nostalgic

"Jiaman, it's my birthday today, can you give me a gift?" Lin Ling shook his hair and lit a cigarette, looking at the young man standing silently beside him.

"Yes." The young man nodded happily.

"Is it okay to buy these shoes and give them to me?" Lin Ling asked Wei Jiaman pointing to a pair of sneakers with a price tag of 619 yuan at the sports goods counter of the shopping mall.

Wei Jiaman took out his student credit card from his pocket without thinking, and went to the cashier to pay the bill.

"Does it hurt?" Lin Ling immediately regretted the words, but it was a pity that he could not take them back.

"No." Wei Jiaman waved his hands repeatedly and shook his head.

Lin Ling felt that this behavior was cruel for a moment.

"Now that we're even, you don't have to feel indebted to me in the future." Lin Ling spoke earnestly, holding the sneakers that the Wei family paid for two six-day salaries.

"Why do you say that?" Wei Jiaman gestured in sign language, and seeing Lin Ling's confused face, he drew a big question mark in the air.

"At the beginning, I decided to sponsor you to go to school, not because of some selfless and great reason, but because I broke into the educational institution out of curiosity, browsed your profile by accident, and thought that this kid looks very special. I decided to turn the few hundred yuan that my mother asked me to use to buy sneakers into your first-year tuition fees, that’s all.” Lin Ling finally made up his mind to tell the original reason for funding Wei Jiaman.

"At that time, my tuition fee for a school year was only equal to a pair of sneakers on your feet?" Wei Jiaman wrote this line on the paper in disbelief.

"Yes." Lin Ling hesitated and gave an affirmative answer.

Wei Jiaman's eyes immediately showed a hurt look.

"Afterwards, I was blamed by my mother for spending the money without authorization. I did do a short and superficial self-psychological rescue. For example, the child is so superior in appearance that he shouldn't be left in poverty. Why don't we save pocket money and raise him to be a boy?" Friends, all kinds of things are used to offset the guilt of disobeying mother, but those are just a momentary thought under the circumstances at that time, and should not be taken seriously." Lin Ling paused.

"So Jiaman, just treat me with a normal heart, don't treat me as someone who has greed for you, then I will feel that my good intentions have been blasphemed, and at the same time don't treat me as a benefactor, then I will have a burden instead.

I can be summed up in three words, that is 'imperfect'.

His looks barely passed the passing mark, his temper was very average, he made friends of all kinds, and his bedmates changed one after another.

You'd think I'm loose about sex after all the gossip you've heard in bars, but I'm actually pretty tight-lipped.

I love to play, but I only play with people who love to play like me.Those people and I are playmates who please each other, and we know each other's intentions clearly, as long as it is now, not forever.

We have no burden to play, you love me, have fun today, break up tomorrow, and have no nostalgia for each other.But the relationship between me and you is completely another matter. "Long Ling's self-analysis.

"What kind of relationship do you think we have?" Wei Jiaman asked Lin Ling with a brush.

"In my heart, you are a pure spiritual territory drawn by me in the distance. Although I was born in this city, I have always been very disgusted with the worldly comparison living atmosphere here, but my mother and thousands of adults People are deeply addicted to it.

If the subsidy behavior back then was investigated, it was actually a deep-seated resistance to my mother. How could the vanity and pleasure of owning a pair of eye-catching sneakers be better than the psychological comfort brought by sponsoring a child to go back to school?

At this point, you should understand that I did this in a fundamental sense just to redeem myself, and you are the carrier for me to convey my confrontational emotions, nothing more. " Lin Lingyu waited quietly for Wei Jiaman's response.

"I understand." Wei Jiaman threw out a few incomplete syllables after a long silence.

Lin Ling suddenly realized at that moment that his ears had already unconsciously got used to this unique voice that was so sharp that it could tear the sky apart.

"You go back to school first, I have something to do." Lin Ling sent Wei Jiaman away in a few words when he saw that his goal had been achieved.

Wei Jiaman put his hands in the pockets of his black coat, and held his student credit card that had been warmed tightly with his fingers. He followed the flow of people coming off work, past traffic lights, shops, and subway stations.

The sky is getting darker, under the dilapidated bridge pillars is a desolate forked intersection where weeds are reborn, there is the sound of wind and insects in my ears, and the noise made by cars and pedestrians has quietly moved away.

After the Wei family realized that they were lost, they panicked and turned around running with great fear. Damp sweat soaked through their heavy clothes, and their canvas shoes slapped the road heavily and feebly.

"Linling, Linling, Linling..." Wei Jiaman ran a step and recited silently.

"The sponsor is a 17-year-old high school female student in Lucheng, named Lin Ling." At the time of despair, the student volunteer brought the news that Wei Jiaman had been selected by Lin Ling.

"Lin Ling, I want to do something for you when I grow up." The Wei family had planted such a wish when they were young.

So in the hard days to come, Lin Ling became the reason for the Wei family to live.

After returning to school, Wei Jiaman often lay down on the creaky single bed at home before going to bed, and carefully described Lin Ling's appearance in his mind.

She must be a delicate and gentle girl who likes to wear long white dresses, walks leisurely and unhurriedly, and speaks softly and softly.

Wei Jiaman often fantasizes about the girl falling from the sky at every moment of need. When the thunder sounds on a rainy night, Wei Jiaman fantasizes about the girl coming to give her a long and warm embrace; When Po broke his arm, Wei Jiaman fantasized about the girl leaning against the hospital bed with distressed eyes full of blame; before the parent meeting, Wei Jiaman fantasized about the girl sitting among a group of middle-aged people and listening carefully to the teacher reading out the best students. When the cross-country long-distance running was exhausted, Wei Jiaman fantasized about the girl waiting anxiously at the finish line.

Lin Ling, a girl who existed in the illusion in the past, accompanied Wei Jiaman through all kinds of hardships and hardships in the process of growing up. When Lucheng Railway Station met Lin Ling for the first time, Wei Jiaman built a dream for Lin Ling in his heart. The image of gentleness collapsed in an instant. Although the woman had long hair, she was straightforward and independent, and her speech and behavior were not constrained by the framework of gender at all. Everything was far from what Wei Jiaman expected.

Working in the bar allowed Wei Jiaman to get to know Lin Ling better. The woman kept smoking and drinking all day long. Get angry, many of my colleagues are respectful and afraid of her, what is worse than these is that woman's unique view of feelings, she is not married or in love with a family, has a bunch of drinking and meat friends, her life style is more westernized, she is completely drunk typical.

Seeing these happenings, Wei Jiaman felt as if a hole had been dug in his heart, empty and painful, and the conversation about the sneakers was like a fatal blow after a serious injury. Wei Jiaman was completely defeated, even for the woman There is a bit of hatred in the insignificant description when talking about funding.

After that, Wei Jiaman often watched Lin Ling's life silently from the perspective of a spectator. In order to restore the impeccable imagination of Lin Ling in his mind, Wei Jiaman tried to find various reasons to excuse Lin Ling's loose lifestyle, but the harder he worked The image of that person was pieced together, and the more he was destroyed, in the end Wei Jiaman could only convince himself to accept that Lin Ling was such a casual person in the first place.

The turning point in the relationship between the two was due to a drunkenness. Lin Ling usually drank alcohol almost every day, but rarely when he was drunk. Lin Ling looked a little depressed that day. Perhaps it was affected by his emotions. After several glasses of wine, he was already drunk. Mud, Wei Jiaman was ordered by the supervisor to send Lin Ling back to the apartment in Lu Jiang's mansion.

That night Lin Ling sat on the floor and tugged at Wei Jiaman's sleeves and talked all night.

Wei Jiaman sat on the sidelines and followed the topic silently to study the sorrows, joys and confusions that Lin Ling experienced in his life. Although those sorrows and troubles were insignificant compared with the ups and downs of Wei Jiaman's life, they were as insignificant as the wind blowing leaves, but the honesty at that moment For Wei Jiaman, it is too precious.

"A senior in college pursued me, and after two months of being together, I learned that his real goal was Tang Yun, and I was the springboard for him to approach Tang Yun.

Later, Tang Yun and I often played a game of testing men. I went to date a boyfriend who had a certain liking, and then created opportunities for Yunyun to participate in our dates frequently. Really, Yunyun only depends on her face, she doesn’t need anything Do whatever you can to make those men change their minds, and Liao secretly hinted to Yunyun that after playing that game a few times, we both lost interest in men almost at the same time. "Lin Ling shook his long hair and smiled desolately.

"Those vulnerable and fragile emotions have caused me to lose any hope for the love given by men.

What is a man?Men are walking sex organs, and the origin of all behaviors is sex. How can such primitive and sinful creatures count on it? Lin Ling let go of Wei Jiaman's sleeves and turned around to face the white wall.

When the sky was turning white, Lin Ling inevitably mentioned Wei Jiaman and the first meeting between the two.

"Seeing that Jiaman was a girl, I was disappointed by nature at first, and then I was a little thankful that Jiaman was not those stinky men, but after thinking about it later, Jiaman, as a girl, went through those things, and my heart ached even more. "Lin Ling sighed softly after being silent for a few seconds.

"You know? The first time I heard Jiaman's voice, I almost laughed! Because it's so funny! It's so funny! Jiaman told me to try to practice speaking, and I wanted to persuade Jiaman not to speak. , don't open your mouth, you will be laughed at, but I can't bear to say it." Lin Ling was talking in a rambling manner, and Wei Jiaman saw the tears quietly falling from Lin Ling's eyes in the next moment.

"Are these tears shed for me?" Wei Jiaman's eyes followed the line of tears as they swam across Lin Ling's cheeks with make-up.

Wei Jiaman finally stitched up the image of Lin Ling in his childhood fantasy in the tears, but she was no longer delicate and gentle, but a real mottled appearance.