Love Healing Manual

Chapter 24 Second Personality
I want him to gently rub my head;

"I wanted to bite him, to leave a mark on his arm with my teeth;"

"But, but I shouldn't have done that..."

"Pain torments me;"

"I hate you, please leave me;"

Lines of text surfaced in Lin Ze's mind.

The anxious, thorny entries in the diary are still vivid in my mind.

Lin Ze lowered his eyes and unconsciously clenched his fists, while the bedroom was very quiet.

Words have emotions, and he could easily read Kitagawa's contradictions, struggles, and self-loathing from her diary.

What's truly worrying isn't the hysteria.

Instead, it was the phrase, "Please leave me."

This is a very typical case of dissociative identity disorder. It has always been clearly explained in various books on mental health, partly because there are so many examples of this and so many have been documented.

Generally, after experiencing unbearable trauma, individuals are likely to trigger their own biological defense mechanisms. In order to cope with the unbearable pain, they isolate the trauma-related, hurt self-experience from their subjective consciousness.

It could be said that Kitagawa Ayane believed in her heart that she was not sick at all, but that the one who was sick, kneeling, losing her dignity, and kneeling at her feet was another person, who just lived in her body.

That woman is disgusting; it wasn't her.

As a result, she would feel much better and be able to receive treatment with a clear conscience.

She was caught in a dilemma—she couldn't live a normal life without treatment, but she felt she had no dignity if she accepted treatment.

So, a compromise was reached: to imagine a new personality and transfer the illness onto her.

no doubt.

This method led Kitagawa Ayane into another abyss.

The second personality isn't something you can simply imagine existing or eradicate at will.

The human brain is a "biological organism" with functional areas. The second personality that grows out exists objectively and realistically on the biological organism within the neural network. The second personality can complete all normal human reflexes. After the formation of neural synapses, the brain is affected by special bioelectricity, causing the area responsible for managing memory to become disordered, leading to the triggering of defense mechanisms that separate the two personalities.

This is how amnesia occurs.

Many people have no recollection of the serious harm they suffered as children, whether physical or psychological, which is the result of their defense mechanisms being triggered.

Lin Ze's heart sank to the bottom. He had foreseen that Kitagawa Ayane's situation would be bad, but he did not expect it to cause such a chain reaction.

In that case, we cannot allow her to abuse her second personality; we must restore her objective self-awareness to its original state.

Lin Ze was lost in thought, completely unaware of the passage of time.

"Boom boom boom——"

A knock came at the door, and then the doorknob turned slightly.

It interrupted his thoughts.

Lin Yuning peeked out from outside the door.

"You've been studying this far?" she asked curiously, looking at the notebook on Lin Ze's desk, which was covered with dense writing.

"No, I've been resting for a long time."

"We just closed, and I thought you must be starving, so I quickly brought it up."

"Thank goodness the store is closing so late today?"

At this moment, Lin Ze glanced at the time on the clock: 21:41.

Night had fallen outside, and moonlight caressed the entire city of Tokyo.

Lin Yuning usually doesn't work overtime this late, because the ingredients she prepares are sold out earlier, and she closes the shop around that time, so any customers who come later will have to wait until tomorrow.

“Your sister Lingzi took half a day off today and left in the afternoon, so I was busy by myself and I was a little slow.” Lin Yuning shrugged.

"Why didn't you ask me to help?" Lin Ze asked, puzzled.

“You have your own things to do,” Lin Yuning said, pointing to the things on her desk. “Aren’t we all working just as hard?”

"aunt."

"What's wrong."

"I'm so glad I obediently went with you back then."

"What nonsense are you talking about?" Lin Yuning paused for a moment, then chuckled. "Never mind, I'll go prepare dinner, you brat."

……

Even the most solitary person will feel lonely in Tokyo.

It's so big, so bustling, a world-class metropolis.

But often, all that excitement has nothing to do with you.

Amidst the endless hustle and bustle outside, only these few square meters offer a sense of warmth.

On the two small coffee tables, there was a dish of stir-fried green peppers with cured pork, a dish of stir-fried dried shrimp with chives, two bowls of rice, and a steaming pumpkin porridge, which was especially comforting.

Lin Yuning set up her phone stand, and on the screen was "Tokyo Love Story." The scene was right at the point where Kanji had arranged to have dinner with Rika at seven o'clock, but then Rimi stood them up. However, Rika was also late, so she kept waiting and waiting.

The waiter asked: "Excuse me, the restaurant is full. Could someone else share a table with you?"
Rika said, "But there are people here, they'll be here soon. He'll definitely come!"

Lin Yuning sat cross-legged on the sofa, rubbing her wrists while a "sweet smile" appeared on her face, as if she was about to witness a classic scene. Before she even saw it, the corners of her mouth had already turned up.

Lin Ze picked up his rice bowl and glanced at the screen on his phone.

"You've watched it at least thirty times, haven't you?"

"Tsk, what do you know? You're just a kid."

"Madam, I am already twenty years old."

“In my eyes, no matter how old you are, you’re still a child.” Lin Yuning glared at him with her beautiful eyes and raised her fist in a show of defiance.

"If I remember correctly, you are only 13 years older than me."

"Really?" Lin Yuning turned her face, glanced at him, and pretended to think: "It does seem like the age gap isn't that big, but do you know that I used to hold you while you were bathing when you were little? You were four years old then, and your mother was so busy that she didn't have a moment to spare. I not only had to scrub your back and bathe you, but I also had to wash your little penis. And now you think that in my eyes you're not a child—"

"Okay, okay... I was wrong, let's eat."

Lin Ze quickly interrupted her to continue.

"That solves it." Lin Yuning rolled her eyes.

She usually eats very little, and a large part of her cooking is actually for Lin Ze, since he is now a young man and at the age where he can eat a lot.

When Lin Ze was in the perspective of the detector, he didn't have many feelings.

Only when I smelled the aroma of food did I realize how hungry I was, my stomach was about to churn.

He picked up two pieces of stir-fried green peppers with cured pork, mixed them with rice, and shoveled them into his mouth. After chewing for a few seconds, his eyes suddenly lit up.

The unique aroma of the cured pork, mixed with the juice of green peppers, filled my mouth, stimulating every taste bud on my tongue. It was a flavor that I could never find in Tokyo.

Moreover, the hot oil stir-frying process makes the green peppers crisp and retains all their moisture.

After picking up a few more bites, Lin Ze began to shovel rice into his mouth.

"Delicious." After finishing half a bowl of rice, he gave a fair assessment.

"It would be strange if it didn't taste good. You're in luck today because Grandma sent you this cured meat."

"I knew it! You can't buy such delicious cured meat in Tokyo."

"There's still more than half left. I've put it on the balcony to dry. Remember to bring a stool and close the screen window at night so the cat won't steal any fish." "Okay." Lin Ze nodded.

The couple lived far away in Tokyo, so their elderly relatives were always worried about them and would send them Chinese specialties every now and then, such as cured meat, cold-cooked rabbit, hot pot base, and kiwifruit grown by themselves.

According to Grandma Lin Ze, "You can't get good food in Japan."

It's not that exaggerated. I can accept it for everyday meals, it's just not as flavorful as Chinese cuisine. Once a person's eating habits are formed, it's hard to change them.

Over the years, Lin Yuning still hasn't gotten used to the food here, and she always cooks her own meals.

Speaking of which, Lin Ze's deepest impression of his hometown is the food his grandmother made. Women in the old days probably all had a set of skillful cooking techniques. Whether it was making cured meat, fried dough cakes and vegetable dumplings, or stuffing sauces, pickling vegetables and making sausages, there was nothing that wasn't delicious.

Lin Yuning's cooking skills are considered good; she actually has a special talent in this area. However, according to her grandmother, Lin Yuning can only be considered "a mediocre cook," meaning she is only semi-proficient.

Lin Ze thought so too.

Although she was talented, she didn't like cooking. When she was little, she would just watch in the kitchen for a few moments and she could learn most of it.

If Grandma were to cook this cured pork, it would undoubtedly be even more delicious.

Of course, Lin Ze was already satisfied.

After he finished a whole bowl of rice, he scooped another bowl from the rice cooker, while Lin Yuning barely ate any, only taking small bites of rice. She had only finished a little over half of her bowl.

This has always been the case at home.

Lin Ze was responsible for consuming the vast majority of the food.

Today, he is a junior in college, standing at 1.81 meters tall, making him one of the best among the many boys in Japan. He owes all of this to Lin Yuning's tireless efforts in feeding him.

Back to the sofa.

Lin Ze picked up his chopsticks, ready to continue eating the food on his plate, but suddenly his chopsticks stopped.

living room.

The soft light illuminated the gleaming coffee table.

The space was packed full, and the two sat together, one shoulder higher than the other, their shadows cast on the white wall behind them.

The Japanese dialogue from "Tokyo Love Story" on the phone was clear and full of a sense of nostalgia. Every now and then, Lin Yuning's shoulders would twitch as she was amused by Rika Akana's cuteness.

Lin Ze suddenly thought of something, and he was indeed excited about the idea.

"Could you cook another serving of this for me tomorrow?" he asked Lin Yuning, turning to her.

"What? You mean stir-fried cured pork? Okay." Lin Yuning nodded.

"I mean morning."

"You eat this for breakfast? It's so bad for your stomach!"

“I’m not eating it in the morning. You can stir-fry it for me, pack it in a lunchbox, and then I’ll take it to school and eat it at noon.”

"Won't it get cold?" Lin Yuning asked doubtfully. "It won't taste good when it's cold; the oil on the surface will solidify."

"Our cafeteria has microwave ovens, and you can heat things up for free."

"Okay, if you want some, I'll make you a meal... but I don't know if I can find your bento box. I think there are some new ones in the kitchen cabinet."

"Then I'll go take a look."

Without any hesitation, Lin Ze quickly got up, went to the kitchen, opened the top cabinet, rummaged around for a bit, and found the lunchbox wrapped in plastic. He then washed it at the sink.

"I've washed them clean and put them on the cutting board," he said to Lin Yuning while wiping his hands.

"Okay, let's continue eating."

After sitting down again, Lin Ze ate even faster, finishing his meal in just a few minutes. He told Lin Yuning, "I'm full," and went back to his bedroom.

That's why we're in such a hurry.

Because Lin Ze had come up with a concrete plan, he also roughly understood the key points of the system's task assignment.

That's why I'm so impatient.

……

In the bedroom.

He pulled up a chair at his desk, took out his notebook, picked up a pen, and prepared to formulate a suitable plan. At the same time, he checked the "doghouse design blueprints" in the system email in his mind and the information on receiving funding.

In my mind, there is a small house surrounded by blue light that is spinning.

"Design drawings have been distributed"

"Manufacturing funds have been disbursed, totaling 75000 yen."

Then.

On his desk, a bank card appeared out of nowhere, and a string of numbers appeared on the system screen.

International Savings Card

"Any money issued or exchanged through the system will be credited to this card. It can be used for any consumption, and its source is legal and compliant, originating from personal transfers. The password is 031005. Please use it with confidence."

Lin Ze took the card, looked at it over and over twice, and then put the all-black card into his schoolbag.

What he was really interested in was the design of the doghouse.

The most reassuring thing is that the system doesn't actually ask him to build a doghouse for his senior to live in. If it did, he would really be worried. This doghouse is just a bed with an angled roof, similar to an opaque tent, with a bone symbol placed on top of the entrance.

However, it's impossible to tell what the material or materials are.

Judging from the system's nature, it probably needs to understand things on its own. For example, when feeding Kitagawa-senpai dog food, there was no need to pay attention to the method or approach; the key was the senior herself.

This is different from his approach to exams, where choosing "A" means it's correct and choosing "B" means it's wrong. Instead, it's about using any method as long as the goal is achieved; the result is secondary, the process is primary.

"This budget is enough. If possible, we might be able to save some money for other things... If we consider the senior student as a girl, then what does she need to decorate that bland one-bedroom apartment?"

Lin Ze was forced to think about this problem, which was not something he was good at.

……

In another neighborhood in bustling Tokyo.

In a one-bedroom apartment.

The room was dark and dimly lit, without a single ray of light.

Kitagawa Ayane, who had already changed into her pajamas, lay on the bed, looking up at the ceiling with her eyes wide open, her hands resting on her fair neck.

If others were present, they would be astonished by what she was doing.

Kitagawa Ayane was gripping the arteries on both sides of her neck with all her might. Her face began to turn extremely red, and her lips parted slightly, as if she wanted to inhale a breath of fresh air.

However, that was in vain.

As her eyes grew larger, her pupils began to dilate.

With a "whoosh," her hand suddenly let go.

She gasped for breath of fresh air, like a dying fish.

……

In her 2004 medical book, *Case Studies in Psychoanalysis*, American physician Nancy McWilliams stated that the first stage of any dissociative identity disorder usually begins with self-harm.

This is an unavoidable stage that patients will inevitably go through when symptoms begin to appear.

It was also the beginning of falling into the abyss.

(End of this chapter)