After saving Bai Yueguang's substitute

【Xu Zhinian's Diary-9】

August 2020, 11, sunny

Mr. Jiang checked the diary today.

He said that I didn't say I loved him in the diary for several days, and forced me to say it all night.

It made my mouth dry.

……

I love Mr. Jiang.

I love Mr. Jiang.

I love Mr. Jiang.

(Important things should be written three times.)

-----

1258

"An ugly daughter-in-law also wants to see her mother-in-law." I said, "Besides, you are not ugly."

Xu Zhinian was a little speechless, and said: "I'm not worried about this, and I'm going to visit the grave. Even if I'm ugly, she can't dislike me."

I asked, "Then what are you worried about?"

Xu Zhinian thought for a long time, and finally said slowly: "If we are like this, will it be...too fast?"

1259

I turned my head to look at him and asked, "Is there?"

Xu Zhinian nodded: "It seems that Mr. Jiang and I have known each other for less than a year, and we have only been together... for more than a month?"

I calculated the time: "Almost."

Xu Zhinian glanced at the driver in front of him, and said in a low voice, "It feels like Mr. Jiang and I have just started dating and will meet our parents soon. I'm not ready yet."

1260

"Didn't you promise to come to pay New Year's greetings to uncle?" I asked him.

Xu Zhinian thought for a while and said, "Uncle wants to see me, so I can't say no."

I said, "Of course you can."

Xu Zhinian froze for a moment: "Huh?"

I firmly said: "No matter who wants to see you, as long as you don't want to, you can refuse. Whether it's my uncle, my uncle or even my dad, if you don't want to, we won't go to see him."

1261

Xu Zhinian hesitated: "But..."

"There are not so many buts." I patted his head and said, "We are lovers and equal to each other. You are not my appendage, and you don't need to do what you don't want to do for me. "

Xu Zhinian wanted to say something else, but I interrupted: "If you don't want to go to the grave now, I can tell the driver to turn around right away."

Xu Zhinian quickly grabbed me and said, "It's not that... I don't want to, it's just a little unexpected. Besides, it's normal to go to the elders to pay New Year's greetings."

I said, "It's fine if you're not unwilling."

Xu Zhinian looked at me and said, "Speaking of which, I also took you to meet your grandma."

I smiled and said, "That's right, so we can barely meet each other's parents."

1262

My mother's cemetery is on a mountain in the suburbs, and it takes more than an hour to drive there.

Xu Zhinian got up early today, and at first he was chatting with me, then he yawned and started leaning on my shoulder to get sleepy.

I gently let him sleep for a while, and he fell asleep as expected.

I didn't wake him up until we reached the destination.

1263

When Xu Zhinian woke up, I picked up a magazine on the car and read it.

This car should also belong to Wei Shisheng, but it is estimated that it is not often driven. The magazines are full of military news from last year.

Xu Zhinian rubbed his eyes and asked me, "Are you here? Where's the driver?"

I put down the magazine and said, "It's early, they got off the car first."

Xu Zhinian was taken aback, looked at the time, and asked me with a bit of complaint: "Why didn't you wake me up when we arrived?"

I said, "Seeing that you were sound asleep, I didn't call you."

Xu Zhinian asked again: "Then... where is uncle?"

I said, "He went up the mountain to visit the grave first."

When Xu Zhinian heard this, he hurriedly pulled me out of the car: "Let's hurry up too, don't make uncle wait too long."

1264

The cemetery was very deserted, except for the people brought by Wei Shisheng, there were no other people in sight.

The temperature in the suburbs is lower than that in the city, Xu Zhinian shrank his neck and leaned against me.

Wei Shisheng stood upright in front of a tombstone with a serious expression.

I walked over with Xu Zhinian, and someone beside me handed me white flowers.

1265

The photo of my mother is inlaid on the tombstone. She is very young and looks only in her 20s. It is the most beautiful and colorful moment in a woman's life.

The photos were picked by my grandfather himself.

In the eyes of him and Wei Shisheng, my mother will always be the arrogant girl who has not grown up before she got married, not the lunatic who was tortured by mental illness after marriage.

Xu Zhinian and I squatted down and put the white flowers in front of the tombstone.

1266

To be honest, I am a little unfamiliar with what my mother looks like in the photo.

I glanced at it without sadness or joy, and Wei Shisheng said next to him: "Every time I go back to the city, I will remember to come here to take a look."

There was no expression on his face, but there was a hint of sadness in his tone.

"When she committed suicide, I was on a mission in another place, and I couldn't come back in time. I didn't even know the news until a long time ago." He said, "If I had known it would be like this, we would tie her up and bring her back to Wei's house. Force her to divorce your father."

1267

My mother's tomb is a single person's tomb. The Jiang family and the Wei family have rarely reached a consensus on this point, and my father does not need to be buried with her.

They were a pair of resentful spouses in life, and they don't have to be in the same room after death to torture each other.

1268

I said to Wei Shisheng in an emotionless tone: "If you have anything to say to my mother, Xu Zhinian and I can give you the space."

Wei Shisheng turned to look at me and shook his head.

His eyes darkened slightly, and he asked me: "She committed suicide because of you, do you really...have no guilt at all?"

"Guilty?" I raised my eyebrows and mocked, "Why should I be guilty? Did I make her go crazy? Did I let her die?"

Wei Shisheng said: "The decisions she made were all for..."

"For me?" I sneered, "But has she ever asked me what I think?"

1269

Xu Zhinian sensed the solemn atmosphere in the air, and carefully tugged on my sleeve.

I closed my eyes and suppressed the rage in my heart.

Wei Shisheng didn't speak for several seconds.

I opened my eyes, looked at him expressionlessly, and said, "Isn't your Wei family all like this, wishful thinking, self-righteous to treat people well, but never caring whether others accept it or not, willing or not..."

Taking a deep breath, no matter how suppressed he was, there was still a sense of malice emerging from the bottom of his heart.

I stared into Wei Shisheng's eyes and said slowly: "...It really makes me sick."

1270

Wei Shisheng had a cold face, his brows were slightly frowned, and his expression looked very ugly.

He didn't make a sound for a long time.

Xu Zhinian was frightened by the way our swords were at war.

He held my hand and shouted softly: "Mr. Jiang..."

I held his hand tightly, my breathing slowly stabilized, and my emotions returned to calm.

Wei Shisheng glanced at Xu Zhinian, thinking of something, and his expression eased a lot.

1271

In front of my mother's grave, Wei Shisheng and I were more or less emotionally affected.

Xu Zhinian, on the other hand, has no blood relationship and is in the fog.

With him standing by, it calmed us down a lot.

Otherwise, Wei Shisheng and I might really continue to quarrel so aggressively.

1272

Wei Shisheng exhaled slowly and said, "I'll go outside to smoke a cigarette."

I am noncommittal.

When he was gone, I took Xu Zhinian to my mother's tombstone.

1273

Xu Zhinian had nothing to say and said, "Your mother must have been a beauty during her lifetime."

"I don't remember," I said, "I've never seen her like this in a picture."

Xu Zhinian said: "Looking carefully, she was very similar to Mr. Jiang when she was young, but Mr. Jiang's facial features were tougher."

I looked at the photo twice more, but I didn't see anything, so I had to say, "Really?"

Xu Zhinian nodded seriously.

I thought about it and said, "After all, they are mother and child, so it's normal to look alike."

1274

I introduced Xu Zhinian to my mother in a simple and calm tone, and said, "This is the person I want to spend my life with."

Xu Zhinian said "ah", and I smiled and patted his head.

Xu Zhinian thought for a while, then politely greeted the photo, and said, "Hello, Auntie, my name is Xu Zhinian. From now on... I will take good care of Mr. Jiang for you."

I couldn't help laughing.

1275

I lowered my eyes, looked at the white flowers in front of the tombstone, and thought casually in my heart.

If you were still alive, there is no way I would bring someone to you.

After all, you won't accept that I like men until you die.

But anyway, even if you can't accept it now, you can't object to it.

And I'm just here to let you know.

1276

Coming down from the mountain, Wei Shisheng asked me, "Do you want to go back to Wei's house for dinner?"

I shook my head: "Forget it."

Wei Shisheng was not too polite, and directly sent someone to take us home.

1277

I have to say that after a day of confrontation with Wei Shisheng, I was really exhausted physically and mentally.

When I got home, I took a shower and lay on the bed with a dull pain in my forehead.

Xu Zhinian was keenly aware of my emotional changes.

He leaned over and gently pressed my temples with his round fingertips to relieve the pain.

1278

I still closed my eyes, but reached out and hugged him into my arms.

He smelled very refreshing, because he had just taken a shower, with a little body wash scent.

Xu Zhi called me in a young voice: "Mr. Jiang?"

I opened my mouth in a low voice and said, "Let me hug you for a while."

Xu Zhinian responded, and obediently did not move.

1279

He said: "If you are too tired, Mr. Jiang can go to bed early."

I said, "I don't want to sleep."

Xu Zhinian asked me: "Why?"

I answered him: "Afraid of dreaming."

As soon as I was stimulated, I would often dream about the day my mother committed suicide.

1280

Xu Zhinian let out an "ah" and said, "Then shall I chat with Mr. Jiang for a while?"

I replied: "Okay."

Xu Zhinian asked: "What does Mr. Jiang want to talk about?"

I thought for a while, then suddenly opened my eyes and said, "Wei Shisheng was right in what he said this afternoon. My mother did commit suicide for me."

1281

Xu Zhinian's body was huddled in my arms, he seemed to be taken aback for a moment, and then slowly said: "That's it."

I lowered my voice and asked him, "Do you want to hear what I have to say?"

"I don't really want to." Xu Zhinian shook his head, but said softly, "But I will always listen to what Mr. Jiang wants to say."

I lowered my head, kissed his hair, and burst out laughing.

1282

"The Wei family has a history of mental illness." I said, "so when my mother went crazy, many people in the Jiang family thought it was an inheritance of the Wei family. The first thing they thought at the time was not how to cure me. Mom, but..."

I paused, Xu Zhinian asked: "What is it?"

I said calmly, "I wonder if I also inherited the Wei family's mental illness."

The author has something to say: Thank you for your support, let’s send red envelopes for comments today~

感谢在2019-12-1121:46:55~2019-12-1322:56:58期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the grenade: 1 Joe from Garfield;

Thanks to the little angel who threw the mines: Xiuming. 2; 35735580, Jiuer, Muji, Jiaweixin, watching Nakolulu play with birds, Xingyue, I exploded! ! ! ! 1;

感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：林蕊29瓶；睡觉的面20瓶；元气少女1、Dr.小饼干、苏槿漪10瓶；estelle6瓶；向远方、今天也是大甜甜5瓶；Yougt、啦！3瓶；葡萄树下你和我2瓶；染宸、墨白、时流、加菲猫的乔、行云、1231瓶；

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!