My aunt is Queen Ma

Chapter 100 Overcoming Fear
Ma Yu wanted to say something to Zhu Shuang, and even mocked him for crying like a woman.

He found that his body seemed to be out of control, and he couldn't make a sound no matter how hard he tried.

I tried to move my body, but found myself numb and weak all over.

This should have been a terrifying thing, but he found himself surprisingly calm, without the slightest panic.

She forced a smile at Zhu Shuang, then felt a wave of weariness wash over her.

He closed his eyes and instantly lost consciousness.

Zhu Shuang was startled when he saw him suddenly close his eyes again, and quickly called for the imperial physician.

Not only Zheng Liangqi, but also Empress Ma and others next door were alarmed and rushed over to check the situation.

Everyone was overjoyed to learn that Ma Yu had woken up.

Zheng Liangqi breathed a sigh of relief and examined Ma Yu again to confirm that everything was normal.

As for Ma Yu falling asleep again, he also gave an explanation:

"Young Master Ma's body has been greatly depleted, and he will probably be quite sleepy for a while. He should recover in a few days."

He became more cautious when Ma Yu remained silent and inquired about some details.

Only when they were sure that Ma Yu could make expressions and that her eyes were clear did they feel relieved.

"What we fear most is that it will affect his mind. Young Master Ma's eyes are clear, which means that there is no problem with his mind."

"Being unable to speak or move is a side effect of excessive physical exertion, but it can be gradually recovered from."

Only then were everyone completely relieved.

Then Zheng Liangqi had someone prepare a rice porridge-like honey-salt solution, and fed Ma Yu half a bowl of it again before he was done.

Soon the whole household knew the news of Ma Yu's awakening, and everyone's worries were finally relieved.

Ma Yu woke up again the following afternoon.

I still feel dizzy and my body is numb and I can't muster any strength.

However, he can already speak, although his pronunciation is unclear.

But at least it proves that he is not mentally unstable and his physical functions are recovering.

Empress Ma was so moved that tears streamed down her face. She kept apologizing and said that she would definitely be a good aunt in the future.

Ma Yu remained calm, simply reassuring her that everything was her fault.

The more he acted this way, the more guilty Empress Ma felt.

Afterwards, Zhu Gang, Chang Yuchun, Consort Chang and others came to visit Ma Yu and express their concern.

Zhu Yuanzhang and Zhu Biao learned of this matter immediately.

Zhu Yuanzhang said nothing, but Zhu Biao immediately left the palace to visit him.

After confirming that Ma Yu was doing well, I finally felt relieved.

Ma Yu was physically weak and soon fell into a deep sleep uncontrollably.

Zhu Biao first said to Zheng Liangqi, "Academician Zheng has done a good job in treating my cousin and should be richly rewarded."

"Yes, the Crown Prince's Palace is short of a clerk. I heard that your eldest grandson Zheng Hongyi did not study medicine, but pursued a literary career."

"Let him give it a try."

"This is an immense blessing," Zheng Liangqi said gratefully.

"Thank you for your grace, Your Highness."

Afterwards, Zhu Biao approached Empress Ma and persuaded her to return to the palace:

"Your cousin is out of danger, so you can rest assured."

"Father and my two younger sisters miss you very much. Please come back with me."

Empress Ma also knew that her long absence from the palace might cause trouble in the harem.

After giving some instructions, he led Zhu Gang and the others back to the palace.

Zhu Yuanzhang finally couldn't resist. After hastily finishing his official business, he went to Kunning Palace and tried various methods to inquire about Ma Yu's situation.
-
That night, Ma Yu woke up again.

This time he didn't disturb anyone, he just quietly looked at the roof.

He reviewed everything that had happened since he transmigrated.

Framed, he impersonates a member of the royal family to fight back and uses his knowledge to turn the tide...

He befriended many powerful figures, created a small organization, and successfully established himself in the world.

But all of this is just external; his heart remains like duckweed floating on the river.

To use a setting from my past life's online novel community that readers have complained about countless times:

He felt no sense of belonging to this world and always felt that everything was illusory and unreal.

This feeling is somewhat similar to someone going to a foreign country.

But people go to foreign countries to make money so they can return home in glory.

With this goal in mind, everyone can endure all kinds of loneliness.

But he did not return.

If your roots are gone, what's the point of everything you do?
Striving to change the world?

Looking back now, it was just that he forced himself to find a goal to survive.

lecture?

It was simply because he knew that this was his greatest asset, and that he could gain a lot from lecturing.

In fact, he was extremely insecure.

Having lived as an ordinary person for decades in his previous life, he had become accustomed to ordinariness and did not consider himself to be so noble.

This lack of self-confidence also made him perpetually lack confidence.

Therefore, he did many things against his conscience and acted as a clown for a long time.

This was especially true when facing Zhu Yuanzhang.

It can be said that his attitude towards Zhu Yuanzhang was the most complex.

I admire him for starting with a single bowl and gaining the world, but I also despise his cruelty and stubbornness.

He wanted to try to change things, but he hesitated, fearing that he might anger Zhu Yuanzhang and have himself killed.

Ultimately, he caused himself to have a mental breakdown.

He did not regret his hunger strike.

Although it may cause physical damage, he felt it was all worthwhile compared to the spiritual gains.

During his hunger strike, he came to understand many things.

But he believes the most important thing he gained was:
courage.

In the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Cao Cao's evaluation of Yuan Shao is as follows:
He is outwardly fierce but inwardly cowardly, fond of scheming but indecisive, he is afraid to risk his life for great things, but will risk his life for small gains.

Although Ma Yu did not lose his life for small gains, he believed that he had met all three of the previous criteria.

I'm just an ordinary person, timid and afraid of trouble, with average emotional and intellectual intelligence.

This is his inherent self-perception after living as an ordinary person for decades in his previous life.

If I were just an ordinary person, it wouldn't be a big deal; I'd get used to it.

But when dealing with influential figures of this era, attempting to lead the times.

He will unconsciously begin to doubt himself and feel inferior.

Am I worthy?
Once such negative emotions arise, what follows is a complete self-denial.

But now, this hunger strike has made him realize that he is not so afraid of death after all.

In other words, perhaps I am not as ordinary as I imagine myself to be.

Then my previous understanding of myself may have been wrong.

I am not entirely inferior to others; I also have my own unique characteristics and strengths.

If Zhu Yuanzhang, who came from a beggar background, could become emperor, why can't I lead the times?

what?
You ask what the point is if the roots are gone?
To be alive is the greatest meaning of life.

Do ants, which cannot even think, have no meaning in their lives?

I doubt even ants would agree with this view.

Ordinary people live ordinary lives without doing anything extraordinary. Does that mean their lives have no meaning?

The so-called meaning of life is just something a bunch of philosophers, who are just bored and have nothing better to do, have forcibly imposed upon it.

The purpose of doing this is nothing more than to forcibly elevate the status of humankind.

Of course, humans are humans after all, and they possess higher levels of thought; that's a reality.

Therefore, human beings created morality to regulate human behavior and make society more orderly.

But no matter how noble the morality established by humankind may be, it should not be placed above life itself.

Because all moral and ethical systems exist based on life.

Without life, none of this would exist.

To use human-established morality to measure the meaning of life is to go against the natural order.

Therefore, don't blindly pursue the meaning of life.

If I had to pursue any meaning, it would be to make my life have a higher quality.

No matter where you are or what situation you face, please strive to live a better life.

We may not be able to live a life as spectacular as heroes, but we should still live out our own unique style.

If conditions permit and you enjoy applause and praise, then try to "benefit all under heaven".

Ma Yu didn't know if her insights were correct, and perhaps philosophers would laugh at her if she shared them.

But he was very satisfied, feeling that his soul had been elevated.

The suicide attempt, however, helped him to see himself more clearly and gave him the motivation to live.

To paraphrase a tired trope from online novels, he experienced the reality of the world.

Ma Yu herself also found it quite amazing.

Therefore, he does not regret his decision to go on a hunger strike, even though it may damage his health.

There are gains and losses; it all depends on your perspective.

He also made plans for the rest of his life. Since he hadn't died, he would live well.

Stop making yourself look like a clown like before.

It's about truly living.

By the way... if you, Zhu Yuanzhang, could become emperor, why can't I lead the times and become a new sage of China?

Do you think you're superior to me?
The survival of your Ming Dynasty is none of my concern, but the rise and fall, glory and disgrace of China are what I care about.

That's it.

As I pondered, drowsiness overcame me, and I unknowingly drifted off to sleep again.
-
The news of Ma Yu's awakening also spread, and those who cared about him breathed a sigh of relief.

Then, high-ranking officials and nobles came to visit him one after another. Even Li Shanchang sent his eldest son, Li Zhong, to visit him personally and bring a generous gift.

However, they were all stopped by the butler, Yuan Lang:

The imperial physician instructed the head of the family to rest quietly, and asked everyone to understand. No one seemed to think anything was wrong; having lived through war-torn times, they knew the consequences of not eating or drinking for more than two days.

It would be good enough if they could be saved; it's highly unlikely they could fully recover.

Right now, she's probably still carefully recuperating, so it's normal for her not to see outsiders.

However, there is one group of people who can see Ma Yu: members of the small organization.

He met with people who chose to remain uninvolved, including those who were imprisoned.

Zhu Shuang was very dissatisfied and said, "Why are you seeing these opportunists?"

Ma Yu explained, "A great man once said that politics is about having as many of your own people as possible and as few of your enemies as possible."

"Besides, they are not our enemies; they just chose to stand by at a crucial moment."

"It's only human nature; there's no need to be too demanding."

Zhu Shuang said in surprise, "After you died once, how come you're talking so eloquently?"

Ma Yu laughed and said, "I always speak in a eloquent and logical way, and you're only just realizing that now?"

"But you surprised me this time. I'm glad I befriended you."

Zhu Shuang said somewhat awkwardly, "Don't be so mushy, I'm a man, not a woman."

Ma Yu laughed heartily.

He is really happy.

Having just one friend who is willing to help you when you're in trouble is enough for a lifetime.

He had many friends in his past life, and they would drink, eat meat, and talk about everything together.

They can even share information about making money.

But in dire straits, at most only half a person is truly willing to lend a helping hand.

Of course, he has no right to criticize others for this.

Because in dire straits, he was only truly willing to help half of them.

I never expected to gain such a friend after time-traveling.

The key point is that this person is the same Zhu Shuang, the beast he used to criticize Zhu Yuanzhang in the original world.

Life is truly amazing.

Besides Zhu Shuang, another person Ma Yu didn't expect was Tang Li.

He was also one of the thirty members who remained with the small group.

Given the relationship between Tang He and Zhu Yuanzhang, this choice was indeed somewhat unexpected.

Regardless, he appreciates this gesture.

Although Ma Yu says they are all friends, she actually keeps a clear distinction in her heart.

Zhu Shuang was asked to have his reading notes copied by his thirty loyal friends.

This notebook is full of his reading notes from the past year.

It can help them understand the ideas and content of the major classic works currently in circulation.

It's essentially giving them a systematic introduction to education.

Moreover, it contains many forward-thinking insights, allowing them to be exposed to new ideas in advance.

Of course, there was nothing truly sensitive.

Although he gained 'courage', he was not so desperate as to actively seek death.

He also granted these thirty people special permission to come to his house once a week to attend a class.

This kind of differential treatment is naturally impossible to hide, but no one can say anything about it.

After all, this is a reward they deserve.

Zhu Yuanzhang turned a blind eye to all of his actions.

Empress Ma would come to see him every few days, and even if she didn't come in person, she would still give him various rewards.

Even after all that has happened, Ma Yu still has no prejudice against her.

They were complete strangers, yet she impersonated someone's relative and verbally abused their husband.

As a result, the other party disregarded past grievances and recognized him as their nephew, allowing him to gain a foothold in this world.

Even among aunts, how many could do that?

Therefore, there's no need to be too critical.

Zhu Biao remained the same, visiting him whenever he had free time and chatting with him about various things.

Ma Yu naturally had no objection to this cheap cousin.

The reasons are similar to those of Empress Ma.

Moreover, in the original world, Zhu Biao had no flaws other than his short life.

There are many plans in this world that still need him to implement them.

So Ma Yu treated him the same as always, and even took the initiative to talk about some macro-level topics during their casual conversations.

To help Zhu Biao broaden his horizons.

Zhu Biao also subtly expressed his differences from his father by drawing on the ideas in works such as Mencius.

Ma Yu was naturally delighted with this.

Of course, Ma Yu has not remained completely unchanged.

Now, when he interacts with Empress Ma, Zhu Biao, and others, he is no longer cautious or tries to curry favor.

Instead, we should face it calmly and do what needs to be done.

Moreover, he no longer cricketed Zhu Yuanzhang.

Not all opinions need to be expressed verbally; keeping them in your heart is enough.

It seems that this matter has simply passed, as if it never happened.

Aside from Ma Yu's own poor health and some lingering ailments.

But only those close to her knew that Ma Yu had changed.
-
Time passed unnoticed, and soon the third year of Hongwu's reign arrived.

At the beginning of the year, Zhu Yuanzhang appointed Xu Da as commander-in-chief, with Li Wenzhong, Feng Sheng, Deng Yu, Tang He and others as deputies, thus launching the Northern Expedition once again.

Chang Yuchun, whose health had fully recovered, also clamored to go on the expedition.

But Zhu Yuanzhang rejected it.

Zhu Yuanzhang's original words were: "We know your character best. You will definitely be at the forefront of the battle."

"We can't let you go to your death."

"If you want to go to the battlefield, that's fine too. We'll agree whenever you can ride a horse and fight for an hour."

Chang Yuchun had no choice.
Although he can walk like a normal person, the aftereffects of a stroke are not so easily cured.

Moreover, he has spent the past six months mainly recuperating from his illness, so he has neglected physical exercise.

With so much flab on my stomach, I can forget about going into battle.

Therefore, the only option is to increase physical activity.

Ma Yu's health has also recovered significantly, and her language and thinking abilities have returned to normal.

However, the aftereffects left him very weak, making it difficult for him to walk for long periods of time.

To make it easier for him to move around, he designed a wheelchair for himself.

It also has a shock-absorbing structure, so it's quite comfortable.

The only saving grace is that these injuries are not fatal.

With long-term conditioning, coupled with the body's self-healing ability during its growth period, there is hope for some recovery.

Even so, Empress Ma and others were very saddened, but Ma Yu himself remained calm.

In the past few months, he has been reviewing all the knowledge he has learned in his past and present lives.

After letting go of my concerns, I was able to think more deeply and on a deeper level.

They also have a clearer understanding of what needs to be done in the future, such as splitting and reforming Confucianism.

At this moment, Zhu Biao approached Ma Yu and discussed financial and tax issues with him.

Zhu Shuang had already told him about this, and to be honest, Ma Yu was very surprised.

His initial target was the Blank Seal Case, but unexpectedly, it also brought up the Guo Huan Case.
By the way, where is Guo Huan serving as an official right now?

But the Guo Huan case involves so many people that it couldn't have been formed in just two or three years.

It's highly likely a problem that exists at its root.

It just so happened that it broke out at that time, and Zhu Yuanzhang uprooted it and solved it all at once.

Therefore, it's not surprising that some clues have been discovered now.

but……

The Empty Seal Case reportedly resulted in the execution of over four hundred officials, with even more implicated.

The case of Guo Huan goes without saying; tens of thousands died, and hundreds of thousands were exiled.

Now that the two cases are combined, I don't know how many people will die.

But Ma Yu showed no sympathy for those people.

When those corrupt officials drove ordinary people to their deaths, they never considered whether the people were innocent.

He deserves to die.

As for their families...

Don't try to be too harsh on family members.

The premise of not benefiting the family is that the benefits do not reach the family.

They profit from others' suffering while claiming innocence and that they shouldn't be implicated.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

It's good to kill them.

This will serve as a deterrent to certain individuals and clean up the bad habits left over from the Yuan Dynasty.

However, it is clear that he underestimated Zhu Yuanzhang's determination.

Zhu Biao hinted that this matter might be related to the religiousization of Confucianism.

Ma Yu was shocked when he learned Zhu Yuanzhang's true thoughts.

Is this what they call "filling in the blanks"?

As expected of Zhu Yuanzhang.

But he was naturally pleased with this.

His biggest fear was that Zhu Yuanzhang wouldn't be determined enough, but now he had nothing to worry about.

Finally, Zhu Biao explained the reason for his visit:

“Cousin, we’ve found Master Daoyan, whom you mentioned before. When would you like to go and meet him?”

(End of this chapter)