Frost for a Thousand Years

Chapter 45 Song Shi'an is home
Song Jing couldn't sleep.

Just then, there was a light knocking sound outside the door.

"Who is it?" Song Jing asked.

Madam Cui, who was standing nearby, was awakened by the noise. She sat up groggily and looked at Song Jing, who seemed wide awake, and asked in confusion, "Aji, what's wrong?"

Song Gan, standing outside the door, whispered, "Young Master Shi An is back."

"..." Upon hearing this, Madam Cui said with both surprise and disgust, "Aji, didn't we tell that boy not to come back?"

"Let him leave, don't let him in!"

Song Jing had long been disheartened by Song Shi'an, and immediately retorted angrily.

However, after a brief silence, Song Gan said in a panic, "Master, he is already in the main hall."

"This Song Gan is really audacious, daring to act on his own!"

Madam Cui pointed angrily at the door, finding it unbelievable.

Song Gan was not originally surnamed Song, but he had been diligent and loyal at home for many years, so he was given the surname Song.

Even his son received the favor and was granted a hundred acres of fertile land.

In terms of relationships, he could be considered family.

But he is no longer family.

He was able to receive such favor entirely because of his usual keen observation skills, cautiousness, and understanding of boundaries, which earned him the respect of the head of the family.

But now, in Madam Cui's eyes, he is 'ungrateful'.

"You wait."

After holding his breath, Song Jing exhaled, then stood up, put on a robe, and slipped on straw sandals, intending to leave.

At this moment, Madam Cui called out somewhat displeasedly, "Aji, it's not that you don't have a son, Ce'er is your son. After Song Shi'an became the top scholar in the provincial examination, does he consider himself a member of the Song family? Just imagine, if Ce'er had become the top scholar, would he have treated you like this?"

"Okay, go to sleep."

In this matter, Song Jing was unusually not angry. After responding calmly, he left the room.

When Song Gan saw him come out, he quickly stepped aside and stood half a body behind him, carrying a lantern, and led him to the main hall.

A short while later, the two arrived at the door.

The door was open at that moment.

All the lamps in the room had been lit in advance.

After Song Jing went inside, Song Gan closed the door and slowly left.

They hadn't gone far when the doorman who had opened the door earlier said, somewhat fearfully, "Uncle, we let Song Shi'an in without permission... and even let him go to the main hall. What if the master gets angry?"

“Just say it was all my idea.”

After Song Gan finished speaking, he pointed at the other person and said in a low, cold voice, "Also, from now on you have to call him Young Master Shi An, or I'll beat your mouth to a pulp!"

.........

When Song Jing entered the main room, he saw Song Shi'an standing to one side, with his hands in front of him, head down, calm and honest.

After glancing at it, Song Jing walked to the head seat and sat down.

He kept his head down and didn't look at me.

In this respect, he's just like he used to be.

Before the scientific expedition, there was a spineless son who never dared to look his father in the eye because he was afraid of being blamed.

When His Majesty said he was good at raising his son, Song Jing felt a bit ironic.

Isn't it a tragedy to have such a strained relationship with one's son?
"A wise man knows how to conceal his talents, and you certainly do."

With a forced laugh, Song Jing looked at him and said with growing understanding, "The mistress gave birth to Ce'er late, and since you are the eldest son, she has always ostracized you. So you always hide your talents and don't try to outshine Song Ce. You passed the imperial examination at the age of fourteen, but at that time the mistress was jealous and scolded you for being complacent, arrogant, and unruly. She even spoke ill of your mother. So you defiled yourself, indulging in sensual pleasures and hanging out with your cronies in brothels to gain a foothold in the Song household."

“Yes, how could someone who could write such a work as ‘Exhortation to Learning’ be a mediocre person who doesn’t study hard?” As he spoke, Song Jing smiled and shook his head: “You didn’t pass the first two times, but this time, after Song Ce took the exam, you finally got serious and got first place in both subjects. You’re a genius, Song Shi’an.”

"Logically speaking, your forbearance shouldn't be because you've grown up and want to fly away. On the contrary, the fact that you only passed the exam after Song Ce was allowed to shows that you wanted to stay in this family, despite the hostility of the mistress, as a son of a concubine. Why did you suddenly become so unbearable?"

Song Shi'an remained silent.

"That might have been your original thought. But suddenly you're not willing anymore."

Staring into his calm eyes, Song Jing guessed, "You are exceptionally talented and unwilling to compromise your principles. You're twenty years old, the age when you want to make a name for yourself. So, your storming through the main gate and your deliberate refusal to return home were to vent the resentment you've harbored for so many years. You've passed the provincial examination with top honors, you've figured out the Emperor's intentions, and you can become a tool in His Majesty's hands. Therefore, you don't want to be bound by anything anymore."

"You know I favor Song Ce. Even if you pass the imperial examination with top honors, I won't use my power to help you. You're spouting nonsense in the Situ Mansion. You have to rely entirely on your own efforts and risk your life to earn wealth and status."

"You said you would go back. I guess you'll go back after your performance review and make your own decision. Or maybe many years later, when you've achieved great success and proven that you're no worse than anyone else, you'll return home in glory."

After nodding in agreement, Song Jing raised his hand and said as calmly as possible, "No need, Lord Song. I won't enjoy your blessings anymore. You may leave."

By the end, his tone had become devoid of emotion.

Slowly, Song Shi'an walked up to him.

He placed the pure gold reclining tiger from his sleeve to one side.

Then he slowly stepped back, turned around, and walked outside.

Looking at the golden tiger, Song Jing sighed and gave a bitter smile.

But thinking that the other party hadn't uttered a word from beginning to end and had left so resolutely step by step, he suddenly stood up, grabbed the golden tiger, and smashed it down hard.

The wooden board was immediately smashed, leaving a dent.

But Song Shi'an only paused briefly before continuing on his way.

My heart is completely chilled.

But along with the cold, there was also anger.

Anger that I don't know how to release.

Suddenly, just as he was about to push open the door and leave, Song Shi'an hesitated for the first time.

Slowly, he turned his head.

"Speak! Tell me all the hatred you've harbored over the years!"

Pointing at Song Shi'an, Song Jing's finger trembled as he said, "Tell me the grievances you feel you've suffered. Yes, mainly against me. After Song Ce was born, my favoritism towards him made you sad and made you hate me, so tell me. Aren't you supposed to be a poet? Come on, curse me! Say whatever you hate me!"

The words have already been spoken very definitively.

They even took what little family affection they had left and used it to torture each other.

Song Jing has no regard for decorum.

But he saw that there was not a trace of hatred in Song Shi'an's eyes.

in contrast,

It's reluctance.

For the first time today, he raised his head and looked into his own eyes.

And for the first time today, she finally spoke: "When you are handling official business, you always forget to eat and sleep. In the evening, you don't want to send servants out, so you often eat cold food, which causes your stomach to cramp from time to time..."

"..."

Song Jing, who was staring at Song Shi'an, had his pupils slightly dilated after hearing these words.

A sudden surge of bitterness welled up from my heart, spreading throughout my limbs and bones, leaving me speechless for a long time.

With his hands clasped in a gesture of respect, Song Shi'an bowed deeply to Song Jing. Though his voice choked with emotion, he spoke as clearly and calmly as possible: "After I leave, I hope Father will take care of himself and eat on time."

After uttering the last two words with a trembling voice, he turned around and left home before Song Jing could speak.

(End of this chapter)