miss a useless name

32.

Yu Yan didn't go far, nor could he go far.Cell phones, wallets, and documents were all left at home, and he ran out without even wearing his shoes.

When Cheng Shen found him, he was sitting on a flower bed by the side of the road.The dim street lights extended to the end of the road, Yu Yan was shrouded in light and shadow, his back was bent, his neck was stiff, but his chin was raised abnormally.

He didn't look pitiful at all, just a little sluggish, like a bamboo that has been cut down, a section fell down, and a section stood upright.

Cheng Shen squatted down in front of him, silently, took out a wet towel to wipe Yu Yan's feet.

Yu Yan tilted his face, his eyes fell on the bright asphalt road illuminated by the lamp.Neither looked at Cheng Shen nor resisted him.

Cheng Shen wiped it carefully, Yu Yan's left foot was pierced by glass shards, he fled all the way from home to here, blood and mud mixed together, so dirty.

Cheng Shen thought of the string of bloody footprints on the floor of his house. Those bloody red colors burned his eyes and stinged his nerves, and they were bound to sneak into his dreams in the endless night.

The wipes were dirty, black and red, but Yu Yan was clean.The wound was covered with a Band-Aid, Cheng Shen supported his ankle and put on socks for him, and put his shoes on properly.

The shoelaces were tightened and tied into beautiful knots, and the gloomy pupils felt sour when they moved.The tear stains on his face have dried, leaving a line of white crystal marks.

He finally turned his face, his sight was empty and couldn't reach the real place, even though he tried his best to find Cheng Shen's direction, he still couldn't find him.Then Yu Yan gave up, and asked blankly with a blank expression, "Who is she?"

Cheng Shen took a minute to think about the answer to this question, and he said: "A... lively and lovely sister."

Yu Yan nodded slowly, and repeated in a low voice: "Lively...cute..." He thought, maybe he was too boring, as if he had never been lively or cute.

This reason seems to be acceptable, but those two points are indeed impossible for Yu Yan to do.He felt relieved, and asked again, "Why?"

This time Cheng Shen spent 3 minutes thinking about it, and he also asked himself why, is he tired?Are you bored?Do you want to live a normal life if you don't want to go on like this?

In the end Cheng Shen told him honestly: "I couldn't stand the temptation." He also said: "I thought I could, but when she hugged me, my heart softened."

Yu Yan's teeth began to tremble, as if they were cold, and they bumped up and down to make a small sound.He clenched the hand hidden in his pocket again, thinking that he was really not proactive enough, even Cheng Shen's begging "hug me", he could hug me so perfunctorily.So Yu Yan felt relieved.

"Then tell me..." Yu Yan took a breath, not knowing where he felt uncomfortable.His tone suddenly became very light, like a leaf floating on the sea, threatened by fate at the tip of the storm.

He felt that he was lifted into the air and could not go up or down. He was puzzled, aggrieved, and unwilling: "Are you comfortable with her, or me?"

He has never been so rude. Cheng Shen can count the dirty words he has said over the years on one hand, so that the lethality of such a sentence is much greater than the previous two, almost knocking Cheng Shen to the ground. .

"Yu Yan..." Cheng Shen finally couldn't bear it anymore, he tentatively wanted to grab Yu Yan's wrist, but stopped abruptly when he came in front of him, and limply attached to his knee: "Yu Yan, you...don't be like this... "

"Ok?"

Yu Yan's eyes widened a little, as if he didn't understand what the other party was saying.He thinks the process will change, they have been together for too long, any relationship will enter a period of burnout, they are not saints, and it is inevitable to face these.

At first, Yu Yan thought Cheng Shen's gradual busyness was a change.Later, he felt that Cheng Shen's absence from home day and night was a change.He saw Cheng Shen's dwindling patience as a change, and his irritability and indifference as a change.

He naively thought that these were all changes.He thought that at least this feeling was sincere, clean, and only for him.He believed in Cheng Shen so much, it didn't matter if they were tired, they could take a rest before continuing on. Cheng Shen loved him, and Cheng Shen obviously couldn't leave him like that.

Cheng Shen didn't want to hurt Yu Yan, this kind of comparison was meaningless.He turned his head and said in a low voice, "Don't talk about that."

Yu Yan clenched his teeth, and sharp thorns stood on his usually gentle and handsome face.

He believed so much, he never even had a trace of doubt, and never even thought about it.how could be?

Yu Yan tensed his body, like a fully stringed bow, tense, fearful, blood gushing from his throat.He shook his head tremblingly, and said to himself, "You lied to me."

He suppressed his emotions, and what he said was angry, he said contradictory words: "Anyone can lie to me, only Cheng Shen can't." But his tone was very firm: "Anyone can betray me, Only Cheng Shen, no."

In this world, anyone can disbelieve Yu Yan, but not Cheng Shen.He closed his eyes and listened, as if as long as Cheng Shen denied it, everything he had heard before could be written off.

But Cheng Shen said: "The truth is, she still wants to be with me even though she knows I'm gay and I have a boyfriend."

Yu Yan's taut strings suddenly broke, his shoulders bent even more, and he bowed his head to Cheng Shen like a bereaved dog.

That's right, he saw and heard it all, even Cheng Shen didn't lie to him, how could he lie to himself.

"So..." Yu Yan's eyes were out of focus, and he said very slowly: "She is lively and cute. She took the initiative to hug you. You... slept with her because...you like her."

Cheng Shen didn't speak, neither admitted nor denied.

Yu Yan understood, Cheng Shen didn't have to have him, Cheng Shen fell in love with someone else.He fell in love with a woman, a woman who could justifiably marry, walk on the street dignifiedly, and bear children for him.

"Then what am I..." Fragmented hair covered half of Yu Yan's face, and street lamps and shadows divided Yu Yan's face into two sections. He lingered in the gap between light and dark, silently counting the clues—the mid-autumn festival, the liquid foundation on his shirt , The mobile phone that he left after sending him home that night, and was taken away and not allowed to look at, turned out to have already been...

Cheng Shen retracted his hand inch by inch. He closed his eyes, feeling blood dripping from his heart.Now, he doesn't want to argue anymore, because there is no excuse, no reason, this is the cruel truth.He was secretive and told one lie after another. He was really betraying.

"Yu Yan, I don't want to hurt you..." From the moment Yu Yan saw it, he knew that they were finished: "We...we..." But he didn't expect that it would take so much time to say those two words strength.

He pulled Yu Yanqiang into his life for a full ten years, and now that the years have passed and the years are gone, he personally expels Yu Yan in such a shameless and obscene way.

Cheng Shen felt that he was really bad, he was a beast, a bastard, and he was not human.

Cheng Shen couldn't hold back anymore, he admitted that he was a complete loser and a shameless scumbag.

"I'm not as good as a pig or a dog," Cheng Shen said, "I'm not human, I'm dirty, despicable and shameless, you can tell everyone what I did today, let everyone scold me, let them beat me, you You can destroy my company, you...you can do whatever you want, you can destroy me..."

"We..." Cheng Shen said with difficulty, "I'm no longer good enough for you, let's...break up."

Yu Yan was finally knocked down, the word "Break Up" was like a long | short gun, and hit the heart with a bang.Pain swept through his whole body in an instant, he began to dizzy, his eyes were blurred, his limbs were paralyzed and he couldn't move, there was a strange sound in his throat, the air in his lungs was eaten away, he couldn't breathe, he felt suffocated.

He has never experienced such intense pain, so painful that he can abandon all dignity and pride, and be an ant who has no bottom line to be slaughtered.

Yu Yan fell from the flower bed, and his knee hit the ground heavily.He couldn't feel the pain anymore, his eyes were dark, his outstretched hand felt numb, and his fingers couldn't be separated from each other, trembling and numb.

He used that kind of hand to grab Cheng Shen, but he didn't know if he caught him or not.He couldn't hear the sound, and his ears were "buzzed" by the dust.Like a lunatic who lost all five senses, he opened his mouth and roared in collapse.

He forgot everything except that he came all the way back to surprise Cheng Shen.The man always wanted to spend the Mid-Autumn Festival with him, and he brought a gift back.

He wanted to say stop making trouble, stop playing, it's not funny at all.If you mind about Zhou Fang, I can explain it, and I can promise that I will never see or contact him again in the future.If you don't want us to make a clear distinction, then I will listen to you in everything, work and life, whatever.

Yu Yan didn't know why things turned out like this, they obviously wanted to live forever, for a long time, why did some people leave.

Cheng Shen was frightened by Yu Yan's appearance.

He hugged Yu Yan, held his convulsed fingers, and rubbed his stiff body.The man was crying unconsciously, gasping for air violently, unable to breathe at all.

He was afraid, his heart was about to burst out, and he was so distressed that he was about to die.In this world, Yu Yan was the last person he wanted to hurt, but today, Yu Yan was the one he hurt the most.

Cheng Shen took out his mobile phone and dialed 120. When dialing, his hands shook and he made mistakes several times.Yu spoke incoherently, gasping for breath, his mouth seemed to be affected as well, numb as if stung by a bee, drooling unconsciously, unable to close his lips at all.

He was so embarrassed, there was nothing human to say.

Cheng Shen wiped it for him with his hands, but there were too many, and the tears and saliva seemed to flow endlessly.He is a guilty madman, he has long regretted the original, and wished he could apologise with death, forcing people to this point, Cheng Shen no longer dared to doubt how deep Yu Yan's feelings for him were.

The ambulance arrived quickly, and several medical staff got out of the car carrying the stretcher. Cheng Shen didn't need their help, and directly carried Yu Yan up, and then got into the car.

The emergency doctor quickly judged Yu Yan's condition, and took an oxygen bottle to give him oxygen.

Yu Yan's symptoms were relieved quickly, the cramped hands and feet gradually relaxed, and the numbness eased.He has always been conscious, but his body is involuntary, crazily out of control.

It was still dark in front of my eyes, and my ears were still ringing.Yu Yan felt that he seemed to be able to move, so he grabbed it forward.

"Speak!"

Cheng Shen immediately held his hand.

Yu Yan moved his lips, and tears fell from the corners of his eyes: "...as long as you break it," he didn't know what he wanted, but he only knew that he couldn't live without Cheng Shen. Feeling ashamed, he is also degraded, and he discarded his self-esteem without a bottom line: "You are broken... I will pretend that I don't know anything..."

He just repeated this sentence: "You broke..."

A sedative was pushed into his body, and Yu Yan was about to fall asleep soon.But he didn't dare to let go, and struggled to move his fingers after losing his strength several times.

Cheng Shen held him tightly, as if he could understand his feelings, and shared his heart-wrenching pain.But pursing his lips and gritting his teeth, Cheng Shen couldn't give Yu Yan a guarantee.

"You...stop it..." Yu Yan resisted the drowsiness in his body with difficulty, as if he would not give up until he heard a definite answer, but he couldn't do it, the huge darkness came, and he didn't even have the strength to speak When he was about to die, his fingers fell limply, and he realized belatedly that it wasn't that Cheng Shen couldn't catch him, but that he couldn't catch Cheng Shen anymore.

Yu Yan couldn't hold it anymore, he closed his eyes slowly, a tear flowed down his cheek, he finally moved his lips silently, his mouth shape seemed to say: "Please."