Love in Cthulhu

Chapter 15 Fake Love
Jianxi stood there blankly, feeling somewhat lost and helpless.

Like? What is liking? What kind of liking?

She had only been Jian Xi for a short time; before that, she wasn't even considered anything in particular.

Although everything you eat is inherited in full, mastering it requires digestion and understanding. Long memories are like a dusty treasure chest; everything inside belongs to you, but you can't always find the treasure you want.

Based on past experience, the word "like" probably represents the kind of relationship between a man and a woman, right? Saying this is like saying, "Hey Jianxi, I want to love you."

Of course, this is a rather straightforward, physiological understanding. As human beings, we should be more subtle and call it a confession. Moreover, he asked, "Do you still like me?" implying that she had confessed to him before. But why can't she recall having such a memory at all?

She was a little confused and didn't know how to answer the question.

In fact, most of the time she wasn't acting, but rather reacting instinctively. It was as if a monster's memories and identity had been added to Jian Xi's persona, so of course she would feel like she was that girl, and all her words were sincere and genuine, without any pretense.

She was still the same at this moment. Thinking about it carefully, it seems that Jian Xi has always been this kind of person. She can tease Zhou Zi, but she will not allow Zhou Zi to tease her in return, otherwise she will blush.

And now she's blushing, and feels so light she could fly.

Something feels off! Was that some kind of spell that belonged only to the two of them? A spell she didn't know? How could that be! The memories consumed were everything, everything Jian Xi remembered from birth until her death, unless even Jian Xi herself had forgotten!

“Did I… say such a thing…” Jian Xi stammered.

"You forgot? Or can't remember?" Zhou Nan was also a little surprised. He thought the monster would remember. "It was last summer vacation."

Last summer vacation? Jian Xi racked her brains to recall that period, but she still couldn't remember anything.

"I... confessed to you?" Jian Xi's heart skipped a beat, her eyes widening in shock.

"No." Zhou Nan could tell that she really didn't realize it, so he explained, "That day we were resting in the stands at the stadium, and I asked you if you hated me? You said you liked me a lot, and I said that I actually liked you quite a bit too. You laughed and said it sounded like you were about to confess your feelings. I said that's not it, it's just that I feel like I don't have many friends, and maybe I'll be like this for the rest of my life. I always feel like I'll let my family down."

"You patted my shoulder and said it's okay, I'm the same way. Although I have a lot of people who call themselves friends, I have very few close friends. To be honest, I've never found a guy I like in a romantic sense, not even you. But if I had to choose the most pleasing one among the unlikable ones, I'd still choose you."

"Then we made a pinky promise that if we were both thirty years old and still hadn't found someone we liked or gotten married, we would just get together. We knew each other well, so we weren't worried about anything."

Jian Xi breathed a sigh of relief. So that's what it was. Zhou Nan reminded her and she remembered everything.

There was indeed such an agreement, but the question "Do you still like me?" made her mind flash through a series of images. It turned out that she had completely misunderstood the meaning.

Many people thought they should have been a couple long ago, that they had long since transcended the typical childhood sweetheart relationship, and that feeding each other, adjusting each other's collars, and combing each other's hair were commonplace. But only they themselves knew that this close relationship was based on companionship that was better than family, even though they weren't family.

Zhou Nan's father was a teacher, and his mother owned her own shop. In her early years, she ran an arcade and a hardware store, and later switched to selling electrical appliances. They were both very busy people. He grew up with his grandfather and naturally lived in the compound.

Jianxi's situation was similar. Her parents went out to work at a young age, and later started a business. After achieving good results, they planned to bring Jianxi over. However, Jianxi fell ill as soon as she arrived, coughing severely and having difficulty breathing.

After a thorough examination, the hospital diagnosed her with cough-variant asthma, which is particularly sensitive to changes in air quality and temperature. The air quality in the provincial capital is far inferior to that in this small county town nestled among mountains and rivers. For the sake of her health, they decided to send her back, planning to wait until she finishes her studies to see if surgery could cure her completely.

Having similar circumstances, the two people naturally find it easy to have a lot in common and empathize with each other.

Jian Xi, being strong-willed, was born earlier, so she firmly believed that she was the older sister and that an older sister should protect her younger brother and be inseparable from him.

Love is a collision of hormones and the unknown, but when you've known someone for a long time and there are no secrets between you, the more familiar you are with that person, the harder it is for you to truly fall in love with them.

That's how their relationship was. They both knew what was going on. Jian Xi always liked to tell silly jokes and tease them, but they never took it seriously, and neither of them confessed their feelings. They just made a promise to each other under the moonlit flowers: "I'm willing to be your support."

Zhou Nan now wants to make this promise a reality, as he feels it's the only way to control Jian Xi.

He himself felt crazy when the idea popped into his head. He knew she was a complete monster, yet he still wanted to date her.

But she is indeed wearing Jian Xi's skin, isn't she? She said that her emotions, memories, knowledge, and habits all came from Jian Xi.

He never confessed to Jian Xi, but he wasn't stupid. The hazy, illusory barrier between them had always been there, just like that promise made at thirty. Perhaps, it was just waiting for someone to break through it.

Since Jian Xi will never receive this belated confession, she'll use it on the monster, as a way to make up for her past stupidity and give herself some psychological comfort.

Even if it's fake love, it doesn't matter, as long as it can stop her and stop her from eating people indiscriminately.

He offered himself to the tiger, went on a date with it, and made it shy.

"Do you remember?" Zhou Nan stared into her eyes.

Of course, this is just a direction he thinks is feasible; whether it will succeed depends on Miss Monster.

"I remember... What's wrong?" Jian Xi pondered Zhou Nan's expression and took a step back warily.

She had a vague feeling that this question was ill-intentioned, but her mind was a mess and burning with anxiety.

Was it Jian Xi's emotions influencing her? She understood. As Jian Xi, she would react to certain actions of Zhou Nan, such as not wanting to kill him, wanting to do something for him, or blushing when she heard certain words from his mouth...

But what good is understanding? You said you wanted to be like Jian Xi, and you stole so many things from Jian Xi, so you should do what Jian Xi didn't finish.

“Then I want to move that appointment forward to today,” Zhou Nan said. Jian Xi’s heart skipped a beat, her face turning as red as if a tomato could be squeezed out of it. She thought to herself, “Oh no! I’ve been tricked! Time to get out of here!”

"Oh, I just remembered I have something to do, I'll talk to you later!"

She turned and ran, but the person behind her caught up in a few steps. She panicked and ran faster and faster, but the guy behind her was like a walking mortar!
She was just one step away from escaping the deserted alley. Her slender fingertips had returned to the world of the living, but a large hand reached out from behind and grabbed her firmly, dragging her back into the depths of hell.

With a loud thud, this time it was a clean, straightforward wall slam. Jian Xi stared wide-eyed in horror, looking up at Zhou Nan as if she were a completely frozen puppet. Zhou Nan had his hands on her shoulders, his eyes wide open, as serious as an old monk in meditation.

He was deceiving himself. This isn't a monster, this isn't a monster, this is Jian Xi, this is Jian Xi. Confessing to a monster is wrong, but confessing to Jian Xi is fine, you know that very well! Between the two of you, there has always been only one step away, but neither of you dared to take that step, which is why you made that thirty-year-old pact!
What a damn lucid moment! Yet, at this crucial moment, my blood boils, and I think of that unfinished story. I have to use some nonsensical ambiguity to cover up my ridiculous, sensitive, and fragile teenage heart. I'm afraid of being rejected, afraid that I won't even be able to be best friends with him anymore.

You regret it? Keep dreaming. She's gone. Only a man-eating monster is still here with you.

That delicate, almost ethereal face was right in front of him, and Zhou Nan brought his lips close and gently brushed them against her cheek.

He could feel Jian Xi's shoulders tremble violently in his palm. He found it both amusing and infuriating. It was a trick; when they finally got close, she only used her face, her lips bypassing him. He would never give up what rightfully belonged to her for this monster.

But this reaction is quite cute. It really is her. Jian Xi has always been high on offense and low on defense. She can spout dirty jokes better than anyone else. It's as if all the young men in the world should like a beautiful girl like her.

But if someone uses her methods against her, she either blushes and glares at them fiercely, or turns her head away and tries to find a place to run away.

If it were the real her, wouldn't she react the same way?
But what are you pretending for, you monster? Have you ever felt love? All that romance and beauty isn't for you. No matter how cute your performance is, who are you trying to impress? It's disgusting!

"Jianxi," Zhou Nan whispered in her ear.

"Hmm..." Jian Xi's neck turned completely red. She lowered her head, and strands of hair fell down, obscuring her eyes.

"You can't do this anymore, understand? Even if you can eat people and it goes undetected, if the same problem happens too often, it will raise suspicion. If you really want to be a good Jianxi, you'd better hide those parts that aren't human."

"Oh……"

"Do you really understand?"

"Um……"

"Would you like to be my boyfriend, Jianxi?"

"Hey, what kind of plot twist is this!" Jian Xi jumped up in surprise, struggling to escape.

"There's no twist or anything. Actually, I've had this in my heart for a long time, but I just haven't had a chance to say it. Her sudden departure made me realize something: cherish the present. Since you're still here, I sincerely hope that you are Jian Xi and that you won't leave me so easily again. I like you very much, really, really like you."

These words are truly disgusting. As he said them, his mind was filled with Jian Xi's cold corpse and the dark, writhing shadow of that monster, flashing before his eyes like a revolving lantern.

But he forced himself to use a calm tone, with unprecedented gentleness, like someone who sincerely wanted to confess to the girl he liked. Two different faces overlapped in his pupils, eventually merging into the girl in front of him who seemed about to boil over at any moment.

Did he succeed? He didn't know, but he suddenly felt like he had the potential to be a gigolo, the kind who would submit to a monster.

He didn't care about anything else anymore. As long as he could control her, he was willing to sell himself. He couldn't kill her, he couldn't escape, and he had no one to turn to for help. The only card he could play was his feelings.

“And your answer?” he said.

Jian Xi nervously twisted her fingers, her breathing slightly rapid.

She didn't know how to answer, but she felt that he really liked her. Jian Xi was a very shrewd girl from the beginning. The two of them had been together for so long and made such a promise. Behind the paper window, there was actually a big heart drawn. How could she not understand?
Now, such emotions are flowing through her chest, a mixture of happiness and bewilderment.

Before becoming human, she had never experienced any happy moments. It was only after becoming Jian Xi that she tasted joyful times from the memories and feelings of this girl, and longed for and imagined that perhaps she would also have one.

It just happened like that, completely unexpectedly. The feeling of being liked overwhelmed her like a tidal wave, and she felt like the biggest treasure in the world.

Receiving no response for a while, Zhou Nan pondered for a moment and decided to take further action. He boldly pulled Jian Xi into his arms. In the past, doing this would have earned him a sharp rebuke, but this time Jian Xi simply struggled to get out and pushed him away.

"I...I...I...Let me think about it! Please let me think about it, okay? I need to calm down, yes, I need to think calmly!" Jian Xi stammered. "I'll tell you when I've thought it through!"

She turned and ran away quickly, even tripping and nearly falling on the way.

This is absurd. How could Jian Xi have something that she doesn't have? To be honest, she's only two days old and doesn't yet have a good understanding and acceptance of the past. As a teenage girl, she's instinctively afraid of this kind of thing, yet secretly looking forward to it.

She really needed some peace and quiet. Her mind was filled with flashbacks of the sixteen years they had spent together. She kept saying that she was Jian Xi, but she knew very well that she and Jian Xi were different things.

But at this moment, she really couldn't tell anymore, and sincerely hoped that she was the girl she had been waiting for for so long.

Zhou Nan didn't chase after Jian Xi. He walked out of the alley, bought a bottle of mineral water at a store, and returned to the alley.

He poured water into his palm and splashed it on his face. It was icy cold. He rubbed his cheeks and washed his lips vigorously, as if he had just approached not a warm girl, but filthy mud.

You can wash your body clean if it's dirty, but nothing can fix a heart problem. Since you've chosen to take this step, don't think about turning back.

(End of this chapter)