I've been washing my hands for many years

I... am an Onmyoji.

The Kamo family is the most famous onmyoji family in Heian-kyo, and as the heir of the Kamo family, I should become the best onmyoji.In fact, I did the same thing. The elders of the clan taught me Yin-Yang Art and Astronomical Dao, and I quickly grew into what the He Mao family hoped for.

Obviously that's right, all the people in the clan praised me for being able to lead the He Mao family to a higher level in the future.But why did my father never praise me?

My father is the patriarch of the Kamo family, but he and I are almost the opposite. If I am a qualified heir of the Kamo family who was born with the expectations of the people on my back, then my father is a completely irresponsible patriarch.

As far as I can remember, most of my childhood memories are quarrels between my father and the elders.The elders believed that Heian-kyo would be safe only by getting rid of all the monsters, but the father actually went to the monster's territory to drink with the slippery ghosts.The elders believed that marriage with nobles was necessary to ensure the prosperity of the family, so there was me.But the father fell in love with the woman who came from Tang country alone.

Although the original memory is far away, it is unforgettable for me, especially that afternoon.

On that day, I should have just completed the task assigned to me by the clan, and I planned to go to the elders to report the situation.

"You are Zhong Xing?" The person on the wall looked down at me, and after confirming my identity, he suddenly smiled, "Yes, you are my child, I hugged you the day you were born."

Although not anymore.

I don't even know how to describe this irresponsible father who escaped his responsibilities by leaving his children to be raised by elders.I have never given the child the concept of a father, but it is so natural when facing me.

So I said to the patriarch: "Yes, I am your eldest son, He Mao Zhongxing."

I originally planned to leave after finishing speaking. The elder has arranged too many things for me. As a qualified young master, there must be no mistakes in those things.

"Do you want to go out with me?" My father sat on the wall and held out his hand to me.

I froze for a moment: "I still have tasks in the clan."

My father put on a boring expression: "I can never finish things. If you don't learn to relax yourself, you will be exhausted to death sooner or later."

As he spoke, he jumped off the wall, grabbed my collar and climbed over the wall.

I... couldn't resist.

This is unreasonable!He is obviously an onmyoji, why is he so powerful!

Probably in order to prevent people from seeing the disgraceful behavior of the young master of the Kamo family, I also ran when the guards came after me.

That person actually used magic tricks!Is this how yin and yang are used?As an onmyoji, shouldn't you save your spiritual power and use it to duel with monsters at critical moments?

As if seeing that I wasn't running fast enough, my father carried me on his shoulders and started running.I stumbled all the way until I stopped and my mind was dizzy.

He took me to a river.

I know this river. I heard that there are kappa harassing the residents recently, so people generally don't approach this river.

"Ayun, look here, I'm coming!" Father shouted towards the river bank.

Because of her father's voice, the woman on the bank of the river turned around slowly, and smiled when she saw us.

My father took me and ran all the way to the river bank: "Ayun, this is my son Zhongxing."

For a moment, I didn't know what to call the one in front of me, because I knew the relationship between her and my father, because my mother returned to her natal family after giving birth to me, and I never saw my mother.

Although my father's love and mother's love didn't have any desires, it was indeed a bit awkward for me to get along with her at first.

"Faithful? Your father mentioned you to me. It's a pleasure to meet you. Just call me Ayun." The woman said.

Although I was skeptical about the first half of the sentence, I was relieved to have solved the title problem in this way.

Father, he is a strange man.No man would keep talking about his embarrassing things in front of the woman he admired, although Ayun was very happy to hear it.I suddenly understood why the two of them were together, because Ayun was also a weird person, and I saw him feeding the Kappa when I just came here.

She also explained to me: "These children are very poor. They can't even find food in the dry season, so I will send them something to eat every day. But one day I came late, and the villagers here saw them, and then there was left a message."

I don't know how to evaluate this matter, although it is out of kindness, but when she leaves, the situation of Kappa will only be worse, and because she has attracted villagers who hate monsters.

Ayun and his father, in my opinion, are both ignorant of the world, maybe they have never seen the dark side, or maybe they have seen the dark side and want to escape, they are like children who have not grown up.Although, there is always a kind of unspeakable joy in my heart when I am with them.

After the first time, there will be a second and third time. Sometimes it is on the way back from my mission, and sometimes it will be late at night when I should be going to bed.My father always found a way to find me, and then took me out to find Ayun.

It is said that Ayun is a magician from the Tang Dynasty, and neither of them is safe and secure, so the place where they meet each time is different.Sometimes I go to the snow mountain where the snow girl wanders, and sometimes I go to a small village with a dilapidated shrine.

At that time, I didn't know why, but I agreed to every invitation.Until one day, the maid came into my room in the middle of the night and found that I was not there.

The elders were furious. Although they couldn't punish the father who had the status of patriarch, they completely separated me from him.My homework became more and more, and I occasionally ran into my father who planned to go out at home, and I could only say hello to him under the surveillance of my tribe, and then left.

The days when I was with them were like a dream, although occasionally I still smile unconsciously when I recall them.I thought this would be the end of it, that I would be the next patriarch, and that my father would always be negligent.

I'm getting married, and the other party is the noble daughter of Heianjing.I'm fine with that, because that's how I got here?At that time, I even took my father as a negative example, determined to raise my child well when he was born.But the change came too fast. My father came to see me the day before I got married.

Because he seemed to be drinking, his speech was a little slurred.

Words like "not a good father", "throwing the responsibility on you", "let me be self-willed again".I thought he had a conscience after he was drunk and wanted to apologize to me, the child he neglected.Until the news that the patriarch ran away from home came on my wedding banquet.

There was a thump in my heart, followed by relief, as if I knew it was going to happen.

For him, He Mao's family has always been restrained, and now he is free from restraint.In one day when I was with them, I once heard him say: "It would be great if I went to Tang country with Ayun."

So I took the people who were going to chase them.

"Aren't you dissatisfied with him a long time ago? Now I am also qualified to take over as the patriarch?" I convinced the clansmen like this. In their view, I was a dissatisfied and incompetent father, and now I finally found a chance to replace him.

I don't pay much attention to other people's opinions, and I'm not a child who expects father's love.This kind of expectation was gone when I was very young, and my only expectation now is to become a qualified He Mao Patriarch.

Of course, so do my kids.

One year after I got married, I had my own child. Like my father, I don't have love for my wife, but I have expectations for my child.

It's a pity that Baoxian is considered to have good qualifications among ordinary people, but he is still a bit short of becoming the head of the He Mao Patriarch.

Onmyojis value talent more than anything else. For example, my irresponsible father was still the head of the family until he left, because of his unmatched talent.

I barely inherited my father's talent, but my children did not inherit mine.He was destined not to go far, and I was actually a little happy when I learned that.Perhaps if this is the case, the child can have a normal life.

It would be okay if it was like this, but that child walked into my story.

That is the child of my father and Ah Yun, my younger brother.He inherited or he surpassed his father, surpassed everyone I have ever met.The moment I saw him, the words that the elders said to me when I was young rang in my ears again.

I am determined to train this child to become the most powerful onmyoji. I know that if it is him, he will be able to do it.I have high hopes for him, perhaps for the sake of the family, or perhaps for the protection of the constitution, but the most likely thing is that I am not reconciled.

I am not reconciled to my life being completely denied by my father, and I am not reconciled that the He Mao family that I lead cannot reach the end of power.

I used to think that child was a gift from God to make up for my regrets, but later I realized that it was God's punishment, punishing my greed.

The protection of the constitution has implicated him, but I have no time to take into account his status in the clan, and even acquiesced to his gradual marginalization.

I'm running out of time, I have to find another heir for myself.Then I took in two more apprentices, but I couldn't let go of that child, so I asked Bao Xianchang to take his junior disciple to see the child.

If I can guarantee that the days will pass like this, I will not have a bad conscience.But later, between him and the family, I can only choose the family.

He left me.

Later my disciple also left me.

The life that has been hanging by medicine and spells has come to an end, and only my son Baoxian is left by my side.

He clearly wanted him to have a normal life, but the He Mao family still weighed on him.

"Father, you still look at me occasionally." Baoxian leaned against my bed, his eyes blushing.

How could I not pay attention to him?He is my child!

Forget it, let me be selfish in the end.

I said to Baoxian: "Go and bring him back, just say that I am going to die, and I want to see him for the last time."

Bao Xian was the most obedient child, and he brought that child here not long after.

I'm so exhausted that I can't even raise my hand to touch his cheek.Haven't seen him in years, he's grown up a lot, but he's not like anyone else.

Not like my father, not like Ah Yun, especially not like me.

Everything I held on to, I finally let go of them.

In the end I said to the child: "Help me, even if it's only for constitutional protection, help me watch him."