lack of love

After Yan Hao returned to China, he worked hard for nearly a month to stabilize the company's situation and resolve the crisis.He doesn't feel it when he is busy, but once he is free, he feels empty in his heart and has nothing.And whenever this happened, he would think of Zhong Qiran.

I think about when they were trapped in that small wooden house, I think about his body temperature, I think about his crying expression when he climax...

He understood that he had a physical impulse towards this person, but there seemed to be some reason under the impulse that prompted him to do these things.According to the logic of normal people, this should be love, but he doesn't know if he can still love others when he can no longer feel any emotion?

At this time, the screen of his mobile phone lit up. It was the news from the bodyguard he sent to Country M. What time did Zhong Qiran go to class in the morning, what time did he return home in the afternoon, where did he go when he went out, and what time did he return when he returned late Arrive home safely.Just a few short lines of text, roughly recording the life of that person for a day.

He was the one who rented the room next to Zhong Qiran and sent private bodyguards to secretly protect him.He didn't want to monitor, but now he is used to staring at these few lines, imagining the days when Zhong Qiran was studying abroad.

After his parents found out that Zhong Qiran was in country M, they forbade him to go any further.For the time being, he can only use this method to calm his anxious emotions.

The first signs of restlessness came nearly two years after his car accident.

He didn't feel it at first, he just felt that he couldn't concentrate on doing things as before, and even rarely made mistakes in his work.It was his psychiatrist who told him that he was developing a tendency towards mild agitation.

"But I don't feel it." After Yan Hao said this, he fell silent.He knew he was sick, but hadn't felt it until now.

The disappearance of feelings means that you are no longer sensitive to emotions.This is true for others, and even more so for yourself.

The psychiatrist said, "You can still see what's wrong, which is at least a good thing. Can you tell me what happened?"

After thinking for a while, Yan Hao still told about Zhong Qiran.

This psychiatrist is a top famous doctor in the country.Although he was employed by Yan's family, he has very good medical ethics and has some understanding of Yan Hao's past marriage, "A year ago, you told me that you didn't feel anything about divorce, do you feel the same now? "

Yan Hao's answer changed, "I don't know."

"Why don't you know?"

"I still don't have feelings for him now, but I know it shouldn't be like this."

Such an answer made the psychiatrist look up at him, "So, even if you don't feel the emotion, you still want to redeem it?"

This time Yan Hao was silent for a long time before he said: "Yes. Otherwise, I can't explain why I behaved like this."

"I remember that you didn't confess the cause of the disease to him at the beginning. Why?"

"Because I didn't think it mattered at the time."

"now what?"

"Now I don't know, whether to let him know..."

The psychiatrist did not give a conclusion, but suggested: "If you have a chance to meet again next time, you can try to admit it."

After the consultation, the psychiatrist came downstairs.

Yan's mother immediately stepped forward to care about Yan Hao's condition, "Is my son okay?"

Yan's mother is indeed a good mother, her reaction is not fake at all, she loves her son sincerely.The only bad thing is that she has a lot of prejudice against homosexuality.I don't know if it was because of Zhong Qiran, but she even asked the psychiatrist to ask him to try to avoid reminding her son of the previous marriage during the consultation.

The psychiatrist did not follow suit, because he valued the patient's condition more than money and fame.He kept the patient's privacy and said truthfully: "He can realize where his problem is, which is a good breakthrough. My suggestion is to let Mr. Yan get in touch with as many people as possible who can stimulate his reaction." , help to improve the condition.”

Yan's mother was very happy at first, but after hearing the last sentence, her face immediately collapsed.She obviously knew who the doctor was talking about, but she didn't want to agree, "Does it have to be like this? Why does it have to be that person? Doctor, I know you have a way, can you make my son forget about that person...he didn't like it before There must be something wrong with the man..."

Faced with such an unreasonable request, the doctor still said politely: "I'm sorry, I'm just a doctor. This is Mr. Yan's idea, and I can't influence his opinion."

When Yan's mother thought that her son still couldn't get out of that person's control, she suddenly lost control of her emotions, "Quack doctor, you are just a quack doctor! My son is just fascinated by a male vixen, and you highly educated psychologists are still fighting against him." But him. Go out, don't come back again!"

There is not a high sense of homosexuality in China, and a reaction like Yan's mother is quite normal.The psychiatrist was not provoked, but felt that it would be useless to explain further.Because this kind of discrimination itself is more difficult to solve than suffering from mental illness.In the end, he didn't say anything, turned around and left.

And Yan Hao didn't know there was this episode, he only heard from Yan's mother that she didn't think this psychiatrist was suitable, so she helped him hire a better one.

Yan Hao probably guessed that it was because of Zhong Qiran, so he didn't say much.

And the newly hired psychiatrist is more in line with Yan's mother's eyes, and obeys Yan's mother's orders in everything.

Whenever Yan Hao mentions Zhong Qiran, he will be interrupted by the new psychiatrist and forcefully change the subject.So Yan Hao became less and less talkative and became more silent.

Until one day two months later, he received a message from country M's bodyguards, Zhong Qiran asked Li Qi to come to the apartment.

Yan Hao would know Li Qi's name because when Zhong Qiran and the other party made an appointment on the phone for a skiing location, the guards overheard him from the next door.He knew their itinerary at that time, so he secretly followed them.He has been following the two of them secretly, so he can naturally see Li Qi's thoughts on Zhong Qiran.

It's just that after encountering a disaster and being trapped, Yan Hao forgot about it and didn't take it to heart.

He always thought that Zhong Qiran was willing to have sex with him again because of the unforgettable old relationship.And he didn't even give him an explanation, just came back to China like this, without any contact at all.

So Zhong Qiran didn't need to wait for him, he was completely free to make any choice, including falling in love with another person.

After Yan Hao figured this out, he became more anxious for some reason, but the new psychiatrist couldn't see it. He was only placating Yan Hao on the surface, but actually did nothing.

Yan Hao suddenly began to feel an inexplicable headache, and he couldn't find the cause even after seeing a doctor.One night when he woke up in pain, all he could think about was the feeling of embracing Zhong Qiran when he was trapped in the snowstorm.His soft lips, warm body, the tight and lingering feeling in his body...

And as long as he thought of such a Zhong Qi lying under another man, he would feel like he was about to explode with a headache.

Yan Hao was tormented by headaches and almost stayed up all night.

When it was about to dawn, a beam of sunlight came in from the window.He suddenly remembered the suggestion that the psychiatrist had made before: "If you have a chance to meet again next time, you can try to confess it."

Meet, confess.

He thought, he should go and explain clearly to Zhong Qiran.