Silly Zhu's Moving: The Old Neighbor's Nightmare

"Hehe, Mr. Zhang, you don't know this, but my courtyard..."

It's a collapsed traditional courtyard house; all we need to do is enclose it with a wall and build three main rooms.

"Young man, what do you mean?" Zhang the Bald frowned, looking somewhat displeased.

"What's the rush, Mr. Zhang? Building that house is nothing to worry about; it's just a cover."

Mr. Zhang, if you're building villas here, is it a turnkey project including both labor and materials?

"Including some finished furniture made of good wood," Shazhu asked.

Baldy Zhang has no idea what this guy is up to.

"Yes, we can customize everything from construction to decoration, including ready-made furniture. Young man, you can be more direct."

Sha Zhu tapped the desk lightly twice with his middle and index fingers and said,

"Mr. Zhang, it's like this, I'm just a middleman."

I need to order a batch of high-quality furniture for a regular customer I know.

My regular customer is currently out of town, so he entrusted this matter to me. He lives in a two-story villa.

It's a traditional courtyard house with four sections, but all the rooms are currently empty.

The furniture needs to be made of high-quality wood, such as tables, chairs, benches, beds, cabinets, and eight-immortal tables.

The rocking chairs and other furniture are all made of the finest woods, such as huanghuali and golden nanmu. I wonder if Mr. Zhang would take on such a job.

"Oh, so that means the villa and the courtyard house are already there."

You only need good wood to make furniture, and it has to be top-quality wood, right?

This is dozens of sets of fine furniture. Do even the rear houses in a traditional courtyard house need such good wood?

When Zhang the Bald heard that it was all made of huanghuali and golden nanmu, his eyes lit up, and he asked in disbelief.

Indeed, even a traditional courtyard house with four courtyards, worth over ten thousand yuan, might not be as valuable as this much good furniture.

Zhang the Bald thought to himself that the cost of wood wasn't very high, and if it were made into furniture...

The profit margin is no higher than that of building a two-story villa.

“Of course, if Mr. Zhang doesn’t believe me, I can pay the deposit to him first,” Sha Zhu said calmly.

Anyway, I just threw these things into the space myself, just to cover up the three rooms, and I'm not afraid that the boss is too greedy.

If the boss is ruthless, even if you get the money, he'll confiscate it from you afterwards.

The two then discussed the specific quantity and price until they were both satisfied. Sha Zhu then said...

"Mr. Zhang, what about the house I'm having built?"

Before Sha Zhu could finish speaking, Zhang the Bald slammed his hand on the table and said,

"That's no big deal, young man. Just tell me when you need it built, and I'll send people over right away."

Sha Zhu smiled and said, "Boss Zhang, don't be in such a hurry, let me finish."

"Well, Mr. Zhang, I have some simple requirements for my apartment that I need to explain to you."

Having just made a sale, Mr. Zhang's attitude had improved considerably. He said, "Young man, please speak freely. I'm all ears."

"First of all, my house is surrounded by local residents."

So I don't want my house to look out of place compared to the other houses around it once it's built.

However, I also want to use only the best materials. This requires Mr. Zhang to come up with a solution.

For example, I want to make two large doors using Phoebe zhennan wood, but I don't want people to be able to tell that it's Phoebe zhennan wood.

This requires Mr. Zhang to come up with a solution, such as aging it.

Of course, I'm just using an example; it doesn't necessarily have to be Phoebe zhennan wood, but it must be good quality wood.

Mr. Zhang can handle this himself. Also, I need this house to be built very sturdily, preferably able to withstand an earthquake of magnitude 8 or 9.

After all, this is the house I'll be living in until I'm old.

I'm 20 years old this year. If I live to be 100, I'll probably live for another 80 or 90 years.

Mr. Zhang rolled his eyes. Why don't you just say you'll live to be two hundred?

"Houses must be built with high-quality materials, have an aged finish, and be able to withstand strong earthquakes."

It should blend in with the surrounding houses. Don't look out of place.

"Any other requests, young man? Just tell me," Mr. Zhang said.

“Yes, yes, that’s it,” Sha Zhu said with a smile.

"Also, when enclosing the area with a wall, the back wall should not be the back wall of the three main rooms; the three main rooms should be built separately in the courtyard."

"Oh, please continue," Mr. Zhang said, pausing for a moment.

"Here's what I'm thinking: I'm a bit afraid of the cold in winter, so I need three layers of protection."

First, I need three main rooms to build firewalls, which means I need to build two walls with a gap in the middle.

If, after the fire is lit, the hot air penetrates into the firewall, it will feel very hot to others with their backs against my back wall, which is not ideal.

“I understand, please continue,” Mr. Zhang nodded and said.

"The second thing is to help me build heated brick beds in the east and west rooms."

Thirdly, space should be reserved for the stove in the house of ordinary people.

Also, could you please build me a fireplace in the middle of the living room, with the flue connecting to the fireplace wall?

"Young man, what's wrong with you?" Bald Zhang looked at Sha Zhu as if he were a monster.

Sha Zhu scratched his head sheepishly and continued,

"I'm afraid of the cold, and I want to be more comfortable in winter. I'll try several ways to keep warm."

The government can't possibly provide me with collective heating for ordinary citizens.

Boss, just build it according to my instructions. Also, the roof must be waterproof.

Even in the fiercest wind and rain, even if the roof tiles are blown off,

I don't want to fall into the house, so I want partitions inside the house.

A suspended ceiling is required, and the best quality wood must be used to protect it from rain and falling tiles.

Perhaps Mr. Zhang had grown numb to it all, so he took out a piece of paper, scribbled on it, and continued, "Anything else?"

"Also, in our old houses, the yards often flood after heavy rain."

Therefore, I need to raise the house by several tens of centimeters during construction.

"Mr. Zhang, your construction team needs to take careful measurements. The drainage in the yard must be done properly."

"Continue," Mr. Zhang said without looking up.

"Build a kitchen of about 15 square meters against the left wall in the yard. It must be sturdy."

A toilet also needs to be built in the right corner of the yard.

My house is quite far from the main road, and I don't know the specifics of the sewer system.

Therefore, a septic tank will need to be built for the toilet, and the construction team will provide a plan.

Simply put, I don't want to have to squeeze into a public restroom with other people every day.

"Young man, you want to get along well with your neighbors, but you don't want to share the toilet with others, right?"

Does your toilet need a seat? You're making things difficult for me.

Don't your neighbors ever come to your house? Is your toilet just for show?

"Can't others see this? What other requirements do you have?" Zhang the Bald looked at Sha Zhu with disdain.

"A squat toilet is fine, but could you please dye it black for me?" Sha Zhu said awkwardly.

"How about dyeing it green?" Zhang the Bald said angrily.

"We'll see when the time comes. If all else fails, I'll see if I can build you a 'yin-yang toilet' (a toilet for people with different genders, one for the living and one for the dead)."

Hide your toilet spot; put two buckets outside so no one can see it.

"You never go to the toilet, and you never empty the bin. If someone asks, you'll have to take care of it yourself, okay?"

Sha Zhu smiled and continued,

"Help me divide the three main rooms—the east room and the west room—into two rooms."

The East Room helped me build a hidden basement, one that most people couldn't find the entrance to.

"I'll keep some cigarettes, alcohol, tea, and the like for myself," Sha Zhu continued, making his request.

"That's easy. I'll hide the entrance in the wardrobe for you. And what else?" Mr. Zhang scribbled on the paper.

"Build me a cellar in the yard, with the entrance near the eaves of the main house, so that rainwater doesn't flow in."

There's also the inner room on the west side of the main house; I need to take a shower there, and the drain needs to be unclogged.