

Mushroom House.

Qiao Yu looked at Xia Qinglang indifferently, "You know that, right?"

After two seconds of silence, Xia Qinglang said, "Yuwei, that's what he meant."

Qiao Yu lowered her head slightly, playing with the holes in her jeans. "He never mentioned it, even a little hint. It's not a bad thing, I won't stop him, I just don't understand, why didn't you tell me."

Xia Qinglang didn't know how to answer.

Qiao Yu slightly tore open the plastic wrap of the grapefruit tea and drank half of it. The cold liquid irritated the stomach.

Xia Qinglang deliberated for a long time, and finally asked as unemotionally as possible, "Yuwei, if the person he likes is you, would you leave Xiwen?"

Qiao Yuwei's eyes finally focused, and she looked at him in surprise.The two looked at each other strangely for a few seconds, Qiao Yu lowered his head slightly, "If you understand Jun Nuo's mood when he saw you in Yunwu, you will know my answer."

"What about Xiwen? Do you really like him?"

Qiao Yuwei stopped fingering the holes in the jeans, was stunned for a few seconds, continued with the previous action, and replied, "He is very good, no matter his knowledge or character, he is impeccable. I admire him very much."

"Yuwei, you know what I'm asking." Xia Qinglang looked into her downcast eyes.

Qiao Yu raised her eyes slightly, meeting Xia Qinglang's sharp gaze, "Maybe I don't like him very much, but he is the most suitable. Most importantly," Qiao Yu paused slightly, "If it wasn't for Xiwen, it wouldn't be Others. I have feelings for him, at least."

That being the case, it's better that you don't know, Xia Qinglang thought silently.

However, there are always some things in this world that cannot be explained clearly by theory and cannot be controlled by human beings.

Qiao Yuwei began to hallucinate.In the crowd of people going to and from get out of class, she always heard someone calling her, and turned around following the sound, but there was no familiar face.During the running, she always felt that someone was watching her on the rostrum, and when she turned around to look, it was empty and there was no one.

Her persistence, her rationality, under the chaotic offensive of no trace of illusions and no rules, retreated steadily and broke into an army.

Qiao Yuwei had to re-examine her feelings for Xiwen and Song Mingxuan.

Perhaps, human beings verify their truest intentions through loss.

On the first day of National Day, Xiwen flew back to Songcheng from Beijing.Did not tell Qiao Yuwei.

However, when Qiao Yuwei saw him, she didn't have the surprised expression he had been expecting and imagining all the way, but just smiled faintly, without hugging or kissing.Xiwen is lost.

When going to the hotel to put luggage, Qiao Yuwei did not go into the room with him, but waited for him outside the door.

The two had a simple dinner in Qishiguang.During the whole period, Qiao Yuwei's expression was always calm, revealing a certain alienation.When facing Xiwen, his eyes also seemed to be erratic. Although he looked at him, he did not focus.

She asked him about his life and work in Beijing, but it made people feel that she didn't really care, it was just a polite greeting.

Xiwen's loss cooled down a little, froze, solidified into a wound, then shattered, melted, and diluted into a compromise.

At night, Qiao Yuwei and Xiwen wandered around the dimly lit campus.There was light music playing in the square, the chasing boy whizzed by on his skates, and the girl with long hair and shawl came out of the library holding a few books.

Unknowingly, two people came to the playground.The runway at this time is lively.Runners, walkers, messy distribution.Scenes from the past reappeared, and Qiao Yu shed tears unknowingly.It was originally silent, but because it couldn't be stopped, it bred a runny nose, which alarmed Xiwen.

Xiwen handed over the tissue and patted her on the shoulder.He wanted to hug her very much, but he didn't know if she would still want to.

After a quarter of an hour passed, Qiao Yu calmed down slightly.She stopped and looked seriously at the boy in front of her, "Xiwen, I'm glad you came back to see me. But..." Before she finished speaking, she choked up again and lowered her head.

Xiwen had never seen Qiao Yuwei who was so sad and struggling. He knew that this relationship had come to an end. "Yuwei, I came back from Beijing on purpose, in fact, I wanted to say goodbye to you."

Since you can't speak, let me finish it for you, it will make it easier for you, he thought.

"You still have a year to graduate. This year, I'm not sure I can stick to it. I don't have much confidence in this relationship. I hope you can understand. I came back just to say goodbye to you. After all, breaking up is still a It’s good to say it face to face. If this caused you any harm, I can only say sorry.”

Qiao Yuwei's mood was mixed.There is reluctance, helplessness, sadness, and confusion, but more, it is gratitude.I am grateful for everything Xiwen has done for her, including the final breakup.She wanted to say "thank you", but felt that it was a bit ironic and hurtful to use it at this time.After thinking about it, she only replied with one word, "Okay."

Xiwen sent her downstairs to the dormitory.She asked him, "When are you going back?"

"tomorrow morning."

"So fast?"

"Well, the company still has something to do, so I asked for two days off."

Qiao Yuwei wanted to ask, "Will there be a National Day holiday?", but swallowed it back. "I'll see you off."

"No, I don't like the farewell scene. It's better to be alone." Xiwen smiled.

the next day.

At the ticket rebooking window, the customer service told Xiwen politely, "I'm sorry sir, the ticket to Beijing is sold out today, so I can't rebook for you."

"What about tomorrow?"

"Wait a moment, let me check for you."

Xiwen looked at the date of the ticket in his hand, "06OCT", and sighed softly, "You must not forget Song Mingxuan after all."

"Sorry sir, there will be no more for the next three days." The customer service looked apologetic.

Coming out of the hall, Xiwen opened the exquisite gift box, staring at the pink pearl ring.After a few minutes, I left it in the well-trimmed plants in front of the square, and then got on a taxi to the passenger station...

Everything returned to calm.

It's just that a few people no longer gather for dinner.Occasionally, Qiao Yuwei and Xia Qinglang met in the cafeteria and would eat together, but they didn't mention the past, only talking about studies and news.

Xu Junnuo became a trainee nurse at Songcheng People's Hospital, and rarely came to University A again.

Qiao Yuwei still insisted on running.

Soon, Yu Qingya and Octopus Ball were together.

Occasionally, Qiao Yuwei would see Ye Xiaoying in the crowd. She was still so dazzling, so gorgeous, so charming, so bright and charming, but her eyes no longer had the pride and confidence of the past, but were a little more gloomy and indifferent.

In the regular ringing of bells, in the silent change of seasons, time is getting old day by day.

During the Spring Festival that year, Xu Junnuo did not go home and stayed in the hospital on duty.

Xia Qinglang asked Qiao Yuwei if he wanted to set off fireworks on New Year's Eve.Qiao Yuwei said forget it.At that time, she was standing in the playground beside the White Lake, holding in her hand the rattle that Song Mingxuan had caught for her with a bamboo ring a long time ago.

In "Legend of Tianmang", Zhan Zhao gave Xiaoli a rattle drum. When parting, he told her, as long as you shake the rattle drum, no matter how far away, I will arrive.

Qiao Yu fiddled with the rattle drum that belonged to her slightly, and the oncoming cold wind blew away the crisp and sweet ding-dong sound, and she knew that he couldn't hear it at all.

An hour later, she saw the fireworks display in White Lake Park, and the light of sparks blooming in the sky reflected the liquid flowing on her face.

A voice from a long time ago sounded in my ears, distant and clear, "Let's come here to set off fireworks every year from now on."

She didn't go to Century Square to watch the Spring Festival Gala. The wind there was too strong, and she was too cold by herself.

She went to see Miss Tang before school started.On the altar in front of the tomb, there is a bunch of winter jasmine, which has not withered too much, and it should have been put on it in the past two days.

☆, to stay

After a long time, Ye Xiaoying came to Qiao Yuwei.

The madness of graduation and parting filled the entire July.That night, Qiao Yuwei and her classmates were screaming at each other.Ye Xiaoying's class is also at that KTV.

At three o'clock in the morning, she came to the box to look for her.

A few boys were yelling "Love To Die", deafening.Ye Xiaoying leaned close to Qiao Yuwei's ear and shouted, "I have something to tell you!"

She followed Ye Xiaoying out of See or Leave, and came under a dim street lamp. The hustle and bustle of KTV can be faintly heard behind.

Qiao Yu folded her arms slightly, scraped the ground with her head down, and looked careless.

Neither of them spoke.After a long time, Qiao Yuwei broke the silence, "Tell me, what do you need from me? We don't need to say goodbye to our friendship."

Ye Xiaoying pondered for a few seconds, then smiled, "Actually, that child doesn't belong to Song Mingxuan."

Qiao Yuwei froze the moment she heard these words, and looked up at her in a daze.

"The day I broke up with Song Mingxuan, I went to a bar and was raped, and I had that child. I used Song Mingxuan's kindness to make him bear everything. Originally, he helped me, and I should be grateful to Dade. But I hate him, hate him Maybe you never liked me. Qiao Yuwei, do you know why Song Mingxuan behaved so despicably in the hospital back then? Because he wanted to make you completely give up, completely disappointed, and completely destroy his glorious image in your eyes. Only in this way can you Take the initiative to snub him, stay away from him, and suppress his idea of ​​interfering in your love and life; because he can't take the initiative to snub and stay away from you..."

"I've been thinking for the past year, Qiao Yuwei, what's so good about you, you're not as good as me in terms of background, appearance, talent and learning. Why do you fight with me? Now that time has changed, he has long since disappeared. The three of us I have been entangled and painful for three years, no one can get happiness, it's time to let go..."

After hearing these words, Qiao Yuwei suppressed the turbulent emotions in her heart, and looked at her indifferently, "Ye Xiaoying, have you ever thought that you didn't like him that much at the beginning, you were just not reconciled, and you were not reconciled to him treating that lowly I, who is dusty, care more about you, who is high in the clouds?"

Ye Xiaoying recalled the scene when they met for the first time. In the snack street at the back door, she understood everything from Song Mingxuan's frown, but she couldn't help but want to destroy it, because the sudden appearance of Qiao Yuwei made him almost ignore her existence. .

In fact, that wasn't the first time they met.It's just that she only saw Song Mingxuan during the previous encounters, and she didn't notice Qiao Yuwei behind him at all.

Ye Xiaoying's gaze dimmed a bit, "If you see him, please convey 'I'm sorry' for me." Then she turned around and walked towards the hustle and bustle.

"You have finally been sincere once." Qiao Yuwei whispered to her receding figure.

……

Yu Qingya and Octopus Ball went to Beijing together, a city where prosperity and decadence coexist.

Qiao Yuwei and Xia Qinglang stayed in Songcheng.

They have their own people to wait for, so they can only stop where they are.

In September, University A welcomes another freshman.Qiao Yuwei stood by the fountain, staring at the splashing water in a daze.At this time, I heard a conversation behind me.

"Beauty, can you keep up with me once?"

"I have short legs and can't keep up."

"I'm slow enough. Do you have ant legs?"

Qiao Yu turned her head slightly, and a bloated girl dragged her suitcase and ran in front of the boy who was waiting for her.

"That's right, the legs are not enough, the speed is enough." The boy laughed at the girl's back.

Qiao Yuwei watched the two jumping figures gradually go away, unable to take her eyes off for a long time...

☆, postscript

Wynn's prototype is Yizhong.

No. [-] middle school has acacia trees, a back bamboo garden, a mushroom pavilion, and a circular teaching building.

Yizhong has the most beautiful plastic track and green field in the city (that's what I thought).When it was still a dirt track and natural grass, my roommate and I would go for a walk every day after evening class. There were many people running at night and the dust was flying.After each monthly exam, I would walk round and round along the 400-meter-long runway, from the infinitely beautiful sunset to the cooler moon than autumn water.In my incomplete memory of middle school, the playground of No. [-] Middle School occupies a large area.

I have forgotten the faces of many people in that class, but I remember the appearance of every deskmate.I have changed a lot of deskmates, some are internet worms, some are bookworms, some are good at sports, and some are good at making handicrafts.In middle school, the deskmate was a very important existence, who could be borrowed to watch the sentry, copy homework, and play backgammon.For any tasks that cannot be completed by one person, you must rely on your deskmate.

Among my classmates, I met Meng Lu, Mingxia, Guo Na, Qi Keke, Guo Da, and Octopus Ball.They are simple, extreme, or obsessive, and they are the most individual existence among thousands of equally childish faces.

Qiao Yuwei's character was inspired by one (maybe two, maybe three, I haven't seen the front face clearly, so I'm not sure if it's the same person) alumni in college.At that time, I lived in the same dormitory building with her. It is no exaggeration to say that every time I went upstairs, if she happened to be in front of me and was still standing in the middle of the road, I would not be able to pass on my side.

No matter when and where I meet her, she is always alone, playing with her mobile phone while walking. Jilin's winter is minus [-] degrees outside, and the ice and snow are no exception.Sometimes I really want to lean over to see what is on her phone, or nothing.

In the campus days when I had to take a companion to go to the toilet, she went through seasons after seasons alone.

We are constantly looking for true love, but we are constantly setting and measuring it with various standards, holy and vulgar.

The love I understand is a feeling of seeing each other and being comfortable with each other.

Everyone hopes that others will be devoted to themselves and never give up.

Everyone fantasizes about an unforgettable and unswerving love.

However, reality is reality.

The existence of fictional texts and film and television dramas is probably to "realize" people's fantasies.

At the age after two rounds of birth years, there are sisters around me who are facing the problem of having children and raising children.Several of them had no house or car and were pregnant before marriage.Fortunately, those who stayed in their hometowns had elderly people to take care of them.For those who wander outside, encountering this kind of problem is tantamount to worsening the situation.

No matter how beautiful the love is, in the face of reality, it will flee and be defeated.

There are countless human tragedies, diseases, wars, discrimination, bad habits, natural disasters, and man-made disasters in the social news every day.

Life after joining the WTO is much uglier and crueler than I imagined.

The only reason why I didn't jump into the Huangpu River after losing my job repeatedly is because I see that there are always people in this world who are more miserable than me, and I don't even have the right to complain.

As long as you are alive, you must believe that tomorrow will be better.mutual encouragement.

2017.1.7

Shanghai