The little crybaby in the group, the young master is a softie

The snow outside the window was falling heavier and heavier. Goose-feather-like snowflakes swirled and landed on the glass, quickly accumulating into a thin layer of white, turning the distant streetlights into a hazy ball of light.

Ming Xi breathed a sigh of relief, and his fingertips scratched crooked marks on the cold glass, which he then subconsciously wiped away, just like he always wanted to erase his wavering thoughts.

The past three months have been like stolen candy, so sweet when you first taste it that you forget everything else, but the longer you hold it in your mouth, the bitterness gradually seeps into the sweetness.

In the past, when Yin Hen quietly knocked on his window, he would run over with his heart beating faster. But now, when he heard that soft sound, he would pause for two seconds, holding the curtains and hesitating whether to open them.

Yin Hen's embrace was still warm, and the scent on his body was still the fresh smell of grass and trees in his memory, but he no longer snuggled into the other's arms like before, and sometimes he would even gently push him away by adjusting his collar.

"What are you looking at?" Su Xiang's voice came from behind him, carrying the damp heat of a freshly showered bath. When Ming Xi turned around, the other party had already walked over to him and casually wrapped a cashmere shawl around his shoulders. "Stay away from the window, don't catch a cold."

Ming Xi looked at the familiar tenderness in Su Xiang's eyes and recalled everything he had done for him. It was he who, despite his troubled past, treated him like a treasure. It was he who, knowing his low self-esteem, invited the powerful CEO, Wang Youjun, to be his adopted father, allowing him to rise from the underbelly of society to the illustrious status of the Fenglin Crown Prince.

But what about him? He shared a bowl of hot soup with Yin Hen in the cubicle behind Su Xiang's back, secretly held hands with her in the corridor late at night, and even... accepted Yin Hen's kiss.

Guilt surged up like a tide, making his eyes burn. He suddenly stood on tiptoe, put his hands around Su Xiang's neck, and pressed his lips against hers.

Su Xiang was visibly stunned for a moment, then raised his hand to support his waist in response. But Mingxi's mind was far away. He could clearly feel the warmth of Su Xiang's palm, but he couldn't help but think of Yin Hen gently pinching his chin when he kissed him, with a gesture of careful cherishment.

As soon as this thought came to his mind, he suddenly pushed Su Xiang away, lowered his head and stared at the tip of his shoes, trembling with guilt: "I, I'm a little sleepy, I want to go to sleep first."

Su Xiang didn't think much of it, just thought he was shy, and rubbed his hair: "Okay, I'll come to accompany you after I finish this work."

Ming Xi didn't dare to raise his head until Su Xiang turned around and returned to the desk. His eyes were already red. He quickly walked to the bed and covered his head with the quilt, but he couldn't fall asleep.

In his mind, he sometimes saw Su Xiang wiping his tears, and sometimes saw Yin Hen buying chestnut cakes for him in Yanhuo Alley.

Sometimes it was Su Xiang's cold face when he smashed his favorite fish lantern, and sometimes it was Yin Hen hugging him tightly in the closet and saying "Don't be afraid".

Who did he really love? This question was like a thorn stuck in his heart, which he couldn't pull out or swallow.

……

By the time Su Xiang finished his work, the snow outside the window had subsided. He tiptoed to the bed, lifted a corner of the quilt, and lay down. With a single stretch of his arms, he pulled Ming Xi into his arms, kissing him tenderly on the forehead. He whispered, "Sleeping so soundly?"

Mingxi closed his eyes and didn't dare to answer. He didn't know how long it took until he heard the sound of even breathing beside him, and then he quietly opened his eyes.

His body was still stiff, but he could clearly feel the strong and warm arm around his waist. After hesitating for a long time, he slowly raised his head and stared at the other person's sleeping face in the faint moonlight coming in from the window.

In the night, Su Xiang's eyebrows and eyes appeared particularly gentle. The corners of his lips, which were usually tightly pursed, were slightly relaxed at this moment, and even the sharpness between his eyebrows faded a little.

Mingxi's nose suddenly felt sore, like swallowing a piece of unmelted rock sugar, and his throat felt tight. He thought, what a mess he was. He was clearly enjoying everything Su Xiang had given him, but he was still secretly thinking about someone else behind his back. Even now, lying in his arms, his mind was still filled with the image of that other person.

Yin Hen's kindness was genuine. She remembered his favorite chestnut cakes, helped him move the orchids from the terrace into the house during a rainstorm, and held him in her arms when he was afraid, whispering, "I'm here." Her gentleness wasn't fake, and neither was her heartbeat.

But now, this heartbeat has become a shackle that torments him. On one side is the stability and kindness given by Su Xiang, and on the other side is the throbbing and expectation brought by Yin Hen. He feels like he is standing on the edge of a cliff: forward is unknown danger, backward is the cage of guilt. No matter what choice he makes, it seems wrong.

Ming Xi pressed her face against Su Xiang's chest, listening to the steady, powerful heartbeat, tears quietly soaking his pajamas. What should he do? If he hadn't met Yin Hen, would he have stayed by Su Xiang's side peacefully? If he hadn't agreed to let Yin Hen get close to him, would he not be in this current entanglement and pain?

But there is no "if" in the world.

The time he spent with Yin Hen strolling through the fireworks alley, picking wild strawberries together, and sharing secrets in the cubicle together were also the happiness he had truly experienced. He couldn't pretend that those joys had never existed, nor could he pretend that the guilt he felt towards Su Xiang had never existed.

He knew that this kind of life wouldn't last long, and he would have to make a choice. But the thought of giving up one of them made his heart feel like a piece was being cut out, and the pain was so severe that he couldn't breathe.

He could only do this now, greedily absorbing Su Xiang's warmth, while secretly reciting Yin Hen's name in his heart, and continue to struggle in a dilemma between stability and throbbing.

The story is very clear at this point.

Mingxi's psychological entanglement is not a simple switch between like and dislike, but the confusion caused by the distorted cognition shaped by his early trauma and the collision between the two different emotional supplies in the present.

His initial expectation for Yin Hen was to use taboos as a tool to break through his own constraints, rather than any feelings for Yin Hen himself.

So when the passion faded, the love also disappeared. When the novelty and sense of freedom brought by the taboo faded, he realized that he had no deep emotional support for Yin Hen.

His previous anticipation of meeting and longing for Yin Hen's embrace were more like a dependence on the excitement rather than a concern for Yin Hen as a person.

Looking at his closeness to Su Xiang, to be precise, it is not love at all, but a compensatory behavior driven by guilt.

His active kiss towards Su Xiang and his inner guilt were centered around a desire for repayment rather than clear love, but due to self-denial, they were confused into emotions.

Su Xiang is the entire source of his survival and dignity. The other party does not despise his background, helps him establish his identity, and repeatedly affirms his value.

This was the positive feedback Mingxi had never experienced before, and it was also the first time he felt respected as a human being. To him, Su Xiang was not a lover to choose, but the one who saved him and gave him everything, the pillar of survival he could not lose.

He knew that his secret relationship was a betrayal to Su Xiang, and he could not bear the consequences of losing her, so he took the initiative to kiss her and alleviate his guilt by flattering her.

Tsk...this is a bit complicated to put it this way. To put it in one sentence, Mingxi doesn't understand love at all.

-

As the New Year approached, Ming Xi woke up early in the morning and began to sort out the gifts Su Xiang had given him. He sat cross-legged in front of the pile of gifts, carefully sorting them one by one.

There was a familiar knock on the door in the corridor, three times, neither light nor heavy, with Yin Hen's unique rhythm.

He paused for three seconds, then finally turned and walked towards the door. As soon as the door opened a crack, Yin Hen's breath rushed in, carrying with it the coolness of the early morning outdoors. The next second, he was firmly embraced by the other person.

"do you miss me?"

Mingxi's brain seemed to have been paused. He leaned stiffly against Yin Hen's arms and nodded subconsciously. It was not until he was picked up by the waist and placed on the bed, and a warm kiss landed on his cheek, that he came back to his senses. He stared blankly at Yin Hen's face, which was so close to him, with his eyes open.

The tenderness and expectation in the other person's eyes were so clear, but his heart no longer had the same throbbing as before, only an inexplicable emptiness remained.

Yin Hen was amused by his dazed look. He gently scratched the tip of his nose with his fingertips, then covered his eyes with one hand and slowly reached under his shirt with the other. As the warmth of his palm touched his waist and abdomen, Ming Xi suddenly came back to his senses. With both hands, he pushed hard and flipped him to the side of the bed.

Yin Hen was stunned for a moment: "What's wrong?"

Ming Xi propped himself up on the mattress and sat up, lowering his eyes to straighten his messy collar. Just when Yin Hen's hand touched him, countless images suddenly flashed through his mind.

The tenderness of Su Xiang when she wiped his tears, the determination when she blocked danger for him, and even the awkwardness of smashing the fish lantern in anger and then secretly buying a new one to put on his bedside... those details that he had deliberately ignored, now surged up like a tide, instantly dispelling all the chaos.

Just like a person who has been lost in the fog for a long time suddenly sees the sunlight, his empty heart seems to be filled with something, and all the wavering entanglements and greed for taboos in the past have disappeared.

He finally understood that his expectation for Yin Hen was nothing more than an obsession to break free from his bondage. And his dependence on Su Xiang was not simply a way to repay a favor, but a love that had long been rooted in his heart.

I like his gentleness and tolerate his dominance. Even his occasional awkwardness becomes proof that I care about him.

Ming Xi took a deep breath and looked up at Yin Hen. His eyes had completely changed. His previous timidity and hesitation had disappeared. His eyes were bright like falling stars, and even his back was straight. He was no longer the boy who always liked to hide behind others.

He threw back the quilt and got out of bed, buttoned his clothes firmly, turned around, and said in a calm and clear tone: "Yin Hen, I'm sorry."