From the end of the world

Chapter 629 Spirit Qilin 2
“Because I understand you, Qilin.” Yuchi tried to keep his voice calm. “The you of the past was not as extreme as you are now. You were gentle and kind, able to understand the difficulties of others, would take the initiative to help the weak and timid, and hated those who used violence to put pressure on those around them… That was your true self.”

"But after being captured and imprisoned by your family, and then narrowly escaping death, you changed, becoming a completely different person. You displayed a cold and ruthless demeanor to those around you, your words grew increasingly icy and sarcastic, you pursued violence relentlessly, as if a ferocious beast were chasing you, relentlessly seeking greater power day and night."
"That's because you're constantly shrouded in psychological shadows, and the trauma in your heart keeps stimulating you, preventing you from finding relief. You force yourself onto the path of pursuing power, subjecting yourself to all sorts of harsh and painful training, constantly harming yourself and everything around you..."

Hearing his words, Qilin sighed and said, "First, let's set the tone for our conversation."

Yu Chi paused slightly, then asked, "...What do you mean?"

“We’ve argued about this issue more than once in the past, but we were never on the same page. You always believed that I hadn’t truly opened up and was always saying things that were just embellishment. Of course, that would result in ‘a word to the wise’,” Qilin said. “But the current situation is very good, very good. I’m in a state where I can’t be embellished. I think you can agree with most of what I say now.”

"Of course, even so, you might still look for reasons not to admit it. For example, 'Because I am the Great Impermanence, I can always be an exception,' and so on. Just in case, I'll add a few more words on this basis: There is a saying that 'a dying man's words are good.' Although I am already dead, this conversation is probably the last words I leave in this world, and it will also be the last conversation between my husband and me."

"There's no reason for me to put on a boring show at the last minute, so I hope you can believe in my sincerity and accept all my words from now on, okay?"

“…Okay.” Yu Chi nodded reluctantly.

“Alright, then I’ll get straight to the point, Yuchi. I must first admit to you that the reason I’ve become who I am today is largely due to my past experience of being captured and imprisoned by the clan.” Qilin said, “For a long time, just thinking about that experience that made me feel utterly desperate would make me tremble uncontrollably, and I don’t know how many nights I was awakened by nightmares.”

"Weakness is the original sin. Without power, one deserves to lose everything—freedom, life, and even the last shred of dignity… Therefore, I pursue power at all costs, simply to become strong."

"You often said that to me later, didn't you? It's all my fault for not being strong enough back then, so I couldn't protect you first... If you're powerless, you can't even protect the people you love. That's the tragedy of the weak."

Yuchi said, "Then..."

“I haven’t finished speaking yet,” Qilin continued, “—But, Yuchi, even without these experiences, is it impossible for me to love power?”

Yu Chi seemed to have been caught off guard and stood there stunned.

"I have a natural talent for demon hunting. As long as I put in the effort, I can reap the rewards. Becoming stronger is joyful in itself, and overcoming obstacles that were previously insurmountable can give one a sense of accomplishment," Qilin said. "Before experiencing the terrifying events, I had never formally cultivated, so I might have seemed like a weak and innocent little white flower. But once I embark on the path of a demon hunter, it is entirely possible that I will develop an interest in power."

"Who doesn't like power, who doesn't like becoming stronger? Of those who abhor violence, some are genuinely disgusted, but most are simply unable to control it. Once one's stance changes, one's thoughts will change as well; I might have been the same way when I was young."

"This……"

Yu Chi's expression showed disbelief, but he held back and didn't utter a word of denial. He had previously stated that he would accept Qilin's final "words" in their entirety.

Seeing this, Qilin smiled slightly and continued, "Master has also misunderstood me. I am not as devoted to martial arts as he is. As long as I can gain power, I don't care whether I walk the path of martial arts or something else. If I possess the same talent for formations as you, then learning formations is not a bad idea."

"I'm not saying that the terrifying experience I had was just a minor incident that had no lasting impact. Every time I win a battle, I compare it to my past weak and powerless state, and I feel a deep sense of satisfaction. So I not only like to pursue power, but I also like to challenge strong enemies, and I can't stop. You can't deny that I'm a battle maniac."

"So, you really do have a wound in your heart, don't you?" Yu Chi said. "It's precisely because of this wound..."

“No, Yuchi. That wasn’t a trauma, or rather, it’s no longer one,” Qilin said. “It was just a life experience. Whether one is the most ordinary mortal or the mighty Great Impermanence, one’s personality is shaped by one’s own experiences. In my heart, that experience is now just one important part of my personality.”

"The evidence is that I pursue power not out of fear or escapism, but because I enjoy it. As for why I enjoy it, I don't think I need to explain further, right?"
"Of course, I must admit that without that experience, I might never have discovered my love for strength and combat, so it's not impossible to say that that experience changed me."

"Moreover, for a long time, I did become frantically stronger out of fear and escapism of that experience, and I couldn't help but despise those who lacked courage and strength, because their image overlapped with my past weak and powerless self."

"However, I eventually emerged from the shadows on my own."

"You've moved on?" Yu Chi said, finding it hard to believe. "But I clearly haven't..." Qi Lin looked at Yu Chi, her eyes softening, and then uttered cruel words: "Yu Chi... I'm not the tragic heroine whose story won't move forward unless you take action."

Yuchi felt as if he had been struck by lightning.

To keep the conversation going, it was Xiaowan's turn to ask again: "So...Ms. Qilin, you said before that you didn't hate Old Fist God...why is that?"

"Since I have embarked on the adventurous path of pursuing power and challenging formidable enemies, I am bound to die at some point sooner or later. No matter how many victories I have won in the past, one defeat will mean utter ruin, and I have long been aware of this," Qilin said frankly. "My master is not only my mentor, but also my adoptive father and benefactor, and the greatest challenge I have ever faced. I have always wanted to challenge him one day."

"Although it is regrettable to die in a martial arts exchange, it is only the result of my lack of strength. If there is even a trace of resentment in my heart, it is a desecration of my own soul."

Her words resonated with me.

"On the contrary, I should apologize to my master," Qilin sighed. "The reason he has devoted himself to cultivating me is because he has expectations for me. Even the name 'Qilin' is full of his hopes that I can grow to the point of surpassing him and the two aspects of the mountain in the future."

"I think Master must be very disappointed. He never expected me to be such a disappointing disciple. Not only did I fail to meet his expectations, but I also died so insignificantly."

“If that’s what you’re worried about, then you don’t need to,” I said. “Old Fist God told me that the reason you died at his hands was not because you were not strong enough, but because you became stronger than he expected. He was so happy that he forgot himself and accidentally got serious.”

"Is that so? Master is serious about me?" Qilin asked in surprise.

“Absolutely true,” I said.

Qilin revealed a relieved smile, and at that moment, her body, composed of white light, began to fade and become transparent.

The time for the deceased's dialogue is about to end.

Upon seeing this, Yu Chi suddenly snapped out of his daze, frantically reaching out to grab the other person again, while shouting loudly, "Qilin, don't go!"

Like trying to catch the moon's reflection in water, his hands could not reach the Qilin's body; he could only try to pass through it in vain time and time again.

"You're as worrying as ever," Qilin smiled at Yuchi. "It's always been like this. Even though I'm the one who's suffering, you're always more heartbroken than me, as if you're the one locked up in the dungeon by the adults. That's why I can't help but want to rescue you from there."

"By constantly thinking about you, I found myself no longer having nightmares."

“Qilin…” Yuchi murmured, at a loss for words.

Qilin smiled helplessly, then raised her right hand and gently wiped away the tears from Yuchi's eyes with her fingers. After doing this, her gradually transparent body almost disappeared.

She, who should have been unable to contact anything in the real world, suddenly gained the ability to make contact with Yu Chi. Seeing this, Xiao Wan was stunned. Although she didn't know exactly how Qilin had accomplished this, perhaps it wasn't a phenomenon worth investigating further. No matter the common sense, it becomes less absolute when applied to Da Wuchang. It seems that Da Wuchang is inherently an exception to all reasoning, so even a slight exception here, I think, is permissible.

"I'm alright now, so you should cheer up too," Qilin said softly.

After she finished speaking, her body disintegrated into countless floating white light spots, fading and disappearing from our sight. The jade pendant, which served as the medium for communication, slowly descended to the floor, its light completely dimming.

(End of this chapter)