Top Scholar

Chapter 547 If all else fails, you can stuff it with water.
The night breeze rustled through the huge tree canopy, temporarily dispelling the summer heat.

On the long table, the candlelight flickered slightly, casting shadows on Zhu Shou's face.

After listening to Su Lu's words, he pondered for a long time before asking in a low voice, "Are you sure she'll be alright?"

His voice lowered even further, "If anything really happens to her, our lives are over!"

Su Lu, however, looked confident and poured him a glass of plum wine, saying, "Don't worry. First of all, for her, hunger strikes have always been a means, not an end. Once she understands that this method cannot achieve her goal, she will naturally give up the means and will never use this trick again."

“Any hunger strike that isn’t aimed at suicide is just playing around. The more it goes on, the weaker her will becomes, because she doesn’t really want to die!” he continued in a deep voice.
"As soon as a person senses the approach of death, every organ in their body will instinctively try to survive. At that moment, the craving for food will gradually outweigh any so-called obsession!"

"Furthermore, I have evidence for my judgment—she's still drinking water as usual, isn't she?" Su Lu changed the subject, a sly smile on his face.

"If she was truly determined to die, why would she need to drink water?"

"That's right, that's right!" Zhu Shou slapped Su Lu's thigh again, relieved. "As long as she's still willing to drink water, then there's not much of a problem!"

"If you're really worried, have someone secretly add a small amount of sugar to the water. Sugar water alone will be enough to maintain her basic vital signs," Su Lu added.
"If you're worried she'll notice it, add another third of the salt. This will neutralize the sweetness and saltiness, making it taste like slightly mineral-tasting water."

"How come you know everything?" Zhu Shou couldn't help but exclaim in admiration, "How about I ask the Emperor to bestow upon you the title of Duke of Knowledge in the future?"

"Thank you..." Su Lu thought to himself, thank goodness it's not the King of Knowledge.

"She might have already secretly added sugar a while ago," Zhu Shou sneered, then breathed a sigh of relief. "That puts my mind at ease!"

“Even if things go wrong,” Su Lu reassured him, “I still have ways to give her nutrition, even if the situation worsens and she faints from hunger again!”

"Why didn't you say so sooner?!" Zhu Shou's eyes lit up, and he hurriedly asked, "If it can keep her from starving to death even if she goes on a hunger strike, what am I afraid of?!"

"I heard that after the Empress Dowager fainted from hunger, I specifically consulted medical books to see if there were any... methods to replenish the nutrition of a comatose patient," Su Lu said.
"The results showed that both the Tang Dynasty medical texts, *Beiji Qianjin Yaofang* and *Waitai Miyao*, described the treatment for inability to eat: 'Sharpen a reed or bamboo tube until it is smooth, insert it into the nose or mouth, and blow air through it to allow air to pass; then gradually feed it rice water, meat juice, etc.'"

"Damn, isn't this just force-feeding?" Zhu Shou suddenly slapped his thigh, laughing and crying at the same time, "Authentic old Beijing craftsmanship!"

Su Lu said seriously, "Actually, the difference between humans and animals is not as great as you think."

He paused for a moment, then continued, "Of course, the Empress Dowager is of great importance. What if she were to have her nose or throat cut by a reed or bamboo tube?"

"It doesn't really matter..." Zhu Shou muttered, "As long as I don't die, why worry about so much?"

“Alas, we should still try to make the Empress Dowager suffer less,” Su Lu said. “We can use chicken intestines instead. Take a section of small intestine from one chicken each day, first scrape off the grease and dirt from the intestinal wall, then repeatedly rub it with wood ash water to remove the fishy smell and disinfect it.”

"Then soak it in warm rice water for a while to make it soft and chewy. Finally, cut it to a length of about one foot, just long enough to go from the nasal cavity to the lower part of the esophagus. Then feed it ginseng soup or chicken soup through the feeding tube, and it will go straight to the stomach."

"..." Zhu Shou listened in disbelief, and after a long while, he nodded in admiration and said, "I believe you have really done the research."

"Of course," Su Lu said matter-of-factly. "I heard the Empress Dowager fainted from hunger, so I have to hurry up and figure out how to treat her."

"That's great!" Zhu Shou gave a thumbs up.

Now he was completely relieved, and slapped his thigh hard, saying, "Since we're sure we won't die, let's go all out and fucking kill them!"

"Of course, the approach should be as gentle as possible." Su Lu added, "We still need to minimize the negative impact on public opinion."

"Eat, eat! I'm starving!" Zhu Shou picked up his rice bowl, took a bite of cold chicken noodles, and exclaimed with immense happiness, "This bite has brought me back to life!"

The two discussed their specific action plan while eating. Su Lu picked up a piece of "golden cake mixed with Beijing-style cabbage" with his chopsticks, chewed it slowly, and offered his advice in a low voice:
"Starting tomorrow, have the Emperor go to Shou Kang Palace every day to persuade the Empress Dowager to have a meal."

Zhu Shou asked in confusion, "No matter how much the Emperor tries to persuade her, the Empress Dowager will not eat unless he agrees to her conditions."

“Whether the Empress Dowager eats or not is not important, but the Emperor’s attitude is very important,” Su Lu said with a smile. “If the Emperor goes to persuade her to eat every day and does a good job of putting on a show, then no one will have any reason to accuse the Emperor of being cold-hearted and unfilial, and of sitting by while the Empress Dowager goes on a hunger strike.”

"That makes sense." Zhu Shou nodded. Although he extremely disliked trouble, he could also distinguish between what was important and what wasn't. Now was not the time to be afraid of trouble...

“However,” he asked worriedly, “what if those civil officials take advantage of the situation and pressure the Emperor to submit to the Empress Dowager?”

"Don't worry, they'll only advise the Emperor to reconcile with the Empress Dowager, but they won't advise him to obey her! Since the Hongzhi era, the impeachments against the Zhang brothers have never stopped—Wu Shizhong, Yang Maoyuan, Ding Ji, Hu Xianzhi, Li Mengyang… there are still piles of impeachments, and they listed all the charges against him! How could they contradict themselves now?" "Hmm." Zhu Shou was relieved and said, "Then let them advise him as they please. It's not like the Emperor doesn't want to reconcile."

"As for my side, I'll take Qian Ning to investigate the Zhang family... It would be best if Eunuch Zhang were to lead the investigation!" Su Lu added in a deep voice:
"There's no need to start with a big fight. Let's start by taking action against the Marquis of Jianchang's family—the Western Depot has already uncovered a string of irrefutable evidence of Zhang Yanling's wrongdoings in the Guanghui Temple case! Then we can follow the clues and drag out all his relatives."

"Once you've compiled this evidence, the Emperor can openly tell the Empress Dowager—if she's willing to eat properly, this case will end here, and she can still protect Zhang Heling and the Zhang family's title! If she still refuses to eat, then continue investigating Zhang Heling and completely sweep her Zhang family back into the gutter!" Zhu Shou nodded repeatedly, saying viciously:

"Hmph, Zhang Yanling can be used to manipulate the Empress Dowager just the same! First, sentence him to exile in Fengyang. If the Empress Dowager is sensible and lives a peaceful and quiet life from now on, without interfering in matters outside the palace, the Emperor might even issue a special pardon for him in ten or eight years! If he dares to cause trouble again, send him back to Liaodong and freeze him into an icicle! Then throw him into Qiongzhou, where he'll either die from the heat or be tortured to death!"

Su Lu thought to himself, "The emperor's methods of tormenting people are truly innate," yet he couldn't help but agree:
"That's a brilliant tactic! Cut off one arm while leaving the other... It saves her some face while keeping the Zhang brothers firmly in our grasp. Let's see if they dare to cause trouble again!"

"That's right. If she dares to cause trouble for the emperor again, he will punish her two younger brothers! Every time she acts up, the punishment will be increased. Let's see if she behaves!"

Zhu Shou became more and more excited as he spoke, feeling completely refreshed. The pent-up frustration of the past few days vanished, and he laughed loudly, "Good, good, good! Before I came here, my heart felt as heavy as a stone, but now I feel much better! Let's eat!"

"What did you eat just now?" Su Lu asked with a smile.

"I'm still not full!" Zhu Shou pointed to the empty bowl and said, "Do you have any more cold chicken noodles? I want another bowl!"

"Yes, yes." Auntie brought up the tray... Today, Zhu Shou deliberately didn't let Zhang Yong and the others come along, so only Auntie could serve the dishes.

Zhu Shou took the large bowl, picked up a mouthful of cold noodles and ate it in big bites. The shredded chicken and thin noodles were coated with light brown sesame sauce and some bright green cucumber shreds. It was cool and chewy, and the aroma of meat, noodles and sesame complemented each other perfectly. The taste was even better than last time.

"Did you make these noodles?" he asked his aunt.

"Ah," the aunt asked cautiously, "Is it alright?"

"Mmm, it's delicious. It just doesn't taste quite the same as last time." Zhu Shou said while eating noodles.

"That's normal. Farmers cook whatever they want, it all depends on what the kitchen has that day," Auntie said with a smile.

"You don't even have a recipe yet?" Zhu Shou asked with a smile.

"Farmers don't even have recipes when they cook; as long as there's something to eat, that's fine," the aunt said. "Isn't it all the same once it's in your stomach?"

"Pfft..." Zhu Shou almost spat out his noodles. He took the handkerchief, blew his nose, and chuckled, "You really can't judge a book by its cover. Just by listening to you talk, I really wouldn't have imagined that you could raise a top scholar and a third-place scholar."

“I only take care of their food and drink,” the aunt frankly said. “Their studies are not thanks to me; it’s all the children’s own ability.”

“Back then, I couldn’t afford to send both of my children to school. I didn’t want Qiu Ge’er to take the entrance exam for the academy; I wanted him to come down and work.” She said embarrassedly, “Now that I think about it, thank goodness Qiu Ge’er had his own ideas and didn’t listen to his stupid aunt.”

Su Lu hurriedly explained, "My aunt's greatest virtue is that she treats everyone equally. Back then, I wasn't as good at studying as my older brother, so she wanted me to come down and do some work. Later, when my older brother failed the imperial examination, she also urged him to find a job as soon as possible."

Upon hearing this, Zhu Shou found his aunt even more pleasing to the eye and couldn't help but praise, "Excellent, this is a qualified mother!"

He then immediately bestowed upon his aunt the title of Fourth-Rank Lady Gong!

The eldest aunt quickly waved her hand and declined, saying, "That won't do, my husband is only a fifth-rank official."

"That's easy. Just have the Emperor promote Commander Su to Vice Commander," Zhu Shou said with a wave of his hand. "It's no big deal!"

"Isn't this inappropriate?" Auntie still declined, "He hasn't earned any military merits."

“What’s inappropriate about it? He’s raised pandas for the Emperor, that’s a huge contribution!” Zhu Shouyue found his aunt more and more pleasing to the eye and laughed loudly, “Besides, even if he’s promoted two ranks, he’ll still be raising pandas. He won’t actually be allowed to lead troops into battle.”

"Then I'm relieved." Auntie breathed a sigh of relief and said happily, "Then you can come over for meals often in the future. I have plenty of delicious dishes to make. I guarantee you won't eat the same thing twice in a year."

"Of course, this is my second home..." Zhu Shou was also very happy, and his laughter carried far into the night sky.

P.S. There will be another 1000 words in the next chapter...

(End of this chapter)