Rebirth to Save Myself

When Su Xia said that, Lu Jingnian was stunned. Holding hands? Was that what he meant? He had been nervously chatting with Shen Zhiheng before leaving earlier that day, and Shen Zhiheng had told Lu Jingnian to just confess. If successful, they would become boyfriend and girlfriend; if not, they would remain classmates. But Lu Jingnian was too timid, saying that it would be awkward if he was rejected, and it would be better to remain friends as they were now.

"Are you stupid or just plain dumb? How can you be so ambiguous with someone like this without any status or relationship? What if they don't like you and just keep you as a backup option? You'll be doomed!" Shen Zhiheng cursed on the other end of the phone.

"You used to call her Xiaxia, how come you're calling her 'her' now?" Lu Jingnian asked with a smile.

"One of them is my brother from childhood, and the other is Su Xia, whom I've only known for a short time. I can tell them apart, okay?"

"I'm going to leave now, that's all for now."

"So, are you going to confess your feelings or not? What's the point of asking her out if you're not going to confess?!"

"Bye!" Lu Jingnian didn't answer directly, hung up the phone, put on a coat, and went out.

Back to the present, Su Xia was puzzled by Lu Jingnian's silence for a while, thinking to herself, "Are all men these days so traditionally so virtuous? Even holding hands is forbidden!" But she wasn't much better. She had just lectured him last time, saying he shouldn't lean on a girl other than his girlfriend's shoulder, and now she was saying she wanted to hold hands. Anyone would find that contradictory. Su Xia thought it made sense, so she didn't force Lu Jingnian. She was about to walk through the crowd to the other side when Lu Jingnian grabbed her arm.

"Didn't we say we'd hold hands? Why did you leave first?" Lu Jingnian said without looking at Su Xia, then led her through the crowd.

"I thought you weren't willing, Lao Lu."

"No."

The two looked at many more lanterns. Along the way, Lu Jingnian held Su Xia's hand, and Su Xia felt the warmth emanating from her palm.

"Why are your hands so cold? Are you not wearing enough clothes?" Lu Jingnian turned to look at Su Xia.

"No, it's an old problem. My hands and feet get cold as soon as winter arrives, and no matter how many layers I wear, I still can't warm up." Su Xia shook her head. Today, she was wearing a hat and scarf, which was considered quite thick compared to others.

"Then, let me warm it up for you again." Lu Jingnian moved Su Xia's hand and continued to hold her hand.

"Okay, thank you, Lao Lu. I'm really happy to have a friend like you." Su Xia nodded, saying what she wanted to say. When Lu Jingnian asked her out alone before, she vaguely guessed that the boy was interested in her. She originally wanted to refuse, but she was afraid that it would be awkward for him when they met. So she thought she would take the initiative to be friends first, so that he would know to back down.

Lu Jingnian understood the implication in Su Xia's words. He felt a pang of sadness but forced himself to continue shopping with her. It was nearly nine o'clock when the two finally boarded the bus back. The bus was packed, and Lu Jingnian escorted Su Xia to the back door.

"A young couple out for a stroll? There's a seat here, would you like to come and sit down?" A kind-looking woman, around forty or fifty years old, looked at the two of them.

"We're not a couple, Auntie," Su Xia explained awkwardly.

"You're lying. You're wearing matching outfits and pretending you're not. I know what's going on. You're just afraid your parents will say something, aren't you?" The aunt looked at the two of them with an air of knowing everything.

Su Xia glanced down at her black coat, then at Lu Jingnian, who was also wearing a black coat—both were long coats. They were wearing hoodies underneath, but auntie, isn't this a popular style these days? How did it become matching outfits?

Su Xia couldn't take it anymore, so she asked a mother and her child to sit next to the aunt, thinking that would shut the aunt up. Unexpectedly, the aunt said to the mother, "That young couple is so kind. I asked them to sit, and they called you over."

The mother looked at Su Xia and the others and said, "Thank you!"

Su Xia was too exhausted to explain anything. Just then, the bus arrived at the stop, and she immediately squeezed through the crowd to get off. The two walked home together, looking at the scenery along the river. The dazzling lights were reflected on the water, creating a colorful spectacle.

"Old Lu, thank you for today!" Su Xia turned around and said to Lu Jingnian.

Lu Jingnian was replying to Shen Zhiheng's messages when he heard this. He looked up at her and asked, "What?"

"I said, thank you for taking me to see the lanterns." Su Xia found it amusing; why did this child look so silly? She hadn't noticed before, but now, seeing his blank expression, she couldn't help but laugh.

"It's okay, we're friends, right?" Lu Jingnian still wanted to confirm an answer.

“Yes, we are friends.” Su Xia nodded solemnly. That’s right, we can only be friends.

After dropping Su Xia off at home, Lu Jingnian also went home. He had just taken off his coat when Shen Zhiheng called; if he didn't answer, he would relentlessly keep calling. Lu Jingnian had to use one hand to answer the phone: "Hello?"

"What's going on? Are you together?" Shen Zhiheng was extremely anxious. They had been chatting unclearly on QQ, and the connection kept dropping.

"No, I haven't even confessed." Lu Jingnian's voice sounded no different from usual.

"What the heck? You didn't really just ask them to go see the lanterns, did you? You can't be that clueless, can you?" Shen Zhiheng questioned on the other end of the phone. Lao Lu, you don't usually seem like this.

"I... she said we're good friends." Lu Jingnian sat weakly on the edge of the bed, a little sad.

"Old Lu, you've just been friend-zoned! I knew it! They don't like you, but they're open to being friends. That's when you should take the initiative and tell them how great it is to have you as a friend." Shen Zhiheng talked on the other end of the phone, but Lu Jingnian just wouldn't listen.

He's had a relatively smooth life from childhood to adulthood. From elementary school onwards, female classmates would bring him food and milk. He received love letters non-stop from middle school onwards, but he disliked these girls. Falling in love with someone based solely on their looks without knowing them at all was completely love-struck behavior; his grades weren't good, yet he still wanted to be in a relationship.

During a national junior high school competition, he met Su Xia by chance. Seeing her family travel from multiple provinces to cheer her on, he assumed she must have grown up in a very happy family. That is, until he heard the truth his parents had uncovered: she wasn't actually the Chen family's daughter, and she didn't take her mother's surname and her father's surname as he had imagined. He learned how terrible her family background was, how they even ignored her grades and her excellence simply because she was a girl. He also learned how strong she was, never showing these traits outwardly, or perhaps letting these traits lead others to treat her with leniency.

Gradually, he discovered Su Xia's shining qualities, the childlike side hidden beneath her calm facade, and her unique qualities. Actually, Lu Jingnian couldn't quite say whether he liked Su Xia, but he just felt very comfortable and at ease with her. Su Xia would subtly consider his feelings and those of others, making everyone feel comfortable. She could cook, was very polite, and could talk fluently about topics beyond her years.

"Hey, Lao Lu, Lao Lu, are you listening?" Shen Zhiheng almost shouted on the other end of the phone.

"Well, what happened?"

"I'm asking you, do you still want to be friends with her?"

"want."

"Seriously? This is just being a backup plan. Lao Lu, you're so outstanding, you could have a bunch of girls flocking to you with a wave of your hand. Why hang yourself on one tree?"

“No, I don’t want anyone else but her,” Lu Jingnian said firmly.

"Are you single-minded? The kind who goes straight to the bottom? What about that beautiful girl you said you confessed your feelings to in the cafeteria?"

"Her? She's Su Xia's good friend now, and she doesn't like me anymore."

"What the hell? She even turned your crush against you, saying she wants to be friends with you? Seriously, is she crazy?"

"Strictly speaking, it wasn't a defection; they just hit it off and became friends."

"Can you please stop omitting so much when you say that? It made me think they were a couple."

"I'm not talking to you anymore, I have to get up early for class tomorrow."

After hanging up the phone, Lu Jingnian lay on the bed, recalling Su Xia's words from earlier that day: "I'm so happy to have a friend like you." Did she really have no feelings for him at all? Did she really only see him as a friend?

Meanwhile, Su Xia ignored Chen Yuan's curious questions and locked the door from the inside to prevent her from sneaking in in the middle of the night. Su Xia took off her coat, changed into her pajamas, and lay on the bed, wanting to sleep but unable to. She didn't know if her decision to agree to go out with Lu Jingnian today was the right one. Even though she had rejected him, seeing his expression still made her feel a little sorry for him.

Why didn't Su Xia want to date Lu Jingnian? At first, she wasn't sure, but now her health was deteriorating, and hospital checkups couldn't find anything wrong. Su Xia felt this was a precursor to cancer, a curse she couldn't escape from her past life. With so little time left, how could she possibly date a boy and ruin his life?

She even considered moving out of the Chen family home once she turned 18, gradually reducing contact with them. Even her own parents disliked her illness and didn't want to spend money on treatment. She didn't want to trouble the Chen family with that money, throwing it into a bottomless pit. Su Xia stared at the ceiling and murmured to herself, "If this life could be different, that would be good enough."

With the start of the second semester of the junior year, everyone's studies became more intense. The teachers planned to finish the senior year curriculum in half a semester, and then officially enter the review and sprint stage. Su Xia's national chemistry competition was scheduled before the midterm exams, and the teacher did not let Lu Jingnian continue to tutor her. Instead, the teacher arranged for all the students participating in the competition to gather together for tutoring by the chemistry teacher.

Su Xia breathed a sigh of relief; at least she wouldn't have to face Lu Jingnian for a while. Even if she handled things perfectly, the Lantern Festival incident was still somewhat awkward. Lu Jingnian probably also needed to calm down, so he didn't say anything, only telling Su Xia, "If you don't understand something, you can ask me."

Chen Yuan knew Su Xia was under a lot of pressure, so she didn't bother her too much, and even reduced the number of times she went to Su Xia's room to sleep in the middle of the night. Mainly because she had gone several times and found Su Xia still awake, doing her homework. Seeing Su Xia so focused on her work made her own sleep a little uneasy.

Chen Chunqi, worried that Su Xia's health might deteriorate after the competition, would frequently prepare a nourishing soup for her. Chen Yuan shared half of it, and as a result, Su Xia remained unchanged, while Chen Yuan gained five pounds.

Touching the fat on her stomach, Chen Yuan cried to Chen Chunqi, "I'm not eating anymore, or I'll turn into a balloon."

"What's there to be afraid of? Kids are still growing during puberty, they'll slim down later." Chen Chunqi was dismissive, thinking that kids look better a little chubby.

"You're lying! We've been eating the same things, so why hasn't Xiaxia changed at all?" Chen Yuan pointed at the thin Su Xia next to her, her face full of grief and indignation.

“Yes, I have. I’ve gained weight too. I’m 95 now,” Su Xia said earnestly to Chen Yuan.

"No, I'm going to lose weight. I'm not going to eat dinner tonight, and nobody can stop me." Chen Yuan said and went back to her room.

"This child, she talks about losing weight every other day, but I've never seen her succeed." Chen Chunqi said dismissively. Chen Yuan basically says she wants to lose weight every time she weighs herself, but when it's time to eat, she still comes running over to eat, shouting as she eats, "I need to eat to have the energy to lose weight."

Su Xia shook her head. Actually, Chen Yuan's height of 160 cm and weight of 110 catties weren't considered fat. She had some flesh on her body, which felt soft and cuddly, making one want to rub against her. However, Chen Yuan thought that Su Xia's slenderness was more attractive, and she was determined to be as thin as Su Xia.

Chen Yuan complained to Chen Wenwei in the room that she had gained weight. She said that even though she ate with Su Xia, all the weight went to her.

"It's okay, my lovely little Yuanyuan isn't fat. What will you do if you get hungry if you don't eat dinner?"

"I'll endure the hunger; I want to lose weight."

"Have you considered that if you get so hungry that you can't stand it, you'll binge eat, causing you to eat even more than usual? And your irregular eating habits make you more likely to gain weight."

"Oh no, what should I do then?"

"Just go eat properly, eat a little less at each meal, and don't eat until you're stuffed. Add some moderate exercise, and don't lie in bed without moving after eating, and you'll lose weight."

"Alright then, I believe you."

A knocking sound rang out on the door.

"Who?"

“It’s me, Yuanyuan.”

"Xiaxia, I'm not talking to you anymore, bye-bye." Chen Yuan hung up the phone and went to open the door before Chen Wenwei could say anything.

Chen Wenwei listened helplessly to the dial tone on the phone. Just as his girlfriend had said, he and Su Xia couldn't compare to each other in her heart.

"Chatting with your little Yuanyuan again?" Lin Mohan asked Chen Wenwei.

"Yes, Su Xia came out and snatched it away."

"Haha, you've been dumped."

"Yes, Su Xia is more important than me."

"That's for sure. They're sisters, and you're a boyfriend I can break up with anytime."

"You're reading a book, aren't you? There's so much nonsense in it."