Zhu Chao accompanied me to watch short videos

Tang Dynasty.

Yuchi Jingde coughed violently, successfully attracting the attention of everyone present.

"I used to think that writing poetry was a technical job, but now it seems that all you need is hands. Come on, come on, listen to me recite a poem!" Yuchi Jingde shouted in a loud voice.

"Oh? You can also write poetry?" Li Shimin was immediately interested.

Changsun Wuji and Wei Zheng beside them also cast curious glances.

"How difficult is this? Sorry for showing off!"

Yuchi Jingde walked a few steps in the hall with pretentiousness, shaking his head and began to recite: "Poem: "Ode to Urine""

"Splash after splash,"

"Two splashes, three splashes, four splashes, five splashes."

"Six splash, seven splash, eight splash, nine splash,"

"You didn't even tell me you peed on my hand."

After reciting the poem, Yuchi Jingde opened his eyes and looked at Li Shimin, and asked confidently: "Your Majesty, how is it? Not worse than that of Emperor Qianlong, right?"

Li Shimin's face was stiff and the corners of his mouth twitched unconsciously.

You know what, this idiot Yuchi didn't lie, he really made a fool of himself.

Just as he was thinking about how to answer so as not to undermine Yuchi Jingde's self-confidence.

Wei Zheng, who was standing by, commented with a strange look on his face: "They can be described as 'Crouching Dragon and Phoenix' together with Qianlong."

Then he looked up at the bullet screen on the sky screen and said, "Well, Youlin is here too."

Several other people also looked towards the sky, and saw that someone else had posted his "masterpiece".

[The best clay pot chicken in the Ming Dynasty: "Going to the Toilet" (x Ten Golden Beans)]

[I had a big poop yesterday, and a big poop today. ]

[One after another, I have to poop a lot every day. 】

"A close friend!"

When Yuchi Jingde saw Zhu Gaoxu's masterpiece, his eyes immediately lit up. He thought that although this poem was not as good as his own, it was indeed much better than Qianlong's.

He immediately sent out his masterpiece.

Now, the entire barrage completely exploded.

Many people began to praise these two "poems" one after another, but any discerning person could see that although they seemed to be praising Yuchi Jingde and Zhu Gaoxu, they were actually making fun of Qianlong.

A closer look reveals that these people are basically from the Song and Ming dynasties. During these two dynasties, one was badly bullied by the Jurchens, and the other was even directly usurped by the Jurchens. Now that they have finally found an opportunity to vent, they naturally will not show mercy.

Qing Dynasty.

When Qianlong saw the sarcastic comments, his face turned from red to blue, and from blue to purple, and his body trembled slightly with anger.

Just as he was about to open the microphone and speak passionately to celebrities from various dynasties, the voice from the sky sounded again.

[We have already appreciated Emperor Qianlong's "peerless poems", now let us appreciate the "masterpiece" of Zhang Zongchang. ]

[The first poem is the same poem about snow as Emperor Qianlong’s.]

[Ode to Snow (by Zhang Zongchang)]

[What are those things flying in the sky? There are piles of them here and there.]

[Could it be that the Jade Emperor is building a golden palace, sifting lime, sifting lime. ]

Qianlong: “…”

In fact, he himself has a very high level of appreciation, but he uses a beauty filter to color his poems, so he doesn't think his poems are bad.

At this moment, he saw that these ridiculous "poems" could be put on the same level as his, which made him even more angry and his defenses were broken.

As soon as he opened his mouth, he could hear the chirping of birds and the fragrance of flowers: "I￥%..., what a mess this is, how can it be called a poem?"

"Are you worthy enough to be on the same level as me? You're not even worthy enough to carry my shoes!"

Qianlong's anger reached its peak. As a poetry lover, he felt that his literary achievements had been unreasonably belittled.

"These people don't understand me, only He Shen understands me. It's true that the way of literature is beyond the reach of mediocre people."

Thinking of this, Qianlong was too lazy to argue with others anymore.

[Let’s enjoy another poem that has a similar effect to Emperor Qianlong’s “Ode to the City Wall”. ]

【"Visiting Mount Tai" (Zhang Zongchang)】

【From a distance, Mount Tai looks dark and thin on top and thick at the bottom. 】

[It is like turning Mount Tai upside down, with a thin bottom and a thick top. ]

——"It's really interesting. As expected, to be a warlord at that time, you not only had to have guns, but also had to be alive."

——"I think his best work is still the poem "Daming Lake": Daming Lake, Daming Lake is big, there are lotus flowers in Daming Lake, and there are toads on the lotus flowers, which jump up and down when you poke them."

——"Little known fact: although he is not good at writing poetry, he is also the founder and second president of Shandong University. Yes, that is the university you are thinking of."

——"This poem is truly 'only an old woman can understand'. The main point is that it is down-to-earth. It is still a little bit inferior to Bai Juyi and Zhang Dashuai."

——"Qianlong: My dear friend, I regret that we did not meet before I got married"

"fart!"

Can I be his bosom friend?

Qianlong, who had just advised himself not to bother with mediocre people, was once again defeated.

He has an unswerving pursuit and lofty respect for the true art of poetry. Does Zhang Zongchang have the same?

He has nothing!

[Of course, Emperor Qianlong and Zhang Zongchang did not only have poems like this, but there are also several good poems. ]

That’s right, that’s right. Take out some of your most proud poems and show them to us.

After seeing this, Qianlong's anger subsided a lot. This Tianmu was indeed a man who understood something.

[For example, Emperor Qianlong’s... um, for example... um, forget it, I can’t think of an example, so let’s just look at this poem by Zhang Zongchang.]

"Tianmu, I'll fuck you￥%￥"

This time, Qianlong walked out of the hall angrily and ignored it.

Break the sky, if I look at you again, I will be a dog!

Qianlong's "retirement from the tour" did not affect the sky curtain, which continued to play.

【The Great Wind Song (Zhang Zongchang)】

[Fire the cannons and blast his mother, return home with power throughout the country. ]

[Among the heroes, there is Zhang Zongchang. How can we find a giant whale to swallow Fusang? 】

——"This is not right, Lao Zhang suddenly got it? It must be!"

——"He really didn't open it, but he found a power leveler. The last sentence seems to have been added by his adjutant, just like Qianlong's sentence 'Flying into the reeds and disappearing' was written by Ji Xiaolan."

——"Hahahaha, so funny. No wonder they are compared. Their experiences are so similar."

Han Dynasty.

"Hahaha, good!"

"What a great whale that swallowed Fusang, it is bold and courageous, and it has not tarnished the name of my ancestor's "Da Feng Ge""

Liu Che's laughter was like a loud bell, echoing continuously in the hall. The rest of the poem was very ordinary, but the last sentence was definitely the highlight.

Just based on this last sentence, he approved of this Dafeng song!

"In my opinion, although Zhang Zongchang's choice of words and sentences is not very exquisite, the last sentence is more powerful than..."

Before Liu Che finished speaking, he saw the comments about ghostwriting on the sky screen. He was suddenly embarrassed and the smile on his face froze.

Do I need someone to ghostwrite even this crappy poem?

No wonder I always feel like the shit pot is rimmed with gold.

This feeling was not unique to Liu Che; other literati also felt an indescribable nausea.

Especially the poets of the Tang Dynasty, now they only have one thought in their minds.

They had to write poetry as much as possible. If the quality was not good enough, they could make up for it with quantity. Anyway, they could not let future generations say anything. The number of poems written by Qianlong alone exceeded the total number of poems written by all the poets in the Tang Dynasty.

They can't afford to lose this person!

At the other end of this time and space, thousands of years later, primary and secondary school students, looking at the "Two Hundred Thousand Tang Poems", which is several times thicker than the "Xinhua Dictionary", all wanted to die.

How come these ancestors are so good at writing!

I really want to sing a song for them: "Listen to me saying thank you, because of you, the four seasons are warm~"

……

reality.

Luo Li clicked into the comment section and was about to burst out laughing when she saw the "poetic talent" of the genius netizens.

"Sister Man, please take a look at the poems written by these stupid netizens."

Luo Li reached out and poked Li Man's exposed fair waist, which made Li Man shudder.

After glaring at Luo Li in reproach, he looked at the phone screen.

"Zhang Zongchang's version of the seven-step poem? When the beans are boiled and the bean stalks are burned, the beans are crying in the pot. We are all from the same mother, why do you want to boil me?"

"Hehe, this person writes much better than Zhang Zongchang. Zhang Zongchang can't rhyme." Li Man read and couldn't help laughing out loud.

“And this.”

Luo Li pointed to another poem and read: "From a distance, the stone looks big. From close up, the stone is really big. It is really a big stone. This is absolutely amazing."

The more they watched, the more they couldn't stop laughing, and then the cry of one "goose" turned into two.

"Lolo, take another look at this."

Luo Li and the others read the comments section and clicked on the related search below [Zhang Zongchang bombarded the Dragon King to pray for rain]

As a result, the first video that came out was not about Zhang Zongchang, but a popular science video about artificial rainfall.

"Watch the bombardment of the Dragon King first, and then look at this later." Luo Li slid her finger directly downwards.

At this moment, after the ancient people saw the title clearly, their eyes suddenly widened and their breathing became rapid.

Artificial rainfall?

Can later generations already control the wind and rain? What is the difference between them and gods?

Just as they sat upright, ready to watch carefully.

The picture flashed by, and the title changed to [Zhang Zongchang bombarded the Dragon King to pray for rain]

Under the sky, an old man was in the Dragon King Temple, chanting a prayer for rain.

[The gods feed the people, and the officials feed the ruler]

【Each person thinks about his own business and eats without guilt】

【Officials...】

Zhang Zongchang, who was standing aside, listened to the old man's chatter with a sullen look on his face.

After the old man finished chanting, the temple keeper who had been waiting for a long time came over with incense.

[Please ask the commander to burn incense and pray for rain! ]

Zhang Zongchang glanced at the statue of the Dragon King sitting above, and then slapped the sandalwood away with a slap.

This action immediately frightened the onlookers and soldiers.

Zhang Zongchang was seen walking slowly to the statue of the Dragon King, and began to recite the traditional Chinese culture with a dialect accent.

[Dragon King? What kind of Dragon King are you? What do you care about, huh? ]

[The Dragon King is responsible for the good weather and the peace and prosperity of the country.]

[It didn't rain for three months, huh? ]

[You’ve caused the crops to not grow, and the people to cry for their parents, and you’re sitting there with such a high opinion of yourself, wearing your fur coat inside out and pretending to be a sheep? ]

[Fuck your uncle, I tell you, if it doesn’t rain within three days, I will use a cannon to shoot you assholes at Qianfo Mountain.]

[If you don't believe it, just wait and see! ]

——"Although his words are not blunt, they are too blunt. (It makes me cry)"

——"You know what, as expected of an abstract poet, you can speak in a very coherent way."

Under the canopy.

The ancients from all time and space were so shocked that their mouths could not close.

Some extremely superstitious people even fell to their knees and kowtowed madly.

"Lord Dragon, please calm down! Lord Dragon, please calm down!"

For the people who were living in a year of severe drought, this scene touched their sensitive nerves, and they all wanted to eat Zhang Zongchang.