Time Travel: The Queen's Coronation

The shooting left a deep psychological scar on me. Even after returning to China, I still suffered from frequent insomnia. This insomnia left me feeling shaky mentally and exhausted, and I even lost five pounds. Even with exercise, it was difficult to lose even a pound. I didn't expect to lose five pounds because of this incident. I was both happy and disappointed.

"Qing'er, why do you look so depressed after coming back from the United States? Did something happen?" Zheng Lan noticed something was wrong.

"Yes, I've always wanted to ask that, but seeing that you're distracted, I'm afraid of asking the wrong question," Hu Ning also said.

"Qing'er, if you have any problems, just tell us and see if we can help you," Liu Xiu said as he walked over and put his hand on my shoulder.

"I..." I hesitated to speak.

"Don't you trust us?" Liu Xiu patted me again.

"No, it's just..."

"I'm so anxious. Just tell me what you want to say. This is not like you!" Zheng Lan said anxiously.

“That’s right, I killed someone.”

"What?" Zheng Lan was confused.

"When I was in the United States, I killed someone," I narrated calmly.

"why?"

I calmly told them about my experience of being in a shooting in the United States, and they were all shocked because they had only seen such things on the news, and now someone close to them had actually encountered such a thing.

"Qing'er, you're not wrong. This was self-defense," Zheng Lan said, hugging me.

"Yes! You were acting in self-defense. Your life was threatened and you needed to protect yourself. If you didn't shoot, you and Rong Zixuan would be the ones to die. And that gunman killed so many people indiscriminately. He deserved it. You did nothing wrong and there is no need to blame yourself!" Liu Xiu said to me firmly.

"Yes, Qing'er, you decisively chose to shoot at such a critical moment. It's amazing. If it were me, I would probably be scared to death," Hu Ning was still so humorous.

"Qing'er, the environment in the United States is different from ours. You had no choice but to shoot in that situation. You have to remember that you are not wrong, the gunman is wrong. You don't need to feel guilty. Think about the Anti-Japanese War. Would our soldiers feel remorse and guilt for killing the devils? The answer is definitely no. Why? Because they are enemies, and killing them is to defend our country and nation. In the same way, you killed the gunman to protect yourself, to protect Rong Zixuan, and even to protect more innocent people from being harmed. You really don't need to feel guilty."

"But every time I close my eyes, the scene of the gunman's tragic death appears before my eyes," I covered my face and cried.

"Don't be afraid, he is a demon, you have to defeat him, not be defeated by him"

With the three of them taking turns comforting and encouraging me, I began to feel a little better. But the image of the gunman's tragic death still haunted me, sometimes waking me up in a sweat. Finally, at the persistent urging of Zheng Lan and Rong Zixuan, I saw a psychiatrist. Rong Zixuan had also urged me to see one when I was in the US, believing that early counseling might help, nipping the inner demons in the bud. But I've always felt that a psychiatrist is just a chat; ultimately, I have to rely on myself to overcome my inner demons. So, seeing a psychiatrist wasn't necessary. But after so much time had passed, I really needed help. I couldn't fully move on from this on my own.

Since I had no classes on Friday afternoon, I made an appointment with a psychologist for that time slot, and Rong Zixuan accompanied me. Inside the consultation room, the psychologist and I talked a lot, but mostly he just asked me to describe my own thoughts. He offered no advice on how to overcome the nightmare, but instead acted as a listener. Like Xianglin Sao, I recounted my experiences nonstop, while the psychologist listened silently, occasionally interjecting. But for some reason, I felt a significant sense of relief upon leaving the room. Seeing Rong Zixuan, I felt a surge of excitement, and I threw myself at him, hugging him.

Rong Zixuan also hugged me tightly and said with a smile, "Do you feel better?"

"Much better. And after talking for so long, I'm a little hungry. Are you hungry?" I looked at him with a smile on my face.

"What do you want to eat?" He also looked at me with a smile.

"I don't know what to eat, why not go to a buffet, there's everything you can eat"

"it is good!"

After we finished the buffet, it was still early, so Rong Zixuan took me shopping.

"Ah Qing, it's still early. How about we go shopping and help digest our food?"

"go!"

Rong Zixuan hugged me and said, "Ah Qing, I haven't seen you smile so happily since that incident, so it's all over now, right?"

"Well, I can't say for sure that it's all over, but at least I've gotten out of that vicious circle. I no longer blame myself or feel guilty. I was acting in self-defense! He killed so many people, he's a monster, and I killed him to rid the people of this evil."

“Yes, I hope you think so.”

"But there's one more thing."

"what?"

"After this experience, my creative desire has exploded. I want to learn a book for an hour and write a novel based on this experience."

"Write, your writing is so good it will definitely be good. You write, and I will be your first reader."

"Really? No regrets! You have to give me suggestions and check for typos. You're my editor!"

"Okay, okay, great writer, I'll do as you say!"

I had a blast that night and bought a lot of new clothes. When I returned to the dorm, I was, as Hu Ning put it, a completely different person from when I went out that afternoon. Yes, I was so sad when I left, but so happy when I came back. I also brought them snacks to thank them for their support and encouragement.

Later, I also began writing my novel, "Bullet." It tells the story of a little girl who witnesses her parents being shot. She hides a bullet lodged in a crack at the crime scene, looking at it every day as a constant reminder of her parents' blood feud. When she grows up, she becomes a police officer, vowing to catch the murderer and avenge her parents.

I outlined the story, organized the character relationships, created a character relationship diagram, and finally designed the contradictions, conflicts, and key points. The main plot was the pursuit of the murderer, with subplots of friendship and love branching out from it. I shared the outline with Rong Zixuan and Hu Ning, and they offered suggestions, which I then revised accordingly. By the time I finally wrote the first piece, I felt like I had conquered my inner demons, because I could speak freely about that experience without fear. It's amazing how a terrifying experience could become the starting point of my literary creation!