Legends of Runeterra

And a corset. But the stolen dress had plenty of room inside, and she made good use of it, forcing a cheerful smile. She tucked her long, cyan braids under a feathered bonnet—one of those hideous hats that were the latest fashion in Piltover. Jinx glided between the dead-eyed guests. She wore a strained smile, fighting the urge to yell at them. It took a remarkable willpower to keep herself from grabbing their shoulders and shaking them awake.

Jinx had originally planned to set off fireworks at the observatory atop Count Savic's estate, but she'd stumbled upon a wedding... what better occasion for disruption? The Count had spared no expense to make his daughter's wedding a grand affair. All the best of Piltover were in attendance: heads of the great families, renowned hextech technicians... even portly Nicodemus had somehow managed to swindle an invitation. The captain of the Piltover guard, his chest puffed out in uniform, his bulging eyes fixed on the endless buffet, like a giant, overfed Poro. A small orchestra played music that drifted over the crowd, dull, insipid... Jinx wanted only to yawn. She loved the music of Zaun, played day and night, the kind that made you stamp your feet, shake your head, and spin around until you felt dizzy and vomited.

A spinning zoetrope, filled with hexluminescent tubes, beamed light through oddly angled lenses, projecting an ethereal dance procession that leaped and swirled across the ground, drawing the children's excited laughter. They had never known hunger, pain, or loss. Clowns and jugglers moved among the crowd, performing card tricks to the delight of the guests. Jinx had seen worse. The gutter pickpockets of the Border Market could teach these artisans a lesson.

On the walls were portraits of Piltover's dignitaries, framed in oak and edged with brass fretwork. The figures, men and women, looked down from above, their contempt and disdain overflowing. Jinx stuck out her tongue at each one as she passed. She smiled gleefully at their tut-tutting and head-shaking. Stained glass windows painted rainbows across the mosaic floor, and Jinx skipped joyfully across the gleaming tiles toward a large table. Pile upon it was a mountain of food, enough to feed a hundred families in Zaun for a month.

A waiter in a sharp uniform passed by her, bearing a silver tray filled with goblets bubbling with gold. She grabbed a glass in each hand, grinned, and spun away. The wine splashed everywhere, the foam staining the hems and robes of the guests, and Jinx snickered.

"Cheers." She said, and drank the rest of the wine in the glass.

She bent awkwardly and placed the cup on the mosaic floor, facing the dancers' path. She hiccuped the first few verses of a little ditty she'd improvised—"Vi is a Big Ass." Several ladies turned, their eyes scornful. Jinx dramatically covered her mouth, her eyes wide, and she feigned embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. That's exactly what I was going to do."

She continued forward, snatching some strange fish-like things from another waiter's plate, tossing them high in the air, and then successfully catching one in her mouth. Several others fell into the hard-pressed cleavage of her breasts. She quickly pulled them out, as nimbly as a scavenger in the gutter discovering a glittering treasure in the mud.

"Do you think you can get away, little fish?" She waved her finger. "You're overthinking it."

Jinx stuffed her food into her mouth and adjusted her skirt. She wasn't used to the feeling of wearing nothing, but what she saw underneath made her almost laugh. The hairs on the back of her neck suddenly stood up. She looked up and saw a man standing in the corner of the hall, staring at her. He looked handsome in a well-made tuxedo, a bit unremarkable, but he was obviously a Piltover Guard, almost wearing a badge around his neck. She turned and squeezed deeper into the crowd in the hall.

She reached the buffet table, where a towering wedding cake made her gasp: delicately sprinkled pink frosting, whipped cream, caramel lace… They'd created a replica of a techno-magic tower out of sponge cake, jam, and pastries. Jinx reached out, scooped up a long-handled spoon from a punch bowl, and dug a hole in the sponge cake. She tossed the cake onto the floor, licked the spoon clean, and threw it back on the table. She saw many of the guests looking at her funny, so she grinned, her biggest smirk. Maybe they'd think she was crazy. Maybe they were right.

Jinx shrugged. Whatever.

She reached in through her collar and pulled out four fire chewers. She stuffed three into the holes in the cake and dropped the last one into the punch bowl.

Jinx walked along the table, placing two more along the way. One went into the large bronze soup bowl, the other replaced the apple in the suckling pig's mouth. Her skirt felt looser without them. She had just unzipped the side of her dress when she saw the handsome man she recognized as the guard walking straight towards her through the guests.

"It's about time." She spotted four more neatly dressed guards, three women and one man, gathered around her. "Oh, you brought a friend!"

Jinx reached behind her and ripped the knot that held her petticoat at her slender waist. The skirt and corset fell off together, startling the men and women around her.

Jinx revealed her outfit: pink tights, shorts with a bullet belt, and a vest... She pulled off her hat, shook her hair, pulled out the fish bone she had hidden under her skirt, and threw it over her shoulder.

"Hello everyone!" she yelled, jumping onto the dining table and pulling out a stun gun from the holster on her thigh. "I hope everyone has a good appetite..."

Jinx spun on her heel, unleashing a crackling bolt of electricity that struck the grenade in the piglet's mouth.

"Because this meal is to die for!"

The fire chewer exploded, and those who were close enough were covered in meat and lard. A chain reaction ensued. The large soup bowl flew high into the air, soaking more than a dozen people in beef broth. Then the wine bowl exploded, and then the climax of the explosion—the wedding cake.

Three fire-chewers exploded simultaneously, sending the towering cake rocketing into the sky, narrowly missing the stained-glass ceiling. The cake arced, flipped over, and plummeted to the floor, exploding into a hail of snow. Jelly candy blasted in all directions, sending the guests scattering in panic. They screamed, lost in their tracks, tumbling and tumbling over the sticky cream and slick liquor.

“Seriously, guys,” Jinx says, blowing a lock of blue hair out of her eyes. “Screaming works—I bet.”

She leaped off the table, picked up the fish bone, and fired a shot through the nearest window. The steel bolt from the crossbow whizzed past her and sank into the wall. Laughing, Jinx leaped through the rickety window and landed in the garden outside, rolling and quickly getting to her feet. She had already planned her escape route, but as she looked toward the gates of Savic Manor, she saw the faint glint of a tall cyclo. Stealing it would be so much fun.

"Then I'll give it a try..."

She swung the fishbone over her shoulder and raced forward, elbowing down a group of clumsy Shavik bodyguards along the way. She slid into the hand-tanned leather saddle of the Ring Cycling Bike.

"So how do you turn this thing on?" She faced a control panel with a dizzying array of ivory knobs, brass dials, and jewel-shaped buttons.

"At worst, I'll just make a few mistakes!"

Jinx pulled the nearest lever, then slammed the largest, reddest button in front of her. The machine beneath her shuddered, whimpering, then rising to a crescendoing roar. The outer rings of the wheels began to glow blue, and the gates to the manor were thrown open. Someone yelled at her to stop. As if that would help! The bike's kickstand retracted into the gleaming rims, and Jinx let out a wild cry of delight. In the blink of an eye, she was hurtling away like a super-ultra-mega death missile.

“Bye!” she screamed over her shoulder. “The party was great!”

After hours of walking through the stifling heat and humidity of the rainforest, the cool air of the catacombs was a sweet blessing. Death lurked around every corner, of course, but so too did destined glory.

I passed through a stone archway, dust rising like ghostly shadows, outlining a corridor whose walls were carved with rounded patterns. Rumors say this ancient tomb is impenetrable, invulnerable, and a dead end. So far, no explorer has emerged alive, but then again, they weren't me.

I've now explored miles of underground mazes and tunnels, discovered and avoided several spike traps, crawled around giant knife-axe pendulums, and subdued hostile abyssal snakes. It's a tourist attraction, but I wouldn't want to live here long-term.

Many cold eyes on the stone wall glared at me with ill intent. Well, I would have done the same if it were me. I guess the last time they saw such a stunningly handsome man was during the last Rune War.

In the center of the tomb, a delicate crystal bottle rested quietly on a pedestal, a shimmering liquid swirling within, reflecting a small rainbow on the ceiling. This was the purpose of my journey. Stories of grand adventures are often dismissed as mere fantasy, but a treasure tangible and tangible is undeniable proof. Retrieving the legendary treasure would be undeniable proof that you had conquered the unparalleled challenges of the mausoleum's crypt.

Ulloa's potion is a treasure coveted by many. Cults believe it grants immortality, descendants of fallen dynasties see it as the key to regaining power, and devout pilgrims hope it brings unimaginable wisdom and enlightenment. Though this tiny vial of potion barely holds a teaspoon, the expectations placed upon it are truly immense.

I knew the mechanism was designed to trigger if I removed the bottle from the pedestal. This was the fundamental function of this architectural device. I flexed my fingers, and the gemstone on my glove shone a reassuring blue. Now the real action began.

I slowly stepped forward. The stone slabs beneath my feet trembled, and I quickly retreated to avoid triggering the mechanism. I carefully explored the room, choosing only the sturdiest slabs for footholds. Just as my fingers finally grasped the potion, the ground began to crumble. I immediately activated the power of my gauntlet, injecting it with magical energy. A blinding flash of light preceded me, and I was instantly transported to the archway fifteen feet away. A second later would have been too late. Hundreds of razor-sharp spikes shot down from the ceiling, barely a hair's breadth away from me, and then the entire room plummeted into the inky black abyss below.

My gloves are great in tight spaces, but they can't cover very long distances, and they take a little longer to recharge than I'd like.

A thunderous crack shook the walls, echoing through the corridor. It seemed the tomb's foundations were about to collapse, so we needed to hurry. I preferred to keep my feet on solid ground, so I could stand firm. So I began to sprint down the corridor, the cracks in the ground widening behind me.

I had drawn chalk marks along the way when I came in, and I followed the marks, twisting and turning, passing through the crumbling archway, stepping over the turbulent quicksand, avoiding the rolling and sliding boulders, and quickly passing through the increasingly narrow corridors.

The wall to my right suddenly cracked, and a swarm of giant insects burst out, their massive claws snapping and venom dripping from their hideous mouthparts. Thousands of spiders' eyes flashed a hungry red, and scorpions, their stingers erect, stalked closer. The insects in the jungle were truly annoying, but luckily I had an effective insect repellent!

I blinked. Energy coursed down my arm, a pulsation tugging at my nerves. I channeled it into the gemstone on my glove. Then, holding the glove steady, I aimed at the largest spider. As the monster opened its jaws, I unleashed a blast of white-hot light into its maw, sending it flying back into the swarm. The pungent, unpleasant smell of burnt chitin settled in my throat, churning my stomach.

I turned and ran, blasting blinding beams of light behind me at every turn. Directly ahead, a two-story boulder plummeted from the roof. My gauntlet, barely charged, spun forward ten feet in a vortex of blinding light as the passageway behind me began to collapse.

Two stone pillars were falling toward each other, and I slid through them just in time, and they shattered with a loud crash. I rushed into another room, which was tilted towards the surface.