strange love

Tomorrow is the final exam, because I was sick last week, my godmother really came to cook for me every day.Although her attitude towards my mother before made me a little bit unfair, she was really nice to me.Coupled with the fact that my mother has such an attitude, it is even more difficult for me to feel disgusted with her.

It can be seen that the mother's feelings for the godmother are very deep.I even occasionally feel that this depth is a bit unusual.A godmother is actually pretty good to a mother, but generally speaking, she is like a sister or a parent.She will pamper her mother when she is acting like a baby, praise her when she presents treasures, and reprimand her when she does something wrong, and her mother is often worried and happy because of this.

I probably understand one thing: their relationship is not equal.

What created such an unequal relationship?Is it just because of the former teacher-student relationship, or the current subordinate-subordinate relationship?Or is it because of the previous sister-in-law relationship?

I was aroused with great curiosity.

Curiosity is often accompanied by danger and change. I knew this well in the past, so I tried not to ask my mother difficult things.However, both mother and godmother are special existences to me, and I can hardly ignore the relationship between them, after all, it is also related to my future.

Besides, I desperately need something else to divert my attention at the moment.

The godmother is cooking in the kitchen, and my mother is sitting in the living room with me watching TV.She seemed to be in a good mood, and her mind was not on the TV. She turned her head to look at the kitchen from time to time.

"Mom, are you looking forward to dinner so much?" The dishes cooked by the godmother are indeed delicious, but I don't think it's because of this reason.

"Are the dishes your godmother cooks delicious?" Mom answered naturally, her eyes narrowed with a smile.

She's been like this lately.

When I was sick, I guess she was scolded by the godmother, but the next day her mood was already very good, and I don't know if something happened between the two of them.

"Mom, you really like being a godmother." This was my subconscious sigh, and I didn't feel anything wrong when I said it, but my mother panicked for some reason.

"No... I, I don't." Her eyes wandered to the TV, with a guilty conscience.

Suddenly, I felt a little inexplicable feeling in my heart, "Isn't there? The godmother is so nice, and I like her very much."

"Well, it's like this, your godmother is such a nice person, of course my mother likes her very much." This is different from what you just said.

"Well, okay. Mom, I remember you said that the godmother has a daughter? How is her daughter now? She seems to like children very much. Why don't you go find your own daughter now?" Straightforward, for a person with her personality, some things are easy to say, and some things will not be said even if killed.I changed the subject to make indirect remarks, not wanting to push her too hard all at once.

When it comes to this mother, it seems that she suddenly got excited.She glanced vaguely at the kitchen before sitting next to me and lowering her voice, "Jing Jing, this matter is a bit complicated. I'll tell you a little bit, but you must not tell your godmother."

"Tell me, my mouth is very solid." Speaking of it, I rarely experience the pleasure of telling secrets behind my back.In particular, this matter is still related to me, but the person who said it didn't know that I already knew it.

My mother seemed to be a little hesitant at the critical moment, looked at me again, and then said slowly: "Jingjing, in fact, this is the case. Your godmother was pregnant... when the family encountered a huge change. She was about to give birth There were some accidents during that time, and it was almost difficult to give birth at that time.”

My mother spoke vaguely, but I have been able to make up some other events in my brain.

There is a very secret file box in the grandfather's study room. When he was a child, he played hide-and-seek with Lu Youyou in her study room while he was taking a nap, and finally found it.Since then... I have been overwhelmed by secrets since then.

I nodded to show that I understood, and my mother continued: "Her situation was so difficult at that time, and postpartum depression was very serious...Postpartum depression, do you understand? It makes people do things that they don't want to do. At that time I was too young to help her at all. It was not until one time that she almost jumped off the building with her daughter in her arms that everyone really realized the seriousness of the matter. She also understood that it would be bad for the child to continue like this Well, entrust the child to the care of the husband's family, and go abroad for treatment."

"Husband's family? Where's her husband?" I generally understood what was going on with postpartum depression, but I didn't quite understand it either.If my mother doesn't tell me about this, I don't know much about it.Most of the information in that file box was about the uncle, not much about the godmother.

"Uh, her husband...her husband had passed away at that time, so...that's why she was hit so hard."

"Oh, then they divorced first, and the godmother's husband passed away?"

"Eh?"

"You told me before that the godmother and her husband are divorced, right?"

"Well, yes, it's divorced...but he is the father of the child after all, so of course your godmother will be sad."

The preface doesn't match the postscript, please think carefully before telling a lie, mom.

I sighed a little, but I also understood that most of what she said now was true.The godmother did divorce her husband, and I have seen the divorce agreement.Her husband's death probably did hit her, but what really hit her was what her husband did before he died.

Even godmothers have suffered from postpartum depression, so should I worry more about my mental problems?After all, the uncle was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the time.

"Oh, I see. So the godmother is afraid to see her daughter now because of guilt?"

"It's part of the reason, and of course it's also because she doesn't want to break her daughter's peaceful life. She hasn't dared to see her daughter for so many years, and she's afraid that she will do something to hurt her...Of course, she's completely healed , so this kind of thing can’t happen.” Mom explained again and again, as if she was afraid that I would misunderstand, “Jing Jing, it’s really not easy for you to be a mother to her. I hope you can be more intimate with her in the future. She was really anxious when you fell ill last time, probably... probably also thought of her daughter... She even apologized to her mother later. "

If my mother is dull, she is sometimes very sensitive.The dissatisfaction in my heart at that time must have been discovered by her, so she will explain it to me in this way now.

"I understand mom, don't worry, I know godmother cares about me." I didn't intend to blame godmother at first, but my mother suddenly exposed so much information to me that caught me off guard.

According to this rhythm, I am afraid that it will not be long before she wants to tell me the truth.I originally thought that she was the one who didn't want me to know the truth more than the godmother.But now it seems that the one who is really hesitant is the godmother.

Now that I've reached this point, I don't have too many worries.In fact, it's harder for them both to say it or not to say it than it is for me, and I just have to let it be.It was enough to know that my godmother wasn't trying to ruin my life.

As for the depression of the godmother, it probably also resolved the little dissatisfaction left in my heart.Because I knew that something bad happened to her at the beginning, so I didn't blame her for abandoning me intellectually.Of course, emotionally, it is indeed difficult to let go.

After listening to my mother's words, although I couldn't feel any empathy immediately, I will definitely get better in the future after letting go.

"Be good, mom knows you are the most sensible." Mom didn't know what to think of, and suddenly hugged me in her arms and rubbed my head desperately.

"Oh, mom, what are you doing? I'm not a kid anymore." Mom has a lot of strength, and we quarreled for a while, and the godmother came out with the dishes.

"Nuo Nuo, Jing Zhe, go to the kitchen and serve the food, it's all ready."

This has the illusion of a godmother raising two daughters.

To be honest, if my mother continues like this, I'm afraid she will never be able to feel like a godmother.

"Here we come, Jingjing, let's serve the food."

The godmother was wearing an apron, looking at me gently, and a trace of past happiness could be seen in her smile.I thought of the old photo of her from more than ten years ago, she had a bright smile and a slightly innocent look.

I can't imagine how desperate she felt when she was suffering from the postpartum depression that I had only seen on TV at the most difficult time, when she hugged me and planned to end her life.

I only heard those things from my mother just now, but it didn't feel real. When I saw her face at this moment, for some reason, I really felt a little heartache.

In fact, since she appeared, I have been repelling her.Even though I've been hiding it fairly well, I haven't gotten close to her psychologically until recently.

Did mother just discover this?

"Godmother, you can sit down, and my mother and I will get the rest." If I didn't know her identity from the beginning, I probably wouldn't be so entangled.

I'm a little bit thankful that my mother said these things to me today, and knowing the difficulties of my godmother can be regarded as a kind of salvation for me.

Of course, what happened to the godmother does not explain her mother's attitude towards her.Because that is neither sympathy nor guilt, but something deeper.

I vaguely had a premonition, but was shocked by the absurdity of this premonition.

Did I even change my way of thinking after I fell in love with the first day of junior high school?

The author has something to say: take the chapter of the explosion of information as a transition, let Jing Zhe slow down, everyone slow down, and then prepare to see how the little pervert can restrain himself from thinking about this and that.Later, the description of the protagonist's heart will increase, hoping to reflect the feeling of being perverted, funny, lustful and sad.