Traveling through time as a goblin, just wanting to live a leisurely life

At the dining table, the female guest was experiencing a food storm.

She eats a lot, from big fish to small fish, from octopus to jellyfish, as well as shrimps and crabs...

She was like a patient who had lost her sense of taste for many years and had just recovered. Now she was finally able to taste all the delicacies in the world.

When I ate the jellyfish, I recalled my depressed heart.

When I ate the starfish, I excitedly recalled the honors I had during my school days.

When I ate the small flame fish, I suddenly felt angry, but when I ate the jumping shrimp, I felt a sense of joy.

This is not just a food storm, but also an emotional storm.

She savored the negative emotions that became uncontrollable after suffering from depression, and also savored the positive emotions that she had not felt for a long time due to the imbalance of emotional hormones.

Just like the last carnival before destruction, one person and one table are staging an emotional riot that no one can understand.

No one knew that this beautiful woman who kept stuffing all kinds of food into her mouth was actually a depressed patient who was about to commit suicide.

No one knew that she finally couldn't stand the suicidal thoughts lingering in her mind every day and decided to succumb to it.

She was calmly performing a ritual: writing a suicide note, eating a meal, leaving a pair of shoes on the rooftop, and then letting the earth bloom a blood-red flower for her, after she completed a closing ceremony from heaven to earth.

"So this is the last glimmer of light of a suicide."

she thought.

She actually didn't know how serious her depression was.

The doctor said she could take the medicine or not, but just asked her to exercise more and attend a tutoring class once a week.

But she still often gets emotional and out of control. This is true whether she is sad or happy. Sometimes, she gets so happy that she becomes worried, anxious, and even loses sleep.

Whether happy or sad, all emotions end at that thought.

The thought that kept urging her to give up everything, let go of everything, and let go of everything, including her own life.

Because of this, she cherishes this meal especially.

Cherish this very relaxing and enjoyable feeling.

She hadn't felt this way in a long time.

It's not the kind of happiness that needs to be deliberately created or that you have to force yourself to be optimistic.

It's not the kind of heart-pounding pleasure that appears suddenly and is so intense that it makes people anxious and unable to sleep.

It's just a natural feeling of pleasure that builds up slowly with each bite of delicious food, relaxing and comfortable.

If all the happiness in her life could come from the heart and naturally, perhaps she would be able to hold on and go through this life without leaving the house and taking the initiative to end her life.

"Luckily, I still have this meal in my life. Thank you to the owner of the grilled fish stall for giving me this precious happiness."

She decided to thank her boss properly before leaving.

From an outsider's perspective, she seemed so natural and normal. In addition to her large appetite, she looked happy, allowing everyone who looked at her to share her joy for food. No one could associate such a natural woman who was happy with food with suicide.

"Isn't she enjoying her meal? Will she really commit suicide?"

Yigan watched the guest happily stuffing all kinds of food into his mouth and didn't think that this was someone who would voluntarily give up his life.

"She has not given up the idea of ​​suicide. Her current happiness is only superficial. In the deepest part of her soul is a dead silence. She has no feelings about life and all desires. For her, no matter what the living body does, it is torture."

The inner demon replied.

"How could there be such a person?"

Igan couldn't believe it.

"Perhaps it's because humans can rely on intelligence to drive all behaviors, but they can't ignore the emotions in their hearts. If you want to rely on wisdom to realize all your inner desires, your life will definitely be very painful. And humans have a lot of desires. I think it's normal for some people to choose not to be human anymore because they can't bear these desires."

The inner demon has its own opinions.

Xiao Chen brought out another plate of food and took away some empty plates.

"This is the last dish, grilled oysters with garlic."

Xiao Chen said to the guests.

"Thank you."

The female guest thanked Xiao Chen with a very bright smile, like an angel on earth who spreads joy every day and shares her happiness with others without hesitation.

But the inner demon still told Yi Gan that the female guest wanted to commit suicide.

The female guest wiped her hands, sat up straight, and picked up an oyster very formally and elegantly.

Her dining ritual had entered its final stages, and she must not eat hastily at this point.

With a "slurp", he sucked the oyster into his mouth.

The fishy smell of seawater exploded and filled her mouth. Fortunately, the garlic neutralized it, and the female guest felt that she could still tolerate it.

She closed her eyes and enjoyed the last taste that the world brought her, the garlic aroma after the fishy smell, the sweetness after the garlic aroma, and the sweetness after the sweetness...

This time, no emotions appeared in my heart.

Like a crowd after a carnival, they left the carnival place in an orderly manner.

There was peace in her heart.

“Huh~~~~~~~~~”

She let out a long breath.

It has been a long time since I felt so relaxed and peaceful.

Whether it is happiness or sadness, they are just passers-by visiting her, passing through her heart along with the delicious food just eaten, and then leaving quietly.

The heart is clean.

There are no positive emotions piled up abruptly in the corner, nor are there negative emotions that are as thick as mud and make the heart muddy.

She seemed to feel that the person in her heart was finally willing to set foot on this piece of heartland again.

This was her home, the place where she felt most at ease.

A place where you don’t need to wear shoes, you can run barefoot and act like a child.

The girl of the past has left, filling my heart with all kinds of emotions. They are not hers, none of them are her.

Now that the child is back, there is no accumulated emotion in her heart. All the laughter, tears and crying are hers, all belong to the child who ran barefoot.

She was so moved that she cried.

Her eyes were blurry, her hands were shaking, her shoulders were hunched, and her face was filled with tears of emotion.

The people around were surprised. How could someone who was eating happily suddenly start crying?

She finished the food in front of her while crying, slapped a banknote on the table while crying, and left the grilled fish stall while crying.

She moved her feet while crying, walked onto the rooftop, took off her shoes while crying, and climbed up the fence while crying...

Then, facing the wind, like a child curled up in her mother's arms, she fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning, people found her sleeping in the corner of the rooftop.