Artifact Report

Chapter 236 Mai Minghe: So Many Things

Mai Minghe was once told, "You are so stupid."

A woman only gets married once in her life, so she needs to find someone she can rely on, otherwise what will she do for the rest of her life?
The person who advised her like this seemed to be a friend, but Mai Minghe forgot who it was, and it must have been someone from decades ago.

Why choose him? Some people even mocked her by saying that he had no manliness at all and spoke in a soft voice. If you marry him, who will wear the pants in your family?

But they didn't understand.

Whether it's her friends or her parents, they don't know that when Mai Minghe chose to marry her husband, her main consideration wasn't "relying on security," "improving her life," or "having a protective umbrella in the future"...

It is safety and dignity.

My husband is quiet and gentle, and seems to be always embarrassed by his existence.

Even when he walked into his own house, when he saw Mai Minghe reading or doing needlework in the living room, he would smile apologetically, as if he felt that he and Mai Minghe living under the same roof was a disturbance to her.

This was the first time Mai Minghe met such a man, especially in that era.

She felt that she was quite good at judging people, as if she was born with an antenna that was more developed than others.

He always wore his clothes neatly, and refused to wear short sleeves with his arms exposed unless it was extremely hot. Whenever he encountered any problems, he would sit across the small table from her, under a desk lamp, and quietly ask her opinion.

He never asked Mai Minghe to pour him coffee or clean his ashtray, and he never scolded her. When she talked about a female neighbor who was pushed by her husband and hit her head on the cabinet, her husband's face turned pale and shocked, just like the woman.

There are always people saying that Mai Minghe was born good-looking, but she dragged it on for so long and finally married a poor and effeminate man. She was really stupid.

"Finally" - as if her life would end once she got married.

A few years into their marriage, Mai Minghe felt as if she was gradually understanding some things. She had asked him a few indirect questions, but to no avail, her questions remaining unanswered. Besides, in those eleven years, he hadn't had any close men around him—but what if he had? Would she care?

She doesn't think so.

Maybe it has nothing to do with sexual orientation, he is just that kind of person, someone who doesn’t fit into society’s definition of a “man”.

She and her husband were two people who pretended to have squeezed into mainstream society, but were also oppressed by it. They built a small unit together and faced the ups and downs together; like friends, like allies, but not like a couple.

This is much better than most marriages.

But Mai Minghe still had many questions. She wanted to hear why he was always filled with shame and guilt; she wanted to know if he really wanted a child; she wanted to know who he really was.

But in the end, when I opened my mouth and only a trembling stream of air came out, and I couldn't even make a sound, it seemed that nothing mattered anymore.

She remembered that she had to bend down and put her ear to her husband's mouth, trying to identify the shape of the airflow and pauses to know what he wanted.

For once, he wanted nothing.

What he said was, “What are you going to do when you’re alone?”

If the positions were reversed and he were left alone, he would definitely be terrified. He was that kind of person. That's why he thought it was too pitiful and too scary for Mai Minghe to live alone in the world.

"But I have survived all this time, all on my own. I not only want to continue living, but I want to live differently, to shed my past life like a snake shedding its skin."

Mai Minghe's hands were shaking, but he still didn't let go and thrust the knife deep into his abdomen.

They were both Mai Minghe, so of course they knew where the "snake belts" were on her body; the knife was stabbed in between the "snake belts".

"Do you remember that time?

"I have to go to work to earn money, take him to the hospital for examination and treatment, and when I get home I have to take care of him, clean and cook. I am exhausted every day. I dare not think about the medical bills I owe, and I dare not close my eyes, because as soon as I close my eyes, I can sleep until the end of the world.

“He was nearing his end by then.

"One time, I knew he was calling me. Maybe he was thirsty? I seemed to have forgotten to add water when I left home in the morning. I knew he was calling me. But I pretended not to hear him."

The airflow was so weak and the sound was so subtle that anyone could accidentally miss it, so she pretended not to hear it and her husband would not realize the truth.

She remembered this incident for the rest of her life.

"I don't want to bring a memory like this into my second life, a memory I'll pretend I can't hear. What's the point of keeping it like this?"

The voice of Mai Minghe, who is in his forties, trembled slightly, and water dripped slowly from the black knife handle and the back of his hand.

"You who remember this, you who have done this, please die. I want a clean new life."

Actually, I can’t see Mai Minghe very clearly.

Blood was still oozing from the corner of his forehead, blurring part of his vision; the knife in his lower abdomen seemed to have pierced an empty tube, and strength was constantly draining away from the tube.

She weakly grabbed Mai Minghe's hand a few times. In fact, she didn't know what she wanted to do - the knife had already been inserted, and there was no point in withdrawing it.

Perhaps seeing her fall to the ground and thinking that she was close to death, Mai Minghe finally let go of the knife, stood up straight, gasping for breath, and looked down at her.

Mai Minghe forced herself to open her eyes and looked at herself in her forties. In the light from outside the door, she stood tall in front of her, forming a blurry silhouette.

Wait a moment……

She is actually eighty-six years old now, and will be eighty-seven next year.

While running around the makeshift theater, she hadn't seen the frail Mai Minghe—it seemed like fifty was the cutoff. After that, perhaps due to physical exhaustion, her presence was pointless. In other words… she was the oldest of all the Mai Minghes, and remembered the most.

So every other Mai Minghe wants to kill himself?
She glanced at her limp hands resting on the ground.

I don’t know if it’s because of the blurred vision, but there seemed to be something stuck on my fingers, like dough, blurring the shape.

Wait, that's...

So, doesn't that mean——

Mai Minghe opened her mouth and wanted to say something, but she started coughing violently; she turned her head on the ground and saw Mai Minghe, who was no more than thirty years old, walking silently out from the shadows in the corner.

Even just by looking at that young face, Mai Minghe knew what the past was that Mai Minghe wanted to kill.

"and many more,"

She finally cried out softly, supporting herself on the ground with one hand, and tried to get up. To get up, one must use the upper abdominal muscles; but as soon as the muscles contracted, they were blocked by the cold, hard knife. Apart from the pain that made her vision black out, she could hardly move.

Mai Minghe, who tried to kill her, looked back at her.

"You're not dead yet? But you'll be dead soon."

Mai Minghe bent down and pulled the knife out of her abdomen. Amidst her screams of pain, he said, "I don't want to see you suffer either. I'll give you a quick death."

At the moment when Mai Minghe raised his arm but had not yet dropped the knife, she used all her strength, barely turned over and sat up, and pounced on him - it might not be right to say "pounced", she was completely using her body weight to press down on him, and also hugged Mai Minghe's legs.

When she was in her forties, she injured her foot while traveling on a rainy night. Since then, she always felt that her ankle was vaguely less flexible, as if she was afraid to exert too much force.

Mai Minghe staggered and, as expected, lost his balance due to his foot injury and fell to the ground with a thud.

Mai Minghe leaped forward, and just as her arms loosened and she fell completely onto the other Mai Minghe, she felt a heavy blow on the back of her head.

"how--"

Mai Minghe, who was in his forties, screamed below him.

In his peripheral vision, Mai Minghe seemed not to have expected that his attack would hit Mai Minghe, who was already close to death. He was startled and took a few steps back.

Mai Minghe looked around, strode towards the audience, and picked up another chair.

"What are you doing?" Mai Minghe struggled and slapped her on the shoulder. "Let me go, I can protect myself—"

"I see,"

Mai Minghe's remaining voice was so weak and low that it reminded her of her husband before his death. "It's my fault. Listen to me... I understand."

Mai Minghe beneath him paused.

Mai Minghe, who was walking over with a chair in his hand, seemed to be stunned as well.

She had no children in her life, and for half of her life, she had no family. But she always felt that she had a lot of love, ready to burn and give it away at any time.

She loved so many things.

The stolen little leather boots, the bird that landed on the windowsill, the gecko passing by in the summer, and the crow that made good friends with an apple.

Every cat, dog, and goldfish I’ve ever had at home, every pot of flowers that died for no apparent reason.

Parents, husband, cousin, her group of children, the old lady next door (how old was Mai Minghe at that time? She seemed to be only in her thirties), the fatherless and motherless boy who attended evening classes, and the young man who always gave her a few extra cookies in the bakery.

She still has countless abundant love to give to the world; she wants to hug every crying, sad, and kind-hearted person and comfort them softly.

But she never hugged herself.

until today.

"Don't be afraid,"

Mai Minghe hugged himself tightly, and whispered to himself, "You want to kill me because I remember you. Then someone else will want to kill you because you remember her."

"But don't be afraid. I will never let you die, and I will never hate you."

She closed her eyes because she felt tired to keep them open.

She didn't know whether she had actually spoken the words or whether they were just in her mind.

"Don't cry. You're only human. People make mistakes, but so what? You have weaknesses, you get tired, you can't hold on any longer... It doesn't matter.

"I want to take you, and every one of you who has ever been lost and in pain, into a new life together."

　The text has completely entered a realm that I had not anticipated beforehand...

　　Why I wrote this in the online article (.

　　
　
(End of this chapter)