lily

But when she returned to school, she avoided me for a long time.Later, she fell in love, and she knew about it through other people's mouths (it turned out that she had overestimated her status in her mind too much).The other party is the grassroots of the class next door, the school grassroots of our school and the second in the whole school.They are like golden boys and girls. Even at this age where puppy love is not allowed, the teacher did not stop them too much, because the grades are there.I don't remember what kind of mood I was in at that time, but I only remember that during that time I stayed up late to read books, stopped talking and laughing, and would secretly cry under the quilt in the middle of the night.I no longer go to the cafeteria to grab a meal, because there will be no shadow of her anymore; nor will I go to the library where we often sit, because I am afraid that I will be nostalgic and cry in disappointment; I take the initiative to ask the teacher to change seats , because I don't want us to embarrass each other; I rarely stay in the dormitory, because then she can lie on the bed and read in peace!In the evening, I went directly to the study room to do my homework, and it was past twelve o'clock when I wrote. In the morning, I went to a sparsely populated place to read in the morning... I frantically filled myself with reading, so that I had no time to think about it.I avoided her as much as I could, just as she avoided me in the first place.I deleted her mobile phone number, deleted her birthday, and deleted what she liked and disliked in my memory.It was so embarrassing to meet her in the classroom, on the playground, in the library, and in the dormitory. I would just pretend to smile and leave quickly, feeling like a deserter.Because looking at her would make my heart hurt, and staying with her would make me suffocate, so I chose to escape.I am so cowardly, so courageless, I don't know what kind of feeling this is.This unfamiliar heartache made me cringe.

We no longer say a word, not even an "oh" or an "um."In the first final exam of the second year of high school, she was still the first in the school, but I, who had never been in the top ten, was now the second.In the praise of the teacher, in the applause of the classmates, in the proud eyes of the parents, I don't have any sense of accomplishment, because only I know how cowardly I am.The other roommates said whether I had been stimulated by something, and it was as if I had changed suddenly, so I smiled lightly.Laughing has nothing to do with being happy, it's just being polite.They said that my grades were good, but I was stupid.I said I was always stupid, but you didn't realize it.

It still snowed this winter, but the person who accompanied her was no longer me.Looking at the vast expanse of whiteness all around, the people playing and playing on the playground... the similar scene, but the things are different.I stepped on the snow numbly, as if the white ground never existed, but it gave me deep chills.Suddenly the back of my head was hit by something. I touched the back of my head and saw the snow residue on my hands. When I looked back, I saw her smiling like a flower looking at me.How familiar, how much I look forward to seeing the smiling face; the person who gave me countless fantasies and always wanted to be close, but why does it hurt when I see it at this moment?I didn't want her to see my cowardice. I pretended to be strong and didn't give her any expression. I turned my head and walked on.

"You used to smash it back? Why are you silent now?" she said loudly to me.It seems that there is a lot of loss.

Lost?Why do you think so?Wasn't it my wishful thinking from the beginning?I mocked silently in my heart.I pretended not to hear and kept going.Suddenly something grabbed my clothes, I looked back, it was her.

"What's the matter?" I held back a trace of joy from my heart, that inexplicable joy, and said expressionlessly.

"Let's build a snowman together! I will make it this year, and we can compete." She looked at me expectantly.

"Sorry, I'm past that naive age. You can ask your boyfriend to accompany you..." Before I finished speaking, her boyfriend came

"Ying, you are here! Don't you like snow? May I build a snowman with you?" A tall and handsome boy said to her with a smile, his eyes were very gentle.

I ripped my clothes from her hands and left.I think she is happy now, that's all right, isn't it?Last year she was protected by me, this year she no longer needs me, isn't all I can do is silently bless her?I said this to myself over and over again... The snow seemed to float into my eyes, like tears.