Winter Returns

Chapter 251 Words That Cannot Be Transmitted

His face was slashed.

Zhang Shutong pressed hard on his wound, and the sharp pain prompted him to quicken his pace.

There is blood.

You will get hurt.

This means that you will "die" in this dream.

The fact that he was bleeding meant that he was becoming more and more like a living person, which should have been encouraging, but for some reason, this thought flashed through my mind.

Zhang Shutong walked to the outside of the courtyard wall, which was shrouded in night. There were no lanterns hanging on the wall today. His hand touched the half-closed temple door, and he subconsciously moved very quietly.

Perhaps we won't be able to come and go as freely as before.

So he didn't shout, but squeezed into the courtyard to look for Lu Qinglian.

Zhang Shutong didn't see her or the group of foxes along the way.

He kept a close eye on the activity inside the main hall, knowing that Lu Qinglian wouldn't be there at night; there was only an old woman there.

Zhang Shutong didn't make any rash moves. He went to the side hall, which was also pitch black inside. He could vaguely see the books spread out on Lu Qinglian's table. Did she go to bed early today? Zhang Shutong wondered if he would frighten her, so he pushed open the door and went in.

But the room was empty.

A large pile of woven grass snakes was placed on the table, next to which was a sketchbook. It was the same as the one in the office, and both had Lu Qinglian's name on them. But if you were to say that she brought it back after school, the cover of this one was obviously newer. Why were there two sketchbooks?
He felt inexplicably uneasy, so he opened the sketchbook. The latest page was of a train, an old-fashioned green train, with black smoke billowing from the roof represented by black crayon. The drawing wasn't very accurate, but Zhang Shutong could still recognize what it was.

The title of the painting is in the lower right corner, two neat characters:

hope.

He flipped through the pages again and again, finding many blank pages, like those handed out just last semester. Looking at the titles reminded Zhang Shutong of other children's homework—some had pictures of the sun and the sea, and a few stars painted gold. At noon, he had compared them to the green snake, not quite understanding them, but now a guess formed in his mind:
The art class assignment was to draw something that symbolizes hope. Lu Qinglian drew a train, but for some reason she brought it home and instead handed in her old sketchbook to make up the number.

A footstep sounded in the distance. Zhang Shutong suddenly looked up and saw Lu Qinglian's small figure through the window. He suddenly felt helpless. He was about to be caught red-handed for sneaking into a girl's room. How could he explain it?

"Lu Qinglian, I'm your deskmate from now on. Don't be afraid and don't do anything..." But soon he didn't have to worry anymore, because Lu Qinglian opened the door and was completely unaware of Zhang Shutong's presence.

"I still can't see it..."

Zhang Shutong murmured, as if he had been doused with a bucket of cold water. He touched the wound on his face, which had already scabbed over, but this was still not enough. Oh well, he thought disappointedly, it seems he still has to wait.

What puzzled him most was why Lu Qinglian had only returned now. Her life had been very regular lately, with an extremely accurate biological clock. Lu Qinglian saw the open sketchbook, and Zhang Shutong was overjoyed. He was about to find a pen to write something when Lu Qinglian walked to the table and tore the page out cleanly. Although it wasn't particularly beautiful, it was drawn with great care. The lines were straight, as if drawn with a ruler. Now, the pages were crumpled up and placed on a candle, where the flame quickly licked them to ashes.

"Isn't that unnecessary?" Zhang Shutong sighed. "At least the Lu Qinglian I know said it once, but you haven't even said it once."

Lu Qinglian packed the grass snake away and walked towards the main hall. She reached the statue and pushed the plastic bag to a small door in the corner, but before she could speak, a stern voice rang out from inside:

What do you look like right now?

Lu Qinglian paused for a moment, then slowly knelt down.

"Are you blaming me?"

"No."

The aged voice continued:

“I often think of your mother too, but this is something only you can do now. It’s a good opportunity to temper your character, be more respectful and devout, and not have any other thoughts. That will be the best outcome. What happened that night was much more than you think. You are still young and don’t need to know what a temple keeper is. Just do what I told you to do, and you can do whatever you want with the rest of your time. But you must not leave this island. I miss your mother, but I never want you to end up like her. Remember what your grandmother said, do you hear me?”

Lu Qinglian looked up, bewildered, and whispered:

"Yes."

"I changed the bedding, so don't catch a cold tonight. I've warmed up some food for you in the pot..." she grumbled habitually. "Don't blame Grandma, you have to follow the rules here since you were born here. Where will you have a home after you leave?"

Lu Qinglian nodded slightly again and pushed the plastic bag beside her.
"It's done."

"Good boy, good boy, that's how it should be..."

Lu Qinglian got up from the main hall, served dinner and took it back to her room. Actually, she didn't really like reading, so eating was just eating. She put the spoon into her mouth in a very formal way, like a soulless doll.

Zhang Shutong tried to convey some information by dripping wax onto the picture book, hoping to attract Lu Qinglian's attention. However, she didn't even light a candle, and in the darkness, only the sound of her swallowing could be heard.

She went behind the screen again, rustling around for a while. When she came out, she was still wearing the same clothes. Zhang Shutong really couldn't understand what she was going to do. Lu Qinglian sat blankly by the window, staring at the moon.

"Do not be discouraged."

Zhang Shutong had no choice but to say this, even though she couldn't hear it either.

But who knows, maybe someone will hear us as we talk. Zhang Shutong added:

“If your grandma were more fashionable, she would definitely say things like surrendering to fate or bowing down. Don’t believe her, you should believe in yourself.”

"I have some chocolate here, it's very sweet." Zhang Shutong took out the chocolate and waved it in front of her, naturally without being seen. "Oh well, I guess I won't eat it."

He pretended to bite into the chocolate, but the only response he received was a very soft dripping sound. Zhang Shutong was startled, and a tear fell onto the unfolded drawing paper. He turned to Lu Qinglian and found that her face was covered with tears.

"...Don't cry if you can't have chocolate." Zhang Shutong came back to her senses and said softly, "Even if you can't have it now, you will definitely be able to have it in the future. You can also drink Red Bull and eat king oyster mushrooms."

But she shed more and more tears, yet she kept her eyes open and her chin held high, without making a sound.

“You like pork ribs, and my mom is a master at stewing them. What else do you like to eat? Let me think... beef jerky, right? And what else? Apples?” Zhang Shutong muttered. “I promise I’ll let you eat everything after you wake up, okay? If you don’t eat, I’ll beg you to have a bite. How about we make a deal beforehand: if I force-feed you, you won’t touch me? Hey, I’m such a funny person, why don’t you laugh?”

But Lu Qinglian was destined not to hear his words, so she didn't say with a headache, "Zhang Shutong, you'd better not be so childish." "But I still think that sometimes it's okay to be a little childish." Zhang Shutong stood beside her, "Only when you're living the best life will you believe in childish things."

Lu Qinglian suddenly moved, pulling something out of her pocket. Zhang Shutong recognized it as the sheet music for New Year's Day, already crumpled and tattered. But Lu Qinglian didn't look at the music; she just silently wept, tearing the paper into pieces, just like the drawing of the train. Zhang Shutong had considered renting a video camera the next night, regardless of whether she had a white shirt or not, but now it was unnecessary.

Lu Qinglian's eyes were filled with tears, so she closed them. In the darkness, Zhang Shutong heard the pattering sound of water droplets falling on the paper.

“The road ahead will be tough, you’ll be all alone. If you want to cry, just cry.” Zhang Shutong knew she was actually quite sensitive. “I’ll just pretend I didn’t see anything when I leave. Whether you believe it or not, the road ahead isn’t as difficult as you think right now. You’ll have friends, a lot of people will like you, you’ll have a great teacher, you’ll have… well, things will get better.”

Finally, Zhang Shutong said softly:
"I promise."

But these words did not reach Lu Qinglian's ears. Once her tears had dried, the night was over.

The bright sun pierced his eyes, and he subconsciously stretched. He hadn't slept well last night; the floor was cold and hard, and his whole body ached.

Zhang Shutong looked up, but the sun was not as bright as it was in the early morning; instead, it was a bleak color.

It was midday.

Lu Qinglian was not in the house. He walked out, rubbing his forehead. The courtyard was quiet. On December 31, the day before the New Year, Zhang Shutong went down the mountain and saw a group of foxes halfway down the mountain.

The foxes scrambled for a few sausages. Zhang Shutong recognized them as a specialty from a small shop at the foot of the mountain. In this kind of weather, no one climbed the mountain; only Lu Qinglian would buy sausages to feed them.

Actually, this group of foxes had been without food for a long time and had been relying on themselves to find food recently. Unexpectedly, a few sausages fell from the sky today, and they happily snatched them up.

Why was Lu Qinglian feeding the fox at noon? Zhang Shutong wondered curiously, did she oversleep today too?
Turning his head, he didn't see Lu Qinglian.

The fox named Ada won first place, nimbly leaping onto a rock with the sausage in its mouth. Just as it was about to start eating, Zhang Shutong patted its head as usual:
"What about her?"

Before Zhang Shutong could even reach the fox's head, it defiantly raised its tail, causing him to pause in surprise.
"So heartless! What was the point of talking to you all this time?"

The fox obediently bared its teeth.

"You little brat," Zhang Shutong muttered, "I don't have time to talk to you anymore. See you later."

He finished speaking and ran off, his excitement reaching its peak. Zhang Shutong understood what this meant, of course. Before, he could only touch the fox's head, but the fox couldn't see him. But today, it suddenly reacted, which meant—

He seems to have completely appeared in this world.

He ran down the mountain, and as he ran, he slapped his forehead. Yes, he should have realized it sooner. He hadn't "slept" in a long time. His vision would either go black or bright, and he would wander through fragments of memories. But today, he slept until he woke up naturally, just like a normal person.

Seeing the small shop at the foot of the mountain in the distance, Zhang Shutong rushed inside, startling the woman inside.
What are you buying?

“Breakfast sausage.” Zhang Shutong said expressionlessly, then suddenly laughed, “My friend was really screwed over by you, so he came here specifically to settle the score with you.”

The other party was startled.

Zhang Shutong had already run out of the store.

He was finally seen. He clenched his fist, then relaxed it, then clenched it again, repeating this countless times. He didn't know how long he had been waiting for this day. Zhang Shutong breathed in the clean winter air, watching wisps of white breath emerge from his mouth. If he hadn't been in a hurry, he would have had to suppress the urge to shout and laugh, and he ran towards the school without stopping.

He ran through long streets and alleys, past gates and into the school building, finally stopping at the classroom door. The surrounding children, only waist-high, carefully moved aside. He spotted a familiar face in the crowd and, holding onto the shoulder of his female classmate, asked:
Where is Lu Qinglian?

"Who...who are you...?" His deskmate was stunned.

“I’m her friend.” Zhang Shutong said patiently, “Where did she go? I need to find her urgently.”

“She…she took the day off this morning…” Zhang Shutong looked into the girl’s eyes, and the girl stammered, “She took the day off.”

"Ask for leave?"

"She said she had something to do at the temple today, so she asked for leave," the girl said. "Who are you? I'm going to tell the teacher..."

More and more children gathered around, and some even ran directly towards the office, leaving Zhang Shutong stunned.

Asking for leave? Having something to do at the temple? But when I came out of the temple, there was clearly no one there.

Moreover, no one here knows Lu Qinglian's life trajectory better than him. Even if it was New Year's Day work, she had already finished it long ago.

Zhang Shutong even felt that fate had played a joke on him. He had finally recovered and everything was ready except for the right opportunity, but that opportunity just slipped away.

When did she take leave?

"Good morning! I saw her during my morning reading..."

Zhang Shutong felt an instant familiarity with these words, as if he had heard them somewhere before. He remembered that it was on a day in reality, also the eve of New Year's Day, when Lu Qinglian also disappeared for a whole day.

But now she doesn't need to buy anything, doesn't have a broken phone, and there wasn't even fog today.

Where can she go?
At this moment, the homeroom teacher walked over:
"What exactly do you do?"

“I’m her parent, a distant relative,” Zhang Shutong quickly made up an excuse, “I can’t find her now, she’s not at home or in class.”

"You mean the child is missing?" The teacher was also stunned. "But she said this morning that something suddenly happened at the temple and she wouldn't be able to make it to the performance tonight. I was having a headache over this. How could she just disappear?"

How could she possibly make it to tonight's performance? She'd even torn up the sheet music! Zhang Shutong recalled the silent weeping, and a bizarre thought suddenly occurred to her. The teacher frowned and preemptively asked:
"I know there's been some trouble in her family recently. Is the child's mood acting strangely?"

Zhang Shutong nodded a beat late.

"What if it's suicide... that would be terrible..." The teacher's face turned pale instantly. "I'll go call the police, you go upstairs and look for them quickly!"

Zhang Shutong's legs moved before his mind, but he didn't believe that Lu Qinglian really had suicidal thoughts. Nonsense, that was Lu Qinglian. How could Lu Qinglian, who had dealt with a mud figure without even flinching, possibly take her own life? Besides, if she did, how would he have met her in the future? It was a complete paradox.

But Zhang Shutong didn't dare to make any definitive statements. He knew the future Lu Qinglian, but who knew what she would think now? And was this really still a dream?
(End of this chapter)