I am a god in the secret world

My name is Ji Qingyue.

Actually, I thought I could control my life well.

For the first half of my life, that seemed to be true.

Even though I grew up in a single-parent family and even though my mother always had endless complaints and pain, I still managed to do what I wanted.

I got into a very good university and met someone I really liked.

His name is Bai Fengwen. He is very romantic, but sometimes maybe too romantic. But it doesn’t matter, no one is perfect. The most important thing is that he looks good. I like all beautiful things.

He is very gentle and always asks for my opinion. If I express dissatisfaction, he will follow my ideas.

This was fine at first, until I suddenly realized something after I got married.

He is a little too dependent on me.

I don't know how to say it. Maybe if I say it, some people will think I'm outrageous, because my husband is so obedient to me and I actually think he has no opinion and is too clingy. He should do his own things and have his own life.

Just as I feel that I have my own life, shouldn't marriage be about two people walking hand in hand in pursuit of their own ideals?
We started arguing, but that was quickly put aside when I found out I was pregnant.

I was terrified at first, and I admit that at the moment of pregnancy, I thought about my family.

In my opinion, I have broken through all the suffering my mother endured in her life and have started a new life.

I will not be like my mother and listen to a man and end up with nothing.

But... I was wrong.

People coming out of the quagmire are covered in mud and appear to be standing in the sun, but the mud on their bodies will gradually dry and harden and stick to their skin, causing the skin to lose moisture and become dry and itchy.

I wanted to pick it off, but it hurt so much. It seemed to have become a part of me and integrated with my skin.

I felt like I was having one long nightmare.

At the beginning of the nightmare, I finally got out of the quagmire, had a happy marriage, and gave birth to a beautiful daughter.

My daughter is cute and smart.

However, I found that I had the shadows of my parents on me, and those shadows also enveloped my daughter like a shadow, pulling her into the nightmare.

My husband is the same as always, he even complains about me, I devote my energy to the children and no longer love him as much as before.

I was very angry and we had our first argument. I felt that he was unreasonable.

Later, we quarreled more and more often, the nightmares became more and more severe, and I entered an endless cycle of terror.

Later, I saw my daughter huddled in a corner, looking at us in fear.

She has had a different talent from other children since she was young. She is particularly good at memory. I know that my daughter will never forget everything.

I don't know how to make up for it.

If I die, will the shadow and nightmare that hangs over my daughter disappear?
I didn't know what I was doing. I felt like I had gone crazy. There seemed to be countless voices in my head. I seemed to be in a different world. The recurring nightmares entangled me, strangled my throat and made it impossible for me to breathe.

I gave up struggling.

Because I'm really tired. Why is this happening? Why can't I do this?

I'm sorry my baby...

……

My name is Bai Fengwen.

I knew from a young age that I was different from other boys because they would laugh at me for being effeminate.

I like cleanliness and tidiness, I like beautiful things and I yearn for beautiful things.

So I met my wife.

She perfectly meets my ideal partner.

We were together and had a child. At first I was looking forward to the birth of the child when I knew she was pregnant.

But later I discovered that raising a child is not as simple as giving birth to her.

Those voices from the past reappeared.

How can you be so useless?

Sissy.

whee.

My sister once said, "Brother, why can't you be like other boys? Aren't you too soft?"
I used to think, what does it matter? I am me, others are others, and I have never let anyone down.

But now I suddenly feel that I am really, really useless. I have no way to help my wife bear her pressure.

Her spirit was breaking down day by day, and so was I.

I should hold on at times like this.

I began to try hard to change.

But everything was like a nightmare. I walked step by step in this nightmare and eventually lost the person most important to me.

They all say my wife is dead, I don't believe it, I think she just disappeared, she will come back, or I can go find her.

But what about the children?

At one point, I would think maliciously that it would be better if I didn’t have this child.

But I soon realized that even if there was no child, what was going to happen would still happen. After all, I was too immersed in fantasy. Life and fantasy are different.

I think I'm crazy.

When I scared my child away again, I chased after her in panic, fearing that something had happened to her.

I didn't see the truck coming.

As I was sucked in, I saw my young daughter looking back with fear in her eyes.

Oh, I really deserve to die.

……

My name is Ji Qingyue.

Is death a relief?

perhaps.

Because facing problems, solving problems, and bearing the cost of problems requires tremendous courage.

We each struggle in the game of fate, and life always falls into one cycle after another.

But the wheels are moving forward.

When I saw Bai Fengwen in the game, I knew that he would eventually come.

In fact, I have no right to blame him because I am the same.

Are the things I thought were good really that good for my children?

When I heard her tell me, Mom, I'm fine now and I know what I'm going to do, I knew I could really let go.

Bai Feng asked the same.

everything is over.

But I know that my child's life has just begun.