Kuai Chuan Zhi Won't Love You Again

I suspect that when the director of the orphanage named me, he had already expected that I would be a person who would forget the pain when the scars healed.So my name is Su Nianen, and it sounds like I have a little philosophy and a little rhythm, but unfortunately my life has not changed because of a name.I'm still an orphan, and I'm still poor, even though I told myself that knowledge can change my destiny——it was only later that I discovered that the real destiny is determined on the day I was born.

I don't know what warmth feels like.Crowds scare me, and the scrutiny of others often makes me uncomfortable.I always think, if Su Nianen was not Su Nianen, if she was born to live in a big house, if she also had parents, mother, sister and brother, would Su Nianen's life be completely different.

I hate this kind of myself, and I hate this kind of life even more.Endless struggle and hesitation, self-abased and weak for no reason.How much I hope that I can get the warmth of a person, and I am also qualified to dedicate my life to the light without reservation like a moth.I have seen many couples in this world. Some of them love and care for each other, and some of them have their own secrets and betray each other. There are too many people who talk sweetly at first, but hide their faces when they part.I'm just a bystander.At first, there was real sadness and jealousy in my heart, but I got used to it later.Used to standing out of everyone's sight and laughing at their love.

I didn't expect that one day I would meet someone too.When we met for the first time, I had no expectations for her, and my relationship was just blank.I never thought that I would fall in love with someone.Sometimes I feel that this word is really ridiculous.But every time I think about it, I want to cry for no reason.I used to think that the world was just an empty city, everyone came and went in a hurry, and looked indifferent. Then I met a person, only to find that the world is not gray and white, but colorful. There are too many people in this world, who have been injured like me, and can be flat and calm. life.I don't know whether the dean wants me to be grateful to God or to this society, but I finally do what she wants, and I am willing to believe that God has left me with a little hope, and my surroundings are my real existence. world.What I see, hear, touch, and feel are all because of one person. The spring is warm and the flowers are blooming.

Loving someone requires patience.Even though she doesn't love me, she still doesn't want to give up.Staying up late at night, I have an unspeakable fantasy in my heart, whether one day, she will find out that I am good.In fact, I am so sure that no one in the world can treat her better than I do.Even those people may be richer than me, and may make her feel safer, even if they have unique advantages.But who can love her more than me.My love is so crazy, I am willing to give her youth, hard work and everything, my love is also very calm, knowing that she doesn't love me, I just let out a long sigh and smiled.

In fact, you don't know what a good girl she is.She can cook, holding a spoon in her hand, slowly stirring the millet porridge in the pot, looking gentle and elegant; she can also sit in front of the computer, sing and talk to those people on the other end of the network, and sometimes she doesn't even care about going to the toilet superior.She lived very hard and worked hard.Although she always said that she wanted to be a rich person, and she wanted to live a life where she opened her mouth and stretched out her hands, but she never accepted the pursuit of those strange men.She has a bad temper, and what she said makes people sad. Sometimes I am very angry and don't want to talk to her, but I always think of her sitting in the shadows, smoking alone, which is really sad.Some things and some people, if you don’t meet them, you will always feel far away, but if you have experienced them, you will know that poverty and loneliness are like drugs, once you are infected, you can never quit.

For the first time, I wanted to grow old together with someone, without thinking about gender, and not caring about other people's eyes.Learn to be brave for the first time, because I know that she doesn't like yes people.Also for the first time, indulge yourself and let yourself become soft and tough.Just because of one person, but I got more than that.

Will there be forever between us?Until old age, death, buried in the soil.I don't believe in an afterlife, and neither does she.So I love Perseverance, and she never promises to anyone.But I believe that there will be forever.I will love her from the day I love her, like a ray that only needs a starting point but never stops.Although, she and I can only be two parallel lines that never intersect, but I not only have the determination to love her, but also have the courage to watch her live happily ever after.

I'm not afraid.Love makes me brave.

An Li was very drunk that day.

Ning Chenzhou drove to pick her up, but she was already unconscious from drinking.He didn't understand why everyone's first reaction was to drink when encountering such a thing.Zheng Feng is like this, and now An Li is also like this.

An Li's confession was not successful, or it can be said that it was a failure.He was not as calm as he expressed, and later he learned that there is a word called ecstasy.He thought he was the kind of open and aboveboard man, even in the face of feelings.Is this crush?You say, you like someone but she doesn't know, what is it if it's not a secret love?But he began to doubt again, could he like it?

Ning Chenzhou glanced at An Li in his arms.He thought of Su Nian'en again, and when he thought of the complicated eyes she looked at him and the indifferent side face with her eyes closed, he actually felt sorry for her.Sometimes he would inexplicably feel that he was just a bystander of these two people, but in fact he was nothing.No matter how different An Li treats him from before, as soon as Su Nianen appears, those differences will disappear.Maybe Su Nianen treated Zheng Feng the same way.He didn't think it before, he thought that men and women were nothing more than that, but now he understands how precious the ubiquitous subtle induction and tacit understanding that others cannot understand.

The red carpet in An Li's house looked a little funny at this time.Ning Chenzhou supported her, saw her walking crookedly for a few steps, and suddenly hid on the ground and cried.The voice is weak, only intermittent, which makes people feel uncomfortable.

"You said, is she unwilling to forgive me?"

"She just doesn't accept you, you never hurt her, how can she not forgive you?"

"It's not like this... I'm so scared..."

Shen Zhou pulled her up, his voice was ambiguous and low, "What are you afraid of?"

"Afraid of her... afraid that when I hold her... she will suddenly... die... I am afraid that she will die..."

Shen Zhou stared at her.An Li didn't seem to notice anything.She was tired, and telling a secret made her feel relieved.So she closed her eyes, leaned on the man's shoulder and fell asleep peacefully.

forget it.Ning Chenzhou suddenly felt a little tired.He found that no matter what he did, it was just a matter between An Li and Su Nianen.They can choose to love or not, but they never think about it. There is a man named Ning Shenzhou.This is love between two women.Regardless of gender.Probably just because of love itself.

Love really is a disappointing thing.

Su Nianen waited for Zheng Feng to return home drunk.At that time, she was sitting on the floor smoking a cigarette. She hadn't touched a cigarette for a long time. When she first stuffed it into her mouth, she felt like she had put something in her mouth, and her throat was very uncomfortable.

Zheng Feng came home at this time.He threw his bag on the ground and walked in with his leather shoes on. He still looked sober, but after looking carefully, he found that his eyes were actually distracted.

"Are you looking for death or something?" It was Zheng Feng's usual style to say nothing nice.In fact, a long time ago, he was not as gentle as he is now.He is unruly and romantic, with a doctor's morality and a man's playfulness in his heart, and he often speaks without restraint, just like now.

Su Nianen somehow remembered the details of her relationship with him in the past. Rather than saying that this man was tolerant of her, it would be better to say that this is a story of working together but not achieving love.Su Nianen bit the cigarette, leaving teeth marks like a child, she made a flaming expression, "Do you think I am a failure?"

"You've never succeeded before." Zheng Feng gave her a blank look, walked up to her, kicked off the shoes on his feet, and pulled the cigarette out of the other's mouth, "If you want to die, go outside and die at home. ,Ominous."

"Life and death are important matters, but I can't let a mortal like me decide!" Su Nian'en sighed.When Jiang Li died, she wanted to die in the past, but she just couldn't die. Later, she finally had a little hope, but the god of death came again.She has no way of mastering her own destiny, but a poor creature who goes with the flow.Repeated torture, after a long time, she even used up her little pity for herself, and instead had to look at the various expressions around her.She couldn't figure it out by herself, and didn't bother to think about it later.

"Are you with An Li?" Zheng Feng threw her back on the bed, and snuffed out the unfinished cigarette with his fingernails.The question is casual, but the expression is very dignified.

"No, how could it be?" Su Nianen laughed like a fool, "Wouldn't it be too cheap for her to be together now?"

"I'm afraid that she won't be able to stand the stimulation and will leave you and go with another man."

"...If you want to go, I should go first, okay?"

"Where do you want to go?" Zheng Feng asked lazily.

"Go to heaven. I heard heaven is better."

The cigarette in Zheng Feng's hand fell to the ground.

"I'm afraid heaven won't accept you."

"Yes, they dare not take me in."

Zheng Feng hadn't left when Su Nianen was sleeping.There was only one desk lamp turned on in the room, with warm colors, and the moonlight made it look more quiet.Zheng Feng looked at her face, the more he looked at her, the more irritable and fearful he became.Maybe he is the same as An Li, as long as he sees the other party falling silent, he will subconsciously think that she is dying.

Su Nianen's condition is very bad, in addition to physical, there are physical.He saw something all too familiar in her eyes, a dull death and pessimism.He didn't know what happened between her and An Li, but he wanted to keep her.Since Su Nianen can live for one decade, why can't he live for another ten years?Since she can wait until the dead Jiang Li is resurrected, why can't she start a new relationship with her?

Yes, he knew that An Li was just another Jiang Li.But he no longer cares about it, he just hopes that that person can live.

"Zheng Feng, if you come to perform my operation, will you be afraid?" When Zheng Feng stood up and was about to leave, Su Nianen suddenly said.With her back facing him, her voice was very calm, like clear and simple flowing water ding dong ding dong, but it broke the tranquility of the night.

"will not."

"Then my operation, you can do it, okay?"

"……it is good."

Zheng Feng closed the door and beat his head with a splitting headache.A great sadness hit my heart.

He didn't want to tell her to be strong.She has been strong for too long.She has a right to demand and a right to remain silent.But he wanted her to live.He knew that there was no other way but to go to the operating table.

In the face of death, everything is bullshit.It's too hard to survive.