Jiang Hao

Can't do it.

It is superfluous for two people to do anything for the third person.

Jiang Hao kept looking at me, thinking.

He walked into me suddenly, keeping his eyes on me all the time.Reflexively, I leaned back slightly, but didn't take a step.

Jiang Hao's lips were wet, and he pushed me against the wall behind him.

This kiss was unexpected, but it was reasonable.

I was sober at the moment: he needed me, his heart needed me to stand beside him, and his body needed my comfort.Jiang Hao has been alone this year, and no strong person can hold on for so long.

Jiang Hao was even more emotional than before, with one arm around my neck, the other reaching into my coat and wrapping around my waist.

I should push him away.

Jiang Hao's kiss has the meaning of taking advantage and sustenance. From any angle, I should interrupt at this time.

I put my hand on his waist, and between choices, I hugged him tighter.

I'm not a gentleman, never have been.I'm sorry for Xiao Cai, I also took advantage of Jiang Hao's loneliness, reason is useless, and there is no possibility of rejection at all.

This situation is extremely ironic, Jiang Hao needs me, no matter what the basis of this step is, it is mixed with dirty elements.As for me, I am happy because this person is Jiang Hao. I dare not pretend to be noble and say that I am willing to give up everything for this person. I simply rely on his fragility to get something that I have not been able to get for a long time, that's all.

I turned around and pressed Jiang Hao against the wall, deepening the kiss.

My tongue and his entwined, salty and lustful.I even had the illusion that his desire for this kiss was deeper and longer than mine.

Probably what I long for is him, what he longs for is the kiss itself with countless layers of meaning.

Jiang Hao and my head were together, he gasped and said, "Sun Yikun, you still have time to go now." But he didn't let go of my hand at all.

I had an urge to cry, my fingers ran across his body through the clothes, and I was in pain, "Where the hell do you think I can go?"

"Anywhere is fine, it's best to stay away from me."

I laughed, but my tears kept streaming down my stomach, "Don't talk nonsense to me, if I can do it, I won't be here today." After I finished speaking, I leaned over and bit Jiang Hao's lips.

After being with Xiao Cai, I have more or less met a few 'people in the circle' who have been out of the closet for a long time.

In contrast, I feel like I still have some heterosexual blood in my body.

Xiao Cai and I will have quarrels, but generally speaking, it is stable.He is more accommodating to me, I think, if Xiao Li or Gao Siyan at that time could accommodate me like Xiao Cai, I would also establish a stable relationship with them.

I have no intention of separating from Xiao Cai, which is another extremely ironic thing.

If it was a year ago, or earlier, I would not hesitate to cut off any emotional entanglements around me because of Jiang Hao's approach. Gao Siyan is the best example.

At that time, I unscrupulously hurt everything, those things that were good for me, for Jiang Hao.

Now, I think about protecting myself first.

Jiang Hao in my arms is what I want, Xiao Cai who is good to me is beneficial to me.I don't want to feel bad for myself, the current Jiang Hao touches my heart, but I can't resist my selfishness.

I didn't go home that day, but stayed at Jiang Hao's house all night.

I hid in the toilet, called Cai Xia in a low voice, and canceled the dinner appointment with him. The reason was that a brother was fighting and I had to go and see.Yuan Rui saw me, Lu Zhengyang might know, there's no need to lie to Xiao Cai, I can't even explain to myself what happened behind closed doors.

Xiao Cai complained a bit, but didn't say much.I have been with Xiao Cai for a long time, and I am sure of the minimum trust.

I lay on the sofa with Jiang Hao in my arms. The sofa in his house is wide enough for two people to lie on.

We got dressed and didn't say anything.I don't know what to say, I don't want to talk about the feelings in my heart, it seems to be taking advantage of others' danger, it seems to be threatening, it is more like playing on the spot.Jiang Hao probably didn't think about talking about Yuan Rui now, I guess he is really too tired, so tired that even a little comfort is precious.

The next day, after having lunch with Jiang Hao, I went home.We both fell asleep on the couch the night before and woke up feeling groggy.I stood up and didn't try to kiss him or get close to him, it was like nothing happened between the two of us.

After returning home, my dad tortured me again, about my plans after graduation.

"You've been around for so many years, you must have an idea." Father was a little anxious this time.I can understand that no matter what the plan is, there must be a result at the beginning of the senior year.

"When did you care about my thoughts in all these years?" I contradicted my father, and my squeezed emotions burst out.

It's not that I haven't thought about it. Every time I think about it, I feel deeply that I am unbearable, time and time again, like a vicious circle of self-denial.

"Are you blaming me for your ignorance?"

I was speechless, "When did you miss it? In your eyes, I am probably not as important as one of your doctoral students."

When I went out with anger, I felt an unprecedented emptiness, as if standing next to Jiang Hao, I also became a person, against the whole world.

I miss Xiao Cai, I think Xiao Cai's feminine voice said to me, 'Brother Kun, don't be unhappy. '

Recently, Xiao Cai is preparing for the provincial competition in a few weeks. He has been training very hard every day, and the time we meet has also been reduced accordingly.I called him, and he was taking a nap, and his voice sounded languid and relaxed.

"I want to see you." I said to Xiao Cai, "I want to see you now."

"What's wrong with you, Brother Kun."

"I just want to see you."

"wait a moment…"

After a while, Xiao Cai came back to the phone again, "Come here, my parents seem to have gone to the hospital again, and they probably won't be back before dinner."

I like Xiao Cai's bed, the black and white stripes look very simple.

I like the way Xiao Cai is lying on his bed with his arms around me, as if me and that bed make up his whole world.

I am at a loss, I am hesitant, I have no future, but I am not alone, I have Xiao Cai.

"Brother Kun, I like you so much..." I pressed on Xiao Cai's back and heard him murmur.

Tightening my arms, I felt a surge of warmth in my heart, and it felt so real that it shocked me.I like Jiang Hao, I like it with a sudden heartbeat, the throbbing is too deep for me to bear.I don't know if I like the current warm current, I only know that I don't want to lose such a Xiao Cai.

22

In my heart, I know very well that I don't have the ability to pour out my heart and soul for Jiang Hao.In fact, my life is not much worse than Jiang Hao's.

Anyone with a discerning eye can see his pain, but no one knows about my collapse: I pretended to be indifferent to the future, hated or even spurned those who have far-reaching thinking, and concealed my incompetence in this matter.

I have long since lost the arrogance I had when I was a freshman, and I will never learn the so-called maturity.

On Tuesday, over the weekend, I got a call from my father.

Looking at the caller ID, I was surprised.In principle, my dad seldom calls me during the day, I may have classes, and he doesn't have that much time.

"Let me ask you something." Father said bluntly, "Have you been in contact with Jiang Hao recently?"

I was nervous again and again, "It's okay, let's contact occasionally, your college has returned to the old campus in your junior year, and we haven't seen each other as much as before."

"His counselor came to tell me just now that Jiang Hao missed a lot of classes this semester." The old man hesitated for a moment, then asked me again, "Is there something wrong with him that he can't tell his mother about? "

Yuan Rui called Jiang Hao's mother before, but she didn't know what she said, "Did you contact his mother?"

"No, it's not easy for me to ask, after all, it's someone else's child."

"I don't know, I haven't seen him a few times." In front of my father, I tried to draw a line with everything about Jiang Hao.Love is one thing, life is another sometimes.I wasn't ready to come out with my dad, and any details that might cause unnecessary trouble made me extra sensitive.

"You have time to ask about the situation, it is easier for your peers to speak up."

For the first time in a long time, I was annoyed and tired of having something to do with Jiang Hao.I still remember not long ago when I said the words "pick my heart and lungs", I felt depressed first and pushed me away involuntarily.

Thinking about it, even I am amazed by this amazing change.

Time consumes energy, and energy consumes emotion.

In the afternoon, I called Jiang Hao.Unsurprisingly, he still didn't go to school at home today.

On the phone, I roughly said what the old man conveyed, "You put on some pretense and go to class, don't make things so big that it's hard to deal with in school."

Jiang Hao was silent for a while, and then said, "After your father called you, he should have contacted my mother. My mother called me at noon."

"What did your mother say?" I was sweating for Jiang Hao, Yuan Ruina can be big or small, if she really said something shameful, who would predict Aunt Jiang's reaction.

"Say you have a good class...how else can you say it?"

"..." I couldn't help hesitating, worried that Jiang Hao didn't want to tell me the truth, "...I mean what your mother said about Yuan Rui's phone call."

"My mother didn't mention it."

Some things are difficult to talk about, "Let's do it first, maybe he didn't say anything on the phone." When a second-married mother talks about "sexuality" with her son, this is a topic that is difficult to talk about, let alone explain