Fatal Desire

Chapter 107 If I can't let go, then I won't.

Amidst the rising steam of tea, the old monk's voice, like a copper coin falling from an ancient well, said: "Your obsession is too deep; it's hard to let go easily."

Song Xi traced a wet line on the rim of the cup with her fingertips, looking down at the tea: "If I can't put it down, then I won't."

But I don't want it anymore.

"Everyone has their own destiny." The old monk gently turned his prayer beads. "Just be at ease."

The meditation room fell silent.

The blue and white porcelain on the cup flickered in the sunlight, much like the memories that lingered in her heart.

When she was young, she accompanied Zhao Yansen to offer incense. Although she did not believe in gods or Buddhas, she still followed the example of others in offering incense. At that time, she was mischievous and active. She ran away in a flash and disappeared. When she turned around, she could not find her brother, but she met the retired abbot.

The old abbot mistook her for an ordinary worshipper.

"The palm lines of the benefactor," the old abbot examined her outstretched palm at that time, "are prone to excessive thinking and easily fall into delusion."

Her heart skipped a beat, and she was about to argue when she saw the old abbot shake his head with a smile:
"Those whose eyes have no roots are destined to drift like duckweed."

It turns out that someone had already foreseen her life of loneliness and hardship.

later.

The day after the bombing, she made a special trip here before leaving the country, not for any other reason than the word "spirit".

A sense of powerlessness washed over her as she drifted into the dust of the world. She, who had never believed in gods or Buddhas, knelt before the Buddha with red eyes that day, praying that the person would live.

Among the pilgrims coming and going, Song Xi finally accepted reality.

After all her enthusiasm was wasted, she was overwhelmed by endless bitterness and regret.

...

The temple bell suddenly rang, and her blurry reflection appeared in the cooled tea.

Song Xi composed himself, stood up, said goodbye, and headed for the door.

"You left with worldly ties severed, but returned with lingering ties." The old monk saw her to the door. "Everything is preordained."

Song Xi suddenly turned around and smiled faintly: "Master said I have wisdom, why not take me as your disciple and keep company with the ancient Buddha and the dim lamp?"

The light and shadow cast a faint glow on the robe, and the old monk bowed with one hand: "Benefactor, your worldly ties are not yet severed; you have a karmic connection with the Buddha but no destiny to be with him."

"What a pity," Song Xi chuckled.

She sneaks a bite of meat every now and then; Buddha might be so angry that he manifests himself on the spot.

Did they lose her? No, they lost the opportunity to witness the Buddha's divine manifestation.

Song Xi returned to the side hall with a pocketful of inner monologues.

The sweeping monk was sweeping, and the rustling sound startled a gray sparrow.

She asked the monk for some food, then leaned against the railing listlessly, scattering rice to feed the birds.

Old plum trees sprout new leaves, incense smoke from the burner mingles with the sound of chanting, the sound of chanting echoes in the water-filled stone mortar reflecting swallows in flight, and scattered rice startles sparrows.

The ancient temple is a scene of springtime beauty, tranquil and peaceful.

Suddenly, a cold laugh shattered the tranquility.

Song Xi glanced sideways.

Zhao Shutang stood with his arms crossed: "As expected of Song Yunyu's niece, her skill in seducing men is inherited from her. She doesn't even spare monks, and even sneaked into the meditation room."

"Fifth sister."

Song Xi's voice was neither too loud nor too soft, yet it was as sharp as a drawn sword.

Zhao Shutang was suddenly taken aback.

Song Xi scattered the remaining rice and stepped forward gracefully.

Zhao Shutang, chin held high, said arrogantly, "After hiding abroad for four years, you come back and..."

"Snapped!"

Without hesitation, Song Xi slapped Zhao Shutang across the face, silencing her abruptly. "You dare hit me?" Zhao Shutang covered her face, staring at Song Xi in disbelief. "How dare you!"

She raised her hand to retaliate, but Song Xi suddenly grabbed her wrist.

"This slap will teach you to watch your words." Song Xi's eyes were beautiful and sharp. "If I hear you speak disrespectfully and insult my aunt again, I won't hesitate to die with you."

Zhao Shutang struggled but couldn't break free. Only then did she realize that the burden who used to hide behind Zhao Yansen now had a terrifying flame burning in his eyes.

"Listen carefully," Song Xi said calmly. "My aunt has never seduced anyone. She met your uncle after your aunt passed away. Are you trying to slap him in the face by spreading such rumors?"

"I," Zhao Shutang, turned deathly pale.

"I know you can't stand me because of your brother." Song Xi's expression was calm, but her breath was sharp as a knife. "It's a pity that no matter how much your brother tries to please the elders, he can't compare to my brother."

"Shut up!" Zhao Shutang's voice changed as if she had been stepped on.

Song Xi let go, watching her retreat in a panic: "Fifth Sister, a family should still get along. After all..." She curled her lips, "the Zhao family's reputation cannot be ruined."

"Who said we're family? You're dreaming of climbing the social ladder and becoming a phoenix!" Zhao Shutang rebuked angrily.

Song Xi ignored her and turned to leave.

The Zhao family had never liked the aunt and niece. When Zhao Zongting insisted on marrying Song Yunyu, he faced numerous obstacles. However, no one could do anything to the powerful and influential Zhao Zongting.

However, they never approved of Song Yunyu, and consequently disliked Song Xi.

When Song Xi was eleven years old, Zhao Yunze, Zhao Shutang's older brother, took advantage of her unpreparedness and pushed her into a frozen lake.

If Zhao Yansen hadn't left the family banquet early to look for her, she might have died that winter.

Zhao Shutang's hatred for Song Xi also originated from this harsh winter.

Zhao Yansen rescued Song Xi from the frozen lake and saw her curled up in a ball, soaking wet, with ice crystals still clinging to her pale face.

The usually calm and composed Crown Prince's eyes were filled with rage. He walked straight towards Zhao Yunze, who was laughing and joking, grabbed the back of his neck, and shoved him into the icy lake amidst gasps from the crowd.

"Glug." Zhao Yunze's head was completely submerged in the water, and bubbles burst under the ice along with screams.

Zhao Shutang watched helplessly as her brother struggled frantically like a dying fish, his hands splashing wildly across the ice. Her legs gave way, and she collapsed onto the snow, letting out a terrified cry.

The elders who rushed over upon hearing the news shouted sternly at Zhao Yansen, but he seemed not to hear them, as if he was determined to take Zhao Yunze's life.

It wasn't until Old Master Zhao slammed his dragon-headed cane on the ground that he spoke up to stop it.

Zhao Yansen then released the dying Zhao Yunze.

When Zhao Yunze was pulled from the lake, his face was already bluish-purple, and he was gasping for breath like a bellows. If it had been half an hour later, what would have been pulled from the lake would likely have been a corpse.

After falling into the water, Song Xi developed a chronic illness. Her high fever subsided, but she became afraid of water from then on.

Then, in that harsh winter, Zhao Yunze had barely recovered when Zhao Yansen came knocking on his door and kicked him into the icy lake.

Zhao Yunze climbed up cursing, only to be kicked down again the next second... This cycle repeated until he couldn't climb up anymore and was pulled out of the water.

Having narrowly escaped death several times, Zhao Shutang hated Zhao Yansen and Song Xi to the core.

After the pilgrimage, we set off back to the Zhao family mansion. Today was Old Madam Zhao's birthday, so naturally a family banquet was held that evening.

When they arrived, Song Xi and Song Yunyu rode in one car, while Zhao Shutang, because he was favored by the old lady, was originally scheduled to ride with her.

However, before getting into the car on the way back, the old lady glanced at Song Xi and said, "Xi'er, you come with me."

Upon hearing this, everyone was stunned.

No one knows a mother better than her daughter, and Zhao Jingchu quickly understood the old lady's thoughts: "Shutang and Huanqing will go together, and I will go with my sister-in-law."

The elder sister-in-law refers to Song Yunyu.

The old lady specifically requested to ride with her, and Song Xi thought she had something to say. However, the old lady simply kept fiddling with her prayer beads the entire way, without uttering a word.

Song Xi looked out the window; distant mountains flashed by in the twilight. Her eyelids twitched suddenly, and a sense of unease welled up inside her.

Will something bad happen tonight?
P.S.: President Xi is afraid of water. (Chapter 51)

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(End of this chapter)