I really don't want to be a teacher

Hearing this, the man turned his head, first looked at the old monk and Lian Ge, then lowered his head, and looked at the writing on the cloth.

"...Master, just say something."

After just saying a few words, the man turned his head and looked at the river not far away.

Hearing this, the old monk looked at the man, a little silent.

On the side, Lian Ge glanced at the old monk, then at the man, without saying anything, turned his gaze, and looked into the distance.

In the distance, in the buildings, the lights of every household are on, replacing the stars, illuminating the city,

Nearby, only gusts of breeze blow by from time to time, making it even more quiet.

……

"……donor,"

Putting your hands together and being silent for a long time, the old monk still said aloud,

"You're about to... die."

The voice fell, and the stalls by the river became quiet again.

Looking at the river, the man paused for a moment, followed by, silently, turned around slowly,

"...Yeah, I'm dying..."

The man was silent, his eyes were in a trance, and after saying something, he fell silent again, just looking into the distance.

"donor,"

The old monk squatted down, sat behind the booth, looked at the man, paused, and said aloud,

"Almsgiver, if you have encountered something, you might as well tell me about it. The poor monk is old and has a superficial Buddhist theory, but he has seen some things."

Hearing this, the man turned his eyes, looked at the old monk, then at Lian Ge,

"I killed people,"

The man said, then turned his head and looked at the river,

"more than one."

Hearing this, the old monk fell silent.

The man didn't say any more, he just looked at the river with dazed eyes.

……

"……Amitabha."

After a long silence, the old monk raised his hands, folded his palms together and said a word, then paused, looked at the man,

"Benefactor, why did you kill someone?"

Hearing this, the man paused again, turned his head slowly, looked at the old monk, and fell silent.

The old monk just clasped his hands together and looked at the man with calmness in his cloudy eyes.

……

"...When I was seven or eight years old, my father died of illness."

The man was silent for a long time, but he still said,

"...He was admitted to the hospital when he first got sick, and was discharged from the hospital before he left,"

The man's eyes moved up slightly, and his eyes were a little dazed, as if he had fallen into memory.

"... That morning, my father was still pale, but he kept smiling, but my mother kept silent, helped him, changed his hospital clothes, and got out of the hospital bed.

I helped and supported him, and our family walked out of the hospital.

At that time, I thought the hospital was so interesting and asked my father why we didn't live in the hospital anymore.

My mother was silent and didn't respond, but my father told me with a smile, if I can't live anymore, if I live any longer, my tuition money for going to school will be gone..."

The man was talking, looking at the shade of the trees by the river, he paused,

"...At that time, our family lived in a mountain village far away from the urban area.

Then my father, when we got home, I realized that there were many things missing in the house... My father passed away on the third morning after returning home. "

Behind the booth, the old monk listened to the man's narration, clasped his hands together,

On the side, Lian Ge looked into the distance, quietly listening to the voices ringing in his ears,

……

"On the morning before I left, my father took my hand and couldn't speak anymore. He just looked at me and my mother, and just looked at me until finally he closed his eyes."

The man said, fell silent for a while, and then continued,

"...After that, it was only my mother who pulled me up."

"She has no culture, no skills, and can't do much work. Every year when it's time to plant rice seedlings, she helps other people's families plant rice seedlings to earn money, and can earn 60 yuan per mu of land.

People in the village always say that my mother is nimble and fast at work. Others can plant half an acre of seedlings a day, but she can plant more than an acre a day. She always laughs and doesn’t answer talk.

…At that time, I went to school and got up at seven o’clock every morning. My mother always woke me up on time and told me that breakfast had been served on the dining table for me, so I got up to eat.

At this time, my mother was still wearing water boots, which were already stained with mud, and there were still some mud spots on her tied hair.After waking me up, I went out to the fields again...

When I got home from school, my mother was still in the seedling field, planting seedlings... However, after I got home, it wouldn't be long before my mother would come back from the field and cook dinner for me... After dinner, before it was too dark, she would go out again and go down to the field... At night, she would sit on the threshold, taking off her water boots, which were already full of water, and she struggled to move Barely take it off.

Sometimes, I would help her tear off the water boots from her feet, as soon as the water boots were pulled off, muddy water would always pour out from inside, at this time, my mother's feet were already swollen and white..."

As the man spoke, he paused, his eyes were in a trance, lost in thought,

"...When I go to other people's homes to pay her wages, she will always buy me some cold dishes...cold pork head meat is the best dish in her opinion. However, she always refuses to eat it herself and let me eat it ..."

"...When it's not busy farming season, when someone repairs a house, she will always do some chores and earn some money. When others have work, they always like to call her, because she has quick hands and feet and never complains that she is tired... Yes Sometimes, when she was busy all day, her hands were always prone to blisters. She took a needle, lit a candle, pierced the blisters one by one, and squeezed out all the water inside... Wait until The next day, when she went to work again, the blisters on her hands would be worn away after a day..."

The man looked into the distance, said, and fell silent for a while,

"...At that time, every year when the Chinese New Year came, she would always buy me a new set of clothes. She told me that if I wore new clothes on the first day of the New Year, I would have new clothes to wear throughout the year...but she always didn't buy them herself. , just change those few clothes. When the clothes are really unwearable, go to the street in the town, and buy cheap clothes on the side of the street... She always tells me that she wears clothes all year round. I don’t want to go anywhere, and it’s useless to buy such good clothes, just buy something that can be worn, durable...”

"...Slowly, I grew up and began to live in school. I only go home a few days a month. Every time I go home, my mother always cooks some dishes that I like. Every day When I leave, they will always give me the living expenses of that month, never less...

That day, when I went home, my mother told me with a smile that she bought some cold pork head meat in the town and asked me if I would like to eat some first to fill my stomach... But I saw that she had stored The long hair is gone for a long time..."

Chapter 358 The Doctor

"...I asked her, and she told me with a smile that the weather was hot, and it was troublesome to tidy up, so she cut it... She had grown that hair for more than ten years..."

While talking, the man gradually fell silent again, looking at the shade of the trees by the river,

"Amitabha……"

Putting his hands together, the old monk leaned on his body and said a long word,

On the side, Lian Ge turned his gaze, glanced at the man with trance-eyed eyes, and didn't say much,

Looking around, it became more and more quiet.

A gust of breeze blows on the river from time to time, rolling down a few fallen leaves in the shade of the forest, swaying the shadows of the branches and leaves under the street lamps.

……

"...When I was older, I went to other places to study and study clinical medicine. Every year, I would only come back from other places during the winter and summer vacations. When I got home, my mother would still cook for me and buy what I liked as before. Eat vegetables... that time, I came home in the afternoon, my mother has been busy from afternoon to night, put a table full of vegetables on the dining table, bought cold pork head meat, roasted chicken... I went to the kitchen to find a spoon When I was there, I saw the leftovers from the previous day under the desk, put in the corner by my mother...it was a small bowl of stir-fried celery...

...A few days before returning home from out of town, my mother was always a little...pretentious.I asked her, and she told me with a smile, that I have met people who are famous in the world outside, and the house is messy and dilapidated... She is afraid that I will be disgusted..."

The man said, and fell silent again,

"...When I'm out of town, I call home. She always tells me that I don't have to worry about home when I'm outside. She's very good at home and lets me study hard."

Looking into the distance, the man's eyes were in a trance, and he said,

"...Later, I went to graduate school and got some income every month. Although it wasn't much, it was enough for me to live on. I told her that she wouldn't have to pay me every month. Play money.

But she still transfers some money to my card every month, at that time... She always tells me that she is at home and doesn’t go anywhere, and there is rice and vegetables at home, and it’s nothing Where to spend money.I have a lot of places to spend money outside, and it’s not good if I don’t have any money on me, let me buy something I want to eat at ordinary times, don’t save too much..."

As the man spoke, his voice gradually subsided, and he fell silent again, but his eyes were in a trance, looking into the distance,

On the side, Lian Ge turned his gaze away, glanced at the man again, turned his gaze away, and looked at the lights of Wanjia in the city in the distance.

……

"... let's go, let's go, go home..."

"Run slowly, don't fall."

On the street by the river, another store turned off the lights in the store. The owner closed the door, turned around, and shouted at the children who were running along the empty street.

"Got it... Dad, let's go have supper."

The child responded crisply, running back and forth on the street,

"Okay, what do you want to eat? Dad will take you to eat,"

"Grill, I want to eat barbecue..."

The voice of the words followed the figure of the shopkeeper and the child, and went away on the somewhat empty street,

Look around and be quiet again.

……

The man turned his head and looked at the shopkeeper and the child in a daze,

After the two people left, the man remained silent again, turning his gaze back,

"...Afterwards, I worked. After working in a foreign hospital for a few years, I returned to the city next to my home and became a doctor in the city hospital, a heart surgeon...

Slowly, after saving money for a few more years, I bought a house in the city a few years ago and brought my mother to the city.

It is very inconvenient for her to come to live in the city. There is nothing she is familiar with here, except me... But she still agreed and moved to the city with me...

Just like in the past, every time I come back from the hospital, my mother has already prepared all the meals and is waiting for me to go back... I told her to let her not be so tired, let's go out to eat It's okay, when you have nothing to do, you can walk around, and she always tells me that she has nothing to do at home all day, so she just tidies up the house and cooks...

Sometimes, when I have an operation, I go back late, and my mother doesn’t sleep. She just waits in the living room with the TV on. I always ask her to go to bed early next time, and she always tells me that it’s not worth watching. When I come back, I feel uneasy and uneasy..."

The man was talking, his eyes moved up slightly, his eyes were a little dazed, and he fell silent.

"...Later, this year, she got sick, a heart attack."

"...not acquired heart disease, or rather, not just acquired heart disease..."

The man said, then paused,

"... She may have had a ventricular septal defect when she was born, but the defect shouldn't be too big, and it didn't close automatically... If she had an operation when she was young, it wouldn't have any effect.

However, until she fell ill... She never had relevant examinations in her life... For so many years, her condition has been deteriorating under such a tired condition. She must have heart problems, but I have never I never heard her mention it, she never showed it... and I, a doctor, a doctor of heart surgery, took so long, and didn't find out until she got sick..."

"...the day she fell ill, it was in the evening, I was at home, my mother was in the kitchen, talking to me, while busy, cooking... I heard the spoon fell on the ground, I turned my head , I saw my mother curled up, pressing her chest, and fell to the ground...

I have seen many patients clutching their chests like this, but I have never panicked like that time... When I stand up, I seem to be unable to step on the ground..."

The man stared intently and said,

"... After I sent my mother to the hospital and stabilized her condition, I checked my mother... The test results showed that my mother had severe heart failure, and the heart disease had entered the terminal stage."

The man was talking, then fell silent for a while, with a look of pain on his face,

"...Other doctors in the department always praise my surgical ability, thinking that I have a strong ability in the field of cardiac surgery...but what's the use, no matter how strong my surgical ability is, I can't save my mother.

Her left and right ventricles were nearly paralyzed after the onset of the disease, and there were only two things she could do. One was to wait for death, and the other was a heart transplant...

I can't help but look at my mother, just lying on the hospital bed, getting thinner and weaker...I want to save her, I want her to get up from the hospital bed again, I want to eat another bite of what she did vegetable……"

The man was in pain and said,

"...However, there are very few donors who can provide a source of heart, and there are even fewer who can meet the requirements. I have tried my best, tried my best...but I can't find a suitable heart. I can only look at it that way I watched my mother's condition worsen a little bit.

My mother reassured me that in her life, it was enough for her to see me grow up safely, find a stable job, and live a good life. Now I don’t need her care anymore. Meet my father. "

"...But I don't want, I don't want my mother to be like this, just like this...I also want her to see me get married, let her hold my granddaughter...I want her to live."

"But I can't help it, there's nothing I can do..."

The man's face became more and more painful, and his body trembled slightly. As he spoke, he gradually fell silent.

……