I really don't want to be a teacher

Lian Ge glanced at the middle-aged man, turned his gaze back, and looked into the backyard through the door leading to the backyard.

In the backyard, it was still dark, only the light reflected from the main room illuminated that area, which was slightly brighter.

"Why didn't you just do it?"

Looking at the backyard, Lian Ge asked calmly.

When the middle-aged man heard the words, he was silent and didn't respond, but he also turned his gaze to the backyard,

"Brother likes Yunyun a lot, right?"

Without looking back, Lian Ge said again,

Hearing this, the middle-aged man was silent for a while, his eyes moved up slightly,

"...She is very similar to my daughter... In the past, she was also like Yunyun, trying hard to please me..."

As the middle-aged man spoke, he paused again, his upward gaze stopped again, looking at the sunlight reflected through the gap in the roof of the backyard, his eyes were in a trance, a little lost in thought,

Lian Ge didn't say anything more, just waited quietly.

"...Her name is Ruirui, Wu Ruirui..."

After a long time, the middle-aged man's voice sounded again in the somewhat quiet main room,

"... This name was given to her by her mother."

Looking at the backyard, the middle-aged man seems to be lost in memory,

"Her mother and I have known each other for a long time. After I grew up, the family helped me to make peace, and we married her...

After two years of marriage, she became pregnant with Ruirui.

When she was pregnant, she told me that if she gave birth to a boy, she would be called Ruirui, and if she gave birth to a girl, she would be called Ruirui, the pistil of the flower stamen...

At that time, I didn’t like girls, just like those people in the village now, I felt that raising a girl would belong to someone else’s family sooner or later, and I was helping others to raise it.

But I still promised her that if she gave birth to a girl, I would call her Ruirui... At that time, I thought, even if the first one is a girl, I can have another one. "

As he spoke, the middle-aged man paused, remained silent, and looked at the backyard.

……

"She's dead,"

After a long time, the middle-aged man continued,

"When I was giving birth to Ruirui, I died of dystocia..."

"At that time, the medical conditions were not as good as now, and it was in the mountains. When she gave birth to Ruirui, she just found a stable woman...

The baby was born, but she died. "

"... When she was about to die, I didn't care about my mother's stop. I entered the delivery room and was the last to see her. She was lying on the bed, on the sheets, and on the quilt. There was blood everywhere... Her head was covered with blood. It was sweat, his face was already pale, and there was no trace of blood...

At that time, she was already weak and unable to speak, I squatted beside the bed, she put her hand on mine, looked at the crying child on the side of the bed, then just looked at me like that, then look at me...

In the end, she couldn't say anything, but I knew what she wanted to say.

She is afraid, afraid that because she was born a girl, I will blame her and treat the child badly...how could I blame her..."

While talking, the middle-aged man paused again before continuing,

"...After she went, I finished her funeral and held Ruirui for the first time. I held her, but I didn't feel happy at all...I don't blame her mother, but I blame her.

I think she killed her mother. If it weren't for her, her mother wouldn't be gone like that...I blame her, hate her...At that time, I didn't like girls at first, and after that, I didn't like girls even more . "

"...However, no matter how much I blame her, no matter how much I don't like her, I still support her. To me, she is not like my daughter, but an object left by her mother.

I will feed her but never ask her if she is hungry or what she likes to eat, I will dress her but never care if she is hot or cold, I will let her go to school but never care what did you do in school,

I would keep her alive, but never cared, what happened to her every day of her life.

She was like someone from another family living under the same roof as me, someone who stayed with me. "

The middle-aged man's eyes were in a trance, and he fell silent again.

"...That's it, she grew up day by day, and she didn't fully learn to speak until she was over two years old...because I seldom talked to her.

She also knows I don't like her...she knows...

Since she was very young, she seldom cried, seldom made trouble, and most of the time, she just stayed there alone.

When she was a little older, she began to try very hard to please me, to make me happy, to make me like...

But it seems that I have never smiled at her... Every time, she just keeps her head down like that, and walks back to the side without saying a word.I don't care if she is sad or uncomfortable, and continue to do what I am doing. "

While talking, the middle-aged man withdrew his gaze from the backyard, turned his head, and looked at the plate of apples on the dining table.

"...Until...the only thing I knew she liked was apples, this kind of apples..."

The middle-aged man fell silent again, stood up, reached out and picked up the remaining apple on the plate, and looked at it with a dazed look.

Chapter 318 The Fallen Apple

Holding the apple, raising his hand, lowering his head, the middle-aged man stood where he was, his eyes resting on the apple, lost in thought.

After a long time, the middle-aged man raised his hand and took a mouthful of the slightly fluffy apple.

Silently, chewing mouthful after mouthful, unknowingly chewing out the sweetness of the apple,

"...At that time, I set up a spiritual seat for her mother at home, and I would burn a few sticks of incense for her mother every day, and I would sacrifice it every once in a while."

Swallowing the apple, the middle-aged man looked down and said aloud,

"At that time, I will buy a few apples and place them in front of her mother's coffin. Sometimes, the apples are kept for a few days, just like this, sandy, dry, and gone.

I don't like apples, but her mother likes them, and she likes them...  

Every time, after washing the apple, she held the apple, sat there, smiled, and ate it happily... Before eating, she always washed one more and handed it to me.But every time, I didn't reach out to take it, and most of the time, I just walked past her directly.

... Later, I figured out some things, probably in fact, she didn't like eating apples that much, but the apple that fell off was the most delicious thing she had ever eaten..."

"...When I was seven years old, I sent her to school. But from that day on, I never asked her what happened in school.

Every time she comes home, she will be very happy to tell me what she did, what she learned, and what she saw today, but I seem to have never heard of it, but she still says it every time..."

The middle-aged man turned his head and looked at the closed door of the main room, still holding the apple in his hand,

"... She is very obedient and her academic performance is also very good, but I have never been to her parents' meeting. Every time she hears my rejection, she will lower her head for a while, then raise her head, and talk to me with a smile. Said, 'It's okay, many parents of other classmates don't go', at this time, I didn't respond to her very much, either walked away, or continued to be busy with my own affairs."

"... When she was nine years old, she started to cook by herself. It was her birthday. I remember it because that day was also the anniversary of her mother's death... I took the prepared dishes and some things and went up the mountain. Don't let her follow, leave her alone at home.

By the time I came down from the mountain after talking with her mother for a while, it was already dark.

She was standing at the door, looking towards the entrance of the village.

When I approached, she called me very happily, and then told me that she had already cooked the meal.

When she was talking, she was trembling all over. She didn't know whether it was when she was lifting water or pouring water into the pot. She was completely wet by the water...

I still don't know how long she stood at the door in that wet dress that night, facing the evening mountain wind.

I just remember that that night, I scolded her because she wasted the rice, and the rice was a bit raw... Actually, it didn't seem to be edible, but at that time, I threw it away.

She seemed to have been sitting on the edge of the table, with her head down, without saying a word...

The next day, she caught a cold and was sent to the clinic by her teacher... I didn't know until she recovered from her cold. "

While talking, the middle-aged man fell silent again, lowered his head, looked at the bitten apple in his hand, lost in thought,

Lian Ge glanced at the middle-aged man, didn't say much, and turned his gaze to the backyard again.

……

The hall became quiet again,

A gust of breeze passed through the gap on the top of the backyard wall, passed through the backyard door, and gently disturbed the hanging incandescent lamps in the main room.

Shaking the shadow of the person under the lamp.

"...When I was young, I had three older sisters. The youngest was two years older than me, and the oldest, 15 years older. My mother was nearly 40 years old when I was born."

Lifting his head slightly, the middle-aged man looked at the flickering incandescent lamp and continued,

"...When I was young, my mother told me that I was the only seedling in my family, and I would bring a few more children in the future to continue the incense of our family and pass on the family line. At that time, I couldn't figure it out. A sister, why is she an only seedling.

But my parents told me so, everyone in the village told me so, even the eldest sister told me so, and slowly, it seemed to me that it was right.

At that time, whenever there was something delicious at home, I always ate it first, and my three older sisters didn’t compete with me. My older sister, who was only two years older than me, just looked at it with greedy eyes and swallowed her saliva. I also think it’s right, it’s taken for granted, I feel that the boy is the most important thing in the family, and I think my three older sisters are just living in our family, ‘people from other people’”

The breeze gradually subsided, and the incandescent lamps gradually stopped shaking.

"...In that famine year, there were natural disasters one after another, the land was dry, and the grain was not harvested. The fruits and wild vegetables all over the mountains and fields were picked clean, and even the fish in the river seemed to be gone.

First eat porridge with sweet potatoes, then wild vegetables with porridge, two handfuls of rice, and an iron pot of water.

When serving rice, my mother always scooped out the rice at the bottom of the pot with a spoon, filled a bowl for my father, and half a bowl for me. A little rice, and some rice-flavored rice soup... My dad is because he has to work, and I am..."

While talking, the middle-aged man looked at the lamp and fell silent for a while,

"...The first one who couldn't stand it was my elder sister. She was always thinking about others so much. The only rice left in the pot also entered the stomach of my two younger sisters. She just drank the rice soup , Eat that wild vegetable.

…That morning, people in the village saw her in front of my yard.

At that time, a tree was planted in front of the yard, and she was under that tree, her mouth was still stuffed with leaves..."

"Then, there was my second sister... She was lying on the bed, her whole body was very weak, her whole body was so swollen that she couldn't get out of bed.

At noon that day, I secretly carried my bowl of rice into the house, intending to give it to her.

She couldn't lift her hand anymore, so I handed the bowl to her mouth, and before I could feed her, she sucked it into her mouth desperately... But at this time, my mother came in and took the bowl The bowl of rice was grabbed again, dragged me, left the bed, then handed the bowl to me again, and then ate it by myself, not to my sister, I was angry, asked her why, she told me, because I was The only male in the family.

…I was right there, crying and watching my sister die.

And finally, my youngest sister... her legs were also starting to swell and she was lying on the bed, unable to go anywhere... she was lying on the bed, looking at me.

She told me she hated me, and that if it wasn't for me, the other two sisters wouldn't have died.

She asked me, incense, incense, is it really that important?Aren't she and the two sisters born to the same mother as me?Aren't she and the other two sisters their children?

In the end... She asked me why twice, then stared at me, and it was gone. "

The middle-aged man said, lowered his head again, looked at the apple in his hand,

After a pause, the middle-aged man raised his hand and took another bite,

Chewing one mouthful at a time, he fell silent again.

Turning his gaze back, Lian Ge glanced at the middle-aged man again, paused slightly,

The little white mouse squatting on its shoulders also hugged the apple, turned its head, and looked at the middle-aged man.

Chapter 319 Adding an Extra Pear 148

In the main room, it became more and more quiet.

Only the middle-aged man was biting the apple bit by bit, chewing his voice.

Biting his mouth again, the middle-aged man stopped his movements, put down his hands, turned his head, and looked at the closed main room door,

"...After my wife passed away, my mother also passed away in the second year. Before she passed away, she was still telling me by the hospital bed, and then she must marry another one and give birth to a boy. Don't let the Wu family Cutting off the incense...is it really that important?"

The middle-aged man's eyes were in a trance, lost in thought, and said,

"At that time, everyone seemed to be saying that, and I seemed to have forgotten what my youngest sister told me when she passed away. I thought it was true, and I felt that sooner or later girls belonged to someone else, and I felt that only boys really belonged to me. Children, treat Ruirui just like my parents treat my three sisters..."

"It wasn't until now that I figured it out that everyone said that because it's been wrong for so long."

While talking, the middle-aged man lowered his head again, looked at the apple he had bitten in his hand, fell silent for a while, and continued talking,

"When she was 12 years old, Ruirui was promoted to junior high school. Since then, I let her live in the school. From the time she entered high school until she... I never took the initiative to call her, never Asked her about her life at school, and cared about what happened to her at school..."

As the middle-aged man spoke, his voice couldn't help but pause,

"...I don't know how she is studying, how her life is, how she gets along with classmates and friends, what she likes...she always tries to call home, but I never listen carefully.

Every time, she is very happy to tell me about the interesting things that happened to her in school, about her teacher, about her classmates, about her life... It's like when she was a child, I just walked away , At that time, after I finished listening, I would hang up the phone directly..."

Looking at the eaten apple, the middle-aged man fell silent again.