Da Tang: Father, can I resign?

Chapter 332 It Has to Be Xue Wanche
"A-choo! Is someone scolding me behind my back?"

Yanzhou front line, on the city wall.

Li Ming sneezed loudly, which woke him up from his state of ecstasy at work.

Hiss~ He sniffed and muttered while flipping through the account book in his hand:

"Fang Yize did a great job keeping the accounts. Don't do it again next time."

As he spoke, he tore off a piece of waste paper from the thick account book and wiped his nose.

"The subjects are too detailed, it gives me a headache. At least 90% of this thick account book is the calculation process.

"I'm not doing auditing. You just need to tell me a rough number. There's no need to write everything down so clearly. Fang Yize is too rigid in his work...

"Ok?"

Li Ming was complaining when his little ears moved. He asked the large "book boy" who was accompanying him to study - Qibi Heli:

"What's that noise outside the window?"

"It's nothing. The wind outside is too cold. Your Majesty, be careful not to catch a cold." Qibi Heli immediately stood up like a spring and considerately closed the window for His Majesty Xiao Li.

"No, I mean why I seem to hear someone cursing outside..."

"Your Majesty, I do not speak of strange things!"

Qibi Heli once again began to quibble with words, and with his rough-accented Chinese and even rougher appearance, he seemed much more "convincing" than the sour and pedantic scholar:
"How can you believe in the superstitions of the alchemists? If someone really slanders you behind your back, how could it possibly affect your health?"

Li Ming: "No, I mean..."

Qibi Heli: "It's because the weather turned cold and you caught a cold that caused you to behave inappropriately just now. It's definitely not because someone cursed you behind your back!"

Li Ming: "Why are you so concerned about whether someone scolded me? What on earth happened outside..."

Qibi Heli: "It's just cold! Look, it's snowing!"

The man from the grassland interrupted the Emperor's thoughts in a mighty and majestic manner and pointed out the window forcefully.

Li Ming subconsciously looked out the window in the direction of his finger, and suddenly realized that a thin layer of white snow had covered the railings of the city wall outside since he didn't know when.

"Auspicious snow indicates a good harvest." Qibi Heli exclaimed somewhat exaggeratedly.

"I hope so..." Li Ming looked at the snow scene in a trance.

The first snow of the first year of Yongqing came earlier than usual.

I don’t know what the weather is like over in Taihang Mountains. It’s snowing in Henan, so it must be even colder in Shanxi.

Snow in the mountains would be a big hindrance to the march, right?
He couldn't care less about this. The two battlefields in Central Plains and Shanxi were thousands of miles apart. It would be useless even if he scratched his head in anxiety.

Trust the people you employ, and don't employ those you don't trust. It's better to relax and let Li Jing worry about this problem.

The god Li Jing had a lot of combat experience and had chopped off more heads than the rice mixed with millet he had eaten.

What's more, this war will start in autumn.

Li Jing must have anticipated marching in the snow in winter and had made every possible preparation.

What Li Ming can do for the main battlefield in Shanxi is to remotely control Pingzhou and provide support for the war.

That is, continue to taunt and attract hatred on the Central Plains front, and attract as many main forces of the Tang army as possible and for as long as possible under the solid walls of the Central Plains, and never OT in advance.

Support Li Jing from the side and try to reduce some of the pressure on that side.

In order to achieve this strategic goal of pulling monsters, Li Ming transformed himself into Brother Zuan, standing on the city wall every day and performing oral gymnastics on the Tang army led by the emperor downstairs.

It can be considered as a royal city PK in a sense.

The two warriors he brought with him, Xue Wanche and Qibi Heli, also changed their jobs and became "fishing brothers" in a sense.

A fisherman can catch anything except fish. Similarly, the two generals Heng and Ha can do anything except leading troops.

He is capable of everything from planning the construction of new cities to personally leading a team to do plastering. He can even occasionally act as His Majesty's pageboy.

That means you can’t lead troops to fight.

It’s not that they don’t know how to do it, but that they have no soldiers under their command, only a group of civil engineers.

It is difficult for a good man to defeat a poor man without a budget.

Speaking of this pair of Crouching Dragon and Phoenix...

"Oh, oh, that's right, I was wondering why something was not right." Li Ming came back to his senses:
"Where is Xue Wanche?"

After coming to Yanzhou, these two funny guys are like a pair of conjoined twins, and they want to team up together even when they pee.

Why is it that Qibi Heli is the only one left soloing today?
"Oh, him?" Old Qibi tilted his head towards the window familiarly:

"He's cursing outside...ah, no!"

He quickly covered his seven-foot-wide mouth.

Unfortunately, it's too late. A gentleman's word cannot be taken back.

"Oh, I let it slip." Li Ming stood up from his seat, patted his numb thigh, and walked towards the gate of the tower:

"I was wondering why I sneezed so loudly, and sure enough, someone was cursing me behind my back."

Qibi Heli stood in front of the door, clasped his hands together and tried hard to stop it:
"Your Majesty, forget it. There are Tang troops outside the city. It's too dangerous.

"And it's cold outside, so your sneezing will be even worse..."

"Get out of my way!"

Li Ming exerted his strength, pushed the mighty and majestic grassland man aside, and opened the door.

Blowing in along with the northwest wind was Xue Wanche's passionate greeting:
"What is Datang? It's maltose for kids, right?
"How long have you been surrounding this broken little city? Why don't you dare to break in?
"Let me tell you a little secret. There is actually no army in the city. They are all my workers in disguise! I am waiting for you on the city wall with nothing on!

"What's up? I've taken off all my clothes, why can't you come up? Are you all Yang Wei? Huh?
"You guys are a bunch of %$@#!!!"

What follows is a string of obscene words that would be blocked if sent out.

It must be said that Xue Wanche is truly a talented person, and it was definitely a wise move for Li Ming to bring him here.

This guy can both fight and scold people. His heart is bigger than the city gate and his face is thicker than the city wall. He is truly the most suitable compound talent for the Yanzhou front line.

The Taihang Mountain front is already full of brave generals, including Li Jing, Hou Junji, Li Daozon, Xue Rengui... One more person would not make much difference. If he is sent there, the marginal benefit will definitely not be as high as on this front.

"I'm already lying down, why don't you push that old paralytic up here? Did he have a stroke and become powerless? Hahaha...ah?"

Xue Wanche was just getting into the mood to talk trash when he happened to catch a glimpse of the "old paralytic's" son looking at him coldly from the corner of his eye. He immediately took a breath and wished he could take back all the trash he had just said.

"Um... Your Majesty, hey, why did you come out? It's dangerous outside, go back quickly~"

Brother Xue’s expression changed in a second.

The only person in the world who can make him behave rudely at first and respectfully later is Li Ming.

Ever since he was taught a lesson last time, he has been much more obedient in front of Li Ming.

He was not beaten by Qibi Heli.

But it was Li Ming's glare.

Even today, he still feels scared when he thinks back on it.

What was the scene at that time? It seemed like he was also saying bad things about Li Ming's father...

"Hiss...Alas, it's all for work." Li Ming let out a long sigh, and slowly walked to the front of the city wall under Xue Wanche's timid gaze.

"Your Majesty, this place is too dangerous! Look, the other side is so angry that they have set up their crossbows!"

"Yes, Your Majesty, the north wind is howling. If you get cold, your sneeze will..."

"Get out of the way."

Li Ming impatiently pushed aside the two generals Heng and Ha, stood at the edge of the wall that was almost as tall as himself, rolled up Fang Yize's account book into a trumpet shape, and started to yell:
"Tang, oh Tang, you are really Tang! You are the younger brother among younger brothers! You are just a **!

"%$@#%^!"

Starting from zero frame, vulgar insults violently bombarded the eardrums of the Tang army under the city.

The crowd was so shocked that they had to cover their ears. It was ugly, too ugly.

In the feudal era when calling someone a "slave" was considered extremely insulting, Li Ming, who had been influenced by the abstract culture of the Internet, was simply attacking the indigenous people in a dimensionality-reducing way.

Compared with his vulgar yet...original words, Xue Wanche's cursing just now was as gentle as a kitten's meow.

"Where did that guy learn these street slangs?"

Li Ming's cursing even reached the big tent in the center of the Tang army's formation. Li Shimin even sat up from his couch, feeling very puzzled.

Although Li Shimin knew that "swearing" was the most direct way of provocation and a common tactic in war.

But the boy can make something out of the shit of cursing, which is a rare talent.

Damn, that sounds really bad...

Yang was so gentle and docile, how could she teach the prince to be like this...

Li Shimin fell into deep self-doubt.

"Your Majesty, why bother with what a child says?"

A pair of white hands climbed up Li Shimin's neck like a snake and gently covered his ears.

It’s Concubine Xu.

Since His Majesty the Supreme Emperor led the army to war, she and several other young beauties have been serving His Majesty.

This was brought out from the harem by His Majesty Li Shimin for, um, the purpose of rehabilitating his limb functions after a stroke.

It is definitely not to learn from my father's legacy.

"It's not about being angry."

Li Shimin gently pushed away Lady Xu's hand and murmured softly, perhaps to himself:

“I feel strange…

“The Ming army’s repeated provocations were supposed to be a trap set to lure our army into attacking the city.

"But this trap is too obvious, it seems very deliberate, and it seems like they don't want us to attack..."

Layer upon layer of nesting dolls filled up Lady Xu's small brain.

Should I fight or not?

"Oh, never mind him. But the boy's scolding was really nasty."

Li Shimin raised his right hand with difficulty, trying to command his disobedient right index finger to plug his ear hole.

Hemiplegia caused by stroke is like this: although the paralyzed half of the body cannot move freely, it can actually feel it, which is very annoying.

Concubine Xu now understood and gently reached out her hand towards the ear of the Emperor.

It was gently slapped away by the emperor's powerful left hand.

"Your Majesty? Ah!"

Before the beauty could react, His Majesty forcefully grabbed her slender waist and skillfully laid her down on the couch with one hand.

"Your Majesty, it is broad daylight now. I just want to plug your ears..."

Lady Xu was breathing rapidly, her face flushed, and she was very shy.

…………

The next day, Li Shimin comprehensively adjusted the deployment of the Tang army.

According to his latest strategy, the Yanzhou troops, which gathered the strongest forces of the Tang army, took the initiative to retreat.

Not just Yanzhou.

In fact, the Tang army was retreating along the entire Central Plains front.

When the war just started, the Ming army launched a shameless sneak attack and occupied a series of cities west of Yanzhou and on the south bank of the Yellow River.

At that time, the main force of the Tang army surrounded the city immediately and gathered under the occupied city like platelets.

Now, all these Tang troops have broken off contact with the Ming army and moved away from the cities that were captured by the Ming.

He acted as if he was going to hand over the Central Plains to others.

The retired emperor even retreated to Luozhou and lived in the palace in Luoyang Prefecture. He no longer cared about military and national affairs, and lived a shameless "rehabilitation" life with several beauties and talented people he brought with him.

"His Majesty!"

Li Shiji couldn't stand it any longer, so he found a time when Li Shimin was busy and went into the palace to advise him:

"If Your Majesty has changed his mind and wants to appoint a virtuous person instead of the eldest son, just tell him directly. Why go to so much trouble?
"If not, why did you lead the army to retreat and give the precious Central Plains to Li Ming?"

If it weren't a bit inappropriate to accuse an old retired comrade of "indulging in sensual pleasures and ignoring state affairs", he would have put Li Shimin's harem and King Zhou of Shang's wine and women on the same track.

Li Shimin sat high on the dragon throne, lazily raised his left eye, with a half-smile on his face:

"Why do you say that, Li Zongguan? Our army only retreated, how come you say that we are ceding the Central Plains?"

"No, this..." Li Shiji didn't know how to answer.

Just like opening the door is like inviting thieves in. If the Central Plains is not defended, isn't it the same as giving it to the Ming army for free?
"Your Majesty, the Central Plains is a vast land with a prosperous economy and a large population. The Ming army has also upgraded its tactics in a targeted manner, using fortress tactics to advance step by step.

"Your Majesty, even if you want to continue using the defensive counterattack tactics of the First Central Plains War, I'm afraid it would be a waste of time.

The Central Plains city that was lost this time will not be taken back as easily as last time!"

Li Shiji was even a little worried that His Majesty was getting old and confused, so he broke down the truth and explained it to him.

Li Shimin listened quietly to the advice of his number one general and asked:

"If the Ming army wants to occupy a new city, they must leave the city first. So have they left the city?"

What kind of question is this? Is His Majesty really getting senile and confused? Li Shiji became increasingly anxious, and his tone became more urgent:

"They are making intensive preparations. If given enough time, they will surely sweep across the Central Plains. Your Majesty, it may still be in time for us to return now..."

"What I'm asking you is, have they left the city 'now'?" Li Shimin interrupted.

Li Shiji paused and shook his head honestly:

"According to the spies, not yet."

"Have your spies found out what the Ming army is doing in the city?" Li Shimin asked.

As outstanding generals, Li Shimin and Li Shiji both attached great importance to the use of intelligence.

Previously, Yanzhou and other "Ming-occupied areas" were besieged by the Tang army and the city gates were closed, making it difficult for Tang army spies to infiltrate.

Now that the blockade has been lifted, the Tang Dynasty's internal intelligence transmission to the enemy has become smoother.

"Your Majesty, according to the spies, the Ming army in the city is stepping up the construction of fortifications." Li Shiji whispered.

Li Shimin raised his eyebrows:
"It's not much different from the previous siege, is it? Are they preparing to take the initiative? What do you think, Li Zongguan?"

Li Shiji remained silent.

The so-called "Ming army" detected by the Tang Dynasty spies was actually just a shell of the Ming Dynasty's civil engineering team.

But your worker grandfather is still your worker grandfather. He is extremely disciplined and strictly abides by the disguised orders issued by Li Ming.

He always wears armor and never reveals his true identity and purpose to outsiders.

As a result, the Tang Dynasty spies have not discovered until today that the "Ming army" that is roaming under their noses every day is not actually the Ming army at all!

However, just because the little spy failed to see through their disguise doesn't mean that everyone was kept in the dark.

Li Shimin's eyes turned to the table in front of the couch.

There was a huge map spread out there.

(End of this chapter)