1979: My fiancée is a goddess

Beijing Normal University Library

Today is Sunday, and the weather is rainy and cold.

Most young and ambitious college students did not choose to go out and enjoy the autumn scenery of Beijing, or they stayed in their warm dormitories with their blankets.

Instead, he went to the library to read and study quietly.

Ji Qinglan, Zhang Chun, and Yang Mengshan, who shared a dormitory, were in the same situation.

After breakfast, I quickly secured a window seat on the third floor of the library.

While reading and studying, you can also enjoy the misty, rainy scenery outside the window in your spare time.

Ji Qinglan rested her chin on her hand, unconsciously becoming absorbed in the moment, lost in thought.

The wind howled, carrying raindrops that pounded against the window, making soft, thumping sounds.

Withered yellow leaves fell from the dense treetops outside the window, drifting slowly across most of the sky.

There was a quietness so profound that you could hear the sound of leaves falling onto the puddles, creating ripples.

The girl was also moved by the scene.

Even that usually carefree chubby face couldn't help but show a hint of melancholy and desolation.

"I'm already a senior in college, time really flies..."

She gazed silently out the window, sighing inwardly.

Autumn is said to be the season of farewells, and isn't this also the autumn of their academic journey during their senior year of college?
This is the double overlap of autumn.

In the not-too-distant future, these friends will part ways.

Moreover, one of them had already left long ago, and in the year or so since then, the three of them had developed such a complex and difficult feeling of parting.

Fortunately, Ruixue would often write back to her best friends.

However, since April of this year, they have stopped sending letters back.

At first, they thought Ruixue was just busy with her studies, or that she had made new friends in the new environment and had no time for anything else.

Perhaps after some time, she will send letters back to her former friends.

But after waiting for nearly half a year, Zhao Ruixue has still not sent back any news.

How could I not make them worry and sad?

Firstly, I was worried that something might happen to her abroad.

Secondly, perhaps as time goes by, the friendship has faded away?
That's what everyone thinks, but Ji Qinglan doesn't think so; she doesn't believe Ruixue is that kind of person.

She vaguely felt it was because of Cheng Kaiyan.

In March, Ruixue sent back a letter about Cheng Kaiyan. Later in April, Cheng Kaiyan also went to Tokyo and filmed "Love Letter" with Ruixue.

That was probably when something happened between them again?

Thinking of this, Ji Qinglan couldn't help but grit her teeth, feeling a complex mix of emotions—whether hatred or disgust—about Cheng Kaiyan.

During this time, she often dreamed of that spring at night, of that tall, aloof, and ethereal girl, wearing a dark gray coat, standing on a snow-covered stage, playing the role of a devoted lover.

It was that performance that caused her such deep pain that she resolutely chose to study abroad.

Even in her dream, her eyes welled up with tears, worried that the girl might be wronged or bullied in a foreign land.

She thought that if they hadn't insisted on finding Cheng Kaiyan to rewrite the script and insist on casting that girl, things might not have turned out this way.

“Ruixue…we’re sorry, but we’re not the same as Cheng Kaiyan. You may hate him, but why don’t you write to us?”

"How are you doing there?"

Ji Qinglan's mind was racing, and a faint sadness appeared in her eyes.

"Dengdengdeng..."

The sound of leather boots clicking on the floor came from behind and finally stopped beside Ji Qinglan.

The stool was moved, and a figure sat down beside him.

Ji Qinglan turned her head and saw her new roommate, Meng Liwen.

She didn't really like her new roommate, not because she was a bad person, but because Meng Liwen had taken Ruixue's bed, occupying the spot that originally belonged to Ruixue between them.

This made her feel a little uncomfortable.

"what happened?"

Meng Liwen patted the rain off her clothes, placed the book she was holding on the table, and asked casually.

"No, it's nothing."

Ji Qinglan shook her head slightly, but her gaze fell on the book on the table. "Is this the latest batch of 'harvests'?"

"Yeah, I was downstairs in the rain and it took me ages to finally snag one! It's because this issue features a new work by Teacher Cheng Kaiyan! Everyone went crazy trying to get their hands on it after they found out."

Meng Liwen is a fan of Cheng Kaiyan's books. After almost a year, she finally saw Cheng Kaiyan's new work. Her face showed a joyful and expectant smile, and she raised her voice when she spoke to Ji Qinglan.

"real or fake?"

The students sitting around them heard this and turned to look at them with surprise and delight. One of the girls immediately stood up and asked them what was going on.

"Of course! Look, Atonement, written by Cheng Kaiyan."

Meng Liwen picked up the book, opened the table of contents, and pointed to the large, clear characters on the table of contents.

"It really is!"

"I don't want to study anymore!"

"Let's go, let's hurry up and buy a copy too."

The surrounding students stirred, and more than one student packed up their things, got up, and left the library to buy books.

"Atonement?"

Ji Qinglan didn't show much surprise or delight at Cheng Kaiyan's new book.

But upon hearing this name, a hint of surprise and indifference flashed in his eyes.

Although I don't know what's written in the book, this bastard really deserves to atone for his sins against Ruixue.

"Can you let me take a look?"

Ji Qinglan suppressed her curiosity and asked softly.

"Okay, Qinglan, let me copy this week's homework. We're going back to school tomorrow. Oh, and hurry up and look at it. I really want to see Teacher Cheng's work too."

Meng Liwen readily agreed, but insisted on repaying with her homework.

Ji Qinglan frowned. She had good grades and worked hard, so naturally she disapproved of Meng Liwen copying homework.

But considering that "Atonement" might be related to Ruixue, she still agreed.

"Here you go! Qinglan, you're so kind."

"hehe."

Ji Qinglan took the book and slowly turned to the first page, where the words "atonement" appeared before her.

She began to read it carefully, but the story was not what she had initially thought; the work had absolutely nothing to do with Zhao Ruixue.

But it also tells the love story of a rich young lady and a poor young servant during the Republican era.

They were childhood sweethearts who went abroad together. After returning to China, they gradually drifted apart due to some conflicts, but later they realized their feelings for each other and got back together. However, just when they were about to live a wonderful life together, an unexpected disaster struck, plunging the male protagonist, Jiang Mingzheng, into prison.

The culprit behind this imprisonment was their beloved younger sister, Cao Hanyu, and the entire Cao family.

The two were separated for several years as a result. Then a war broke out, and Jiang Mingzheng joined the army and went to the front line to defend his country. Despite the brutal enemy, the cold gunfire, the rotting corpses, and the muddy battlefield, Jiang Mingzheng persevered. He did it all to clear his name, to keep his promise, and to return to his beloved in a righteous way.

"My dear, our fate is not yet over..."

……

"Qinglan? Let's go eat."

Meng Liwen nudged Ji Qinglan beside her, intending to call her to have lunch together, but seeing the girl's red and swollen eyes filled with tears, she hesitated and asked, "What's wrong? Qinglan?"

"No, it's okay."

Ji Qinglan raised her wrist to wipe away her tears and shook her head.

"Is it very touching? Teacher Cheng's work."

"It's probably another tragic...beautiful love story."

Ji Qinglan recalled the image of Cao Yanan running through the forest in the book, her dark green silk dress undulating like water in the sunlight, and described it thus.

"A poignant love story... It's actually a love story, that's wonderful. I think Mr. Cheng is very good at writing about love; I doubt there are many in the whole country who can compare to him."

"Let's go eat."

The dormitory residents got up and left to have lunch in the cafeteria.

When I returned to the dormitory at noon, everyone was taking a nap.

Ji Qinglan didn't rest either. She hugged her book, leaned against her pillow, and read by the dim light coming from the window.

By the time he finished reading the entire work, it was already past five o'clock.

After watching the entire work, she finally understood what the work was truly trying to express.

It's not love; love is only a part of it.

What's truly striking is that when the damage has already been done, and the object of atonement no longer exists, does atonement still have any meaning?

Especially Cao Hanyu, as described in the article, created happiness for the two deceased in his later works, thus completing his atonement.

But this kind of fabricated atonement is meaningless; it is merely the atoner's self-righteousness, satisfying only their inner peace and sense of morality.

So……

Suddenly, like a lightning bolt flashing across the night sky, Ji Qinglan felt a sense of clarity.

She vaguely realized there was a problem.

"My Neighbor Totoro" was published during the Lunar New Year period, while "Atonement" was published in November. It was definitely completed in October or September.

A simple calculation means that...

The main period of creation for this work was actually when Cheng Kaiyan and Ruixue were in Japan.

What happened between the two of them?
What prompted Cheng Kaiyan to write such a work?
Could it be that Cheng Kaiyan also engaged in a meaningless act of atonement, like Cao Hanyu in the story? Obviously, if that were the case, Cheng Kaiyan was only trying to satisfy his inner void and seek peace, which would have hurt Ruixue even more deeply and thoroughly, thus severing their ties.

Perhaps this is the truth of the matter?

"call……"

Ji Qinglan looked solemn, leaned back against the iron railing of the bed, took a deep breath, and murmured in an extremely cold tone.

She decided to subtly probe Cheng Kaiyan to find out what had happened.

"Cheng Kaiyan, if that's really the case... I won't let you get away with this."

……

The next morning, Ji Qinglan returned the book to Meng Liwen. After attending one class, she went to look for Cheng Kaiyan, but couldn't find her in either the classroom or the office, leaving her empty-handed.

On the third day, she found out Cheng Kaiyan's class schedule through someone and finally waited for Cheng Kaiyan after school ended at noon.

"Cheng Kaiyan! Stop right there!"

Ji Qinglan gave a cold shout to the familiar figure who walked out of the classroom with the crowd.

"Ji Qinglan?"

Cheng Kaiyan suddenly heard the shout, looked up, and exclaimed in surprise.

"Come with me!"

Ji Qinglan pushed aside the young man blocking the door, walked up to him, and pulled him out without saying a word, leading him into an empty classroom.

The two faced each other, Ji Qinglan's cold gaze scrutinizing the man in the warm coat with a rosy complexion.

Clearly, that bastard is living a very good life.

Ji Qinglan began to feel unhappy again.

"What's wrong? Is there something you need from me?"

Cheng Kaiyan asked in bewilderment, "Why did this girl suddenly come to find me? And her eyes are so cold, like she's seeing an enemy."
"Can't I come to you if nothing happens?"

Ji Qinglan gave a nonchalant retort.

"Of course! We're friends, you can contact me anytime. Let's go eat first, it's on me. We can talk as we walk."

It was obvious that this girl had something to ask him, but he couldn't bring himself to say it, so Cheng Kaiyan simply invited her to have lunch in the cafeteria together.

"Row."

Ji Qinglan's expression softened slightly, and she nodded in agreement.

The two chatted as they walked, mainly about their studies and daily lives, which eased the tension somewhat.

"Speaking of which, you're a senior now, right? What are your plans after you graduate next year?"

"I don't have any specific plans yet, but I do intend to pursue further studies."

"Take the postgraduate entrance exam?"

"Pretty much, but I want to go abroad."

"Going abroad? With..."

Cheng Kaiyan was somewhat surprised to hear this.

"Yes, just like Ruixue."

Ji Qinglan spoke the words that Cheng Kaiyan hadn't finished saying. She realized that Ruixue seemed to have gradually become a name that Cheng Kaiyan was unwilling to mention easily.

"We're at the cafeteria. You go save a seat, I'll go buy food. What do you want to eat?"

Cheng Kaiyan changed the subject and asked.

"Braised pork, please. It's not easy to get a meal from you."

After some casual conversation, Ji Qinglan's attitude softened somewhat, and she joked.

"It's okay, eat whatever you want."

Cheng Kaiyan nodded with a smile.

"Ugh……"

In fact, Ji Qinglan understood that it was a matter between Cheng Kaiyan and Zhao Ruixue, and it was none of her business.

They were both very good people, but unfortunately, things didn't go well, which can only be attributed to fate.

A short while later, Cheng Kaiyan returned with a lunchbox.

The two sat opposite each other.

"Congratulations! Your new work was released these past two days, and I've seen many students at school looking at it."

Ji Qinglan swallowed a mouthful of braised pork, squinted her eyes happily, and then said, "Last night, the girls in the dorm next door were discussing the grudges and love affairs between Jiang Mingzheng, Cao Yanan, and Cao Hanyu. The ending was especially amazing."

"Well, have you seen it yet? I have some sample copies here that I can give you."

Cheng Kaiyan smiled and nodded, then asked.

This girl is quite lively and cheerful, but her family is not well-off, and she lives a relatively frugal life in Beijing.

"I've finished reading it, but you could send me a copy if you could."

"Okay, I'll give you a few copies in a bit, and you can also share them with Yang Mengshan and Zhang Chun."

"it is good."

Ji Qinglan nodded in agreement, but after that, the two seemed to run out of things to say and fell silent.

"that……"

Ji Qinglan spoke with some hesitation.

"You can speak frankly about anything, it's alright."

Cheng Kaiyan said gently that he truly considered her a friend.

Has Ruixue written to you recently?

Ji Qinglan looked up at him and asked in a deep voice.

"Snow? No."

Cheng Kaiyan felt a pang of pain in her heart and shook her head.

"No?"

Ji Qinglan's pupils suddenly contracted, and she looked somewhat dazed and lost in thought. With a serious expression, she said, "It's the same here. They used to write to us frequently, but they haven't written a single letter in the last six months."

"The last six months?"

Cheng Kaiyan's heart skipped a beat, and she fell silent as well.

The two ate their lunch with their heads down. After the meal, he took Ji Qinglan back to his office and gave her four copies of "Harvest" magazine.

Before parting, Cheng Kaiyan suddenly called out to Ji Qinglan: "I will send a few letters to Zhao Ruixue. She should be fine, so you don't need to worry too much."

"Okay, thank you."

Upon hearing Cheng Kaiyan's address, Ji Qinglan sighed inwardly.

"fine."

Cheng Kaiyan shook his head. He knew in his heart that all these consequences were caused by his own willfulness.

……

November 5th.

Mr. Ba Jin published a review entitled "Atonement: China's Most Mature Modernist Novel" in Wenhui Daily, a prominent literary and intellectual forum in Shanghai.

The article states: "The greatness of Atonement lies in the fact that it is both a moving story about growth and mistakes, and a profound metafiction about narrative, memory and truth."

Cheng Kaiyan did not offer a cheap redemption, but instead, through her merciless ending, forced readers to confront, along with Cao Hanyu, the most painful truths of the human condition:
Some wounds can never heal, and literature may be the bravest and most compassionate response we can offer when facing this abyss.

This article quickly attracted great attention from Shanghai's literary circles.

In one of the most mature works of modernist literature, Ba Jin's high praise for Cheng Kaiyan has infuriated many literary veterans.

"As expected of a great talent, I have read Atonement and it is very well written, especially the twist in the ending and the use of metafiction."

"Hehe, have you asked Professor Wang Meng what's the most mature?"

Some agreed, while others scoffed, and a debate in the literary world unfolded in Wenhui Daily, a nationally renowned literary platform.

From the poignant story of class struggle and love in the Republican era, to the heroic battles and sacrifices of Nationalist generals during the Battle of Shanghai, and finally to a comprehensive critique and analysis of Cao Hanyu...

October 8th.

Shanghai-based writer Ru Zhijuan published an article in the *Literary Gazette* entitled "How to Correctly View Cao Hanyu in *Atonement*":
"We should not stop at anger over her childhood mistakes, nor should we be simply moved by her lifelong repentance."

She is a complex individual who embodies the roles of "criminal," "confessor," and "artist."

From a naive little girl in a bourgeois landlord family who saw things in black and white, to someone who begins to mature and realizes her mistakes but is too timid to apologize.

In his later years, he expressed his fantasies through novels—scenes of reuniting with Sister Jiang Mingzheng and them, and imagining the happy life they should have had.

Although this was just her beautiful fantasy, it was the only way for her to atone for her sins and her cherished aspiration.

At this time, the elderly Cao Hanyu had abandoned her outdated class consciousness and elevated herself to a higher spiritual level.

Many people believe that her atonement is meaningless and can never be completed, but precisely because she knows that her atonement is impossible, the only way for her as a writer is to let their happiness live on in her books.

At this point, atonement is complete.

Finally, I want to say that she is not a likable character, but she is a character worthy of deep sympathy and serious reflection…

In a short time, this trend that started in Shanghai gradually swept across the country.

Meanwhile, news of the publication of Cheng Kaiyan's new work "Atonement" in the latest issue of "Harvest" has gradually spread.

Bookstores across the country have noticed a significant increase in the number of people buying "Harvest" magazine on weekdays, at least three times the usual amount. Many bookstores are even struggling to get a copy.

Most of these people are young people, including educated youth, college students, high school students, and so on.

According to statistics reported by the Shanghai Distribution Bureau to Harvest, Harvest's sales reached nearly 320,000 copies in just one week.

It directly broke the national record for the highest sales volume ever. (End of Chapter)