Flight of the Bumblebee

Xing Yan walked along the sidewalk for a long time, he hadn't eaten for three days, his eyes were so hungry that there were two faint green lights.Under the streetlights, he curled up his tall figure as much as possible, walking lightly like a cat, clinging to the black bushes.He stinks all over his body, and he took a bath a month ago, and he can smell the sour smell emanating from the neck when he lowers his head a little.Like the smell of a dumpster in summer, or yogurt that's been a whole year past its expiration date.

He was afraid of seeing other people's distressed expressions, so in the night, he carefully wrapped himself up, hoping that the darkness could hide him.

It is now 11:30 in the evening. Except for a few people passing by for supper, there are basically no people walking on this section of the road, but he still walks very carefully.

There was a stall of pancakes and fruits under the street lamp on the opposite side. The stall owner was closing the stall when two men and women who were off work came and stood in front of the stall and ordered another pancakes and fruits.Today's business is not good. The urban management in the bustling road ahead is chasing people away. He pushed the trolley to this small corner. There are still some materials left in the middle of the night, and he usually finishes work early.But the stall owner turned on the stove without saying anything, and spread a layer of liquid on the frying pan.

Xing Yan stopped, and he watched from a distance, a pair of resentful eyes passed through the dim street lamp, staring at the frying pan exuding the aroma of food, like a lone wolf looking for food in the wasteland.The stall owner packed the finished pancakes and gave them to the two people. Feeling his gaze, he gave him a suspicious look.Xing Yan immediately lowered his head and walked away as if fleeing.

When he was almost at the traffic light, he turned his head and glanced at the original place.

The cart is no longer there.

He felt a sense of emptiness and sadness. Although it was June in the south, it felt like he was in Harbin in December, and the cold air he breathed hurt his lungs.

Xing Yan gasped, embraced his arms, and ran across the long zebra crossing with ten seconds left before the green light.He was so hungry that his feet were weak and his eyes were full of stars, so he almost missed.A midnight bus turned a corner and passed right behind him.The driver blew his flute viciously at him, expressing his inner emotions.

He turned around, the bus was pitch-black, with empty seats at the back, and the lights at the rear of the bus were like a pair of red eyes, staring at him firmly.

He stood there, imagining that the angry driver might be looking back in the rearview mirror, staring at him too.

Xing Yan turned around and moved on.

He has been hungry for several days and has already forgotten what food tastes like.A few days ago, he could find food scraps thrown in by others from the trash can. If he was lucky, he would find half-bitten hamburgers, endless milk tea, and skewers that accidentally fell on the ground.

But three days ago, he suddenly stopped doing it.

When Xing Yan saw his long-lost self from the window, a great sadness overwhelmed him, almost drowning him in the fierce torrent.He hugged his knees and hid in a dark corner of the alley, crying for a long time.It wasn't until a colorful kitten jumped on his head and "meowed" that he saw a green litter box beside him, which he didn't even notice just now.

Xing Yan thought sadly that he was also the same as the things in this box, with an unpleasant smell all over his body, and everyone kept his distance.

The bleak moonlight fell from the roof of the building, shining on his dirty face.Under the moonlight, Xing Yan looked down at his outstretched hands and let out a whimper, tears streaming down his face and hitting the hard floor.He knelt down, with his forehead resting on his clenched hands, crying in pain, as if he wanted to vomit out the grievances he had suffered over the years along with his tears.

Surrounded by pitch-black buildings, not a single light shone on him.The sound of the TV came from several windows, and he heard a piano piece that was not clear, floating in the distance, like a siren singing on a reef isolated on the sea.

It is the most popular version of Schubert's Serenade, which he has heard and played in many places.

Xing Yan raised his head, turned his ears to the direction of the sound, and unconsciously played with his fingers on the floor.Tears streamed down his face, his eyes were fascinated, as if he had fallen into a bright dream.

The music stopped abruptly and turned into a news broadcast on CCTV.In an instant, thousands of doors closed in front of his eyes at the same time, and he fell into darkness again.A cold nightmare enveloped him, his heart was like a maze with no exit, or a dark tunnel that would never end, crying out in despair.

He spent five years in confusion.

When he turned his head and looked at the road he had traveled, the direction of home was already too far away, the past was covered by fog, and the future was still blurred.

There are hundreds of millions of lights in the city, and behind every window is a family. The warm yellow lights pass through the transparent or white glass, embellishing the night of the city.Only the cold moonlight shines on a man like him.

Xing Yan sat on the ground, carefully moved into a darker corner, with his back against the wall, his shoulders against the trash can next to him, his body curled up like an insignificant speck of dust.

He decided to end his absurd life on this night.

No one would believe that this man with an unshaven beard, long and greasy hair, who made his living digging through trash cans, was so glorious five years ago.With a handsome appearance in suits and leather shoes, he bears the title of "the most watched young pianist at home and abroad", appears on the covers of major fashion magazines, and countless record companies throw olive branches at him.Just like the stars and the moon, the future is limitless.

Now he is down and out, walking alone in the dark night, away from the noisy crowd, only the stars and the moon for company.

There is a river in X city, it is rainy season, the river is soaring, he will end his 28-year-old life there.

No one will see him.It would be several days before the river floated his swollen body to the next city.The police will salvage him, and those whose identity cannot be determined are collectively referred to as "unknown male corpses". A written number plate will be hung on the big toe, and they will be pushed into one of the empty freezers in the mortuary. The file will be registered on the list of missing persons. Features - Gender male, ranging in age from 23 to 32 years old, about [-] in height.There are also tooth shape and blood type, these data will be recorded in his file.Several years later, the family found these dusty data from the vast archives. He had been moved out of the freezer, cremated, dismembered, corroded, and disappeared completely.

There will no longer be a man named Xing Yan who once sat in the Warsaw Philharmonic Hall and won an international award, and the applause like a tide came to him from all directions.

He fell, fell into the mud, and was covered in mud.Every time he takes a step, thousands of tons of suffering drag him, unable to walk, dragging him to hell.

A white, unaesthetic bridge appeared in his vision, spanning the two banks of the river.The turbid river was rushing forward, and there were yellow warning signs on the bank.

It was already 12:30 in the night, he walked onto the bridge with no one in sight, looked at the rushing river below, was in a daze, and suddenly hugged the railing and cried out without warning, with snot and tears flowing across his sloppy face , with ugly facial features huddled together.

The night was so quiet, there was no sound around him, and his hysterical crying did not attract anyone's attention.

Xing Yan felt that he was really abandoned by the whole world. He was abandoned when he fled the concert hall filled with 500 people.

When he rushed out of the gate that day, the noon sun hit the black tuxedo, and the sweat that slipped into his eyes from his head was dizzying. He ignored the shouts behind him, but fled in a hurry on the smoking asphalt road. .So five years of self-exile is nothing but self-deception. Life is like a perpetually moving train without a control room.

No—it was he who made the choice, he was the one who turned the switch, and he left the world behind.

He finally mustered up the courage, stepped over the railing tremblingly with one foot, saw the bright lights along the coast through his tear-filled eyes, Xing Yan once again felt deeply lonely.In the last moments of his life, he was always alone.

He also stepped over with the other foot and sat on it, holding the railing tightly with both hands.Underneath is the dark and rushing river, Xing Yan swallowed nervously, the strength in his hands fluctuating from time to time.He looked down at the river, determined to let himself fall, but sat back upright, gripping the rail with both hands.

He cried again, this time, for his own cowardice and sorrow that no one knew.

There are so many lights in the city, like pairs of eyes, staring at him in the night, but none of them care about his life or death.And those he loved and those who loved him were all left by him on a hot afternoon five years ago.Xing Yan has never felt so lonely. At the last moment of his life, he exhausted all the remaining power in his body, turned towards the lights of Wanjia, and almost cried and shouted:

"As long as one person loves me! As long as one person loves me! I can live!"

His voice was hoarse and tears were streaming down his face.

This is Xing Yan's last appeal to the world.

The evening breeze of early summer blows from the river, and in the quiet night, only the sound of his weeping stirs up from time to time.Just as he was wiping away his tears and about to let go, a young man's voice suddenly came from behind him:

"Wait a minute!"

He turned his head and saw a man in a black suit put his hands on his knees and said to him out of breath:

"I love you...I love you - so please live!"

Xing Yan's tears froze on his face.