Can't hold hands

On the day I got the news, I just came out of the laboratory and saw Han Hui, whom I hadn’t seen for several months, standing at the door of the laboratory. She was like a ghost, and rushed over when she saw me.

"you……"

I was taken aback by her, and I didn't know what happened. In my impression, Han Hui never came to my laboratory on my own initiative.Han Hui's face was very bad, she grabbed me and left, her hand was so strong that I felt pain in my wrist when she pulled me.

She must be abnormal. I didn't struggle, and I didn't bother to explain to Chen Shixin beside me. I said goodbye to him hastily and left with Han Hui.

Han Hui finally stopped at an intersection. She seemed to have a thousand words to express, but in the end she only uttered one sentence.

"Has Sun Xue looked for you?"

She actually asked Sun Xue, I was a little surprised, nodded and said,

"She looked for me, what's wrong?"

Han Hui's expression became very strange - sad, as if she had received a major blow, and I had a bad premonition in my heart.

"Sun Xue, she... committed suicide and cut her wrists."

Han Hui's voice reached my ears, and my brain couldn't process the correct information for a while.

what did she say?

Sun Xue...

Cut your wrists?

There was a moment of dizziness in front of my eyes. How could the person who was sitting in front of me two days ago...

"what?"

Without turning my head around, the words popped out of my mouth uncontrollably. The amazing thing is that at the moment I asked, I understood what Han Hui was talking about.

"Sun Xue committed suicide by cutting her wrist the night before."

Han Hui seemed to have just reacted, and said this sentence like a machine in a daze.

I remember the last time I saw Sun Xue, she said to me, I hope I can always have the courage to say yes, and she also said that I am very similar to her, so she came to meddle in my business.

It was only a week ago, but now that person is gone, I feel a little cold, extraordinarily unreal.

After finally straightening out my mind, I started to worry about Han Hui. I was just too shocked, so I was confused. Where is Han Hui?

If news of Lin Jue's suicide comes at this time, what will happen to me?

I can't think about it, and they're nothing like us.

"It's too hot outside, let's go to KFC first."

This time, I pulled her into KFC. There were quite a lot of people on the first floor, and students like to come here to write papers. I ordered two glasses of orange juice, took Han Hui to the corner of the second floor, and sat down with her face to face.

I pushed the orange juice in front of her. Han Hui looked at me blankly, took a sip silently, and didn't know how long it took before she spoke.

"It was Lin Jue who called me this morning."

It is evening now, which means that it has been almost a day since Han Hui got the news.

I was full of questions, but I didn't dare to ask her anything, so I could only drink the juice with my head down.

Han Hui seemed to be in a daze, maybe she wasn't going to talk for a while, so I simply turned on the phone, thought about it, and checked Lin Jue's name.

——Lin Jue attended the funeral of former awakened bass player Sun Xue.

I frowned, funeral?I remember that Sun Xue seems to have only her father in her family. Her father is still a gambler and owes a lot of debts. Even Sun Xue has been chased for money all year round.

This news is hot on the news, and Sun Xue has written a few good poems intermittently over the years, and probably has a few fans.I didn't click on this article, so I went to Lin Jue's Weibo to take a look.

The first one is a few candles, with a picture, the time is displayed one day ago, and the repost is several thousand.

I clicked on the picture, and it turned out to be a lyrics called Prison Bird.

Very depressing word.

I guessed the author of this poem-Sun Xue almost instantly.

Only she could write words so breathless, yet so mesmerizing, that they resonate with me.

This is her suicide note to the world.

The phone vibrated abruptly, and I froze for a moment before seeing the caller ID clearly.

Lin Jue.

I looked up at Han Hui. My mobile phone contacts had only saved names. She saw the name on the phone and looked up at me.

I was a little embarrassed for a while, and I didn't know whether I should answer the call or not.

There was one vibration after another. I have never found that the call can wait so long.

"You take it."

Han Hui said suddenly.

"Don't worry about me."

I had to pick up the phone, press connect,

"Hey……"

"One hundred," Lin Jue's voice came from the other end of the phone line. It was familiar and close. I got rid of that feeling of intimacy and listened to him intently. "Can you... can you find Han Hui? Sun Xue committed suicide, and I Well, I just told her the news, afraid that something might happen to her."

just told?

It's been almost a day and you just told me?

Will he be worried about Han Hui?

"Han Hui is sitting opposite me now." I glanced at Han Hui again.

"Ah... so, then, how is she?"

Lin Juepo was a little incoherent, and I began to wonder in my heart. This guy knew the news yesterday and only called today. Could it be that he has been struggling all day?

Want to contact me through Han Hui?

"It's okay, I'm drinking orange juice."

I saw Han Hui roll her eyes.

"Then, you, you..."

You have been here for a long time, but nothing came out, I put away the messy thoughts in my heart,

"I'm better than her, and I'm not familiar with Sun Xue," I heard his quiet breathing, "If you have nothing else to do, I'll hang up."

"Well."

I sighed inwardly.

"better than me?"

Han Hui smiled at me inexplicably, I didn't know why I felt a little guilty, I just shrugged my shoulders,

"It looks so, dear."

"Sun Xue's legacy on me is more serious than I imagined."

Han Hui didn't refute me, let alone mention Lin Jue, and stared down at the orange juice in her hand.

"She is simply a black hole." I said softly, and Han Hui gave me a strange look.

"She came to me in May, and it happened to be raining that day, so I thought she was not well. Sun Xue said that she lost her life center and was in great pain."

I remember that Sun Xue said that the center of her life is the person she loves, but it seems that she didn't tell Han Hui this.

"Sometimes I feel that when I broke up with her, it was not entirely because she played too much."

Han Hui is caught in her memories.

"I can't understand Sun Xue, most of the time I can't, so the longer we are together, the more painful it will be."

Han Hui smiled,

"But there's no point in worrying about it now."

It is impossible for people to understand each other.I don't speak anymore.

On the day of Sun Xue's burial, the weather was still sweltering, and the sun seemed to be melting her. Han Hui, like a normal person, jumped up and down in front of me and did not go to Sun Xue's funeral.

"Where are you going this afternoon?"

"Well... just take a stroll, it's near here."

I nodded, I have to go to the laboratory in the afternoon, I can't take care of Han Hui, but I know she definitely doesn't want to be alone.

"Brother Yan?"

I looked up and saw Chen Shixin, he was the only one. He hadn't come to the lab for a while at the end of the latest term.

"Hello."

I greeted each other with a smile. Han Hui and I were sitting in the milk tea shop at the school gate, so it was no surprise to meet students.

"Brother Yan, are you in the lab during the summer vacation?"

I raised my eyebrows, and even Han Hui glanced at him.

"of course."

"Then can I go?"

"……sure."

"That's great," Chen Shixin laughed, "Goodbye, Brother Yan!"

He was holding a cup of milk tea, and I waved.

"Are you his mentor?"

Han Hui asked me, and I nodded, still a little puzzled.

What does Chen Shixin want to do?Come to the lab for summer vacation?Fortunately, he can ask this kind of question. Most of the students know that they will stay for experiments during the summer vacation, right?Chen Shixin is definitely not one of the minority, not to mention he also joined two research groups.

"It's enough for a young boy to be born as a handsome boy!"

Han Hui suddenly spoke a vernacular, and the smile on his face made me feel scared.

"You have a rich imagination, why don't you write a book..." I understood her meaning, rubbed my arms, Han Hui looked at me with contempt, and said,

"What do you mean!"

I roll my eyes.

In the afternoon, there was nothing to do. The materials hadn’t arrived yet, and the experiment couldn’t be carried out. I simply let some students in the laboratory leave early, downloaded a bunch of papers by myself, found some materials in it, copied them, and walked to a few nearby rooms. The house turns off the machine.

When locking the door, I remembered Sun Xue's words again.

Can't lose the one I love.

The phrase has almost become a curse.

In the past, Lin Jue was the center of my life. I have to admit this fact. Even if we get together less often, but without him in my world, I will indeed fall into confusion again.

Lin Jue is the basic structure of my world, just like the carbon chain of organic matter, without him, everything would be fragmented and unable to become a useful substance.

This is wrong. The center of life should be life, or ideals, but I don’t have much ideals. I stay in the laboratory because I don’t want to deal with too complicated interpersonal relationships.

Although that seems unlikely to happen now.

In short, I have never thought about being a great scientist, I can only return to life itself.

In fact, my life is quite easy. At least I don’t have to worry about food and clothing. Although I am small, I have a house. I don’t have a car and I don’t plan to buy it. The work pressure is a little bit higher, but the stress is the same everywhere.

I am not Sun Xue.

When I walked out of the laboratory building, I called Han Hui, but I didn't get through.

Where did this guy go?I'm a little concerned, but not in a hurry, nothing major will happen to her.When I made the third call to her, it suddenly showed that there was an incoming call.

Ok?

I glance at my phone.

It's Lin Jue again, I just convinced myself to return to life, I didn't want to answer his phone at all, so I simply turned the phone to silent, put it back in my pocket, and when I looked up, I saw two familiar figures from behind.

Chen Shixin?And Han Hui?

From my angle, I can only see Chen Shixin's profile. He seems to be talking about something important, with a serious face.

Tsk, why didn't you answer my call because of Chen Shixin, a young man?

I watched for a while, then turned and left silently without calling them.

Han Hui is two years younger than me, that is, 26, and Chen Shixin should be [-]. They are almost the same, and there must be a common language.

I unmuted my phone, but Lin Jue didn't call me again, probably because he gave up.

Instead, another person sent me a message.

[I'm back, come out tonight!Call Han Hui. ]

It's Xu Ming.