Generation Z Artists

Chapter 90 Explosive Article [The full text is long, please don’t mind]

At 10 a.m. on October 22, Han Han suddenly put his hands in his trouser pockets and walked past the newsstand casually.

Miss Jin in front of the newsstand turned her head and her eyes suddenly lit up.

"Han Han!"

She ran over excitedly from behind, holding the freshly released "The Strongest Voice of Post-80s" in both hands, and skipped beside him.

"What a coincidence! Didn't you buy the magazine? I heard that several of your articles were published here. Have you read them before? Oh, you're on the cover too. That's great!"

Han Han tried hard to suppress the corners of his mouth, which were harder to suppress than AK, and replied nonchalantly: "I don't want to buy it. There's nothing good to see. I know my articles, but Fang Xinghe's... I guess it's just so-so. And what kind of crappy name is this? The strongest voice of the post-80s generation... Tsk!"

My good brother is so awesome, it feels like I have never been so awesome before.

But he still subconsciously glanced at the magazine in Miss Jin's hand. The cover was facing outwards and she was holding it in her arms. He could only see Fang Xinghe's beautiful eyes and pretentious posture in the upper left corner.

'Damn, why is he so showy?'

Han Han was happy but also unhappy at the same time, until he walked into the campus, he finally couldn't bear the itch in his heart.

"Um, can you let me take a look at the cover?"

Miss Jin was stunned for a moment, then she smiled and raised the magazine in front of him.

The corner of Han Han's mouth twitched violently, and his defense was broken instantly.

'Fuck! Dick!'

The cover consists of 5 people in total.

Fang Xinghe is in the upper left corner, occupying almost two-thirds of the space.

He put his hands in his pockets, leaned forward slightly and lowered his eyes, as if he was in deep thought, or as if he was staring at the lower right side.

There are the images of Han Han, Chen Jiayong, Ding Yan and Liu Jiajun.

The four of them are like four stars, posing in different postures, scattered in an arc-shaped area, and together they only occupy two-fifths of the space.

Two-thirds + two-fifths, it seems like too much, but in fact the edges are inlaid together to form an effect like a moon surrounded by stars.

From a purely aesthetic point of view, this cover is very charming.

There is almost no text information on it, only a few small words stuck in the combination of black and gray. The design looks particularly advanced.

But Han Han was so angry that his chest felt tight.

Damn! This guy is showing off to us again!
The dwarf felt very unhappy, but he had no choice but to comfort himself quietly: It’s okay, it’s okay, the money we make is ours…

After parting ways at the stairs, he suddenly quickened his pace and entered Class 10 of Grade through the back door.

The back row of the class, which is usually very lively, was extremely quiet today.

Several guys who have become familiar with each other are all concentrating on reading the same magazine.

The good news is: the magazine is definitely selling well, with more than 20 copies published in the class alone. All the royalties will go to the contestants. According to the distribution ratio stipulated in the contract, each copy sold can bring Han Han a few cents in royalties.

The bad news: there's something wrong with them!
Han Han's heart moved, and he hurried to his deskmate Xiaobo's side, leaned over to take a look...his head suddenly buzzed.

What the hell!

How dare you put that article in here?!

"He's so awesome." Xiao Bo raised his head, tears welling in his eyes, "Really, Master Fang is so awesome, damn, I feel so uncomfortable..."

Han Han was suddenly speechless.

Of course he knew how awesome the article "Sex, Violence, and Lies" was.

That's really not the 14-year-old level, nor the 18-year-old level, nor even the 22-year-old level...

Han Han couldn't describe the energy. He just felt that Fang Xinghe in the article was probably really a beast.

At the same time, across the country, 17 copies of "The Strongest Voice of the Post-80s" were sold in just one morning, which completely set off a Fang Xinghe craze.

Similar to the previous waves, the core reason is still an article, which has limited direct influence and its dissemination ability is not enough to break the circle for the time being.

What is different from previous ones is that the lethality of "Sex" now penetrates across ages.

No one who is destined to be hurt by it will be able to escape.

Capital, People's Art Theatre.

Everyone in the playwriting department held a copy of The Voice, and the room was silent.

Tianjin, Art Middle School.

Mao Xiaotong huddled in a corner, tears streaming down her face.

Xiangjiang, girls' school.

Wan Baoer's face turned from red to pale, and she bit her lips until they bled.

In Guangzhou, it is difficult to prevent the newspaper industry.

Yan Lieshan covered his chest with his hands, feeling suffocated.

Nandu branch in the capital.

Cheng Yizhong's eyes first went dark, and then a dazzling light began to flash wildly. He tore the magazine apart and threw it against the wall, then let out an indescribable roar from the deepest part of his throat...

……

Magic City, East China Hospital.

After much deliberation, Li Xiaolin finally decided to keep her promise and read the article that had been lying in her study for a long time to her father.

Her voice was soft and frivolous, which didn't fit the article at all.

But as she read aloud, Mr. Ba Jin's eyebrows suddenly trembled.

……

【full text】

1. Unpleasant sex

The first time I vaguely realized the existence of sex was when Fang Tonghui fucked my mother.

He pressed on my mother, kissing and nibbling her, his hands busy moving up and down, and mumbling something I couldn't hear clearly.

At that time I thought it was a kind of bullying similar to a lesson, because I saw him turning my mother over with his hands with bulging veins, then he sat on her and pulled her panties violently.

This must be very uncomfortable, so her expression and tone were somewhat blaming: "Be gentle."

Then Fang Tonghui yelled: "You are my wife, I can fuck you whenever I want!"

Finally, my mother spread her legs, turned her head away, and lay there quietly, allowing Fang Tonghui to do it on her like a male dog.

She stared at the ceiling with wide eyes, frowning from time to time, and I was five meters behind the window.

How long did it take me to realize from the hollow look in her eyes that it was hurt?
I can’t remember clearly, I’m not even sure whether I was in Grade 8 or Grade 1 at that time.

Anyway, I finally reacted and felt that I should try to dissuade him, so I went around from the backyard to the front, pushed open the outer door and rushed into the bedroom. When I slammed the bedroom door hard, Fang Tonghui had already climbed up with a curse and a gloomy face.

I asked him why he bullied my mother.

He replied with a playful smile: "What bullying? I'm playing games with your mother. Look, she's so happy!"

I turned around and saw that my mother had already pulled the quilt over her lower body. She adjusted her expression and smiled at me: "My dear son, Mom is fine."

I thought she was really okay.

But in fact, this was the first time I witnessed sex, violence and lies at the same time.

At some inexplicable moment after her death, I, who already understood what sex was, suddenly recalled her pale knuckles tightly grasping the corner of the quilt that day.

Everything that happened that day has become a blur, except for those finger joints which appear in my dreams from time to time.

It promises nasty sex, mild violence, and a bit of playful lying.

……

2. Sharing the glory with the country
Fang Tonghui is my father.

A biological father who is not as good as the wild father.

My grandfather was very educated, and the meaning of his name was to shine with the country.

The People's Republic of China had already been founded when Fang Tonghui was born. He received a very good education in those days, so the name he gave me was not bad - Fang Xinghe.

When our relationship was still good, I asked him, what is the Milky Way?

He pointed to the sky and told me: That Milky Way is you, the river made up of stars.

He also said: In the future you will be like the Milky Way, shining brightly and illuminating the night sky.

It seems that we haven't had similar conversations since 93. He went to places in the south like Shenzhen, Shantou, or Xiamen, and after coming back, he was dissatisfied with everything.

including me.

For a long time I couldn't understand why this happened, and even suspected that I was not his child.

Later I hoped that I really wasn't that person, but no other man came forward to claim me and save my mother.

In my childhood and youth, the only male image was always him, Fang Tonghui, who was as glorious as the country.

……

3. People are like things

I truly realized what sex was after I finally started to grow hair in the first grade of junior high school. By then, my family had already broken up.

Bao Fu got a disc and held it mysteriously in his arms. When he put it into the DVD player, his fingers trembled and his forehead was sweating, but his eyes were emitting a surging light.

The film was called "The Jade Girl's Heart Sutra". The two women who showed themselves to us so openly were called Shu Qi and Li Lizhen. The ambition of exposing all three points of their bodies on their faces exuded a kind of desire that I didn't understand. I watched the whole thing, and although I still didn't understand why they made this kind of film, I finally understood what sex was.

Sex is not what I think it is: reproduction. Although sex leads to reproduction, it is another matter.

It’s…liberating.

Release body fluids, release emotions, release nature, release everything that humans have to suppress.

From that day on, they often used my house as their base, and went through great pains to get some films that could not be described in detail, and watched them with their eyes wide open under the tent. Then they began to imagine what it would be like to shoot a third-level movie themselves, how wonderful it would be to sleep with a female star, and so on.

Once a topic is started, it will not end easily and usually extends very far.

When they are young, it is very easy for them to fantasize about all the beautiful women they can get their hands on. However, I have no interest in such fantasies. It’s not because I’m aloof, but I always think of my mother’s knuckles tightly gripping the quilt.

That paleness that foreshadows death always prevents me from giving into the fantasy of humiliating a woman.

If you can't immerse yourself, then think.

I started thinking about everything related to sex.

The first question that naturally pops up is - Fang Tonghui and my mother are clearly a legal couple, and they conceived me through sexual intercourse, so why did they make such a fuss about this matter?

I began to recall my childhood.

I don't have any memory of things that happened too early, but after going south in 93, Fang Tonghui was always idle yet full of passion.

The words that often come out of his mouth are roughly as follows:

The south is full of gold, I want to get rich, this job is really boring, I'm really tired of this shabby place, there is no freedom at all, if you want to get rich you have to go out and give me money...

Sometimes the mother kept silent, and sometimes she refuted him.

'The Milky Way is still so small.'

"What will Xinghe eat if he doesn't work?"

"There's not much money left at home, and Xinghe will need it later..."

Fang Tonghui took the money and went out drinking with his friends, then came home to quarrel with my mother. In most cases, he would win once the quarrel escalated to physical combat. He could beat my mother to the ground with just a few punches and kicks, and I was kicked several times when I went up to the quarrel.

In a few cases, they just quarrel and quarrel all the time.

Fang Tonghui was drunk, his eyes were red, and he waved his arms wildly: "You old country woman, what do you know? Who am I worse than? Why can't I make money? If it weren't for this shabby place, I would have made a fortune long ago!"

The mother was not convinced: "What's wrong with this place? Who is holding you back from making money?"

"You don't understand at all! There is no room for me to display my abilities here! The factory ranks people based on seniority. Anyone can bully you if you start a small business. If you sell scrap materials, you have to pay protection fees to the security department! Do you understand that the environment is the most important? It's not that southerners are smarter, it's that Shenzhen is more open, fair and free than Nong'an!"

Mother seemed to agree, because her voice softened: "Then go ahead, go to Shenzhen, you don't have to bring back all the money you make, 200 yuan a month is enough for us to eat and drink, and my money is saved for Xinghe to go to college and get married, you can't touch it."

"it is good!"

Fang Tonghui was overjoyed and vowed: "I will definitely make a lot of money. I will send you 1000 every month... No! 5000! Then I will send our son to a university in the United States, marry him to a foreign wife, and live in a big villa!"

He kept saying nice things and drew a huge dream bubble for his mother. The bubble was filled with such empty and false words as "I will definitely let you live a good life", "We will have a big house in the future", "I will make you a lady", "Xiao Xingxing will be a young master in the future" and so on.

That night, Fang Tonghui fucked his mother for seven or eight minutes, which was his most awesome time.

He is going to display his talents in a free world.

He went out with the 3000 yuan that his mother had saved with great difficulty, looking refreshed and full of high spirits.

Five months later, he came back in disgrace.

There are many details that I don’t understand during and even after this. I just suddenly realized that something was beginning to be suppressed in him.

Arguments and fights began to become more frequent.

Many times, after Fang Tonghui knocked my mother over under the influence of alcohol, he would hold her down and fuck her hard. I don't want to use this word, as it sounds like he is disposing of an object casually, but I can't find a similar meaning to replace it.

Moreover, no matter how cruel it is, the time is getting shorter and shorter.

4. Long Live Freedom
Later, Fang Tonghui made a fortune through some big brother, and the connection seemed to be related to South Korea.

That was the most comfortable yet saddest Spring Festival I have ever had.

I felt comfortable because I finally had meat to eat, but I felt sad because my mother fell ill and Fang Tonghui was not at home. He was having a passionate affair with a prostitute in a dance hall.

He must have been extremely happy, because when I rushed in to look for him, I saw with my own eyes that he had his head buried in the prostitute's breasts, looking dissolute and drunken.

He was probably saying, "You are still the best, ten thousand times better than that yellow-faced woman at home!"

Of course I didn't hear it. I made it up in my mind later based on the scene at that time.

I replayed his expression in my mind over and over again, his lewd smile, his greasy lips moving, and his surprise and anger after I threw the bottle at him and hit him on the head.

Come to think of it, I was quite fierce at that time, and I really thought about sticking the broken stub into his neck.

Of course I didn't. I just yelled in grievance: "My mom is dying, and you still have the nerve to play outside?!"

From then on, my mother really began to slide towards death.

Slowly, quietly, and silently, it slides down instead of falling down.

Because he ignored it most of the time, and I neither realized the seriousness of the problem nor lacked the ability to change.

Sometimes, when he was willing to lie to coax us, I even felt good. If he didn’t want to go home, then he didn’t have to go home. Finally, my mother wouldn’t have to be beaten.

As for Fang Tonghui's affair with that busty prostitute, I don't care as long as he doesn't take money from his family.

Later, I met that prostitute on the street one time. When she saw me, she was suddenly stunned. Then, her eyes shrank and evaded, and she looked away.

I passed by her without intending to pay attention to her, but she suddenly grabbed a handful of money from her pocket, hurriedly stuffed it into my hand, and whispered: "Don't blame me, Auntie, I'm just making a living, I also have a daughter to support..."

I didn't take her money, just let it fall and looked back at her coldly.

By then, my mother had passed away and Fang Tonghui had gone to South Korea. I was no longer short of money, and I could earn it with my fists when I was short of money.

She stood there, head down, not daring to look at me, at a loss as to what to do.

"Are you afraid that I will take my anger out on your daughter?" I asked softly.

Her whole body suddenly became stressed. I could see that every muscle of hers was tensed at the same moment. Her exposed arms were covered with goose bumps. Her nails dug deeply into the flesh, and her knuckles were bluish like my mother's.

But she didn't get angry with me. She just looked at me with fear and helplessness, as if begging me not to do it.

I felt so upset that I bent down, picked up a ten-yuan bill, put it in my pocket, and walked past her.

"I never blamed you."

This is what I said and this is what I thought.

At that time, I had deeply understood the words that Fang Tonghui left before he left: "I just want to pursue freedom, what's wrong with that?!"

Yes, there is nothing wrong with the freedom to abandon your wife and children.

……

5. Right and Wrong

Fang Tonghui's new obsession was probably born out of that windfall.

After an overnight outburst, he regained his confidence.

“My failure in Shenzhen was not my fault. It was because the freedom the world gave me was not enough!”

"There is no freedom in our country. Everything we do is controlled by our grandfather. Nong'an is in such a mess, and Shenzhen is not much better!"

"Fuck you, you black dog. You don't do any real work. You just bully the common people!"

"This shitty world doesn't give good people any chance to survive!"

It was much later that I found out that the big brother who helped him make money was beaten up on charges of smuggling.

He was fine, but he had lost his way to make money and fell from the glory of reveling every night, so he became more and more manic.

The mother couldn't understand: "If Shenzhen doesn't work, where else can you go? Can't you just settle down and live a good life?"

"America!"

Fang Tonghui's eyes were filled with longing: "The United States is the freest and most democratic country in the world. As long as I can go to the United States, I will definitely make a fortune!"

The mother, who was not good at speaking, asked him a question that made him angry and embarrassed with just one sentence.

“Isn’t smuggling illegal in the United States?”

Thinking about it now, this was such a naive yet sharp question.

Fang Tonghui was furious and yelled, "You know a bastard, you can make 20,000 yuan a month washing dishes in the United States!"

My mother immediately stopped talking, and I felt it was ridiculous.

Because he doesn't even wash the dishes at home.

But he was obsessed with going to the United States, the sacred land of freedom. It seemed as if he, a rubbish who couldn't even make it in his native language in China, could immediately transform himself into a social elite and reach the pinnacle of life in the United States.

For a while before he completely disappeared, he kept trying to squeeze out the last money from my mother for travel expenses.

But where is the money at home?
So what he really wanted was the house.

My mother disagreed. I never thought I would hear such decisive words from her. She said, "What about our son? I will never let you sell the house!"

Fang Tonghui raised his voice: "Trust me one last time! I will definitely make a lot of money to treat your illness, and then we will have another beautiful daughter..."

"Don't even think about it!"

"Fuck you, you're so shameless, aren't you? This house belongs to me. My father built it! Do you think it's yours? Nothing in this house belongs to you!"

He slapped his mother to the ground and pressed on her as usual.

Sex, violence, and lies, at this moment, once again unfolded before me in a perfect structure. I had no time to think about anything but anger.

Unlike when I was in first or second grade, when he made a move, I rushed forward immediately.

I didn't win the fight, but I didn't let him succeed either, and I finally protected my mother.

She hugged me and cried bitterly. At that time, I really didn't know how to comfort her, so I told her clumsily: "Don't cry, Mom. I will find you a wife as beautiful as you and give birth to a daughter as beautiful as you. You don't need him. I can rely on myself!"

She burst into laughter, touched my face and said, "Don't marry a beautiful woman. You will suffer."

Who suffers?
How to suffer?

This is another thing that I still can't figure out.

Later, Fang Tonghui somehow managed to swindle some money for travel, and one dark night, he completely disappeared from my life.

When he left, he was full of ambition and swore to me solemnly: "Son, when I make money, I will take you and your mother over and live a good life!"

By then, I had already become desensitized to his occasional empty promises, and I just looked at him indifferently.

He rarely argued with me, but just murmured excitedly: Freedom! If you want stability, you will not have freedom. If you want freedom, you must experience some danger. There are only these two ways!
It was a long time before I understood the fear on his face and the risks he was facing.

It was a very dangerous road. He walked halfway through and stopped at the peninsula.

Korea.

When I was memorizing that appendix on the world map, my chest felt like it was burning with wildfire. I knew that one day I would set foot on that strange land, carrying a knife and a gun, and returning with blood and tears, to completely resolve everything.

Later, my uncle used an IOU, whose authenticity I didn’t know, to declare ownership of my house. He said that I had paid for my brother-in-law’s smuggling expenses.

I silently picked up the kitchen knife and said, "Fuck you!"
In fact, I have no feelings for this house. It has never been a safe haven for my mother and me.

Everything in the house has been invaded by Fang Tonghui's foul smell. I don't think this place is worth remembering, nor do I think my mother likes it here.

It restricted Fang Tonghui's freedom, but didn't it also restrict his mother?
However, their freedom is different.

The freedom Fang Tonghui needs is: when I want to fuck you, you must immediately stick your butt up to cooperate with me; when I want money, you must give it to me immediately; when I am in a good mood and tell some lies to coax you, you must happily cooperate with me.

After returning from Shenzhen, he entered the second stage: I can fuck whoever I want, and you can't interfere; my money is mine, and your money is still mine.

Only lies remain unchanged. Although it is no longer necessary, lying is a ritual for him that must be performed.

Before the smuggling, the condition developed to the third stage: I only care about whether I am happy or not, as for you and your son... do whatever you want.

For Fang Tonghui, the most important factor that determines whether he is in a good mood is whether his sexual needs are effectively met.

To be effective means that you can't just vent it out, but it must also be accompanied by flirtatious flattery: "Wow, you are so great today, you are so great..."

See, really only prostitutes can satisfy his quick-tempered personality.

So I really don’t hate that prostitute. If it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else. I, his biological son, couldn’t stop Fang Tonghui’s arrogance, so how could I have the face to vent my anger on a prostitute?

I don't even hate the profession of prostitute, because in the final analysis, it is the sexual needs that are suppressed to the point of having nowhere to release that give rise to this profession.

But shouldn't sexual desire be suppressed? It doesn't seem to be the case.

Letting a rich kid like Baofu Taodang get in touch with sex early is a thing that has no benefits but only disadvantages.

He has no mind to study, playing too much affects his development, his legs are weak when he goes out to fight, flirting with girls affects them, and if he holds it in too much, it can even affect social stability.

But when people reach a certain age, they will inevitably be curious about this matter. This is human nature.

So how do you strike that balance? What is right and what is wrong?

……

6. Rampant selfishness

Until one day, we beat up a gang of hooligans in the third grade and almost took over the third middle school. After drinking that day, we passed by a hair salon. Looking at the small pink light hanging in the window, he said to me shyly: "Boss, let's go in and see what's going on?"

The brothers turned their heads in surprise and looked at him in astonishment.

"Don't you only like Lu Tingting?"

"It's not the same thing. I'm really holding it in. I have to, I have to..."

He didn't explain what it was, but when I looked into his eyes, I saw that he was eager.

I kicked this desire back into his belly.

"Go back and fight on your own, stop thinking about these nonsense!"

Before the show ended, I asked Baofu to take away all the money from him. Damn, he actually had as much as 152 yuan. No wonder he was so arrogant today.

Looking at his back as he limped back, something flashed through my mind.

Later, I started to let Baofu manage the money we got.

You can eat and drink as you please, nothing else matters.

Then he no longer had the urge to reach into the crotch, and just licked Lu Tingting obediently. He suppressed his sexual needs again and tried to solve them in a relatively correct way.

But the wealthy people who manage the slush fund never have this problem. I asked him if he didn't want to, and he answered me: "Damn, of course I don't want to, but I don't like the 20-dollar chickens in our small place. I want to get rich and sleep with female stars in the future!"

Duoyu interrupted: "If you really become rich, who would you like to sleep with?"

The rich man's eyes widened in astonishment: "What a stupid question! I'm fucking rich, of course I'm going to sleep with everyone, and I won't let anyone go!"

The third sister laughed and mocked him: "You are so awesome! Do you want to be the emperor?"

Bao Fu retorted: "You will be Wu Zetian, with 3,000 concubines, Chen Haonan today, Gu Tiantian tomorrow, and Jin Chengwu the day after tomorrow, don't you want to?"

hiss……

The older sisters all gasped, sucked back the crystal tears at the corners of their mouths, and then no one said a word.

Very good, they are all the same fucking stuff.

Except for the youngest Thirteenth Sister, she firmly refused: "I don't want it, it's so disgusting! Only the person I love can touch me, and I can only love one person at a time."

The degree of being rich and bad was extremely high. He asked in a persuasive way: "Then don't let them touch you. You can think about it from another angle - they are just your little brothers, playing with you every day, making you happy, running errands for you and massaging your feet. Do you like it?"

Xiao Shisan’s eyes widened in shock, and then his whole body froze there.

See, actually she just has no sexual needs, not that she doesn't like being the center of attention or dominating handsome guys.

I was inexplicably angry that day and cursed every one of them. Finally, I sat alone in the yard, leaning against a tree trunk and looking up at the stars.

I finally realized that the repression or overflow of sexual needs has never been a moral issue, but an economic issue. Men and women become promiscuous after they have money. Even eunuchs who live a slightly better life would want to find a palace maid to eat with. It is a disease to imagine these trivial or obscene things to be too sacred or too obscene. If you are sick, you should get treatment immediately.

On the contrary, having children but not raising them is not an economic problem - at least not in modern society - with Fang Tonghui's salary, as long as he lives a peaceful life, it is more than enough to support the three of us.

But if he wants to drink, smoke, visit prostitutes and act recklessly, that is certainly not enough.

Ultimately, under the conflict between reality and desire, the liberal ideas he had accepted from somewhere successfully made him face up to his selfish nature.

People are selfish, they are born selfish, but all the good things in human civilization are built on overcoming selfishness.

During the months when my mother was completely bedridden, I went to the agricultural airport and stole some scrap metal, which I sold for 3 yuan. After buying some painkillers, I bought a can of canned yellow peaches. When I was a child, my mother fed me canned yellow peaches every time I was sick, and I thought this was the gift that could best comfort her.

I opened the can and fed her carefully, but she refused to eat it and said to me, "You eat it, son. Mom can't bite it anymore. You eat it."

In fact, I haven't eaten any canned food for more than a year. When I saw the yellow peaches with clear flesh, my saliva was no longer controlled by my brain.

But I didn't eat a single bite. I carefully cut the flesh into small pieces and fed her with sugar water. In the end, her persistence was no match for mine.

Canned yellow peaches might really be a panacea. I felt extremely happy when I saw her dry lips moisturized and her eyes brightened up.

It happened to be winter at the time, and I carefully stored the can of yellow peaches for more than 20 days. I cut a small piece every day, heated it in a bowl, and then fed it to her. Then she would look at me and smile, and I would look at her and smile, no longer thinking about how we sobbed and cried in our respective beds when she rolled around in pain in the middle of the night.

The last clear conversation between us was when she said to me: I'm sorry, mom didn't take good care of you.

I was already very sensible at that time, and I also said to her: I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't take good care of you.

What is the meaning of caring for each other between mother and child?
You gave birth to me, raised me, and educated me. I was very weak at that time, and I was protected by you. Later, I became successful and gave you glory, support, and peace. Now you are old, but love continues to revolve in time, becoming more and more profound over time.

But I only felt the first half, and even that was not quite complete.

I am in pain and my life will never be complete.

I was very angry. The person who made me incomplete was the biological father who brought me into this world.

When I easily used violence to obtain enough money to survive, I realized with extreme embarrassment that giving birth to children but not raising them has never been an economic issue, but rather the liberation of the dark side of human nature after liberalism was abused without bottom line.

This liberation not only destroyed the already precarious moral bottom line of some humanoid creatures, but also built a new firewall in their self-consciousness - how can responsibility be as important as freedom?
In the magic paradigm where freedom is above all else, all the good things in the world can be repriced.

How do I decide? I decide based on my own opinion, depending on my mood.

This doesn't sound bad, but the scary thing is that what they crave is never spiritual freedom, but the wanton freedom to demand from the outside, the tyrannical freedom of "I can do it but you can't say it", and the hegemonic freedom of "those who benefit me can do it once or twice, and those who harm me are guilty of a crime".

In essence, this means not to force your face.

Why are you the only one who can enjoy this one-sided freedom?
But they will find many reasons to beautify this. If it is decent enough, it is called a lie, and if it is not decent enough, it is violence.

……

7. Trash and People
For a period of time, I was craving violence like crazy. I hit the sandbag until my fists bled, and I would fight with the stronger senior thugs over a disagreement.

I want to know what it feels like to have the freedom to take whatever you want.

But I still strongly reject lies because they are too respectable. Fuck your respectability. I don’t want respectability and I don’t want to give you respectability.

I succeeded, we defeated everyone, and because I was not afraid of death, I was able to unleash the ultimate violence as an individual.

After I was given the freedom to have whatever I wanted, I was only happy for less than a day.

In this middle school, if I didn't like any student, I would slap him, knock him to the ground, step on his head, and ask him nonchalantly, "Do you obey?"

There can be no other answer.

When facing the mature senior students in the third year of junior high school, I just hooked my fingers and they sincerely praised me, "You are great."

But what's so fun about this kind of thing?

Where will the joy of bullying the weak emerge from?

Can you really feel a sense of accomplishment by having sex with a woman you don't like?

I have ten times more freedom than Fang Tonghui, but I am not happy. My heart is still troubled by sex, violence, and lies.

This time, what puzzled me was no longer the connection between them, but something at a higher level.

I started trying to lie and play tricks on certain people, but it wasn't fun.

I tried to do something even more brutal to a particularly bad thug. He cried and repented, swearing never to force himself on a girl again. I tortured him until he became incontinent, but he was still not happy.

I tried to date a pretty senior schoolmate and almost went to bed with her, but I was still not happy.

She cried and asked me if I looked down on her. I said no, it’s just that I still have a hurdle to overcome in my life, and I don’t feel any happiness doing this with you.

Where is my happiness hiding?

I could never find it, but when I put away everything that shouldn't be there - the violence, the lies, the desire to vent - I finally found peace.

Calmness does not equal happiness, but the ultimate answer is imminent.

Why are sex, violence, and lies always perfectly integrated?
Because there is too much garbage, one cannot rely on one's inner personality to gain a good enough life experience.

As trash, they live extremely repressed lives, and when they want to vent their sexual needs, they either use lies or resort to violence.

Extending upward, sexual needs are replaced by other desires, such as respect, being needed, realization of higher values, and freedom...

The truth remains.

When one's own abilities are not enough to satisfy one's desires, lies and violence become two evil witchcrafts.

As long as you abandon compassion, sense of honor, and moral values, doing evil can bring higher short-term benefits.

And when one's own abilities are sufficient to cover all desires, there is no need for lies or violence.

People should live uprightly like this.

But not all people can be called human beings.

……

8. Humanity and animality

As I watched more and more films, I finally understood that sex can be joyful or painful, can be given by both parties or be unilaterally demanded, can be gentle and affectionate or violent and wanton.

How it proceeds depends not only on love, desire, and the animal instinct in the self, but also on the acquired human brilliance such as morality, quality, empathy, etc.

The bestial are violent, the selfish are demanding, the selfless are passive, and the devoted are pious.

This thing is not sacred, it is people who are sacred.

This thing is not evil, what is evil is the trash.

……

9. Freedom from waste

Fang Tonghui, who desperately desires freedom, is an absolute waste.

The formula is also true in reverse: the more useless you are, the more you crave a false freedom.

I spent a long time observing and thinking, and finally discovered the common characteristics of garbage and waste - they are always suppressed, but have no ability to relieve the pressure, so they pathologically desire a sufficiently intense release.

Is this freedom?
Is the wanton demand for external things, the tyranny of "I can do it but you can't say it", and the hegemony of "those who benefit me can do it once or twice, but those who harm me are guilty of a crime" freedom?
No, never.

Marx said: "Only in the collective can individuals obtain the means to fully develop their talents and have individual freedom."

He demonstrated the dialectical relationship between individual freedom and the collective.

George Bernard Shaw said, “Freedom means responsibility, and that is why most people fear it.”

He demonstrated the inseparability of freedom and responsibility.

Freedom that is separated from the collective, abandons responsibility, and is filled with lies and violence is hypocritical and despicable.

But today our society is full of this kind of freedom.

It is generally an individualistic thought that came from the Western world and was advocated by a large number of cultural parasites. Media people shout for freedom of speech, economists work hard to promote market freedom, judges and politicians secretly covet freedom of discretion, and traitors jump up and down in pursuit of freedom to sell out their country.

The idiots are just fanatical and just echo: "Freedom! Freedom!"

Freedom is like the white panties of an 18-year-old girl, just sniffing them can make them orgasm.

But when that new world arrives where freedom and responsibility are no longer linked, guess who will become slaves again?

I don’t know how many people understand that it is this seemingly less free society that actually protects you useless people very well.

I can't make it in a society full of protective rules, but I still dream of turning things around in this dark and bloody era. I want to laugh, but I can't.

Because that time has not yet come, I will continue to coexist peacefully with these rubbish.

A truly powerful person does not care about freedom or not. If the environment oppresses him, he will break through the environment; if the world oppresses him, he will reconcile with himself; if someone oppresses him, he will beat the other person until he kneels down and begs for mercy.

Korea.

I looked back at the world map.

……

10. Love and salvation
By putting the darkness and brutality of my psychology into words, I seemed to have partially saved myself.

When I watched movies with them, I began to fantasize about a perfect sexual partner who would no longer be awakened by my mother's knuckles.

In fact, I still often recall her hands, which are still that pale and deathly white, but I no longer blame myself.

Because she never blamed me, she forgave my helplessness, watched me fight for her with satisfaction, and praised me with surprise, "Baby, you have grown up and know how to protect your mother. I am so happy."

Every warmth of those hands has left a memory on my forehead. Her gentle touch has never gone away. Even in my dreams, those hands never scare me.

She really gave me so much love.

At a certain moment, I began to long for love.

I think if I can find someone I love deeply and she loves me too, we can hug each other like little animals and lick each other, and that moment will definitely be warm and fulfilling.

How wonderful it would be to have sex with enough love and continue to sublimate love in harmonious sex?

Sex should not be embedded in violence and lies.

I finally know what makes me happy.

Get rid of all trash and waste.

【Finish】

Mr. Ba Jin opened his eyes.

There was a kind and loving look in those cloudy eyes.

He could not speak, but just looked at the manuscript with compassion. Thousands of words were expressed in this one look.

Li Xiaolin was stunned for a moment, then suddenly nodded heavily.

"Don't worry, Dad. Fang Xinghe is actually a very good kid. I will care about him and won't let him go astray."

Mr. Ba Jin's eyes curved slightly.

　This was the most difficult article to write.

Because it had to fit the era, fit Xiao Fang's personality and character, and also have to be sufficiently targeted and impactful, I almost crushed myself.

No matter good or bad, it is what it is. I have done my best and have no regrets.

I've already reminded you not to place an order, there won't be anyone scolding me, right?
　
(End of this chapter)