Kuai Chuan Zhi Won't Love You Again

On Sunday, it was cloudy and rainy.A crack was torn open in the sky, and endless rain fell, beating on the windows under the agitation of the wind.Pa la pa la, short and rapid, like a note of death.

Su Nianyao stood on the balcony looking at the rain outside. Amidst the rain curtain, a black car slowly drove in, and then the door was opened, and a man in a suit and leather shoes stepped out of the car, holding a large pure black umbrella, still more than ten styles The one I used years ago looks dull and depressing.

She turned around, went to the room to get an umbrella, put on the black coat she didn't usually wear, and the moment she walked down the stairs and opened the door, she had a face-to-face meeting with the man who came in.

The man shook off the water droplets on the umbrella, and the smell of cigarettes on his body exuded a decaying breath under the immersion of the rain.He frowned, and had no intention of giving way to the other party.

"It's hard to go home once, where do you want to go now?" The man's resolute face was full of dissatisfaction, and now it turned into inexplicable irritability, "Go upstairs quickly, you will make trouble for me every day."

Su Nianyao didn't move, she took two steps forward, the expression on her face was still gloomy, like this oppressive rainy day, there is always a lingering coldness.

"I'm talking to you, do you understand the rules? I'm your father! Will you die if you open your mouth to say something? Will you die?!"

The opposite of growling is calm, calm eyes, and an unaffected calm demeanor.Su Nianyao frowned slightly, and then quickly relaxed it. The whole process was very natural - this scene has been played out countless times, and she no longer has the energy to recall.

It was still raining outside, and suddenly a flash of lightning flashed, accompanied by the roaring thunderstorm, Su Nianyao raised her eyelids, and said in a voice like cold rain, "I'm going to see my mother."

She hasn't mentioned this word for a long time, and now when she pronounces it, she feels in a trance.

"I'm going to see my mother." She repeated, and suddenly pushed away the man blocking the door, allowing the umbrella in his hand to fall to the ground, while he staggered, exposing his whole body to the torrential rain in summer.

"Your mother, your mother, your mother is crazy, do you know that your mother is crazy?" The man explained helplessly, he didn't know how to convince the second lunatic in the family.

"I know, you're driving her crazy, you're driving her crazy." Su Nianyao opened her umbrella and smiled like a child. The stiff and indifferent smile destroyed all the psychological construction that the man had just built. Woman, you drove my mother crazy, and all her misfortunes are caused by you."

Su Zhaoyan, you are a sinner.

The man finally read from her eyes the truth he had been unwilling to know for many years: he was a sinner.

Her daughter, wearing a black robe, shuttles through the rain like a ghost, and her sandals move in the stagnant water, making a "crash clatter" sound, the rain is cold, and her eyes are also cold, "Damn, this world is crazy !" He cursed with a hideous face, and the rain poured into his throat, like poison. It flowed into his throat inch by inch, cruel and terrifying.

Su Nianyao is like a puppet with no expression, with the hysterical roar of the man named father behind her, and the endless rain in front of her, stepping on the splash of water, she walked out of the place that was regarded as a prison all her life.

My dear mother, you see, I still love you the most, can you, don't forget me again.

*****

Nanshan Hospital.

Every time people mention Nanshan Hospital, their expressions are more or less subtle.Behind the mountain is the cemetery that has not been moved, but there are many idle villas around, and the atmosphere of the whole area is gloomy.Nanshan Hospital, whose full name is Nanshan Psychiatric Hospital, is located here.All kinds of mental patients are locked up here. It is the most expensive hospital in the city, and it is also the busiest cemetery.A once-beautiful lady, an all-powerful high-ranking official, or the real instigator of a serial murder—and also a mental patient, met in this hospital, and then they were indifferent, but got along day and night.Su Nianyao's mother has been in this hospital for nearly nine years, and the number of times Su Nianyao has visited her can be counted on one hand.

When I took a taxi to the hospital, the rain was much lighter, but there were fewer and fewer pedestrians on the road. When I got to the hospital gate, only Su Nianyao was left alone.When I was young, I read a poem by Chen Ziang, in which he wrote, "When I think of the world, I am sad and tearful." She never understood why he had such a loneliness that has never been seen before or since. , until now, standing alone in an unknown direction with an umbrella, the rain splashed on the trousers, and the woods cried lonely in the wind, as if at that moment, I felt the unforgettable loneliness.

Su Nianyao went to register at the guard, and wandered through the empty hospital along the route in memory. Every time she walked through a ward, she could hear different voices, laughter, noise, restlessness, and violence, like a dynamic color map. Every detail is permeated with careless absurdity.

503.

The door was ajar, and the woman was sitting on the bed, holding a doll in her hand.Her hair is messy, her skin is flabby, her eyes are cloudy, and she only has a little energy when talking to dolls.

"Zhaoyan Zhaoyan, what shall we have for dinner tonight? How about eating your favorite fried rice with eggs? I know you like it the most!" Holding the doll, the woman shouted excitedly, "How about eating fried rice with eggs today?" Good? Good or bad!"

Su Nianyao closed the door, and the sound of closing the door awakened the woman who was still dreaming. She turned her head, looked at the stranger in front of her, and stepped back defensively, "Are you... who are you? I don't even know you..."

"I'm Su Nianyao, do you remember the name you gave me?" Su Nianyao pointed at herself, walked into her slowly, and stretched out her hand to touch her.The woman was frightened, jumped out of the bed, ran barefoot on the cold floor, then hid behind the white curtain, looked at her cautiously, and muttered to herself, "Zhaoyan Zhaoyan is so strange..."

"You only remember Su Zhaoyan, don't you remember me?" Su Nianyao chuckled, her smile unpredictable, "Have you forgotten who I am? I am your child, and you took my name yourself..."

She was seven years old that year, and Zhao Xiaowan took her by the hand and crossed the road, her ponytail flicking casually behind her head, she asked herself why she was called "Su Nianyao".Zhao Xiaowan scratched her nose and said, "Because Yaoyao is the person my mother loves the most, so I want to give you the most beautiful things in the world. 'Yao' means beautiful." She jumped up happily and pulled The mother's hand kept saying "Yaoyao loves her mother the most, she loves her mother the most!"

But a woman's love is too fragile. When she sees her husband being sweet with other women, those vowed promises become worthless.She still loves Su Zhaoyan the most, and her daughter can be ranked second, or even an unimportant position.Seven-year-old Su Nianyao, holding the balloon she just bought in her left hand, has nothing on her right hand.A woman quarrels with a man on the street, the man pushes her down, she cries helplessly, the other woman walks away with high heels, like a farce, she is only seven years old and forced to appreciate and calm down.She was carried away by a strange man, his rough hands stroked her hair, and then the man led him away from the crowd quickly.

No one noticed that the little girl named Su Nianyao was lost, her father was opposite, her mother was crying, and she was the one who was forgotten.

"Mom, do you remember?" Su Nianyao knelt down, looked at her and said, "Do you remember me?"

"Don't snatch my Zhaoyan!" The woman glared at her bitterly, pushing her with her hand as she spoke, "You vixen, shameless vixen!"

"And you, you are not a good thing either! You are all bad guys, bad guys!" The woman looked at the doll in her hand and threw it out forcefully, cursing incessantly, "The bad guys are all going to die, all are going to die! "

"You go to die too, you go to die too!" The woman ran over and poked her shoulder, "You go to die too, you go to die too, haha!"

Su Nianyao, who fell on the ground, looked at her quietly, then picked up the doll that fell by her feet, "Yes, we should all die," she said.

"If you don't love me, why did you give birth to me, why did you tell me that you love me?"

"Why do you give me all your hopes, then don't feel sorry for me at all, and destroy them all?"

"What's so good about that man, he betrayed you, he doesn't love you, but you are crazy about him, your daughter is standing here, but you treat her like an enemy."

"Tell me, are you my mother? Tell me, are you fair to me? Tell me why, why? Tell me why?"

Why, when I decided to face you, you chose to escape; why, the person who loves you the most stands in front of you, but you are so indifferent; why, why, for the so-called love, you can give up self-esteem, life and sobriety?

When the doll was broken, the nails were like knives, tearing the old doll apart. The woman rushed up and pulled her hair, half mad, but the other half responded with a smile.

"Do you want me to die? Do you want me to help you kill Su Zhaoyan, kill that woman, and all the people who have sorry for you? That way you will be happy, right?"

Su Nianyao smiled so freely that when the doctor came in, her laughter didn't stop.

"Miss Su," the male doctor who broke in showed his qualification certificate, "please calm down now. Your mother is mentally ill, you can't stimulate her, it will have serious consequences. You are here today, your Does the family know?"

Su Nianyao raised her head, blinked her dry eyes, and threw the rag in her hand on the ground.She looked at him, like an ocean thousands of meters away, surging but blurry, "...Yes, she is crazy, I forgot she was crazy."

"I forgot that you are a lunatic." She turned her head, expressionless, "I probably won't come here again."

The doctors and nurses made way for her, and she squatted down to pick up the umbrella that had fallen on the ground. Viscous liquid flowed from the palms and fingers and landed on the umbrella surface, silent and without sound.

The storm had passed at this time, only light rain pattered.Maybe it won't be long before the weather clears up.The rain washed the black umbrella, blood dripped down the umbrella, she didn't look back, just kept walking.

I forgot where I went, I just remembered that when the sun came out, it lit up the cemetery all over the mountains and plains.She lets go, the umbrella is covered with mud, and she sits in the mud smoking a cigarette.Rainwater slowly flows down the broken hair on the forehead, tobacco pulls people from numbness into another abyss, swallowing and spitting, decisive, as long as you ignore her trembling hand holding the cigarette, everything is very normal.

The other side of the cemetery.

"Master, do you want to go over and say hello?" The young man bowed his waist slightly, respectfully.

"No need," the boy looked at the girl smoking not far away and subconsciously said, and he recovered after finishing speaking, "Don't tell father about today's matter, only talk about talking with grandpa at the Nanshan cemetery, do you understand? "

"Yes, I understand." The young man nodded, "Shall I see you off now?"

Chen Lisheng went down the mountain with the help of the driver, and saw many tombstones on the way.He thought about his grandfather's life in the army, and now that he has so many companions, he won't be lonely after all.

He also thought of Su Nianyao, the posture of her sitting on the ground smoking a cigarette has a different kind of beauty, maybe because of this specialness, she can only drift away from the world of ordinary people.At that moment, he suddenly wanted to comfort her. Through her indifferent expression, he felt the turmoil in the girl's heart that could not be calmed down. However, he could only stop, stand in a different angle, and respect her with the same indifferent attitude.

When the weather is fine, people will forget the baptism of the torrential rain that they just experienced.But Chen Lisheng thought of a song. The lyrics said that she would not shed tears, but she had beautiful eyes.

She won't cry, but she has beautiful eyes

Every time she's sad, the sky will rain for her

She won't cry, but she has a pair of lonely eyes

Every time it rains, it is her silent

It couldn't be more appropriate to describe it like this.

The author has something to say:

I am still busy with the exam recently, so I will write a little bit if I have time, and it will be a little slow.Well, a blackened girl should be acceptable, right?