[Titanic] Surprise in the bubble

"Xion, can I take a shower?" He asked me, and then pointed to the sheets: "It wasn't changed yesterday, it's so dirty! There's still phlegm that I missed by the pillow, did you actually just sleep on it all night? "

Because I moved him into the inner position yesterday, those dirty places were all under my body.When he said it today, I remembered it again, "Well... and said, isn't it all yours?"

Jack gave a smirk, not at all the embarrassment of yesterday, but as if he had succeeded, "Don't you like it?"

"..." I deliberately exaggerated my face, curled the corners of my lips, and replied with a reluctant sigh, "I like it—I really like it to death."

He sat on the bed and giggled loudly, then lay on my lap with a crooked body, and was hugged by me to prevent him from accidentally falling.

Jack straightened his arm and touched my forehead, then nose, cheek, and when it reached my lips, I bit his dishonest finger, wrapped my teeth around my lips, and gnawed gently Down, then bowed down and kissed him.

I didn't let him go until he was out of breath, "Is this what homosexuality is like?" Jack asked me suddenly, "You are so kind to me, Sean. I don't think this kind of love is bad at all, really. Yes. He's wonderful! I've never loved anyone so much..."

"Now you have it, Jack. I gave it to you, I made you happy, didn't I?"

"Well..." He said hesitantly, and then looked at me, "Can we really not be together? Your family...?" His eyes were full of sadness, such a clear lake Green always makes me soft-hearted and blame myself, "No," I struggled to make up a lie, "as long as you take good care of your body, the rest doesn't matter - you must have the ability to bear the suffering with me, right? "

But Jack is always like this, he has a small heart, but he is also understanding.I know he is sad, otherwise he wouldn't ask me like this, he is not such a person.

So I can't tell him the truth, I would rather make up a beautiful dream for him, give him a beautiful thought, and hold such a vision to obtain short-term happiness, even if I know, he knows that I am lying.

I don't know if he will die tomorrow, but I know—I will.

So... sorry, Jack.But I'd rather have you believe that we're going to get to America together and have a happy future after I'm dead, I have to give you a reason to lie to yourself so that you stay the same.

What I want you to remember is that I would rather exchange my death for 'beautiful' than exchange truth for 'cruelty'.I really don't want you to become a resentful and bewildered member of this devastated world.

At least, it cannot be me that causes you to change.

"I believe in you." He stared at me suddenly, and said sincerely, "I love you, Sean. So I believe in you."

Suddenly, before I had time to react, the heart that had already been suppressed by my guilt already made me shed tears, and it fell on Jack's face with a 'click'.

He looked at me in surprise, and his lake-green eyes couldn't hide it, full of sadness and sadness. ——Sure enough, he knew I was lying to him.

But I have to let the lies go on, and we have to keep lying to ourselves and to each other like this.So I hugged him immediately, and said in a low voice: "Thank you, Jack, I will not let you down." Love you, Jack."

I love you, really.In this world, at this time, at such a time of despair, I fell in love with you, the one who must part from me.

I think I must be a fool, because I know that we have no future, but I still let my heart keep and keep remembering your eyes, your face, your emotions and that kind and transparent heart.

This is probably my punishment to myself, to punish myself for lying to such a you, I must use the pain of living in the future to commemorate the sadness of being separated from you.

"I love you, Jack...I love you."

I think I probably misunderstood it before, because I feel that only now, the one who has allowed things to develop to this point, is truly hopeless.Because there is no hope.