waiting for the flowers to bloom

It was already noon when the two of them woke up the next day. Song Fanfan rubbed his sore waist and sat up. A strange pain came from an ulterior motive. He instantly felt feverish on his face. Suddenly Sui Dong lay in his arms His waist "Fanfan, sleep a little longer..."

"I have to go back..."

"Isn't today Saturday?"

"I... have something to do." Song Fanfan almost wanted to break free from Sui Dong's arm and leave quickly, but his physical condition did not allow him to do so.

Sui Dong was also awake at the moment, sat up slowly, and lay on Song Fanfan's back as if he had no bones, "Excuse me?" I blushed even more.

"Stop teasing you, stay with me for another day, okay, I'll take you back to school tomorrow?"

Due to his physical condition, Song Fanfan had to stay for another day, and Sui Dong dutifully took care of all the aftermath...

Later, because Sui Dong was always busy, they didn't have many opportunities to meet each other.Until that morning, Sui Dong called and said that he was going to Haining to help Sui Xiang deal with some company problems, and the matter seemed to be quite serious.Song Fanfan didn't know the details, he only knew that Sui Dong was leaving in a hurry, and he didn't know when he would be back, Zhao Chengfang might need him to pay attention, because Xiao Liu and Hei San might not be too busy.

Unexpectedly, Zhao Chengfang would die the next night, so he received a call from Sui Dong asking him to rush to the hospital overnight.

However, he never thought that such an accident would happen, Zhao Chengfang died like that, and the mines planted earlier between himself and Sui Dong were also detonated that night.

Three years is both long and short.Many things have happened in the past three years, countless things have happened, but if you think about it carefully, you can sort out all kinds of complicated things in just half a day.Chen Keyi had already fallen asleep, and there was a slight snoring sound from time to time. Song Fanfan, an insomniac, sat listening to the snoring sound all night.The scenes in Sui Dong's office during the day were replayed in his mind like a TV series. He remembered a day a few years ago, when it was getting late, Sui Dong said to himself: "If you don't like to take the initiative, then give it to me."

Once upon a time, Sui Dong told Weng Ling that if Song Fanfan wanted to leave him, he would never pester him.Now, he's the one to let go first.Song Fanfan was not such an entangled person, but who made Sui Dong a different person, gave Song Fanfan the friendship and love that he never expected, and made him fall deeply into it.

Late at night can always be scary.The events of the three years have come to an end like a movie, leaving nothing but darkness.Song Fanfan felt like he was sitting in a huge movie theater at this moment. The movie had long since ended and the audience had already left.

How could it be so easy to let go?Sui Dong regards Song Fanfan as such a special existence. He thought that apart from his family, he was enough in this world. Because of his encouragement and support, Song Fanfan finally carried all the pressure to come to this day. Seeing that the university is coming to an end, But before he could say a word of thanks, everything was over, and it was also because I believed in him that I made my family worry and disappoint again and again.

Song Fanfan leaned against the wall, remembering what Tong Wei and Weng Ling said to persuade him, his nose was sore, and his eyes were sore.He seldom cried, from childhood to adulthood, because he always felt that he should not cry. He wanted to be a responsible big man, and he should be the pride of his parents; at the same time, he was also Tong Puhao's older brother. Everyone left a good impression of calmness, courage and insight.But now, he couldn't help it.Because of Sui Dong, he couldn't help being sad too many times, couldn't help crying, couldn't help letting go of everything he cared about, showing weakness and begging to him.

But when has he been so embarrassed, he never asks himself to be so beautiful, but he will never let himself lose his composure.He is so good at hiding his emotions, he never shows any emotional fluctuations in front of others, even in front of Tong Wei and Weng Ling.Because of this, he always looked so calm and indifferent, as if nothing would disturb him.

But this time, he panicked, all the changes caught him off guard, he didn't have time to straighten himself up, pretend that he didn't care about anything, and he didn't have time to find his calm and calm face...

It's so embarrassing...

"Why don't you have a long memory?" Song Fanfan seemed to smile slightly, maybe not.

He kind of hates himself.

Hate myself for not being able to recognize the facts early, hate myself for not following the advice of my family, hate myself for relying on Sui Dong incompetently, hate myself for being indecisive, reluctant to part with him, and unable to let him go.

As early as last year when he knew about Zhao Chengfang, he should have given up... Song Fanfan thought so.That's right, if he had been more decisive at that time, and separated from Sui Dong, how could there be such things now... But what's the use of talking about it now?

It is already midnight, and today is the winter solstice.It seemed that the temperature had also dropped suddenly, Song Fanfan wrapped himself in a quilt, sat quietly on the bed, and listened to the whistling north wind from time to time outside the window, leaving the sound of "hu-hu-hu".winter is here.

He was a little sleepy, but he didn't want to lie down and sleep, because he knew that even if he lay down, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep, his mind was full of Sui Dong.Sitting like this, although tired and boring, there is always a pleasure of punishing myself, as if this can make myself feel better.

Song Fanfan regarded this night's introspection as some kind of sacred ceremony in his heart, just like a devout believer confessing to God, he hoped that he could also use this method to make up for some of the guilt he felt towards his family. And the inner pain is more tormenting.

In a daze, he remembered that in that small room before, the counselor who believed in Jesus told him in a low voice:

"Then let me redeem you, trust me. I know you are hovering on the edge of a cliff, hesitating, choose to trust me once, why not?"

"When you insist on grasping your obsession, you are committing a crime. God will punish your family members because they did not fulfill their responsibilities; they will punish your so-called lover because he seduced you; and they will punish you, Because you have violated the laws of nature and the will of the Lord!"

Thinking about it now, Song Fanfan believed what the man said. He may have fallen into the abyss, and the trial period has come.But he wants to ask the judge to convict himself of all the crimes. He doesn't want anyone to bear the suffering for him. He can't afford this favor.As for Sui Dong, that person probably has nothing to do with him...

Sui Dong gave him warmth, but broke all his hopes, while Song Fanfan gave him the best sincerity in his life.Although Song Fanfan can't express his feelings, for several years, he has been caring for this precious feeling with his heart. He once fantasized about the various lives they will have in the future, but he never expected that it would be so soon. There is no such thing as a future.

Different from his fondness for the opposite sex when he was a child, Song Fanfan never thought that he would fall in love with a man, and he never thought about what he would do after we were separated.In the past, there were only family members in his world, and friends and lovers were just labels on others and had nothing to do with him; the appearance of Sui Dong gave him a different experience for the first time, which was a beauty he had never imagined.

Slowly, Song Fanfan created a seat in his own world and gave it to Sui Dong. Later, that seat took up more and more space, almost becoming the most important person in Song Fanfan's world; At the origin, there are still only family members in Song Fanfan's world, but what is different from before is that Sui Dong left, leaving a huge vacancy that no one can fill... It's like a broken mirror reunited, and the cracks are still there; pull out the wooden board nails, but the scars cannot be erased.

Compared to Sui Dong, the person Song Fanfan hates the most at the moment is himself. He resents Sui Dong for deceiving and failing him, but he hates himself even more for not being able to let him go, for not being able to accept the facts calmly.How much he wished that he could be more indifferent, more indifferent, and even more indifferent.After tonight, he can still be that calm and indifferent Song Fanfan, not caring about anything other than himself, and be that calm self.

There is a saying: This year's flowers are better than last year's, and next year's flowers will be even better. Know who you are.Ou Gong used flowers to lament the impermanence of gathering and parting in life, so why not say that there are only gatherings and partings in the world, which has been the case since ancient times, why bother to feel sorry for those who have already parted, and the next year's flowers will be rewarded by others, so it doesn't matter if it is an old friend?What's wrong with being alone?

This haze... he always wants to get out...

The author has something to say: the memory part is over...