Lima syndrome

Cha Jae-ho really did what he said. When Cha Kyung-chan woke up the next day, he saw Yoon Mi-sun sitting on the bed and looking at him.

"Mother……"

He didn’t know how long it had been since he last saw his mother, but when he opened his eyes and saw her, Che Jingcan couldn’t help but tear up.

"How did our Xiaocan get himself into this state?"

Yoon Mi-sun came over very early, but just sat quietly beside him when she saw that he was still sleeping.

She is actually a contradictory and indecisive person. She was obviously forced to be with Che Jae-ho, but after she became pregnant, she couldn't bear to abandon the child.

She still remembers until now that one night when Cha Jae-ho was not at home and she lost control of her emotions and wanted to jump off the balcony, it was Cha Kyung-chan, who was less than five years old, who suddenly cried, opened her door and looked for her, and hugged her as she was about to jump off the balcony.

Such a small, soft body locked her up for twenty years.

After so long, every time she couldn't hold on any longer, when she saw Che Jingcan she felt that she couldn't be an incompetent mother, even if this identity was not what she wanted.

She hated Che Jae-ho's unscrupulousness, but she hated herself even more for not being ruthless enough.

"Mom, I miss you so much."

Cha Kyung-chan put his arms around Yoon Mi-sun's neck and rubbed his head against her neck just like he did when they were children.

"Why can't you grow up?"

Yoon Mi-sun gently rubbed his messy head, but she could not hide the haggardness on her face and the dark circles under her eyes.

"Why on earth did you get yourself into this state?"

"Mom..." Che Jingcan lowered his head and his voice was muffled.

"Do you remember the person I mentioned before that I liked? That person didn't like me. I tried everything you taught me but it didn't work. I learned to apologize, tried to control my temper, and even found someone to tell him about my strengths, but he was still indifferent."

"He would endure humiliation and stay with me for the sake of others, and would pretend to be happy to make me agree to go out with him. But he is so cruel. After achieving his goal, he would leave even if he saw me crawling on the ground with my broken body dragging after him, and even if he tore my wounds with his own hands and saw me bleeding profusely. Mom, what should I do..."

Listening to his words, Yoon Mi-sun suddenly felt somewhat familiar. Che Jae-ho had done something similar when he was young, using self-mutilation to try to keep her.

But she was more soft-hearted than the person Che Jingcan liked, and just that momentary softness led to endless hell.

She suddenly admired the child that Che Jingcan mentioned.

"Xiaocan, isn't it tiring to like someone who doesn't like you?"

"I don't want to be in so much pain."

Che Jingcan's voice became smaller and smaller. Yoon Mi-sun pursed her lips and wanted to say something, but she felt a little wet and hot on her shoulder.

"Sometimes I even think it would be better if I hadn't met him. At least I wouldn't be as sad as I am now, and I can't even find out why he doesn't like me."

"Xiaocan..."

"But when I think about how he and I are strangers who have nothing to do with each other, and when I think about how he might fall in love with someone else, I just can't accept this outcome."

He propped himself up slightly, and Yin Meishan saw his red eyes, "Mom, I don't understand, is it so painful to be unable to get the love you want?"

Yin Meishan looked at Che Jingcan distressedly. She patted Che Jingcan on the back gently and said, "Xiaocan, loving someone does not necessarily mean you have to get him. Sometimes letting go is also a kind of love."

Che Jingcan raised his head, tears blurring his vision, "But mom, I really can't let go."

Yin Meishan sighed, "I know it's hard to let go, but you have to try. You still have your own life, and there are many things worth your attention and cherishment. Maybe one day, you will meet someone who truly understands and loves you."

Che Jingcan was silent for a moment, then raised his hand and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

"impossible."

These words are firm and decisive.

"Mom, there's no way I'm letting go."

Yoon Mi-sun rarely saw him speak with this tone and expression. His eyes were firm and there was a gleam of determination in them.

She suddenly remembered when Che Jingcan was a child. In kindergarten, he liked a little boy's toy train, but when he was not allowed to borrow it, he snatched it away and ended up injuring the child.

Later, when the teacher called the parents, Che Jae-ho came back from school with a sour face, holding Che Kyung-chan, who looked unconvinced.

"Who told him not to let go? How could I get hurt if he let go and gave the toy to me?"

So many years have passed, but Yoon Mi-sun still hasn't forgotten his expression at that time, which is exactly the same as it is now.

"Mom——" Che Jingcan's call brought her back from her memories.

"You are the only one who can help me now."

"Me?" Yin Meishan couldn't understand, "How can I help you?"

He raised his wrist. In less than half a month, Che Jingcan had lost a lot of weight, and the muscles on his arms were not as strong as before.

"This is the bracelet you knitted for me, mom." He shook his hands.

"You gave it to him, too."

"what?"

Yoon Mi-sun still remembers that day was the anniversary of her lover's death, and she used extreme means to ask Che Jae-ho to let her go to church to pray.

That was the day she met the child.

When chatting with the child, she thought for a moment that it was the spirit of her lover in heaven, using his words to comfort and enlighten her. She never expected that the child was actually the person her son liked.

What kind of coincidence of fate is this?

“He still has that bracelet.”

"So..." Yin Meishan looked unhappy, "Cha Jingcan, you like boys?"

"Correct."

Che Jingcan admitted without hesitation, "I like him, and he just happens to be a boy."

However, Yoon Mi-sun didn't want to listen anymore. She stood up with a wandering look in her eyes. Finally, she looked at Che Kyung-chan with a complicated expression.

"You have been a believer in religion with me since childhood. You know that homosexuality is..."

She could not continue because she suddenly remembered what she had done.

Christianity believes that a woman is only valuable after she becomes a mother, and a woman’s function is to give birth to and raise children, but she hates the shackles brought to her by her identity that makes her weaker.

Christianity opposes suicide, believing that the human body is created by God in His own image and is a gift entrusted to man by God. Everything about man comes from the only God, and man is not the owner of his own life. Those who want to commit suicide are betraying God and will eventually fall into hell.

She thought of the indescribable scars on her wrists. What qualifications did she have to judge Che Jingcan? She was the one who betrayed her faith and should go to hell.

"I know mom."

Che Jingcan smiled and spoke very softly, "On the rainy night when he rejected me, I went to the confessional. That night I confessed the harm I had done to him unintentionally, the harsh words I had said to him when we first met, and everything I had done to make him sad and painful. I just hope he will like me too."

Yoon Mi-sun remembered which day he was talking about. That night he was soaked by the rain and obediently lay on her lap, chattering about his love for the child.

"I know that believers cannot fall in love with the same sex and that such people will go to hell, so I met Satan on the day I confessed my love."

He was clearly smiling, but Yoon Mi-sun felt that his bitter smile was uglier than crying.

"Xiaocan, but how can I help you?"

"Mom, please help me persuade him. I can't keep him even by self-destruction. I'm at the end of my rope now."

That day he had a strong premonition that he could not keep Bai Zhiyan even if he used such extreme means, and the shaky and weak connection between them would fall apart from then on.

Che Jingcan sat up straight on the bed and rubbed his hands up and down, "I beg you to bring him to see me."

Her son has always been a willful and flamboyant person. Yoon Mi-sun has never seen him like this before. She turned her head away with red eyes.

"You can't keep someone who doesn't like you."

"I won't give up, mom, I beg you, if it's you who's looking for him, I know he will come."

Although Che Jingcan had no evidence to support his words, he had a hunch that as long as Yoon Mi-sun was willing to help him, Bai Zhiyan would definitely come.

The two of them were in a stalemate, and finally Yoon Mi-sun compromised first. She really couldn't bear to see Che Kyung-chan hurt himself like this.

"I can try to talk to him, but I won't interfere if he wants to meet with you."

Yoon Mi-sun's voice trembled a little. After she finished speaking, she stood up and turned away without looking at Che Kyung-chan.

"Mom, thank you."

It was almost time to go to school to get his grades. Bai Zhiyan was preparing clothes to wear to school tomorrow in his room, and Li Shanyu was helping him fold clothes.

"Uncle, why are you looking for clothes?"

Li Shanyu felt strange. He and his uncle wore pajamas at home every day. Was he going out?

"Uncle, are you going out? I want to go out too. I also want to go to the amusement park. We had a lot of fun last time."

"Uncle Shanyu is not going out to play." Bai Zhiyan smiled helplessly, "Uncle's school will announce the final grades tomorrow, and uncle is going to school."

"Oh... so you're going to school. I don't like school."

Li Shanyu's face visibly fell, and he muttered quietly, "I still want to go to the amusement park."

Seeing his depressed look, Bai Zhiyan couldn't help but sigh. They hadn't left the Bai family's door for a long time. No wonder Li Shanyu was unhappy.

Bai Zhiyan smiled and touched Li Shanyu's little face, "Will we go together after your mother's matter is over?"

"But my mother is too busy and I don't want to disturb her. I just want my uncle to accompany me."

Li Shanyu thought for a moment and added, "And the big brother from last time, uncle, please don't let him go with us, okay?"

Bai Zhiyan was stunned. He realized that the big brother he was talking about was Che Jingcan. Thinking of the previous oolong incident in which Che Jingcan, a mentally ill man, ran to the amusement park to "catch an adulterer", he couldn't help but be speechless again.

"No, Sunwoo, it was just a mistake last time. I promise that next time we go to the amusement park, no one else will disturb us."

Li Shanyu raised his smiling face, "Okay, little uncle, I——"

"So is the eldest uncle considered an outsider, Sunwoo?"

Bai Jitai stood at the door of the room without knowing when, and suddenly interrupted their conversation, which scared Bai Zhiyan.

"Um...uncle..." Li Shanyu looked embarrassed. He didn't want to go out and play with this uncle who looked fierce and ferocious at all.

"Are you a ghost, Bai Jitai? Why do you always come in suddenly without saying hello?"

Bai Jitai found his angry look a little funny, so he ignored him and asked Li Shanyu, "Shanyu, who is the big brother you were talking about just now?"

Tsk, Bai Zhiyan frowned. When on earth did he start standing at the door?

Li Shanyu was very considerate and wanted to look at Bai Zhiyan's expression before speaking, but Bai Jitai seemed to see his intention and took a step forward to block him.

"You're only a good kid if you tell the truth, Sunwoo."

"I, I don't know that big brother. I don't know who he is."

Li Shanyu was not wrong. That day was the first time he met Che Jingcan, and Bai Zhiyan had not introduced him to him properly.

"Since our Sunwoo doesn't know, I'll ask someone who knows."

He turned to look at Bai Zhiyan who was standing in front of the closet, and said in a low voice, "Bai Zhiyan, speak for yourself."

Because of what happened in the painting yesterday, Bai Zhiyan now feels uncomfortable whenever he sees Bai Jita, but he insists on getting close to him.

"Bai Jitai, don't be so controlling."

His tone was unkind, but Bai Jitai didn't get angry. He just walked to his side and casually moved the clothes in his closet, "Do you want to go out tomorrow?"

Bai Zhiyan was stunned. He had wanted to tell him about this tomorrow morning. On the day Yinxing announced the results, he had to go to collect his transcript in person. He had to go.

"What do you mean?"

"Whether you can go out tomorrow depends entirely on my mood, but if you think your grades are not that important, you can choose to stay quietly at the Bai family."

Bai Zhiyan's fists clenched and unclenched again. The damn Bai Jitai only knew how to threaten him!

He gritted his teeth to suppress the anger in his heart, and almost spat out a few words through his teeth.

"Cha Kyung-chan, that person is Cha Kyung-chan."

But as soon as he finished speaking, the air pressure in the room suddenly dropped by several degrees.

"You are quite close to him."

"What intimacy? He came here on his own that day. I didn't ask him to come."

Having said that, he and Che Jingcan have done more intimate things before.

Bai Jitai's face became increasingly gloomy. He stared at Bai Zhiyan who was pinching his arm, as if he wanted to see into his heart through his eyes.

The atmosphere in the room was extremely tense. Li Shanyu huddled in the corner, not knowing whether he should speak.

"I'm telling the truth. There's no need for me to lie to you about this. Besides, I've never lied to you."

Everything he said was true. He always lied to Seo Shi-won and Che Kyung-chan, but he was almost completely honest in front of Bai Ji-tae.

Seeing that he looked serious and didn't seem fake, Bai Jitai let go of his hand and patted Bai Zhiyan's face as if to reward him.

"Did Sunwoo hear that? Being honest like your uncle is a good child."

Seeing this, Bai Zhiyan wondered what he had said to please him, or whether he was schizophrenic or had a brain disease, and rolled his eyes silently in his heart.