my roommate is my lover

I made an appointment with Li Feier early in the morning, and he agreed immediately, and left with a thick photo. I sat on the long chair at the bus station for a long time, and the sun came out from the east, bringing the winter With the first ray of warmth, the bare treetops also had a moment of life, more cars, people coming and going, lively and noisy.

Thinking of the day when I first met him, he also acted very silent, standing quietly behind the teacher, feeling depressed because of grandma's death, the tip of his nose was red, and his expression was a little indifferent.

What was I thinking at that time, I probably thought, this boy is so delicate, like a girl.

When we went home separately from school that day, he still pinched the tip of the middle finger of my left hand, kissed it lightly, and said, "Little boy, I'm so sad that I won't be there when I go home with my mother.

"

I also glared at him: "Of course my mother is important now."

The bus in front of me arrived, and a harsh horn sounded. I pulled back my thoughts and got on the bus. When I really wanted to part ways, I felt a little relieved. There was a wide river between us, the only one that kept us together. The ship is sinking into the bottom of the sea, and I am like a spectator, watching it sink. I don't remember who said that it's not that we don't fight for it, but because those things are not strong.

Li Anni's phone call was faster than I expected. I just talked to Qi Mengmeng on the phone, and she said: "I told him, you are not gay, you like girls, but you were misled by him, remember , no matter what he tells you, don’t talk too much, just insist that you like girls, and he won’t make things difficult for you.”

"Well, I remember."

I pressed the listen button, and Li Anni's voice came over my face: "Sand, where are you?"

"Family."

"Is what Qi Mengmeng said true? Don't think I'm easy to deceive, is it my mother's tricks again?" He was a little anxious, breathing hard to calm his heart rate.

"......You knew already?"

"You explain it to me!!! I don't believe those photos."

"...Li Anni, I'm sorry."

"Sorry what? So it's true? You like girls, and being with me is just a moment of confusion?" His voice slowly became hysterical: "Gravel, you just told me that you love me that night, Did you forget it?"

"I'm sorry, I made a mistake, please let me go, I want to be a normal person, I can't stand those eyes, and I'm not gay, I just happened to meet you, you are so good, I... it's me It's my fault." I quickly hung up the phone, and my voice was a little choked up, as I would definitely reveal my truth if I continued.

I wandered outside all day, afraid to go home because I knew he was going to find me, I didn't know how to face him.

It started to snow at noon, and the snow was already thick when I went back. From a distance, I saw him standing straight in the snow with his hands in his pockets, his back was lonely, like a lost man. children.

I looked at the balcony of my house, and my mother was standing there, looking down.

He probably heard footsteps, turned around, and saw that I was stunned for a moment, followed by a long silence, and I walked over: "Li Anni."

"Gravel, what do you mean? Today is not April Fool's Day!" He grabbed my hand, the cold temperature came, and the voice above his head suddenly changed into a soft voice: "Is it because I said I was going to leave? Don't worry, I won't leave you alone, I've thought about this a long time ago, even if I go abroad in the future, I will take you with me."

He was even laughing: "Do you want to give me some big surprise, specially foreshadowing? Actually, you don't have to bother..."

I shook my head stiffly.

He finally changed his smiling face: "Sand, are you tired recently? Then let's go on a trip together! Where do you want to go? I can do it..."

There was snowflakes covering the sky on my head, I stood in the snow, my limbs were not warm at all, as soon as I looked up, I could see my mother on the balcony, she was watching me quietly, waiting for my answer to her.

Why are people all over the world pushing me! !

Lee Annie, it would be nice if I didn't know you from the beginning.

"

Gravel," he finally got impatient: "Is it true that Li Feier gave me the photo?Is what Qi Mengmeng said true?Do you know how tired I am these days?My mother finally let go, she said that as long as I obey her obediently, I will promise us to be together... Is there something wrong with me?You tell me..." He took a deep breath: "Well, no matter what, I was wrong, can we have a good talk? "

I struggled to break free from his hand and yelled out with all my strength: "Why don't you understand? I'm so tired! I'd rather not know you in the first place! I'm not happy with you, I don't want to know you at all! It’s amazing to be rich! Do you have a heart? Why do you want my love?!! I’m not your appendage, so stop being self-righteous, Li Anni, I hate you, I don’t want to see you at all, get out!! "

After I yelled these words, I ran away without looking back. I couldn't hesitate a bit, couldn't look back, and couldn't be soft-hearted.

But I still heard his voice behind me, he said: "Sand, after meeting you, I found that I am not afraid of danger, not afraid of ghosts... only afraid of losing you."

I sat on the bed for a whole night, and the next day, the sun rose as usual, the snowflakes turned into water, and the coldest time of winter was coming.

Mom came in and said, "Last night, he stood outside for a long time until a car came to pick him up. Don't worry, nothing will happen."

After she finished speaking, she closed the door and went out. Suddenly, there was a bang~~, and the door was pushed open again: "Gravel!!" She used a very stern voice: "Do you want to die? Do you want to live? You know you have Have you not eaten for two days? Do you want me to watch you die? Or do you want me to die with you!!!”

I was completely panicked, and stood up from the bed. I couldn't feel my legs and feet because of numbness, "Mom." I called her, "I'm sorry, it's my fault."

"It's not your fault. What's wrong with liking someone? It's our fate. Let's turn this over, okay? Let's start over."

"Okay, Mom, I'll listen to you."

Turn over this article, live well, live well, this sentence has almost become my motto for the next few years, live well, live hard.

Later, I never saw Li Anni again, and even Li Feier transferred to another school, and my life went back to the original point. My father was released and I lost some money. Losing his integrity, he can only stay away from here and make a living elsewhere.

Just like that, three years have passed.

It’s just that every winter, I draw his appearance on the frosted glass more than once, using the fingertip he once kissed, every time I draw it, it’s like a pilgrimage, with a cautious and adoring mood, because I can't forget it, so I am grateful, thank you for coming, thank you for your warm treatment.

It feels like he is a private property that I have secretly hidden, and I am full of joy when I can secretly take it out at night to have a look.

Probably, there is so much left between me and him.