Traveling through time as a goblin, just wanting to live a leisurely life

He poured a full glass of white wine and drank it all in one gulp.

This time he only frowned slightly, and his tears did not choke out again. He got used to the pain very easily.

Is it because I am used to the pain of funerals? Or am I deliberately blocking certain feelings?

He smiled bitterly, thinking that after all the pain, he actually tasted a little sweetness from the liquor.

All sorts of memories of my grandmother flashed through my mind in an instant, as if they were unforgettable, yet elusive.

All that is left is a hint of sweetness in the mouth and endless regrets.

If you really want to say that he did something regrettable when grandma was alive, then I didn't.

He just always felt that grandma shouldn't have passed away so early. He wanted to serve grandma for a few more years, bring back a well-educated and well-mannered daughter-in-law for grandma to see, get married, have children, and let grandma hug her future great-grandchildren...

He still had many, many things he wanted to share with his grandmother, but his grandmother had no attachment to this world at all. It was as if she turned around and yelled, "Don't stop me from becoming a bodhisattva in heaven!"

Then left.

Every day when he kept vigil for his grandmother, he could always vaguely see his grandmother's frowning, impatient, yet doting face in the curling green smoke from the incense burner.

She seemed to be disgusted with her descendants for being so useless, having grown up so much, but still unable to let go of an old man who would eventually leave. But she also seemed to want to comfort these unsuccessful descendants, letting them know that she left no regrets in this world, and that she passed away freely, happily and peacefully.

He absolutely believed that his grandmother had gone to heaven and became a bodhisattva.

He also dreamed of his grandmother becoming a Bodhisattva.

Just this afternoon, after grandma was cremated, he finally fell into a deep sleep exhausted.

His grandmother was a Buddhist, and he had been chanting sutras and reciting Buddha's name with her since he was a child. However, after growing up, he was not as pious as before and had not kneeled before the Buddha for many years.

During the days when his grandmother passed away, he knelt for a long time.

It seems that only in this way can I be closer to grandma, and it seems that only in this way can the Buddha and Bodhisattva take more care of grandma.

"Maybe it was my grandmother who was taking care of the Buddha. She was very caring when she was alive and she often fried rice noodles and cooked curry for the temple for free."

The guest smiled, poured another glass of white wine and drank it all.

Xiao Chen brought a plate of stir-fried octopus, which was cut into thin strips and was very easy to eat.

"Thank you."

The guest thanked him as usual, and Xiao Chen didn't say anything. He just smiled, nodded, and left.

He actually had no appetite because he was exhausted after the whole funeral.

While everyone could cry as much as they wanted, he just held on.

After seeing grandma off, everyone calmed down, but he kept suppressing his sadness and couldn't release it.

So he didn't know what state he was in. He was calm, but there was always a sense of emptiness. He wanted to fill this emptiness with some intense emotions, but he couldn't do it. He felt weak all over.

But he still forced himself to eat something and put a little octopus into his mouth.

The slightly spicy taste and chewy texture, as well as the fresh fragrance of green onions, neutralize the saltiness of the seasonings. It is very appetizing and also goes well with wine.

The food was delicious, but it was a pity that the guests were not in the mood to enjoy it.

Thank you for your hard work, boss, but also feel sorry for him, as he felt he had wasted the meal.

But you can drink more wine. Liquor is not cheap. After all, it is the boss's intention.

A sip of wine, a bite of octopus. At least the spicy taste whetted his appetite and he could eat bite by bite.

"Alas! I don't know how long this feeling of exhaustion will last."

He sighed.

The sadness of his grandmother's death is not so easy to dispel. But he can't cry now, and he can't even release his emotions. He can only let time slowly dissolve his sorrow.

Drink more!

At least, this throat-burning liquor could stimulate his sense of pain, allowing him to feel the numb heartache bit by bit.

Maybe, this would pierce his heart and make him cry?

Don’t you agree, Grandma?

grandmother!

Through blurry eyes, I saw my grandmother sitting at the other end of the table.

Grandma was smiling but her brows were a little wrinkled. He knew this expression. Grandma was gently complaining to him about why he drank so much.

"Isn't this missing you?"

He said, extending his hand and shaking it.

There is nothing in hand.

He smiled.

Crying and laughing.

This grandma is fake, an illusion, he imagined it.

I miss grandma so much that I'm even hallucinating!

But even if it's an illusion, so what? I just miss my grandma, so what?

"Milk……"

He choked.

Tears flowed uncontrollably down my face.

"I haven't said goodbye to you properly yet!"

He couldn't say the words, so he could only repeat them in his head, hoping his grandmother could hear him.

At the funeral, he was the person who said goodbye to his grandmother the most times.

He participated in all the ceremonies, comforted all the relatives, and even brought his nephew to his grandmother's coffin and said:

"Grandma, your great-grandson is here to see you. He is very well behaved and didn't cry. We will take good care of him and let him grow up well. Don't worry..."

But every goodbye was for other people, and they were saying goodbye to grandma on behalf of those relatives who were crying.

Not once, not once! Not once did he say goodbye to his grandmother himself.

The suppressed sadness and the protective shell he had put on hid his feelings deep inside his heart. He never showed them.

There were so many farewell ceremonies at a funeral, but he was unable to open up about his sadness and say goodbye to his grandmother properly.

Funerals are not only for the deceased, but also for the living to have one last chance to say goodbye and heal themselves.

He was clearly there, but he missed it perfectly.

"Grandma! I miss you so much, I really miss you... I will live well, I will remember what you said and live... I will take good care of mom and dad, I will get married and have children, and then tell the children about their great-grandmother..."

He still couldn't speak, and could only watch the phantom in front of him repeating unorganized words in his head.

Every sentence would bring back a scene from his past with his grandmother.

Every tear is saying goodbye to the past.

It wet the entire table and disrupted all the memories in my mind.

Not until he had recalled every fragment of the memory and could no longer think of anything to say goodbye to his grandmother did he burst into tears at his desk, crying out all the sadness that he had not been able to vent at the funeral.

The other customers left, the grilled fish stall closed, and Yi Gan returned to the fairyland. He was still lying on the table, his back slightly heaving.

Where no one could see, the last wisp of dust from his heart floated up from his body and transformed into a kind old grandmother, gently stroking his back.